27 October 2009
Five ways to spot a scammer
by eHarmony
While the vast majority of people on online dating sites are honest and genuine, sadly there are exceptions. Discover how to recognise a con man, or woman, and avoid becoming their victim.
Print Email
It’s an unfortunate fact that some people use online dating sites to scam money. They think that the fastest way to your wallet is through your heart. Thankfully, there are warning signals to help you avoid becoming their prey:
1. They are too attractive
If your match looks like a model, think twice. While you shouldn’t write someone off for being too good-looking, perfect looks and professionally taken photos should raise your suspicion as scammers often use pictures of models from stock photography sites to attract their victims on online dating sites.
Look for inconsistencies between descriptions in someone’s profile and their picture. For example, if they claim they don’t care about physical beauty yet their photo looks like a Hollywood headshot, something’s probably amiss. And if you’re lucky enough to be one of those genuine, honest, beautiful people, be sure to include several pictures of yourself that show you relaxing at home or with friends.
2. They want to move too quickly
If you meet someone on an online dating site and they ask for your phone number almost immediately and very insistently, proceed with caution. Virtual relationships should follow a natural progression from emails to phone calls to eventually meeting in person. If they want to jump to the last stage too quickly, something could be wrong.
3. They are too perfect
Con artists are skilled at creating attractive personas on online dating sites. Beware of these classics:
• The down-to-earth single father who has fallen madly in love
• The beautiful young foreigner who needs help
Personas like these work well because the perpetrators are adept at creating believable situations that lower your guard. They work hard to earn your trust before asking you for money. If you meet someone on an online dating site that seems too good to be true or claims to fall in love with you unnaturally fast, be wary. They may be genuine but move forward with caution and look for suspicious behaviour.
4. They ask for money
A person you meet on an online dating site that asks you for money is pretty likely to be a scammer. However persuasive their story is – they might claim they have an “emergency” or that they need a “loan” – we strongly advise you NEVER to send money to someone you meet online.
If you’ve established a relationship in person for a significant length of time, you can assess for yourself whether giving them money is wise, but until then, don’t do it.
If the person asking for money is from a foreign country you can be certain they are a scammer. Nigeria might be the most famous origin of email scams but they can come from anywhere around the globe.
5. They ask for private information
If anyone asks for details like bank accounts, drivers’ licenses or anything security protected DON’T give it to them. Be aware that obvious con men get caught out fast – it’s the masters of subtlety that succeed. Questions that appear harmless like ‘Who do you bank with?’ can start the ball rolling.
What next?
If you’re convinced you’ve identified a scammer, report them to the online dating site where you met. The site will check them out, remove them if they agree with you or even report them to the authorities.
If you are suspicious about one of your matches on eHarmony, please email us
Remember most of the people you meet on an online dating sate will be honest people. But know what to look out for and you’re less likely to become the scammer’s victim.
1
harsharn richards
8 November 2009 10:46
very helpful information and should be taken on board before any commitments to any one trying to communicating with any contact through the website.
2
stanley
12 November 2009 15:19
why is my maetro card not accepted even though it advertised on your web
3
eharmony
18 November 2009 10:38
Hi Stanley,
We have recently implemented PayPal through which you can pay with almost any payment method – including Maestro. You do not need to already have a PayPal account to take advantage of these new payment types. Simply log on to your eHarmony account and try to purchase a subscription as usual. Select PayPal as your payment method and the site will guide you through the rest of the process.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice
4
Karin
19 November 2009 10:16
Good advice! I’ve been targeted a few times and now recognise the most obvious signs… The majority of men claim to be stationed in the army (ideal as its difficult to meet in person); single fathers who brought up their children on their own because the wife died in an accident; they steer you away from the dating site to chat rooms almost straight away… just be wary and careful!
Its such a shame that people like that make it so difficult for the genuines ones out there who are really looking for love!
5
Chris
20 November 2009 15:18
Oh dear,seems like single dads are in the firing line now.Its all down to common sense and as we have seen by the programs on television it is usually the clueless in soceity who it successfully works on.
I’m in for a rough ride then because of having a daughter and being daft enough to fall in love sometimes.
What people fail to realise is that a lot of sensationalism goes on out there in the media,it is perfectly safe to shop online,use the dreadful facebook, and converse in chat rooms, you just have to have your wits about you at all times,not just blithely bumble through life taking everything at face value.
6
Jane
5 December 2009 03:49
This has happened to me a few times on dating sites (not this one – yet!).
In my experience another thing to look out for is very poor English (grammer and spelling). Whilst some of this can be put down to typos and poor spell checking when it is recurent – in my eperience – it usually means the request for money will soon follow.
This linked with the things mentioned in the article are a good sign that you are being targeted.
One other thing about photos – does the face match the supposed age of the person. I know some people can look young/old for the actual age but sometimes it is beyond belief.
7
Lynn
10 December 2009 21:21
I had similar experience with Karin.
They were both self employed buying and selling cars – Buy in Houston Texas to sell in Ghana. Both were single dads raising a son. Both of them needed money while in Ghana before they could release their shipment(car spare parts for one/SUV for the other) to pay for Custom duties. I did not have money to lend, so by touch of the mouse they stopped communicating. Unsuccessful scam!
8
Sharon
12 December 2009 01:21
No longer should there be a “Santa stop here” sign but “friek of nature stop here…..I beg of you please.” It is so unfortunate that there are many people out there who will prey on singles, or pretty much anyone. If it’s too good to be true then it’s usually because it is untrue.
9
Sharon
8 February 2010 18:28
Unfortunately, a couple i’ve talked to on line have been the same. Funnily enough, both have been widowed at an early age and both have been foreign living in the UK (one SA and one Italian). As soon as they gave their story about not being able to work due to illness and asking for my MSN I was off.
I’ve been lucky in that i’ve been switched on enough to see through these but it has made me wary of widowers which isn’t fair on the genuine gents out there who have lost their partners and want to find love again.
10
Kate
7 October 2010 19:23
What should you do if someone asks you to communicate with them through their private email? I have had this request and although I feel I would like to continue communicating I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do or not. Any advice would be gratefully recieved.
11
eharmony
8 October 2010 22:46
Hi Kate,
Thanks for your query – a very valid question. My first piece of advice would be to only ever do things you’re comfortable with. If you want to carry on talking on eHarmony Mail – which is completely secure – then do so.
If you are happy to move your conversation to private email, then remember that you don’t need to give your match any other personal details. One suggestion I have is to create a completely new email account, with an address that doesn’t give away anything about yourself, solely for communicating with your matches. That way if you ever feel uncomfortable, you can close the email account without it affecting your other email communications.
Hope this helps!
Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice
12
Teresa
12 December 2010 23:25
just listen to your heart if it does,nt feel right than it isn,t right.
13
Polly
2 January 2011 18:43
I have a friend who was seeing a chap (much younger than her and not from EH). They spent a passionate weekend together and he asked her for £3,000 for travel expenses! My friend is very street-wise and told him in no uncertain terms that she did not hand over her hard-earned money to anyone and naff off Sunshine. He continued to text/call her for quite a while, feigning indignation that she would not answer his texts. Not necessarily a scammer as such but a rat that prays on seemingly vulnerable, love-starved older ladies – probably had a few on the go and a wife and babies in another town.
14
graham
19 January 2011 12:46
after reading comments i haveint yet joined e/h being a widower with one son still at home ?.i dont need money only someone special what chance have i got first time ive done anything like this now dont know what to do. comments please
15
rose
29 January 2011 01:15
some of these experience are scary and puts one off on line dating.
16
Robbie
10 March 2011 01:11
On one site I was on this subject ‘spun’ me a story of how she was neglegted where she grew up on her uncles moonshine factory in the USA as her father disowned her, so she came over here (where she also lives) now she is a model in Italy ‘to make ends meet’ I asked her ‘How, and on what basis did she get resedency status in the UK? and what is her tax ststus / liability? I never got a reply ….. BUSTED!
Be carefull out there.
17
Holly
13 March 2011 12:21
I’ve read all the comments above with interest but would like to point out that not all widows/widowers are con artist … we are just looking for a bit of happiness. I’ve been targeted myself as I suppose they think “vulnerable with money” but I think it’s unfair to dismiss us if our photos etc are genuine. We’ve had enough of a knock already losing our beloved spouses!