18 July 2012
Do you fall in love too easily?
by eHarmony
Do you hear wedding bells with every first date? Do you feel heartbroken and rejected whenever someone doesn’t want to see you again? If so, it could be that you are falling in love too easily.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that your ego defences have come down and you are open to welcoming someone very special into your life. Love can be all-consuming causing you to forget to eat, daydream, smile to yourself and have a mental obsession with the object of your affections. All of these are perfectly normal reactions when you first meet someone you connect with and are nature’s way of laying the foundations for a healthy relationship to develop.
For most people the feelings of falling in love are only triggered when they are matched, and reciprocated, by another person – then they are falling in love together and it is a wonderful, exhilarating experience. Some people, however, seem to need no encouragement or signs from the other person – they fall in love repeatedly – often with people who aren’t interested, or available, and often with sad consequences. When they are rejected they are as devastated and heartbroken as someone would be after the end of a long term relationship even if they have only dated the person a few times. Here we look at some of the reasons why this happens and what to do if you are someone who falls in love too easily.
Being in a state of love
When we talk about someone being in love we think about that being because they have met someone – that the love has come from that person and it is only because they have met them that they feel the way they do – if the person were to stop seeing them the love feelings would go too.
Being in love has as much to do with what happens inside you as what happens outside – your heart and mind are more open, you are in a heightened state of sensitivity; your imagination is in overdrive; your system is flooded with heady chemicals like dopamine and pleasure-giving endorphins.
People who fall in love very easily can often feel all these things almost instantly when they are matched with someone because this is their natural state. They live in a state of love whether there is someone there to love or not. When a good prospect comes along their natural state is heightened as their imagination begins to work overtime as they conjure up visions of what a wonderful future they will have together.
Imprinting
When a duckling hatches from its shell it will imprint and follow the first thing it sees even if it is not its mother – someone who is in ‘love’ can make a very strong attachment to someone with a minimal amount of encouragement, just a smile or a kind word is often enough to get their affection. They are keen to find someone who feels the same way so the good feelings they have can be shared and prolonged.
This isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean that someone like this is desperate or needy, simply that they are more vulnerable to falling for people who don’t reciprocate their feelings or who are scared off by the strength of their emotions. They may experience the initial rush of falling in love many times but rarely get past the initial phases to develop a strong and lasting relationship.
Broken hearts
If you give your heart to everyone you meet the chances are that you will get it broken almost as many times as you give it away. This can be particularly painful for someone who is in ‘love’ because they are very open and sensitive to begin with and will experience every rejection at a deep level, even if it is only after a couple of dates. Although you may not have much choice over how many times you feel the feelings of love for someone you do have some choice over how often you express it and who to.
Love is a gift
Being someone who falls in love easily is an advantage when it comes to dating because you don’t have to dismantle your own fears and defences to let someone in but imagine if you could only give your gift of love once more in your life. This would mean you would be much more discerning about who received it – they would have to be someone very special, who you got to know well, to ensure that they were the right person before you ever said those three little words and gave them your heart.
1
Lovestrengthpatience
3 August 2012 21:32
Oh! This is me! It’s so upsetting. I think that because I want true love so desperately I try and make it work at all costs because I don’t want to ‘fail’, even if this means that I end up being treated badly or taken for granted. A very interesting article that I hope will help me in the future.
2
dannyboy618
12 August 2012 21:45
I am also familiar with these feelings.My friends often say I want to marry the person I am attracted to rather than just date them. I am also far too aware of the crushing feelings when the person I start to fall for after several meetings does not reciprocate my clumsy flirting. All the best to Lovestrengthpatience in your search. It is a relief to know that due to an article being written on the subject I am not the only one
)
3
Mark
12 August 2012 23:37
OMG This sounds very familiar, just like me to think i’ve fallen in love straight away then play a love story in my head, then risk loosing the friendship i should have concentrated on in the first place. So much to read on eharmony, so hope to get my head straight and get my life sorted out. Thanks eHarmony.
4
ILoveyou
13 August 2012 00:29
Lovestrengthpatience
. Seriously, article is good advice to just keep your head involved along with the heart.
I think I love you will you marry me?
5
Heartonsleeve
13 August 2012 10:38
Having recently received the ‘thanks but no thanks’ text again from someone i’d started dating, this article has timely relevance. Particularly as i feel massively rejected when i know rationally that it’s absurd to be bothered about someone i’ve only met 5 times. I know i fall for people too quickly, i’m always getting my heart broken. But when i try to be more ‘stand-offish’ and not give my heart too freely i come across like an ice-queen b*tch. Where’s the middle ground?
6
Stroll
13 August 2012 14:16
Great article, but what happens when they tell you they love you, plan to have you move in with them, then drop a bombshell saying they dont want a relationship ?
7
Lozza
19 August 2012 14:37
My God, I think my best friends have written this about me!! So scary how accurate this describes me. Wish to God I wasn’t like this but I can’t help it. I fight the feelings constantly but as soon as a guy reciprocate my feelings, I’ve married us off in my head, which them sends them running for the hills!!! My feelings I suppose are very intense but up to that moment, I’m great fun to be around!! I know I need to find the happy balance.
8
Phil
29 August 2012 21:35
Been there so many times… good to know I’m not on my own. A polite hello sets a whole “fantasy” life in motion… dates, moving in, kids, marriage, holidays… you know how it is.. then utter dejection when you hear you’re a lovely bloke but “no thanks”
9
Alysha
3 September 2012 00:08
Agree with everyone great article and we’re not the only ones-you must remember the Bridget Jones scene where she’s desperately trying not to get carried away and then they play a scene of hers and her bosses wedding (after one date)
For me I think it’s definately getting older and the feeling of oh god it hasnt worked out-again! Why is this? And yes like most people on this thread I wear my heart on my sleeve so I guess we’re vunerable to getting hurt-however I’d rather be like this as being an ice queen doesnt work for me either.
I love the last bit of the article where it says about thinking about only being able to give your gift of love once more in your life-that resinated with me-going forward I’m going to keep that in mind
10
In love with love
4 February 2013 21:19
This is sooo me, i’m tired of falling too hard and too fast! I feel like a fool! I over analyze everything, and i think that because of my neediness, i scare men away! I KNOW that i’m a wonderful, attractive woman, i am soo insecure, i just want this to stop! My heart is beaten and bruised, badly!
11
Juliet
14 February 2013 21:04
This is soo, soo me, Thank god for this article, I will pray to god to help me get pass this as only him can do it. I can do all things through who strengthen me.
12
Ms HeartofGold
16 February 2013 02:29
In Love with Love and Juliet… I feel you both 110%. I wish I could stop, what do we do…I’m soooo tried of the cycle. And just when I think I am strong enough to be alone, some Guy comes along and I think “he’s the one”! I feel pitiful:(
13
Denyse
18 February 2013 23:06
I fall in love too easily too and get badly hurt every time.People say I’m very attractive with a warm personality but I scare men off as I love too much.How can I stop being like this?Dx
14
annie
20 February 2013 13:39
2 week back my boyfriend broke up with me bcoz. i fell in love too quick, so he said this wasn’t meant to be bcoz he doesn’t feel the same way. but he calls and text me. i just realised that, i was pressurizing about getting married, engagements. he likes me but whenever i see him i see a husband. i need to take things slowly.
15
Lettie
24 February 2013 01:11
i don’t see why I should pretend I’m not as loving as I am, just because a lot of people have trouble believing that my love can be true and consistent. If there is a guy out there who would love to be loved truly, madly deeply, till death, drop me a line.
16
Dara
28 February 2013 01:51
Well, i had this picture of myself several times and this article confirms the feeling of loving too easily because of low defences and low fake ego. i have questioned myself like hell on this and this is responsible for changing me good for love to all. But yes it hurts badly to see the lack of emotions on other side.
Still i’d say let me love the same way as i do, as i can’t give any less love to the one who comes than i am meant to..
It’s like i can love more and better, but yes from a relationship perspective taking the feel slowly makes it carry..
17
sunita
28 February 2013 16:29
yes thats me..
18
single in WAshington
1 March 2013 17:41
I have come to the conclusion thatI fall in love to easily. I want love in my life, so I try to go into every everything with an open heart and mind. Not sure how to tone it down, I only date one woman at a time, and if there is nothing there I move on. However when thereis A connection thats when I get in trouble. I was doing really good, keeping myself in
check until while getting our freak on she started telling me she loved me, over and over. I know that things said in this context cant be taken quite az seriously but as soon as someone says it, im doomed. I fall and it always ends with md getting hurt. And they all end the same, Jason we can still bang but really that’s all I want. seems like I have what every guy wantz, but its not what I want. is it me or is my picker just broken???
19
Obsessing
5 March 2013 14:34
I really am thankful to read this article and all the comments. I recently had a crush on someone, who after asking him if he was keen for drinks, finally went out for drinks and had the most amazing time. I ended up spending the whole of the next day with him and we laughed, listened and sang to some good music, till late at night. We fooled around but i told him i didn’t want to have sex as i didn’t want it to be like that. He respected me enough to not let it go any further. He seemed to really respect my lifestyle choices and just generally seemed to like me. when we went out, he held my hand, put his arm around me, treated me as if we were something (just the day after we finally went out). I didn’t hear from him again for a couple days, when I, again, told him i wanted to do something with him. We ended up just hanging at his place…went to the shops and again, he was super thoughtful of me and me having not eaten properly, made me get some snacks, one of which he got as it had my favourite snack in it. Went back to the flat, he shoved food in my mouth, we laughed and joked and just had the best time again. I stayed over as he didn’t want me to leave, however we did go further than we should have, but no sex again. Still, he seemed really into me…i again, never heard from him for the rest of the week and only chatted very briefly on the friday night, then the last i heard from him was a message on fb…but that has been that. I ALWAYS fall too hard too quickly, but with him i thought it was gonna be different because he was like no-one i have ever been with. I know he is a good guy, i just cannot understand what i have done wrong or why he just doesn’t seem to want to see me again…im going outta my head about this and just really want it to stop now…but having reading the above article and comments, hopefully it will help me, knowing im not the only one who seems to have this issue of falling way too hard too quickly…i just wish it could have worked out!!!!
20
Maria
17 March 2013 16:00
After “falling in Love” twice in one month with men that had absolutely nothing in common! Not even height, nor eye color, nor nationality! I realized that I was taking myself too seriously and not serious enough on the same token! What can anyone do in less then a week to win my heart? Love takes time. It’s great to be open to love, but we (men and women) need to be selective. We can’t give our hearts away because we are relieved the date has potential!
21
Steve
27 March 2013 21:23
I’ve also had this problem with women I’ve been on dates with. I think its because I haven’t had much experience with women, been hurt in the past, and have never had the highest of self esteems. I’ve fallen too quickly for women I’ve been on dates with before.
It’s probably not healthy but I found a way to combat this: I go on a date with the assumption it won’t work out and she won’t be interested in a second date – that way anything else is a bonus. Also helps with nerves a bit because I assume there won’t be a second date, she won’t like me, so I have nothing to lose.
As I said: not healthy, I know, but there it is.
22
Karen
2 April 2013 15:53
Me to the core. I was starting to think there is seriously something wrong with me. I don’t fall in love with everyone I meet, but when I find I like a person, I am off and running. Intense. Butterflies, emotional, oh brother! HELP!. In this most recent instance, I was okay, in fact, had made up in my mind to take it nice and slow, but as soon as this man said he liked me, and felt I was too “stand offish”, I could not help myself. I wanted the affection anyway; when he hinted he didn’t mind, the flood gates opened. I often feel I had more self control over my emotions, as they have caused pain in the past. I am just glad to know that I am not alone, and it may be more common than I thought. Thank you for sharing your stories.
23
Karen
2 April 2013 15:55
Oh, and why is it that these types, like us, can’t seem to find EACH OTHER?