18 July 2012
Do you fall in love too easily?
Do you hear wedding bells with every first date? Do you feel heartbroken and rejected whenever someone doesn’t want to see you again? If so, it could be that you are falling in love too easily.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that your ego defences have come down and you are open to welcoming someone very special into your life. Love can be all-consuming causing you to forget to eat, daydream, smile to yourself and have a mental obsession with the object of your affections. All of these are perfectly normal reactions when you first meet someone you connect with and are nature’s way of laying the foundations for a healthy relationship to develop.
For most people the feelings of falling in love are only triggered when they are matched, and reciprocated, by another person – then they are falling in love together and it is a wonderful, exhilarating experience. Some people, however, seem to need no encouragement or signs from the other person – they fall in love repeatedly – often with people who aren’t interested, or available, and often with sad consequences. When they are rejected they are as devastated and heartbroken as someone would be after the end of a long term relationship even if they have only dated the person a few times. Here we look at some of the reasons why this happens and what to do if you are someone who falls in love too easily.
Being in a state of love
When we talk about someone being in love we think about that being because they have met someone – that the love has come from that person and it is only because they have met them that they feel the way they do – if the person were to stop seeing them the love feelings would go too.
Being in love has as much to do with what happens inside you as what happens outside – your heart and mind are more open, you are in a heightened state of sensitivity; your imagination is in overdrive; your system is flooded with heady chemicals like dopamine and pleasure-giving endorphins.
People who fall in love very easily can often feel all these things almost instantly when they are matched with someone because this is their natural state. They live in a state of love whether there is someone there to love or not. When a good prospect comes along their natural state is heightened as their imagination begins to work overtime as they conjure up visions of what a wonderful future they will have together.
When a duckling hatches from its shell it will imprint and follow the first thing it sees even if it is not its mother – someone who is in ‘love’ can make a very strong attachment to someone with a minimal amount of encouragement, just a smile or a kind word is often enough to get their affection. They are keen to find someone who feels the same way so the good feelings they have can be shared and prolonged.
This isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean that someone like this is desperate or needy, simply that they are more vulnerable to falling for people who don’t reciprocate their feelings or who are scared off by the strength of their emotions. They may experience the initial rush of falling in love many times but rarely get past the initial phases to develop a strong and lasting relationship.
If you give your heart to everyone you meet the chances are that you will get it broken almost as many times as you give it away. This can be particularly painful for someone who is in ‘love’ because they are very open and sensitive to begin with and will experience every rejection at a deep level, even if it is only after a couple of dates. Although you may not have much choice over how many times you feel the feelings of love for someone you do have some choice over how often you express it and who to.
Love is a gift
Being someone who falls in love easily is an advantage when it comes to dating because you don’t have to dismantle your own fears and defences to let someone in but imagine if you could only give your gift of love once more in your life. This would mean you would be much more discerning about who received it – they would have to be someone very special, who you got to know well, to ensure that they were the right person before you ever said those three little words and gave them your heart.