Why are my matches so varied?

5 October 2009

by eHarmony

This is a perennial question from eHarmony members. If we match people based on personality, shouldn’t there be a common thread that runs through all of your matches?

matches_varied

Dear eHarmony,

I have been matched with around 60 women since I joined eHarmony a few months ago; communicated with 35; 12 of whom let me read their personality profiles; I met 4 women, all of whom were great matches for me but none of them were remotely alike. If eHarmony’s aim is to match people based on personality, how can so many very different women be good matches for me?

David

Does this letter sound familiar? It’s a question we’re often asked and one we’re happy to answer. eHarmony is searching for someone who is similar to you in many ways. We base our Compatibility Matching System™ on key dimensions that our research has shown are fundamental to a successful long-term relationship. These dimensions vary widely, touching on many different areas like intelligence, kindness, curiosity, ambition, emotional health and adaptability, to name just a few.

So why do we think similarity in these areas is so vital in a match? The one trend we saw above all others when researching successful couples was that people who had long and happy marriages were very similar to their partners on these key dimensions. This doesn’t make them clones. They are still unique people with space within their relationship for things like separate friends and interests. But on the big personality traits – on social and lifestyle issues – they were very similar at the time they met.

Major differences between yourself and your partner will all create the need for compromise, which is very wearing to a marriage. We don’t mean compromises on small things like what film you want to watch or which restaurant you want to eat in. We mean compromise on the key dimensions. If education is very important to you and not to your match, or if you are very ambitious and your match is not – these issues will stack up and gnaw away at your relationship.

That said, there is still room for great diversity. Due to the large number of dimensions we match you on and the huge range of human activity within each dimension, the people that are a good match for you will vary widely.

• Someone who has an extreme analytical intelligence, a large amount of curiosity in several specific areas, a general ambition, and a tiny amount of anger might be a good match for you.
• Someone who has a considerable human intelligence, an average amount of curiosity in all things, a huge ambition and a very effective way of releasing their more sizeable natural anger, might also be a good fit for you.

If you were to meet these people at the same time, they would seem very different and this is only looking at four dimensions. We want you to be aware that we only present a match to you when we feel we’ve found someone special. Every match is a good fit for you in deep-rooted ways.

» Experience the eHarmony difference – subscribe today

Rating: 6.8/10 (43 votes cast)

Comments

michael

15 October 2009 16:13

Not so sure, but i will give it time.

Graham

10 November 2009 19:36

Iv never read so much crap in my life!! Women go for money and power and men on good looks. Not weather we match on a few stupid questions. No one wants an ugly man/women. If you bother to look on your pages you will see the best looking people get the most responses. Thats why I never visit this site anymore, men/women if your average you have no chance.

Jayne

12 November 2009 13:23

also many people put on old photos, or simply ones which do not protray their real self

Karrie

18 November 2009 00:14

I think graham is being a bit harsh. I believe there is someone for everyone out there.If eharmony can take all the hard work and disapointments away,that’s got to be a good thing.I’m not looking for someone with money or power. We are not all the same. Men and women are looking for love it’s as simple as that.

Maria

19 November 2009 03:34

Graham – I think you still look at this site, despite your protestations and it would help if you would take the time to spell correctly. I understand dyslexia and if you’re merely a bad speller, then for God’s sake check beforehand – spellcheck, ask a friend – anything that says you actually give a s**t. If you can’t be bothered to write properly, then I can’t be bothered contacting you. A basic understanding of the difference between ‘whether’ and ‘weather’ and ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ just might mean someone would contact you. Sadly, too many people on this site do not seem to have a basic grasp of English. I therefore don’t seem to fit the demographic and I am drop dead gorgeous. I’m looking elsewhere for that reason but will still check here for any improvement on the calibre of applicants.

Angela a

19 November 2009 06:07

I’m inclined to agree with karrie. Also its about what you have inside as well as outside.

Simon

20 November 2009 12:38

This is clearly not an exact science,and in my experience attempts to bring a more scientific basis to compatibility should be viewed with some scepticism.
I have had hundreds of matches in the last 4 months but only 5 matches have agreed to communicate and none have freed up their full personality profile.
It appears to me that a huge number of women on this site are not serious about their ambitions for finding someone and if anything I would like to see greater efforts to screen timewasters out of the process.
That said I beleive this is one of the better sites and has the potential for bringing individuals together capable of forging long and lasting relationships. But you have to have your mindset right and be prepared for the long haul.

Gertie

22 November 2009 16:45

My first time on a dating site, its disappointing to read so much cynicism. That said, I think there’s some truth in what’s being said about timewasters – some people just don’t bother replying or take ages to. Doesn’t give a good impression. OK, they may not want to appear to keen, but I’m not into mind games and find it a bit tiresome.

Although in the long run personalities are what keep a couple together, I think looks are played down too much by dating sites. Looks are what usually initially attract people.

Will persevere though, as at least the men on this site will be (hopefully) single unlike a few I’ve met recently who just seem to ‘forget’ to mention that till some way down the line!!!

Sarah

22 November 2009 18:19

I’m amazed by Simon’s response as I has assumed that the reason only 4 of my dozens of matches agreed to communicate was that there were so few men on the site in comparison to women. I think my personality profile is already freed up, but if not will do so – it’s worth a try if it gets a few more people to communicate.

Lisa

25 November 2009 19:25

I have had a lot of interest from men in general and yet have chosen to come to this site, not because I can’t find anyone, but because I am looking to be compatible with someone as well as attracted to them.

It is the compatibility factor that is not easy to come across which is where I do see the sense in breaking the idea of dating down to a scientific basis. I have dated extremely gorgeous guys who once the honeymooon period is over, the real truth is revealed.

Ann

28 November 2009 00:23

Poor Graham, I think you need a bit of an attitude overhaul. Sorry to say that you come across as totally cynical and that is a shame. Not all women want only power and money but I wouldn’t mind betting with the vibe you’re giving out, you aren’t having good dating experiences.

Paul

29 November 2009 00:23

I feel when people first start dating, looks attract and personality keeps. Once most people have gone through and past the looks factor, personality will win out every time. Everyone eventually loses their looks. It’s the inner being that never fades.
If you are simply after looks, I suggest you go elsewhere.
Having a site that helps connect you with similar thinking people can only be applauded.

Gloria

29 November 2009 02:08

I don’t think it’s about time wasting for the sake of it. If after communicating back and forth and eventually something is said that doesn’t sit right with a person, then as a woman, at first I found it difficult to close a match straight away and so did nothing for a while so as not to hurt someone’s feelings but eventually I’ve learnt that it’s better to be “cruel to be kind” and to carry on searching to find a more compatible match, so now I follow my instincts straightaway. Sometimes it was difficult as you do feel as though you are letting the person down, especially if their feelings were stronger than yours and hoping that perhaps you may change your mind if you just wait a while but I now know that it’s much better to close at an early stage than to continue without strong enough feelings weeks or months down the line. So sometimes it may just be a case of not having the courage to follow your initial convictions and not about deliberately trying to string someone along.
I’ve received 125 matches since September, each very different but I do feel confident that it’s just a matter of time and the law of averages until the right one comes along – so I’m still hopeful and very optimistic.

Keith Pinkard

30 November 2009 13:04

I think Maria sounds very interesting and has sussed out the flaw in Graham’s attitude. Yes there are women who go for the money and the power but he can keep away from them and concentrate on the women who want to be loved and to give love.I was married for forty years blissfully happy, neither of us was rich or powerful just caring and loving.

Dawn

4 December 2009 15:33

I have received over 30 matches and have attempted to communicate with over 10 with only one response who stopped mid way through guided communication. I know it takes time and this is to be expected but this I how it was on another popular dating website that I choose not to mention. However I agree with Gloria being nice for the sake of being nice will get you no where.

Steve

4 December 2009 21:59

Wow, so much anger out there!

I spent a year or so on other dating sites and came to the conclusion that most of those sites, where you can choose from a huge choice of pictures and profiles, have a fundamental flaw.. too much choice and no-one can possibly live up to the expectations such profiles portray.

I have come on this site,because I actually believe that eharmony has got it right by attempting to match people not based on a picture and a self styled cv first but by trying to match people based on potential compatability.

We’re all looking for that special someone and although I don’t believe that you can beat that sudden meeting and instant chemistry, I do think EH has taken internet dating a step forward and based it more on feelings, values and interests.

That’s my two penneth anyway!

Wilf

7 December 2009 22:09

I am new to the site after a spell with match .com and I find the process long and boring all questions and answers. I just want to communicate so what am I doing wrong.

Angela

9 December 2009 13:26

I have only recently joined eHarmony here in the UK. I feel it is important to keep an open mind and a compassionate heart. We all seek to share our hearts and our lives with that special some-one.
A few years ago when I lived in California, I met some gentlemen through eHarmony’s US site. Though I didn’t choose to marry anyone then, the ensuing friendships have been mutually beneficial and even life-changing.

Munira

10 December 2009 23:02

I joined eHarmony after seeing a TV ad and I must say I am a bit disappointed with the quality of matches – and quantity for that matter! I think as we get older, we do get more cynical.

Graham – you’ve triggered an interesting debate. You have so got us women wrong.

I’ve been on this site for almost a month now and am not impressed with the lack of communication from my matches and their profile statements. I was on Dating Direct previously (for 6 months). It was so bad that I decided to get back with my ex – which, of course, was a huge mistake. Oh well, I’m signed up for 3 months, so maybe I’ll have better luck in the New Year. Here’s hoping. Good luck to everyone with this site. Hope you meet your ideal match.

Michael

13 December 2009 14:11

How do you go about meeting new and interesting people when you have recently moved location,and you feel that you are “starting over”?
eHarmony offers me potentials that would not ordinarily be available.It is not perfect and relies heavily on peoples honesty[sadly,many women do like to project false personas]-but I would rather contend with that[and be open to the possibility of meeting somebody truly special]than do nothing and risk nothing.
I have taken the view this may take a while,so I have joined for a year.Three months in and I am realising the fundamental importance of being really clear with what you want and what you don’t want.I now know I’m not interested in people who post incomplete profiles,or who offer “clever dick”answers, especially to the question about ‘something only friends know’.The whole purpose of this is to offer meaningful insight into character……it is amazing how many people say “That’s for my friends to know and you to find out”.
I’m glad I joined!

John

15 December 2009 17:32

I have just joined this site, i have seen many others, and reading the coments posted here tells me this site is not really any different from any other, it is just opperating in a different way.
Now before i go any further I must point out that i don’t believe any one here has deliberately told lies in their profiles, but i am sure there will be some here who have perhaps exagerated the truth, maybe because they think it sounds better. The fact and the truth is you will never really get to know some one properly until you meet them in person.
Internet dating just opens up the possibility of meeting people you would perhaps never otherwise meet, for some people they will meet the love of their life, for others it will just seem a waste of time, but if they don’t try it they will never know what the outcome could be. What i do know about this kind of dating is you have to keep your mind open, and if someone tells you they love you very soon after starting communication and before you meet in person it is certain they have no intention of meeting and probably just want financial gain.

John

15 December 2009 17:44

In addition to my last comment, the best policy is always to be honest, not only to those you talk with but also to yourself, and be yourself, people will either accept you the way you are naturally or they won’t accept you at all. If they accept you, well you may have found the love of your life, if they don’t, get over it and move on, there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you or someone else, you just may not get on well together and not be right for eachother.

mike

21 December 2009 00:07

I am surprised that so many people use old photos that are not representative when meeting up..

Also, I am astounded at the level of rudeness that prevails on e-harmony, that so many matches don’t have the common courtesy to either respond to icebreakers or close the match – even AFTER looking at the profile.

Maybe it’s the times we live in, and most people are simply concerned about what THEY are going to get out of it – and screw everyone else.

Paul

21 December 2009 23:33

What a complete and utter waste of time. Matches that you wish to pursue never respond but there is an endless supply of individuals that you would never pursue. Now you can say its shallow but it clearly isn’t based on the myriad of questions asked prior to joining, what there is the typical nightclub environment? “Please note there are no spelling mistakes herein”.

Dee

22 December 2009 10:17

I found this conversation helpful, some real voices behind the profiles. This is my first visit to a dating site and I have mixed feelings. I find it hard to believe that some of my matches are based on anything other than age and proximity, they are so unsuitable in every other important way.I too have felt disheartened by the lack of response from some of my matches. People’s comments about it taking time, the need for an open mind and compassionate heart, have helped to lift my spirits a little.

Dee

22 December 2009 10:31

I wanted to add to he above. Ultimately I think our chances of finding and forming a good loving relationship depends on our own emotional well being. Fortunately that’s not down to chance, but to putting effort into creating a life worth living, through friends, family, work, culture etc. This site and others like it can only form one small part of that picture. The cynical guy who thinks women are only interested in money and power, and men only in looks, lives in a very narrow, rigid world. I hope he’s mentioned that on his profile so I can skip it straight away!

Bill

23 December 2009 22:57

I think what has been established by the comments here, is that all this rubbish from eharmony about profiling matches is complete nonsense – I agree with the comment that points out: it’s age and proximity only JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER DATING WEBSITE – Eharmony is selling a fantasy that just doesn’t exist. It isn’t actually ANY different, in fact I’d say it makes bloody hard work out of simple dating practices. All this ‘must haves/can’t stands’ nonsense! who on earth imposes such draconian standards on a relationship even before it’s started? The word ‘compromise’ doesn’t seem to exist in eharmony’s weird set up

John

29 December 2009 11:44

Interesting debate, I have two close female friends who have met the love of their lives through the internet. Having persuaded me to try it I have found, like Graham, women who are greedy, needy and some from a different planet to this one. However, being an optimist I decided to give EH a go as I do believe that my true partner is out there somewhere and I need to keep looking. Yes I initially go for good looks, like most other men, but I also want an intelligent person who has some get up and go. A broad range of interests some co-inciding with mine is what keeps a relationship fresh and communication keeps it going through thick and thin. Just answer me this why is it so bloody hard to find someone with the right morals and standards and education?

Gloria

29 December 2009 23:31

John (from 29th December) you’ve raised some very interesting points and I agree with some of the things you’ve said – from a woman’s point of view obviously. Why is it so hard to find someone who is both attractive and intelligent but also has good old fashioned values, a good heart and a passion for life?
I find that some people come into a relationship looking for the other person to make them happy. I believe that each person needs to be first happy within themselves, which then enhances and contributes to the happiness found in each other. Being with the right person will bring out the very best in someone’s character but only magnifying the qualities that are already there. I understand that some people have been hurt but bringing past grudges and negativity into a new relationship isn’t very attractive, so perhaps before joining, a little self reflection and honesty is needed.
I am an eternal optimist, so I’ve found that by meeting the wrong men so far has only helped me to re affirm and identify exactly what I’m looking for in my ideal partner.

Gloria

30 December 2009 15:32

In addition, being matched with a variety of personalities can only be a good thing because as I get to know people in more depth, I can see more clearly which of the qualities I’ve listed are really the most important to me. So, as I close yet another match, it makes me realise that I’m moving that one step closer to finding that perfect person for me.

Rachel

30 December 2009 23:46

I think some of you sound very bitter and lazy. Joining a web site is not a replacement for working at finding someone it is just one port hole. I have really found it helpful, the men I have messaged with and met up with, have been nice decent people. As for some earlier comments there are shallow selfish people every where you go, if you are being matched with them, maybe you need to look at yourself.

emilly

31 December 2009 03:05

do you know something gloria I totally agree. I believe that people can come to this site with past baggage but on the other hand if they did not have past baggage they would not be on this site trying to find mr right or miss right.The reason people come into theses sites is that noone is wearing a badge to say they are single and people are fed up of meeting time waisters.I think that you come to a site like this when you feel like your sick of waiting and rightly so, you take your life in your own hands with a little bit of help.Times are not what they use to be personally I tried to join but my details could not go through so I got frustrated but I wish everyone the best of luck and maybe like you I will also find someone special. personally have taken time to heal before I found myself here but I belive that if you want a paticular person in your life then you to need to be able to offer just as good back.I think that I am going to continue studying as right now I could not class myself as an accademic but know what I deserve and am willing to give back. Sometimes sites like this can make you feel like c**p because you may not have reached your full petential but know where your going. Therefore people can be very jugdmental when they dont need to at the same time its our lifes and we have a choice and thank god for that.HAPPY NEW YEAR X

Jackie

1 January 2010 14:10

Hi Everyone. As a new member I have been fascinated by the comments here so far. I have tried other dating websites and what is so frustrating for me is the fact that unsuitable matches are sent even when you are being specific in what you want. There are only two main things that are ‘non-negotiable’ for me. No photos and height. If I can be bothered to upload a photo then all potential matches should. The second is height. As a tall girl (over 6ft in heels) I try to make it crystal clear that any matches should be 6ft or over, yet I still have to wade though the 5ft somethings. I am trying e-harmony because they seem different. Time will tell.

Gladys

1 January 2010 16:58

I subscribed for 1 year with Eharmony and a book list of matches and not matter how hard I tried to communicate or make an effort in being natural, myself and honest, I never got further than anyway. I never got to a stage to even meet anyone at all or even properly communicating out of the website. Most never responded, despite eharmony saying we have matching profiles. I am not sure if it is my profile, but it is such a sad world when people would not even make an effort to even meet the person. Beauty is inside and I feel sites like these are probable not meant for people like us and leaves a lot to desire. There is no room to manouvre until you reach last preferred communication stage, by then you might have not fully answered the other person as questions and answers are prescribed. I am not sure I can invest more money into this this year as I never got even one date the whole of last year. I am not giving up, but probable might try shopping around.

I hope we all do find love one way or the other as Mother Theresa said the worst poverty in the world is being alone and not being loved. Good luck and God bless.

Jen

1 January 2010 22:07

I’m not sure any computer could detect that magic spark of chemistry that makes things zing between two people, I don’t think that’s the point, but I believe this method would improve the odds of compatibility. The more you meet different people, the more our odds improve to meeting ‘the one’. Finding ways to improve our odds is the most likely path to success, is it not? Having an open mind also helps odds as people sense this instinctively. Does your sign say ‘open the door, come and say hello’… or ‘closed, no-one’s home’?

Funnily on my first matches half are called Dave (or David) and they seem to be the most interesting (so far). A pattern developing? Coincidence? or is a Dave the way for me? heehee Happy 2010!

Joanna

3 January 2010 02:06

I have just read the above comments and I am glad that I completed the questionaire beforehand otherwise I might have been quite demoralised! I actually answered all the questions as honestly as possible and was naive enough to think that others would too. I do believe that we have to take personal responsibility for the things that are not perfect in our lives and we also have to be willing to move on and start afresh. Looking forward to being matched as I have never done anything like this before.

Sarah

3 January 2010 19:23

It’s been intriguing to read all the comments above, not least because everyone seems to have had at least one suggested match. I joined eharmony in October and have not received a single one! I have had a seven-year happy marriage, and a couple of relationships since my husband died several years ago. I reckon I submitted an attractive profile to this website, inc photos, so cannot understand what it’s all about. The friend who suggested I sign up is amazed that I’ve received nothing. I have lots of friends and am told I communicate honestly and well. So perhaps I simply belong to a different set altogether.

fiona

3 January 2010 22:02

I’ve really taken heart from reading these comments. Thank you to every-one who bothered to contribute. I have been on the site for a few months and have been “matched” with over a hundred men but only two have entered into guided communication and I have yet to meet any of them! I do take heart from hearing about other people’s experiences, including the extension of a point above to observe that if you’re not very good at dating in the real world you might be little better online. It is about the start point – creating opportunities – and that only. I’ll keep sending the little ice-breakers and maybe, just maybe, an actual match will be out there!

mike

5 January 2010 00:14

Sarah – there’s something wrong with your account – they will send hundreds of matches however awful and unsuitable – (and lots are) are you sure you’ve receieved NONE??

Susan Freeman

7 January 2010 12:12

I must say as someone who is trying to join this site,I am not filled with much confidence on reading the above comments. Trying to fill out the section on things I am passionate about (650 words) has failed three times.

Linda

7 January 2010 17:52

Having read all teh comments my self esteem has gone up slightly. I thought there was something wrong with me, because I have been sent over 200 matches and tried to start communication with about 15 and not one has responded, one started and when we reache the end of the guided that was it he closed the match. I fet so dejected and sad because I thought there was something seriously wrong with me I thought about cancelling the membership. But now I know I am not alone and maybe I will see teh membership through who knows

Mark

8 January 2010 12:47

I’ve been on other sites and have had many dates, just not found the right girl yet. I strongly believe that the only way to be certain of someone is to meet them face to face. This site sounds like it’s too computer based. I’m not looking for a pen-friend. I’ve e mailed and texted women in the past and got on really well, only to find we don’t connect when we meet up. This sounds like too much writing and not enough meeting up. Can anyone elucidate?

Brian

8 January 2010 14:34

Paul, Comment number 24.
If you are going to brag about “no spelling mistakes” then make sure that there aren’t any. “its shallow” should read “it’s shallow”

Linda

8 January 2010 19:34

Well back into depression!! I started communicating with someone lets just say he is no oil painting his photo looked like a mugshot, so I thought beauty is only skin deep I will get to know this chap and see what happens. Guess what? he closed the math on me I cannot beliee quasimodo ditched me before he even got a chance to know me. Now I am seriously leaving this site.

Linda

8 January 2010 19:37

By the way my spelling was perfect in case you think that is why he closed the MATCH

Kevin

8 January 2010 21:16

Having read the comments from everyone I am a little dissapointed that more guys do not respond. It gives a bad rep to everyone else. I have responded honestly to everyone who took the time to contact me even if that ultimately led to a close.

I have been a member for about a month and have met three really great people in person and don’t regret joining at all.

Mike

9 January 2010 01:43

I have been a user of this site for about 6mths I have used others with moderate success , dated someone for 8mths.
I have found that the following may weed out the wheat from the chaff.
Avoid those with brief profiles and no pictures they are usually just playing and have no real intention of full participation, often not paying the subscription. Keep your communications to a manageable level , I keep it to around 20 and if I haven’t heard for a month close the oldest.
I think I have about 800 in my closed section, I agree about the rudeness of members I will always send a message if I decide to close someone and we have been in open communication to explain why, many just close you giving reason “other” , some don’t reply to your messages even though you know they have viewed you recently.
You can only use this site as an “indication” and the profile/ Q&A’s just let you weed out those that are unsuitable in my case anyone going on about the following is a start…:-)
1) Pets especially horses ( I have a cat
I don’t bang on about it)
2) Vegans or veggies who tell you they
wont mind if you eat meat in front
of them ( lifes really too short)
3) alternative therapies ( yawn!)
4) Fitness freaks
5) Those that go on about grammar as if
it’s the most important thing in a
relationship, if they are that anal
think will give them a miss

Bill

9 January 2010 13:25

Brian – comment 43
Its not a spelling mistake – it’s a punctuation error

don

9 January 2010 22:08

this site is far to ( around the houses) you get loads of matches which you would never go for yourself on a normal site, know it sounds shallow but looks are the first thing most people go for in real life or on the net.think this would be a good site if you could pick your own matches

Eleanor Gaisey

10 January 2010 11:25

I just join your dateing agency i am sorry to say this but i am not getting the match i want.i dont know how this works,but i am not look for black men i am looking for white men.

eharmony

11 January 2010 10:48

Hi Eleanor,

Thank you for your query. You can specify your preferred match ethnicity in your ‘Match Settings’. To do this, from your profile page choose ‘My Settings’, then click ‘Background and Beliefs’. The second option on the page is ‘Ethnicity’ where you can state your ethnicity, and that which you would prefer your matches to be.

If you have any more questions, you can contact our Customer Care team here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask/kw/contact/r_id/166

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Mike

12 January 2010 01:23

Don

I agree but this site is advertised as such, with the compatibility factors over the physical appearance, however everyone knows the truth.

If people went for partners that were ideally suited for them based on personality and likes/dislikes rather than the physical we wouldn’t have so many divorces or for that matter a society of so many childless spinsters and single guys.
In today’s society if you haven’t the looks or are overweight etc you are fighting with one hand tied behind your back when it comes to dating. Looks are what the majority go for , no matter what people tell you, it’s programmed into us by the media and advertising what an ideal man/woman should look like and that’s what most hope to get
when they log on, even if nothing special themselves

mike l

13 January 2010 13:43

mike – comment 47
WELL SAID

I have to add that the use of 10 year old photographs is fooling no one.

Putting up no photo indicates it is more than likely an inactive account, created to waste everyone’s time.

E Harmony should do the right thing and CLOSE THESE PRETEND ACCOUNTS if not subscribed within 7-10 days then we could all save a lot of time.

Putting up a photo of Melinda Messenger and turning up looking like Margaret Thatcher isn’t going to endear you to anyone (and the same for blokes I suspect)

note to eharmony – can we please have a small picture (or icon) next to the name so that we don’t have to open every match to see if a picture has been added??

Garry

13 January 2010 14:18

Hi Everyone

This is going to be a one off as normally I don’t do this.I have read most of the comments above and would like to comment. It is human nature to want an attractive partner if you are male and a “resourceful” partner if you are female. It all boils down to our need to pass on our genes. Why on earth do you think some of the worlds most beautiful women have been seen on the arms of some of the physically challenged men. Don’t believe me, just look at the wives and girlfriends of footballers and heads of large companies! The man who drinks every night does not wash etc is not going to get a fantastic looking woman on his arm, unless he drives a Porsche and lives in a mansion and throwsmoney about like snow. However will she still be there when the money runs out? Its a fact of life.
Now moving into the real world that 95% of us live in, we all have different views of what is attractive and what amounts to someone who can provide a safe and “happy” (read brings in the money) home. Yes not all of us are money grabbing (works both ways) nor seeking an 18 year old page 3 girl. But we are all seeking the optimum for us.So rather than go on about this subject try actually looking at people, those who don’t care about themselves won’t get the partner they want. Those who simply want to strip a bank balance will move on and you’ll learn, as will they when they are found out very early on. Sorry to have banged on but things like this just seem to be a place to vent spleens or moan about our lot. If you feel this way why are you here?

mike l

13 January 2010 20:08

I disagree Gary, Its not all ‘spleen venting’ here. There are useful statements and statements of fact on men women & eharmony (which they may or may not take on board.)

If they had a proper message board they might find some useful ideas complimentarty to their website. eg must have/can’t stand’ section IS NOT a vote winner.

However, most here are in agreement that it’s not a perfect world, but also that if you’re going to be on here, game playing is pointless and frustrating.

Black Woman

14 January 2010 14:26

@50 Eleanor: I was amused by your comment, with its refreshing honesty. Strangely, I’m a black woman and have received no Black men at all. I wonder if my personality is ‘white’:)

Danny

14 January 2010 16:44

Surely matches are so varied because that’s how people naturally are. It felt strange to read all the member’s comments and their responses to each other. I feel loathe to join in just yet as I feel somewhat like an interloper. However, Maria was spot on about Graham (see above). The weather/whether thing. Like there/their or horse/hoarse (or spanner/acoustic) words have meanings and if we misuse them then we’re donkeyed. Lost in a semantic nightmare. Anyway, matches are varied because people are varied. If I’m the only person who realises that, then that in itself proves my point. (Big dog in the house!) My bracketed exclamation was ironic but I meant the rest. I’m messing around because this is a discusion about why people are different when that difference is fundamental to us. I’m an Atheist, but Heaven help us

Lynda

15 January 2010 02:00

Hi All, if I was going to stay on the site I would want to communicate with John 28 as I agree with him about morals, standards, and education. It’s difficult finding people with the same views on these so Bill 27 is wrong about the ‘Must haves/Can’t stands’ being ridiculous. Yes compromise IS important in relationships but compatability is the time saving winner. Helps you to find the ‘one’ quicker and avoid kissing too many frogs in the meantime!

Taiwo

15 January 2010 21:21

I have been following this discussion for a while, it’s about time I added something. I joined this site about 2 months ago and I have received over 200 matches. I met somebody within 2 weeks, although his pictures were not flattering, however after meeting up with him, he turned out to be the most charming man. We are now about to go on our third date. Furthermore, I am communicating with equally interesting men. Who knows what the future holds?

I think people tend to expect too much from online dating. Because we are paying does not mean that we should forget to put in our daily efforts.
The question I ask myself everyday is “Who do I need to be in order to attract the type of person I want to attract?”, “How well could I project myself through this electronic tool?”
I work on my profile at least once a week. I update some sections, add or remove pictures. I keep my profile fresh. I wasn’t very clear about the type of person I was looking for when I joined; 2 months down the line, my search is far more refined and the type of suitors I receive are far better.

I have signed for a year but I know that I will find the right person in less than 6 months; actually I think I might have found him already.

The bottom line is, one has to come here with the right mindset, put in the effort and one must not be knocked back by people who close our profiles. Many profiles I liked closed mine at the beginning, instead of criticizing them or eharmoning; I asked myself the right question.

I still get the odd ones that do not bother to reply, the ones that do make up for the rest, and I am grateful for that.

By the way, a forum is a bad, bad idea! It demands too much monitoring and the trolls!

Munira

16 January 2010 12:59

Hi Everyone (it’s Munira – from 10 Dec again). Well I’m now 2 months into my eHarmony subscription and I am thoroughly disappointed with how this site matches people. I finally had a first date recently and it was horrible. I can’t divulge too much information as he may be reading this. I’m starting to believe that the best way to meet someone is in more natural circumstances. I really don’t know why eHarmony allows people to use this site if their profiles are not 100% complete and if they used the site last 6 months ago! It should automatically close those people and remove them from the site, rather than just taking their subscription as a way of making money. I want to meet a nice, normal guy. I’m not fussy about colour or religion, so why is it so difficult? I think it would be interesting to meet everyone who’s participated in this forum. Not sure how we could organise that though. Wishing you all a great weekend and good luck with eHarmony if you continue / join

Gemma

16 January 2010 13:03

I’m afraid this site is extremely disappinting. It takes an AGE to fill out all the questions about personality and beliefs etc but does not seemingly give you the option to screen on the basis of education level or to limit the distance to less than 30 miles. I also hate the fact that in order to remove someone from your massive list of so called ‘matches’ you ahve to ‘Close’ the match which means sending them a message saying you’re not interested and why !! there is nothing more depresing than logging on to see a list of people who have rejected you when you hadn’t even approached them !!! also, I’m afraid, when there are hundreds of matches (most of which you start to realise are not going to be suitable at all) you start to wish there was a thumbnail photo on each as, I’m sorry to say, physical attraction does still count for something and anyone who says it doesn’t is kidding themselves. be more realistic eHarmony. also, the site in general is not particularly user-friendly in my opionion when you’re searching through hundreds of matches – you can’t see at a glance which you have viewed and which you haven’t and then newest ones are at the end !

Andrea

16 January 2010 13:19

I have the feeling that the issue of age bias is underlying a lot of the comments made -especially by women who have not received any matches or response to their communications. Men over 60 are often looking for a partner well under 60 and will not consider an ‘older woman’.

16 January 2010 15:42

I’m always getting guys who work in I.T. or who are heavily into sport…when I *hate* both. I think the ‘must haves and can’t stands’ are not varied enough: there’s the option of weeding-out really horrible traits like ‘racism’, which I think should be done to begin with irrespective of this section: afterall, you wouldn’t choose ‘racist pig’ for your ‘must haves” any more than you’d want to rule them out of your ‘can’t stands’! I would like to see – in addition to similar politics and things like that – more variety that matches people according to interests. Interests tell you a lot about a personality. I just want to meet creative guys and don’t care whether their personalities match mine closely – opposites attract and sometimes you just want to learn things from the people you meet, which might change you over time anyway.

David

16 January 2010 17:01

It is refreshing to see that although not all comments are flattering to EH, they are still displayed, so it is nice to see an open forum. Maybe this is an idea for a new type of dating. I think some people would like to contact other ‘commentors’, but cannot because they do not show their EH nicknames. I must admit, I’m not interested in a lot of the questions you have to fill in. I am not a boring person, by the way, but I have read so many profiles, I have profile fatigue. At least with a picture you know more or less straight away whether or not you fancy someone, before you delve further. The difference comes if you meet someone face to face in everyday life, you don’t automatically think: I won’t talk to her, as I don’t find her attractive. Then there is the chance that you might actually hit it off, and bypass the ‘looks’. This has happened to me. This is I think the difficulty with dating sites, or maybe it’s just me. I do tend to go for looks, although I feel unattractive myself. I will only subscribe to a dating site if someone wonderful gives me a wink. Well, actually, if I find them very interesting. Having said that, one site keeps sending me emails saying this person wants to contact you. They are usually in their 20s, so I don’t fall for that. I am needless to say, much older, (so old that I have forgotten why I am on a dating site).It is just a ploy to get me to subscribe. I think there are an enormous number of un-successful people on this and most other dating sites, paying their money and hoping for love. It’s sad, but true

Charles Warner

17 January 2010 19:25

Where is “contact eHarmony”?
Why no “Do you like children?”?
Why no “Do you like dogs?”?

Paul

20 January 2010 17:56

I’ve been a member for just over a month so i can’t say i have come to any conclusions on this site yet. I’ve tried some other sites, i was on datingdirect for about 6 months and became very disheartened at the endless stream of photos with no substance behind them, to the point that i concluded some of them were merely ‘phantom’ profiles designed just to keep you subscribing. Although i agree that the majority of us make a judgement based on the first impressions of looks (ie the photo) i personally take the time to go at least one step beyond that and read the profile as well, and i think (and hope) that a lot of others do so too. If you don’t, or if you feel that filling out 100% of your profile is ‘boring’ or ‘a waste of time’ then i agree that this site is not for you and you should go join one of the sites that concentrate on looks as that is obviously more important to you.
Having been married to (and thankfully divorced from) an ’18 year old page 3 girl’ i can honestly say that looks are NOT everything. I am glad to have found a site that takes the time to create a personality profile, and having done other such ‘Briggs-Meyer style’ profiling i feel confident that behind even the strangest matches that EH posts to me there must be some conection. Having said that it must also be said that the profiling does rely on you being honest, both with yourself and those who will read your profile. If you are here then you must be looking for that significant other, so why waste both theirs and your own time? Fill in 100% of the profile, post a photo (even if its a bad one!), and if you don’t feel the match is what your looking for then close it, don’t leave people ‘dangling’ … we’re all here for the same reason, don’t be offended if someone closes a match on you, in the long run if they don’t feel a conection to you then its better to know that sooner rather than later. Peace and love and good luck in your search.

Gina

20 January 2010 22:20

I find it amazing how many people think that women are just after money! That’s not my experience of people. My best female friends have each married men who earn significantly less than them. What woman would want to date a man with such a negative opinion of women?

Also, both my sisters have met long term partners from dating sites – one with the first guy she contacted, and the other with a guy she only met up with on the offchance after a year of bad dates. They are both very much in love. It does happen!

Teresa

23 January 2010 14:50

I don’t mean to sound rude, but when I originally completed my eharmony personality profile, I included that physical attraction is important to me. I’m finding that most of my matches are not equal to me in looks. I am not a shallow person, but for the most part you can determine if you want to take the next step after seeing a few photos and reading the ‘About Me’ section. Most of the matches I have been given are unattractive or lacking a photo and with profiles filled with spelling mistakes. I have increased the importance of ‘Education’ in my settings, but there is not a setting to increase the level of perceived physical attractiveness as in the original questionnare. I believe in inner beauty as much as the next person, but with online dating, the photo is key. Help please!

Alexandra

24 January 2010 18:22

I’m not after money and I am after love. It’s hard to make that clear in your profile. I think we should all be a bit more honest and open minded. I am certainly speaking to more people on here than I do in day to day life so I am being positive. Even the excitement of someone writing to me is giving me hope. If you go into something with a negative attitude it doesn’t give off a good vibe. Let’s face it we are all here for more or less the same reason. I’m no oil painting but if you can’t see past that then it truly is a shame.

Bigsy

26 January 2010 00:03

hahahahaha….OMG.. emmm i’ve decided to comment on behalf of eHarmony based on no matches,no communications,good looking men and women,only 5 matches you’ve received so far,,,,, guys,guys,guys…. eHarmony is not like a restaurant, where you can place an order and they will tell you, your order madam/sir will take approximately 10-20 min… ya all got it wrong, eHarmony gives us an opportunity to meet compatibility matches, this is not like a traditional online dating that you use to, this is quality not quantity, we all waiting, that’s all we have to do, why want 100 matches were at the of the day you only gonna choose 1…. hopefully …… cheer up….lol

Ann

27 January 2010 01:32

How very sad you all sound. You would be really lucky to meet so many people in your day to day lives. If you are so disappointed with EH, why not take your sorry behinds down to the local nightclub and see how you fare.As for all this spelling stuff – get a life.I have an English degree and I am more interested if someone is kind and genuine rather than if they can spell it! I had 50 matches in the first week, of course not all the one, but all interesting in their own way. Enjoy the experience and stop whining.

Jennifer

29 January 2010 13:16

Some of these reviews do sound quite negative. I believe in this scientific approach on a fundamental level. I have had some physically good looking partners but have found that it doesn’t portray the real person, book and cover springs to mind. I think in order to find a lasting relationship you have to be truthfull to yourself and the matches your matches. This is my first time on dating sites and have been impressed so far. Yes loads of mathes but a quick glance at the initial profile indicates whether they are serious or not, if not 100% complete then maybe not for me.

Be open minded, forget looks and get a feel for the person, we all know deep down what is importantto us. Read Celestine Prophesy and good luck.

Helen

31 January 2010 15:22

Well I have had a great morning reading all the above comments. My experience of the site hasn’t exactly blown me away,but I don’t want to go on any of the others as they tend to be full of married men or people intent on showing parts of their anatomy that I would rather not see! so this seems a slightly better option. I’ve only been on a month and still finding my way. I’m assuming that matches are sent both ways, and if that is the case there are a lot of profiles on here that aren’t active as very few of my matches even view my profile. Therefore no replies. Fortunately, I am happy with myself and am not desperately searching for a partner, but having been single for the last two years it would be nice to think that I may have at least a date within the next two!! The rate it’s going on here I’m not so sure. Ha Ha. Good luck everyone.

Tom

1 February 2010 08:26

It’s been very interesting to read the feedback here.
I’ve been using EH for 3 months and have around 600 in my closed list, 150 new matches that I’ve got to sift through. I’ve got to communication stage with around 20 women, and maybe repeat communication with around 10. They’ve all gradually dropped off so I’ve got to go and do a big sort through the new matches.

The whole process is rather tedious and the website layout makes it more difficult that it should be.

It’s quite heartening to know that other people have been through the main dating sites and come away disappointed with them all. It’s so sad to think that 1000s of people are looking for a genuine relationship and are all struggling away in the same manner. Maybe real life is better after all.

Sarah

1 February 2010 23:28

I’ve just read all the comments. I too have mixed feelings. Thought would compile profile to look at other matches. I could see their photo… only when I coughed up my money. I went through a two week process of communication, which then closed. Disappointing. I really wish people would be more polite regarding icebreakers/ attempts to communicate. Its not hurting anyone if you close them. It’s helping them move on and find a match that does want them.

Bigsey

3 February 2010 12:39

hahaha if you don’t like eHarmony go to your local pub….lol

Nigel

8 February 2010 23:52

“Oh!Boy”I have just read all the comments, more interesting than some
of the profiles.I assumed your profile would not be shown until you paid ??
I tried an ice breaker, to dip my toe in.Money 1st. o.k. thats fine, I will wait a few days & view. They came in at 8 to 12 a day.Matches??? umh. The comment site, has made that one clear.
To all the Ladies who had my profile
and I did not reply, I apologize.
I have met a great Lady outside eharmoney.[it was a typing error,but I think I will leave it !] If it all
goes wrong I might be back. I would love to talk to some of thoes Ladies on the comment site.

Gill

9 February 2010 20:44

Not sure if I have done something wrong, but men are all older than me and some even 70 yr old. definately not my cup of tea

glenn

12 February 2010 02:31

i used to be a courier, so i believe that i have a fair idea of distances. My request was for matches within 30 miles of me . Due to a medical condition, i become uncomfortable driving more than this distance.SO ,WHY, WHY, OH WHY,does e.harmony seem to think that they have the power to shrink the world ????????.I live on the wilts/oxford border,,,yet some of my matches are only 30 miles away in NORTHERN SCOTLAND..!! Hence why, i will not be subscribing to this service. seems a bit pointless really !!

Sue

12 February 2010 14:25

Hi Everyone.

I’ve been on this website 1 week and have about 40 matches the 1s that post a photo I haven’t liked and I’m not 2 picky at least don’t think I am. I’ve put a photo up but I like people to get to know me for who I am and not for what I look like I’m not photogenic.I say give it time what else is there to do life is to short to be unhappy I believe there is someone for everybody so good luck in your search x

Sarah

16 February 2010 10:49

Pause for thought, is it not the beauty of getting to know people finding out who they are, how they got where they are, what take on life they have? We enrich each other by communicating and learning from one another…. In essence we should learn to respect that others are different and I don’t believe you can really match people by personality as it depends whether they have found whom they really are, and that is what dating does for you teaches.

I believe a picture can tell you more about a person that words, the conversation cements or disintegrates the connection…

Lilly

16 February 2010 20:42

I just can’t understand this site. I’m quite tall myself (6ft) and one of the major criteria is height. ESSENTIAL criteria, to be honest. Now it feels like I’m being spammed with all those matches, but it’s just a waste of time – I do not even read most profiles!!!
I really believe in matching based on some scientific reasearch, etc, but I’m not dating someone shorter – folks at eharmony simply don’t get it. Or they don’t want to get it. this is the second time I’ve joined eharmony in my life, and somehow it feels it’ll be the last. Angry.

hazel

17 February 2010 17:11

I just cannot understand why when you put on your profile that the age you put on and the age up to is why they always go over the age . And also if you put no children why you get matches with even though you don,t ask for children . One more thing is hight the hight you request
is not what you get . Why can.t we veiw photo for free , so if you do not like the look of the one with the profile you cqn delete it .

Helen B

17 February 2010 23:22

I believe this site (and finding true love) is about being honest. So you should find that Miss Average doesn’t go for Mr Gorgeous and vice versa. However, I’ve noticed that after being matched with some guys they miraculously update their profile. Is this genuine or are they manipulating their profile..? Also for girls especially it’s not always a good idea to show your best photos because as we all know we all don’t look our best 24 7 and this could be misleading.

Sarah

18 February 2010 22:26

Bigsey: spot on, mate.
I’ve had a lot of matches, respond to any that seem half-way reasonable, and have can split my matches into two types. Those who make an effort, and those who think eHarmony owes it to them to provide matches (and that I owe it to them to fall at their feet!)
I also check and amend my profile, and each time I get new matches. They are varied, but not ludicrously so. But then I was honest with my profile in the first place, so I’m not giving out conflicting information.

Shirley

27 February 2010 14:08

In the original article about varied matches EH comments that the questions we all answer help to sort out the “key dimensions” rather than the little items. Fair enough.

But therefore the issue of children must be given some attention by EH.
I agree with Charles (msg 65). There needs to be something above and beyond “wants children” and the rather nebulous not having children at home or they are over 18. The issue of maternity and paternity is huge – a key dimension.
For those that are looking for a partner with a view to a family it is essential. Men in that category are going to reject women who they believe are over the child-bearing age, so the proportion of matches for women on the site will drop at age about 45.
But equally there are the delightfully childless – the people who don’t see themselves having children or becoming a second Mum/Dad to someone elses.
Getting this sorted at the pre-profile stage would add some credibility to the science behind the matching as it isn’t an issue that can be considered trival or open to compromise.
I enjoy these boards more than the site because it proves there are some great, interesting people out there with challenging views and opinions.
However I do share the view expressed here that many people are cavalier about courtesy and fail to close matches/provide useful feedback. It does as others have suggest a lack of initial compatability as the moral compass should be pointing in a similar direction.

Dawn

3 March 2010 14:04

I’ve subscribed to eharmony and actually paid for a 3 month subscription. My only feedback is that many people on the site are not paid subscribers. I think there should be some sort of indicator to say if someone is a paid member or not. Otherwise many many emails and communications go out and are never answered because the other person can’t be bothered to pay the 35 quid a month. The matching system is interesting and does seem to work. I’m not looking for money nor power as a female. The idea is laughable as I am sensitive and caring and really looking for someone to settle down with after years of pursusing my own career. I would hope my matches weren’t looking for someone who’s gorgeous as people age and beauty fades. EHarmony seems to cater more toward people who are SERIOUS about forming lasting connections not just about hooking up with Mr/Miss right now. Looking forward to what comes of it anyway.

Nicky

7 March 2010 10:14

Wow, there is so much cynicism here! Maybe that’s why we’re all single?! The men think we women are all after money (I’ll freely admit that as a successful woman I look for the same in a man) and that we “project a false persona” (what’s the point in anything other than total honesty?) and the women are looking for a caring sensitive guy that in reality they’d quickly get bored with (or maybe that’s just me!). My biggest gripe about this site is that I filled in that I have a Masters degree and that educational level matters a great deal to me and so does gepgraphical location…and my few matches so far have been manual labourers from miles away!…hence why I have not been inspired to hand over any cash yet!

BoogieGirl

13 March 2010 09:58

After reading all the comments on this thread 2 weeks ago I tried an experiment – I’ve only been on the site for a few weeks, I get a few matches each day although I’ve notice they’ve now started sending me “flexible” matches, presumably because they’ve run out of the full kind.

I sent a photo request to every profile without one regardless of content, this was 60% of the matches left after those too far away had been removed I’d been given – only one has since loaded a picture, not one has got in touch or otherwise responded to say there is a reason they have no picture – I suspect none of them have actually subscribed.

All the ones that were further than an hour away by car I closed due to distance – about half of all new ones are 80 – 100 miles away which is a lot more than 60!!!

All those within an hour and with a photo I sent an ice breaker to, or if they really caught my eye a message.

One guy emailed me back.

In the last 6 days NO ONE has viewed my profile. On the week before only 4 views including anonymous one. So if they aren’t looking at my profile I can hardly take it personally.

I originally started reading this thread because I want to know why my matches aren’t more varied? Most of my matches are with bus drivers, LGV drivers, HGV drivers (so they’re all out working and not reading this site presumably!!) where given I was happily married to an IT guy for 20 years until I was widowed at 40, is it not reasonable to assume I’d see one or two in my matches that are similar. Not that I’m looking to replace him that’s not possible but presumably I’d match with some more cerebral professions not just drivers? not that I’m knocking drivers in any way!

I don’t plan to extend my membership as I just don’t think the base is big enough to find me the “one” I think the premise is a good one but given that the pond is so small, the chance the fish I want is here is too remote to be worth the fee.

Nick

27 March 2010 15:53

Definitely agree with the photos thing. Im a bit fed up of having matches with no photos all the time and lets face it, we all want to have some idea of what someone looks like before communicating dont we?

David-Carms

14 April 2010 08:04

Hi To All, Re-payed up members.I have not payed a subscription because ALL matches I have had, have been ‘flexible’-as I perceive,looking at each match-no sparkling matches that jump out and grab me by the throat,and the matches are from all over the country when distance would be an issue, so why pay for matches that ar’nt there?-how many levels are there ? yes I am real but,I cant contact any of the ‘flexibles’ and explain-its not a problem with you, but incompatability with one or more things and not ‘fault’.I will continue to look for that sparkle..who knows ?

Amanda

16 April 2010 11:07

Hi, I have joined, and whilst there is a big problem on the height front (Im 5’11 so a 5′ guy from anywhere is never going to work) my biggest “not impressed with” is actually the choice of reasons youre not suitable boxes when you close a match.. Id never be quite that brutal and it really needs a youre just not my type box or a not enough info to make any sort of decision box.. three word profile sections isnt exactly selling yourself is it guys? and so many shy people… with no photos.

Jenny

24 April 2010 18:14

I agree with a lot of the comments, things that are actually important to me like age difference and height seem to be completely disregarded, I get so many matches most of which dont sound compatable at all, all of which are flexible. I would rather have a few matches that are based on compatability and the information I gave. I am now very sceptical of this site and its advertising, I feel its quite misleading.

Ben

14 May 2010 01:11

after joining today and answering the questions as best as i could i received 5 ‘matches’ in a 60 mile radius and tbh was kinda disappointed there were not more people i was matched with.i dont expect miracles but thought it would be slightly more.

after being less strict with my searches and making the distance to all of UK along with various tweaks still received only 5 matches (all the same ones)

unless i said i wasnt bothered about anything on every question i answered i really dont know how the ‘new search’ or the questions u have to answer at the start bare any relevance to your ‘personl’ search……now feeling ripped off and annoyed.

eharmony

14 May 2010 09:38

Hi Ben,

Thanks for posting. We’ve passed on your query to our Customer Care team who will be able to address some of your concerns. They will be in touch within 48 hours.

Alternatively, you can check out our FAQs here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/home

Or call us, for free, on 0800 028 0308.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Claire

11 September 2010 18:52

I have only recently joined eHarmony and have not yet subscribed. I have to say that I am not impressed so far!
When I was filling in what felt like hundreds of pages of questions asking my opinion about everything under the sun, how important various things are to me and how I feel about myself and others, I expected to be matched with a few like-minded men.
However, it appears that I am being matched with anyone of the right age who lives within the distance limits which I specified, regardless of anything else which is in their profile or mine, e.g. I specified that I don’t like sport, but I have been matched with several men who say that they are passionate about it.
I don’t think the eHarmony “system” takes any notice of anything that we put in our profiles or any of our answers to the millions of questions that we are asked when we join….I think it’s just a postcode / age match!!
Also, why is there no provision to state your situation / preferences re pets? I have a phobia of dogs so there is no way that I could contemplate any sort of relationship with someone who has a dog, but I have been matched with several men who have dogs which they actually mention in their profile. Not to mention those who have a dog but have not mentioned it!
I don’t think I will be subscribing to this site if that is their view of”compatibility”. I would rather take my chances on a “regular” dating site, where I can choose my own “matches”.

vivien

19 September 2010 00:20

To Maria (with relation to her comments towards Grahem)

In my opinion, that was a rather harsh adn opinionated message you left for Graeme there. He was perfectly entitled to his opinion, and the fact that your opinion perhpas differs from his, does not make him a bad person because he “can not spell”. In “my opinion”, you come accross as arogant, and insecure. I am a bad speller, but as far as Im aware, not dislexic, and also, rather intellegent. To add to that, I am also a very loving and caring person, and I do not agree on people picking on others and trying to make them feel lesser about themselves.
We are all on the same page..level.. wether we can spell or not, and wether we have an opinion that you agree in or not.
Over and out,

Vivien

eHarmony review er

21 September 2010 22:21

One way we have found to further focus the matches that users are sent it for them to use the “settings” feature in the home page, and use this to narrow down the scope of potential partners that are sent through.

We would suggest that doing this little bit of “account house keeping” on your own settings page would help the eharmony system to pinpoint more relevant matches, and maybe help bring you closer to your ideal partner just that little bit sooner.

tanith

19 July 2011 04:38

Every single one of the matches I’ve been sent so far is so unsuitable for me as to be laughable! I can’t stand kids, but am sent matches with committed family men; I am a passionate advocate of animal rights, but am matched with people who love blood sports; I like glamour and parties but get stay-at-home television watchers; I like rebels but get dedicated career men. Overall, I’m not seeing at all how these people can be deeply compatible!

100

Jayne

29 June 2012 13:51

“I have received over 30 matches”?

You lucky thing, if only e-harmony was as selective for me. In the last 2 weeks I have waded through over 400 matches, and have found a few interesting people, but I would like it to be possible to screen out matches on my own criteria – not on what some algorithm thinks i want and don’t want!

101

eHarmony

29 June 2012 14:40

Hi Jayne,

You can filter your matches based on lots of different criteria such as location, or whether or not they smoke. You’ll find this under ‘My Settings’. If you have any questions you can call us for free on 0800 028 0308.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

102

Sharon

16 July 2012 18:04

I am disappointed in this site. Mainly for the lack of matches close to my criteria. I can not believe that there aren’t any people from around where I live on this site. I am well miffed about paying so much to join too if this is as good as it gets.
I would not recommend it to any of my friends.
Just a scam and I am not happy at all!

103

James

24 August 2012 00:34

@graham
I have no money or power, although I’m not ugly, sort of average looking i suppose. Nowhere on my profile does it say that I have those things. However I still get plenty of matches and the women talk to me. Maybe no one will talk to you because you can’t/won’t spell properly? Or your profile is terrible? Or both? For the record I’m a student, 29 years old, having to live with my Dad, and I have a child. Guess personality goes a long way…

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