Guided Communication explained

24 November 2009

by eHarmony

eHarmony's Guided Communication feature is just one of the things that makes it stand out from other online dating sites. Find out more about it here.

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The great thing about online dating is that you can get to know your matches before deciding whether to meet them. The eHarmony Guided Communication feature is designed to make this process simpler, and help you make that all-important decision.

You may have noticed that eHarmony is different from other dating sites, and our Guided Communication process is just one part of what makes us stand out. It is designed to make you feel safe and confident when you’re getting to know someone. To help you work out if Guided Communication is right for you, we’ve outlined how it works below, and the benefits you can expect from it.

1. Read through their ‘About Me’
When you receive a match from us, take the time to read through their ‘About Me’ page. We know there’s a temptation to skim read things, especially online, and especially if you have lots of matches to read through, but you never know what might spark your interest. Remember that your matches have been chosen for their compatibility with you, and your first impressions may be wrong.

Any match worth a look will have taken the time to fill out their profile carefully, but at the same time don’t expect to love every element of a match’s About Me description. As long as there’s something there that make you think ‘I want to know more about this person’, then you’re on the right track. That’s where the next step of Guided Comms comes in – you can send your chosen match(es) their first round of questions, and start to get to know them properly.

2. First round of questions
In this stage, we provide you with a bank of simple, yet informative questions for you to choose from to ask your match. Pick the five you think will tell you the most about your match; the questions could shed light on their communication style or maybe how they’d react to certain situations. They should help you get to know your match, in a low pressure situation. When your match replies, they will send you their five questions so you can reciprocate.

3. Specify your ‘Must Haves’ and ‘Can’t Stands’
Most people have certain relationship absolutes. It might be that you will not consider dating a smoker, but your match has to want children. This is not the same as drawing up a shopping list and applying it until you meet the perfect man or woman – it is just the acceptance that we all have deal breakers, and by ignoring those, we run the risk of starting a relationship with someone who will ultimately be unsuitable. You choose these when you set up your profile, but can edit them at any time. At this stage, you should send them to your match, who will send their own Must Haves and Can’t Stands back.

4. Second round of questions
The final part of Guided Communication is to send three open-ended questions to your match. You can send your own, if you have something specific you’d like to ask, or choose from our list of thought provoking questions – whichever you prefer. These can help you dig deeper into the things you’ve started to discover about your match such as their values and hopes for the future.

Open Communication
Open Communication is a free form way of communicating with your matches after you’ve completed Guided Communication together. You can send each other messages on any subject you’d like as you start to really get to know each other. Remember that if you are at all nervous, this stage is still completely anonymous. Try to carry through anything you’ve learnt during Guided Communication, and if you need more tips check out our ‘Six online dating email dos and don’ts’ article.

Do I have to go through Guided Communication?
Not at all – some users prefer to skip straight to the messaging stage, bypassing Guided Communication. To do this, request to communicate with your match via eHarmony Mail – this will send your initial message at the same time. If they accept, you will meet in Open Communication and go from there.

In our experience some matches prefer Guided Communication, and if this is the case you will receive a message telling you this. The next step is up to you, but we would urge you to take the opportunity – you never know where it may lead.

Rating: 6.9/10 (43 votes cast)

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Comments

karen gordon

23 December 2009 11:58

you have sent matches aged 75 yrs..unsuitable..i am thinking of joining,but when had free days no-one has replyed to me it cannot be guarunteed.I have joined agencys before and you do not get replys.your site seems a little complicated to me.

Helen

31 December 2009 17:11

Your site is very complicated! Your nmatches have been way out I am 53 and have been matched with a 68year old! It is not what I was led to believe and haveing read other comments similar to mine perhaps the site needs to become more user friendly?

eharmony

4 January 2010 10:36

Hi there Helen,

Thank you for your comments. We have forwarded your queries onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch shortly.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Felicia

10 January 2010 12:44

I have repeatedly specified my Must Haves/Can’t Stands, saving changes each time but not only do they still show as unchecked whenever I review, but my profile, as a result, also shows as incomplete. I didn’t see this issue in the Help Topics. Could you clarify if I’m doing something wrong or if it takes time to update?

eharmony

11 January 2010 10:54

Hi Felicia,

Thank you for your query about eHarmony. We have passed on your question to our dedicated Customer Care team. They should respond to you via email in the next 24-48 hours.

If you have any more queries, please contact our Customer Care team here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask/kw/contact/r_id/166

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Barry

15 January 2010 23:03

I’m inclined to agree with Felicia’s remarks, e Harmony need to sort out their system so that we don’t have to change everything just because we look at our profile.

cheshire_candy

24 March 2010 11:11

I’m sort of new to e-harmony and am only just deciding to take it seriously. After reading the list of complaints and the usual insensitive referrals to “Customer Services” I cannot help wondering if this site is really that different from other match making sites and if I should consider subscribing?
I really had high hopes after reading the success stories. Can someone give me a reason to stay? Searching for Mr right is exhausting enough without the disappointments of a system that doesn’t seem to work as well as it is believed to.

Joanna

24 March 2010 13:18

I have gone through the reams of questions, preferences and ‘must haves’, to see that you have to spend a fortune to be sent six matches two of which are out of my age range and all are only one or two inches taller then me when I have stated that height is an issue. Why can’t I state how tall I would like my match to be. I am 5’8″ and would like someone over 6′ please! Not paying any money yet.

Jude

24 March 2010 19:38

Tend to agree with above. Are there any people alive on this site. Not one response for a photo or message. Find it frustrating when you don’t even know if the matches have been online in the last 12 months. Are my matches given my details at the same time? all seems a bit complicated so far and feel I could have spent my money better. Shame because I found the question sections quite interesting.

Paul kelly

24 March 2010 19:53

The Matches are fine people but none live even close to my city.

cheshire_candy

25 March 2010 10:05

Well that’s that then. Eharmony must not be for me. It may seem as though I’m not doing too badly as 3 of my matches are within the right height specifications but you will not believe just how much i’ve had to compromise to find 3 matches of the right height. I’m unmoved. I feel I may have better luck elsewhere. What’s more, eharmony have given no explanation. Not even an automated response directing me to customer services. I’m a little miffed

eharmony

25 March 2010 10:29

Hi there,

Thanks for your query – I am sorry that you are not getting the most from your eHarmony experience. I will be happy to pass your comments onto Customer Care, who will be able to help you get the most from your profile. Alternatively you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308, or email them using the following link:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask

You will also find answers to any frequently asked questions here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/home

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

eharmony

25 March 2010 10:37

Hi Jude,

Thanks for your comments. If you wish you can call our free phone Customer Care team you can do on 0800 028 0308. Alternatively you can email them here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask

They will be able to answer any questions you have and hopefully help improve your eHarmony experience.

You will also find answers to many frequently asked questions here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/home

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Mike

25 March 2010 21:04

How about’s eH actually responding to the queries here so we can all see the reasons why peeps getting a raw deal rather than the bog standard , call centre type response ……

cheshire_candy

25 March 2010 22:52

I’m with you on that Mike.
Lol. It would make a lot of sense. It may even be better if this was the actual eharmony match page.

I’m 28, never married, no kids and live in Manchester. Wanna go for coffee?

eharmony

26 March 2010 10:28

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your question – if we do get any general questions we’re happy to answer them here, but often readers’ queries are about their personal accounts. In this case we pass them onto Customer Care as they can view individual accounts and give specific answers and advice.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Mike

27 March 2010 11:51

I beg to differ
The questions which come up time and time and again are
1) Why can’t we see how old the matches are, as some of us believe many are ghost profiles which haven’t been used for ages
2) Why can’t we just elect to get matches with pictures
3) Why do eH allow pictures of groups
4) Why can’t we close from the matches list page , rather than have to trawl through the match when it is obvious not within our criteria (ie age/location)

We keep being told these matters are being referred to somewhere, but you refuse to give a valid answer why you cannot change these things , every other paying site I have used or heard of has these options/functions and doesn’t allow group pictures , pictures of two women or a shot of a woman from 200yds ….So I and others would be interesting to hear your reasons . Oh and these questions are not member specific

Mike

27 March 2010 11:55

Cheshire

I’m 47 , never been wed, no sprogs live in Herts and I don’t drink coffee

Most of the peeps who have been on here , a few who have linked up have moved to a chat site , must get round to registering on it

Ruth

27 March 2010 19:52

Well having been a paying eharmony member for some months now, I suspect most of the “matches” I get are non-paying as out of 100 matches (most of whom are either too far away our outside my reasonable age range) only 4 would fit in terms of age and location. Out of these 100 only one has initiated communication, and this never progressed beyond the first stage, I have tried to initiate communication with about half my matches beleiving I have been matched for some reason and we must have things in common, and received only 2 responses, again never progressing beyond the initial stages. I’m giving it another month, then I think I’ll be giving up!

john

27 March 2010 23:03

ive not signed up yet. As there is no option for chosing matches in my area or close.
and u cant search for anyone! And based the site so far and the members issues above i still not convinced to part with my cash.

John

claire

28 March 2010 15:31

just wanted to say something positive on here! i have been very happy with eHarmony and have recieved a lot of matches which definately match my criteria, and i really like the way communication is set up it has been a benneficial eperience for me so far. if anything i would prefer less matches as i seem to get about 8 a day!!

cheshire_candy

29 March 2010 01:26

Hi Mike. I actually don’t drink coffee either. It just seemed like a cool sort of thing to say. Lol.
You mentioned chat sites earlier…it seems like the next step but I always find the conversations get too fruity much too quickly in chat rooms. I’m a Google mailer and use the chat facilities there but I still find the singles are more sex orientated.
I really do feel as though I’d be making a mistake if I subscribed to eharm, especially after receiving another match who would suit an entirely different woman altogether. I’m signing out for good today. Perhaps i’ll bump into you in a chat room somewhere or on Google.
Good luck finding love
Mylollii (cheshire_candy)

Gina

29 March 2010 04:13

Very good article.

I feel if a person is dismissed because of say 2 inches in height when all else is OK, one will be looking for a diamond in a large haystack for a long time.

However, I’m new and do not know how to alter my musthaves and cant stands. I myself do not know what they are! Someone closed me because he felt they were incompatible with his. If they mean no smoking (I dislike smoking very much but not enough to rule a person out with an occasional ciggy). I’m and ex 200 a week smoker 20 years ago and
theyre the most intolerant!!

A general comment on how to do this would be great that is indexed somewhere so we can fnd it quickly.

I was very pleased with my perspective “profiles”

Gina

eharmony

29 March 2010 10:35

Hi Gina,

Thanks for your query. Your ‘Must haves’/'Can’t stands’ are a list of traits, values etc. that are very important to you in a relationship – deal breakers, if you like. An example of a ‘Must have’ would be: ‘Chemistry: I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.’ An example of a ‘Can’t stand’ would be: ‘Anger: I can’t stand someone who can’t manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.’ You can choose your list of ten must haves and ten can’t stands in your settings. To do so, follow these steps:

1. Log into your profile and click on the ‘About me’ tab
2. Go to the ‘Must have’ tab and choose your ten must haves, then click ‘Save and continue’
3. Repeat this process for the ‘Can’t stand’ tab
4. You can change your must haves and can’t stands at any time but going to each tab and clicking ‘Change selection’

You exchange and review this list with your matches at Stage 2 of Guided Communication, after you have swapped your initial questions. These are separate from your ‘Personal Preferences’ which show matches your views on smoking, drinking etc. These can be found and edited under your ‘My Settings’ tab.

You’ll find more information about Must haves/Can’t stands here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/answers/detail/a_id/2384/kw/%22must%20have%20can%27t%20stand%22/r_id/166

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Jennifer

29 March 2010 17:30

I completed my profile a few months back but decided not to subscribe. I’ve now subscribed but what is really disappointing is that the most interesting and attractive looking matches are “closed” to me – they’ve been closed between me completing the profile and me subscribing! This seems like a particularly odd state of affairs. You have the men on here, I’ve paid my money but now I can’t access them! It’s a ludicrous way of doing things!

Mike

29 March 2010 17:36

John

You can specify location of matches by going into preferences , obviously being too percriptive reduces results

Cheshire

I don’t do chat rooms either , a few of the peeps who posted on here have moved to a chat room set up by one

eharmony

30 March 2010 10:28

Hi there Jennifer,

Thanks for your query. If a match has closed you, you still have another opportunity to communicate with them:

1. Locate the match in your ‘Communicating’ tab and click ‘Read closed message’.
2. On the next page you will be able to read the reason your match has closed you. As a subscriber you also have the option here to send your match a final message. You can choose your message from one of 5 pre-written messages, ranging from simply wishing them good luck in their search, to informing your match you’ve posted more photos since they closed you. This can often prompt a match to re-evaluate your profile and re-open communication.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

dave

31 March 2010 02:33

i wrote words yesterday where are they

Mike (the other one again)

31 March 2010 13:05

Hi Mike!

Nice to hear from you … hope the holiday was good!

Mike.

Mike

31 March 2010 23:14

I have had a response from eH re my queries @17 basically not planning to change anything.
The reason for not showing how recent the profiles are is to protect the members,?? so we ( until my membership expires) will just have to put up with replying to people that have probably long since gone.
Re photos as long as someone fills in a caption stating which one of the two or more they are , perfectly fine and they believe one should have the opportunity to scroll through loads of profiles that are well out of ones criteria before one can close them , and you wonder why I won’t be renewing , haven’t the time to waste, other sites may not match ones wants/dislikes etc but at least one can weed out the chaff , contact members direct and choose to see peeps with pictures !!!

Jennifer

1 April 2010 09:51

I have updated my profile with other photo’s and changed my primary picture but it won’t change on the profile, what am I doing wrong!

eharmony

1 April 2010 10:01

Hi Jennifer,

To ensure all member photos adhere to our photo guidelines (correct size, appropriate subject matter etc) they are approved by our Customer Care team. This can mean they take up to 48 hours to appear on your profile. If your photos have not appeared within 48 hours please contact our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308. Alternatively, you can email them here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

keisha

3 April 2010 14:42

WOW
I am new the site and have been in two minds whether or notto subscribe. I have found the site a little complicated to use too, I thought it was just me but obviously NOT.
Thanks everyone I think I will save my money and go else where.

4 April 2010 22:53

Well, yesterday I signed up to this site for 6 months – though I may not have done, had I read the comments on this page first! (This is the first time I have used a dating site.) However, much of the information in the comments, has been very useful, if a little depressing. Already,I have had 14 matches, 2 closures and have closed one match. I don’t know what the next 6 months will bring – though I’m not optimistic as I do not live in mainland UK and all my matches do. Nevertheless, I have sent an ice breaker to each remaining match and am determined to give this a chance. I would love it to be successful, but if not, what’s the worst thing that will have happened? I’ll have spent £90 – some people spend that on a night out in the club/pub. I have read some quite heartwarming/funny/interesting profiles and it’s good to know some people still believe in romance, love and passion. I may feel very differently in a few months time, but don’t burst this optimistic bubble for me yet!

Michelle

6 April 2010 00:37

What is the main reason for people not making their photo available to everyone? I find this frustrating and just ignore all of those matches. And why are photos are allowed where you the person’s face takes up 1/20th of the photo – ie impossible to tell what they actually look like. Other dating sties don’t allow this. So far unimpressed with this site, and feel like I have wasted my money. And it’s the most expensive one I’ve tried!

Bridget

6 April 2010 13:41

Ok I have now cancelled my membership as I believe there are too many ghost profiles out there. Surely people can’t decide not to look at my profile on my name alone.I’ve wasted money but hey,I’ve got better things to do. So, to make sure that people don’t get my ghost profile I’ve made myself a 3ft plumber and insisted that I have a 100% match. Hopefully any 3ft plumbers out there won’t be too diappointed.
Good to see this ‘chat room’ carried on after EH changed the profile.

Mike

7 April 2010 22:17

Hiya peeps

You lot feel the same way I do , eH are losing a lot of business due to not listening and changing things , these sites are word of mouth and I have a large group of single mates who I have told to save their money or pay a bit more and join a proper agency….At most this malarky is a bit of fun, but due to the hit and miss %’s of actually messaging people that are still alive or current , not seeing what they look like due to no or rubbish pictures and no simple way of closing people , all too much effort. eH need to realise many of us are professionals who haven’t the time to waste and just want a simple system that gives provides members they may actually hear from with decent pictures, all the other Q&A stuff is icing on the cake and no point if you are asking it of the long departed ………..Plenty of other sites out there that offer this.

Mike

7 April 2010 22:32

Michelle

To answer your question the main reason is the person is just having a dabble with the site ( usually a very limited pen picture as well) and has probably long since gone, other reasons are fear of being spotted by colleagues or the wife , there are a small few who haven’t a scanner or can’t upload a picture , but I never bother with anyone without a picture I just waste more of my time scrolling and hitting buttons and just close them!!

Rach

7 April 2010 23:50

Bugger!! signed up yest but didnt read these! Seems my inital thought on these sites was almost right! thought was just sad weirdos but like me are geniune people loooking for new interests but get sucked in by these sites! Rather have spen 90 quid on night out – at least wouldnt remember who bad it was!!!
have 6 mths so may have to eat my words but unsuer by previous comments1 opps! back to the beer fuled approach!……

Suzz

8 April 2010 15:13

I too wish I hadn’t paid up…I have been on various dating sites over the years and usually get SOME response…So, surely I cannot be THAT bad looking / sounding.

I have about 200 ‘matches’ so far and sent out many icebreakers and a couple of emails…I have had exchange of questions with only 1 man from this!!

My self esteem has gone down thinking that I must be putting people off from my picture or profile. (It hasn;t really but if I was less confident/less thick skinned it definately would.

How many active male profiles are there on this site?

What is the male / female ratio?

Please post answers to these non-profile specific questions on here eH.

Thanks

Mike

8 April 2010 17:51

Rach

Suck it and see you may be one of the small % of people it works for , as long as you have the patience to do it and can sort the wheat from the long wilted chaff.
I have over 2000 closed matches, most with no pics , I suspect many went long ago, a friend does have a theory re the hundreds of brief profiles with no pictures , I’ll let you figure it out;-)

Make sure though if you decide not for you you cancel the subscription otherwise will be automatically re-billed, if you cancel now it will just expire in 6mths

eharmony

9 April 2010 09:52

Suzz, we’re sorry to hear that you are off to a slow start with our service. Don’t forget you can contact our Customer Care team, who can give you input on your match settings and make other suggestions to help increase your success. Their number is 0800 028 0308.

Also, we suggest that when you reach out to a match you are especially interested in that you go ahead and initiate Guided Communication. This helps you to give your match more information about you than they get from an Icebreaker, while also opening the conversation by giving them something specific to respond to, so this can help you get more communication back from your matches.

We hope that this is helpful to you and that you’ll be able to employ these tips to see better results from our service moving forward.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

kirstie

5 August 2010 20:44

Why when you send an email does it SOMETIMES say its sent and others not, i dont know if i guy who i have been chatting to has reseaved it or not, or even if it has been sent, sometimes it says “waiting for a responce” other “said him an email” i already have- so does that mean that it hasnt sent, i dont want to keep trying to send it because if he is getting them i will look like a nutter! can someone please fill me in.

eharmony

6 August 2010 10:31

Hi Kirstie,

Thanks for your query. I’ve forwarded it onto our Customer Care team so that they can check your account and make sure that your emails are getting sent properly. You can expect a response from them within 48 hours.

Alternatively, if you want a quicker answer you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308, Mon-Fri, 8am-8pm

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

linda

9 August 2010 20:22

after reading all those comments i dont think i’ll bothert thanks guys ,, good luck anyway xx

debbie

16 August 2010 20:27

I registered on E harmony a few months ago, and only just subscribed 3 days ago. After reading these comments I really wish I hadnt wasted my money,especially as there may be ‘ghost’ profiles. I do find the communication process confusing,and Iam unsure as to what information they are using to create a ‘match’ as none of mine so far have been of any interest to me.

Richard

19 August 2010 10:46

WHY would anyone wish to have auto renewal at the end of the 3 month period, Is this a life long kind of process ? If i havnt found someone within 3 months i think either the site isnt working or i should forget about it.
These comments are making me wonder about the accuracy 2 % claim..

Steve

23 August 2010 18:40

if people wanted to renew after 3 months then there wouldn’t be the need for the auto renewal system – it’s there ‘cos they hope you’ll forget to cancel it. if the ‘product’ they offered was worth extending past 3 months then there wouldn’t be the need to “auto” renew.

Andy

26 August 2010 09:42

I too am wondering whether to subscribe. I appreciate that maybe this service does not work for everyone and there will be some disgruntled customers. However after reading the above eHarmony has given not a direct answer to any question most of which do not affect privacy. Could it be they can’t answer the questions without revealing the packaging is nothing like the product???? I invite eHarmony to reply.

eharmony

26 August 2010 10:10

Hi Andy,

Thanks for your question. Regarding responding to customer queries in this thread, and elsewhere on the Advice site, it is generally a question of practicality that we don’t always answer user queries.

Our Advice site team don’t have access to the tools our Customer Care team use to view and troubleshoot user accounts. A large proportion of the queries we have on the Advice site are often related to queries specific to customer accounts, and we wouldn’t be able to give very helpful answers!

In some cases a user asks a ‘How does this work?’ type question, and we’ll happily answer that based on our knowledge of the working of eHarmony.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Andy

26 August 2010 10:38

Thank you for confirming that it is practical for example, for you to automatically take funding from your customers by way of card payment but not practical to answer valid questions relating to what they feel they have paid for!!! Mmmm

Chez

27 August 2010 20:21

i’ve not joined as yet and have been very lucky in getting over 200 responses with quite a few ice breakers atc… i’m still cautious and am pleased to have the free wk end to go a little further with it… its a good site but a bit pricey, as a single mum i dont earn alot and i think there needs to be a better paying plan to cope better rather than lump sums…

Cate

29 August 2010 12:02

On the free weekend trial, thought long and hard, won’t be signing up. All this ghost profile business I don’t have the time or motivation.

I am one of the people who dosen’t know how to upload a picture but have a suggestion to eh other websites offer the facility of messaging a pic.

Well good luck to eveyone in your quest to find a friend, partner what ever you are looking for.

Again than you for the comments glad I have’t wasted my money.

Beth, Salisbury

29 August 2010 21:52

Thanks comment posters for confirming my experience of this site is not just being me being thick! It is complicated and I can’t match for height of all the basic things!! At 5’9″ I’m proud of every inch, yes I’m heightist!! I haven’t parted with dosh yet and will now leave it a while and consider further. I’ve had a message already, but can’t work out how to reply even though this weekend is being promoted as “free communications” so it should be straightforward. Or perhaps it’s a con to get us to sign up? So, Geoff from Bournemouth if you read this I’m sorry but blame a disorganised site.

Steve

31 August 2010 17:45

whatever floats your boat – if you want tall men then you’re entitled to have that selection/filter but I do think on a site like this you have very little response anyway so each filter narrows your options down massively. if you want to select someone within a reasonable drive of where you live then you may have to compromise on height.

Kelly

1 September 2010 18:47

Oh dear I have just paid for 3 months! Maybe i should have read this first. Only registered last night so will let you know how I get on..fingers crossed

Amy

1 September 2010 21:06

Just wanted to say I am a happy user of the site. I’ve only been a member a couple of days, but I have plenty of matches to choose from (although I have left my options quite open). I’m a younger member and am happy to take my time with this, I don’t expect to find the man of my dreams in 3 months, or even on this site, it’s just another way to meet people. I haven’t found the site hard to use, but I do wish I could close/archive a match straight from the match list. I look at every single one’s profile, but when I’m narrowing down this would be a good feature. Also a thumbnail image on the list would be good, so I can remember who is who!

Cat

1 September 2010 21:20

I am in the main happy with this site (I can’t blame eharmony for the non replies of potential matches). However, the height thing confuses me. It asks for my height, then asks how important my matches height is to me but it doesn’t ask in what way my matches height is important to me. My height is 5ft 6in and I want to meet men with a minimum height of 5ft 10in, preferably around the 6ft mark but I can’t specify the height range/give a minimum height that my match should be. All I can say is that it’s important to me.

Steve, manchester

6 September 2010 16:57

Cat – if you narrow it down on only men over 5ft 10 you’re wasting your time – you’ll be lucky if you get any subscribers in your matches – if you then only want 5ft 10 you’ll have an even shorter short list! forgive the pun. And I haven’t any axe to grind here ‘cos I’m 5ft 10! I noticed a profile today saying she wants 5ft 11 or above – I think people need to get real!

Cat

8 September 2010 19:14

Funnily enough Steve I do get quite a lot of matches who are 5ft 10in or above. My problem isn’t height more the fact that most of my matches don’t answer me if I do send them questions/email. One did at least shut the match the other day, when most don’t even do that.

On the bright side this isn’t the only dating site I’m a member of and I do have a date tomorrow with someone on another site.

Steve, manchester

9 September 2010 13:21

You’re having the same problem that I think everyone else on here has commented about – matches who don’t reply/respond. Even after emailing the small few who are responding, I find they are often half heartedly using the site and often do a disappearing act either after getting my phone number or after I ask when are we meeting up?! perhaps they’re not really quite fully single!

Christopher Redmond

12 September 2010 20:41

A general question to eHarmony which I think is a primary concern with members, and if eHarmony really are interested in what their customers want I suggest they at least consider this issue.

I’ve sent messages to a couple of my matches, and some days later they still haven’t even looked at my profile.
Now if my profile is checked out and I get no response that’s life and I’ve no problem, but it defies logic that somebody who is single and paying to use a match-making website will totally ignore one of their matches who wants to make contact.

Like others, I think these individuals are no longer active but it shouldn’t be left to guesswork.

On other sites they make sure members can check when any other members last visited the site, and eHarmony seems alone in not providing this very simple indication of whether a member is still active.

Apart from this one issue I’m actually very happy with the number of matches I receive and would recommend it to others.

In fact my only other criticism is the fact that while I only have one glass of wine with a meal most days, this is still classed as ‘drinking’ and so strictly speaking I ‘drink several times a week’ making me seem like a alcoholic(!).

Best,
Chris.

Curly

17 September 2010 12:48

Here is the logical answer to the nagging question in everyone’s minds: Are many of the people registered with eHarmony ghosts? Judging from sifting through the comments here, it seems many people register and then wait to see what happens before paying. They are the ghosts. You can receive match information about them and they cannot reply without paying. Some of them are just window shopping. On the other hand, they cannot see your pix, even if you have paid. It seems eHarmony is trying to lure these unpaid members in by sending them dozens of ‘matches’ which may or may not be paid. Paid members are also send unpaid members’ profiles as matches which is frustrating. Solutions: 1) Allow unpaid members to view pix of matches as other sites do. This will entice more unpaid members to join and reduce the number of ghosts. 2) Never send unpaid matches to paid members.
To eHarmony: I am available as a consultant with reasonable fees.

21 September 2010 22:05

I have emailed two different guys over the last two months, we have emailed almost every other day, then after about 2 weeks they don’t respond. It seems in both cases on the 15th day the communication stops. Is there a fault or restriction on how long you can email each other? seems bizarre if there is and I can’t see it stated anywhere. Or is it that it takes two weeks for them to decide they aren’t interested after all????? confused…..

eharmony

22 September 2010 10:17

Hi CB,

Thanks for your query. I can confirm there’s no restriction on how long you can email a match for (as long as you are both subscribers).

If you’d like some advice on communicating with matches our Customer Care team are always happy to help. You can call them 8am-8pm, Mon-Fri on: 0800 028 0308

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Steve, manchester

22 September 2010 10:39

CB, I suggest it means their subscription ran out, or they met someone, or they were too rude to let you know where you stand – at the very least they should click on ‘close’ so you know to move on. And I’d suggest you dont just email 2 guys at a time – email everyone you think is potential dating material or all your matches – because only a fraction will reach the meet up stage.

marion cox

25 September 2010 18:17

I am finding this website really complicated to use compared to others I have seen – or am I just being stupid?And why do I get matched up with people who are way older than me and live a long way from my town. I really don’t want to travel for an hour to meet up with someone! I was hoping for good thins after all the ads on TV but am glad I’ve ony signed up for a month.

eharmony

27 September 2010 09:34

Hi Marion,

Thanks for your query – I’ve forwarded your comment onto our Customer Care team. They will be able to help you adjust your settings so that you can receive matches to your specifications.

They will be in touch within 48 hours via email.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Kathryn

27 September 2010 21:38

I really do find the whole thing rather tricky. I have sent Ice breakers what for ?? Not sure how I know if anyone has responded!!! Either I am an idiot and gross or some of my matches do not exist

Steve, manchester

28 September 2010 10:58

can you send an ice breaker if you aren’t a subscriber?

and dont worry, we all get loads of lack of response. I’m starting to wonder if these people who setup profiles are married or not completely out of their previous relationship.

Steve, manchester

1 October 2010 16:52

I think it’s a free weekend this weekend so you should get a bit more communication.

Fran

10 October 2010 10:12

EHarmony obviously need to sharpen up their act – especially as they charge so much more to subscribe than other agencies.

Agree with the comments made by others that they need to allow the ‘ghosts’ to see pictures of prospective matches.

As a ‘ghost’ myself, I am very reluctant to sign up at the moment. I am being sent matches for people who live hundreds of miles away (even though I have specified no more than 30). I am also being sent matches for men in their late 60′s/early 70′s (again not specified). I know I’m getting on a bit myself, but I think I have to draw the line at dating pensioners!

Also, I don’t like the guided communication section. Why can’t you opt for this and indicate it in your profile? It seems to me there is too much faffing about on this site …..

I suggest EHarmony put on a special deal – 3 months for the price of one. That should kickstart things for everyone on this forum who is experiencing problems.

Steve, Manchester

10 October 2010 23:06

I live guided communication – other site are like meat markets where hardly any questions are asked and it’s just about the photo whereas guided forces people to make an effort to get to know the other person.

Rosemarie

1 November 2010 21:51

Do you have to subscribe to use guided communication?
I want to reply to a potential match but dont want to pay for a subscription if its a non-starter – and it seems I cant do this unless I pay???
It also means that the person who has sent me the questions wont get the response that I fully intended to provide and therefore he will think badly of me. Whats the point in providing ice-breakers and then not even be able to use a restricted version of guided communication when you are still trying to decide whether or not the site is what you are looking for let alone the matches.
Think Im going to close my profile in order not not waste any more potential matches time. Good luck all.

eharmony

2 November 2010 00:22

Hi Rosemarie,

We do ask users to subscribe to use Guided Communication. Our Icebreakers are intended as a simple way to show a match you’re interested, if you’re perhaps a little nervous about communicating outright. They are also a helpful way to gauge a match’s interest if you are considering subscribing to communicate.

We do often run Free Communication Weekends, where registered users are able to communicate with their matches using Guided Communication, even if they are not subscribed. Many of our users find this a good way to test out our service. There will be a free weekend coming up before the end of the year, so keep an eye on your Inbox for notification of when this will be!

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Steve, manchester

2 November 2010 12:04

I do not understand why you should expect to be able to use a dating site and have all the services and staff do their work but you don’t pay? While at the same time the rest of us have paid.

Surely it’s worth paying and if you are serious about finding someone to meet/date then paying a subscription wouldn’t be a problem?

15 November 2010 01:25

At first glance of a profile it is important that to be able to see what level of education people have, but although I have given mine, theirs is not stated. It is a decisive issue when deciding whether to get in touch with someone. Why is it not there?

I also want to be able to see a more accurate description of what people do. “self-employed” or “retired” or “part-time” tell me nothing. I have given a precise and concise description of mine, with care. Others ought to e encouraged to do so.

The lack of these two crucial pieces of information, that reveal certain core values, such as commitment, dedication, direction a life has taken, let alone the basic ability to describe things, makes it more difficult than necessary to assess whether someone might be of interest.

Cat

15 November 2010 23:44

I agree with Steve re the subscription. I’ve paid out and don’t see why others who haven’t should be able to see photos or communicate with others. What’s the point in paying if non subscribers get the same ‘perks’.

Steve, manchester

16 November 2010 15:40

I agree Cat and why do these non subscribers think we’d want to date a freeloader. I especially don’t like the ones who put their email/contact details within the profile to avoid paying.

Steve, Manchester

21 November 2010 18:35

I think I now understand why I get a lot of profiles with no photo and they never actually update it with a photo.

People setup their profile and then get annoyed that they are unable to see photos of who is on the site until they subscribe, so they give up and join an alternative site.

So, now, having spent months here receiving ‘dead’ profiles and mostly profiles without photos which are also ‘dead’ I think non subscribers should be able to see photos on the profiles in order to ensure more take up.

And I do think whoever is in charge needs to sit up and pay attention here because all the other popular sites let your see photos without you having to pay to subscribe.

Sandie

22 November 2010 20:55

Steve …. all these people with no photos are probably like me. They haven’t actually completed their profiles!

I stumbled on this site, wanted to do a basic search on the site, was asked to complete a profile but had no idea just how long it would be. I left it to come back to some other time.

I think until one’s profile is complete eHarmony shouldn’t bother with matching people up. It’s a complete waste of everyone’s time.

So we do exist but we’re just in this limbo stage. We can’t communicate so I wish they’d just leave us be until we’re ready to go!

Steve, manchester

23 November 2010 17:16

I think they shouldn’t proceed to the matching stage until the profile is complete and a photo on it and then at that point you (the non subscriber) should be able to view the photos of those matches before you part with cash.

Sandie

23 November 2010 19:41

eHarmony … don’t you think that would make sense? Until the profile is complete and the user has subscribed no matching should be done.

I’ve just changed my profile to say ‘no more matches for now’

It’s a waste of everyone’s time … I can’t communicate with any of the matches you send me.

I’m not even interested in being matched as you currently are only able to match on 45% of my profile.

And the people who have subscribed … are they aware that you’re matching them with incomplete profiles who can’t reply to them anyway? (more invalid matches)

I guess they are matching on words like ‘travel’ and ‘music’ at this stage. Hmmm!

Please sort it out! There is room for improvement.

I have to say I’m loathe to join after reading all these threads here.

Also …I’m 57 … why would you want to match me with 76 year old men???!!! Please!

eharmony

24 November 2010 11:06

Hi Sandie,

Sorry to hear you’re not having the eHarmony experience you expected.

I have a few comments that may help you. Firstly, when you say that we can only match on 45% of your profile, I assume you mean that only 45% of your ‘My profile’ section is complete. Your profile is your opportunity to tell your matches more about yourself. However, we use your answers from the questionnaire you completed when you first joined to actually find your compatible matches in our system – not the responses you give in your profile.

Secondly, if the age of your matches is important to you, you can indicate this in your settings. To set your preferred age range of your matches, follow these steps:

1. Log into your account and click on the ‘My Settings’ tab.
2. Now, click on the ‘Personal Preferences’ tab
3. Scrolling to the bottom of the page you will find an ‘Age’ preference. Here you can set the age range of your matches. If you indicate (using the slider) that the age of your matches is ‘very’ important to you, we will not send you matches outside of this setting.

Finally, if you don’t want to receive matches for now, you can turn off your matching:

1. Log in and go to your ‘My Settings’ tab
2. Here you will see that you can choose to either receive or stop matches

If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308 (Mon-Fri, 8am-8pm)

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

thaira

9 December 2010 01:47

sooo.. here i am having subscribed and now i find this page…

well.. i cant knockk it too much. i have had a pretty big number of matches.. saying this i have filled my profile in fully…and added lots of pics.. so im kinda happy with the matches and some of the compatability.. but find its difficult and tries my patience a little when trying to initiate a guided…communication but dont have any response… so theres a guy a really like.. but cant tell if hes a premium/paying member or someone who signed up on the free weekend….also cant check if someone is online.. or when they last logged in…would be helpful…. also agree with some of the previous comments… if you dont have a complete/paid for profile with pics at the ready.. then maybe this is not the website for you.

e harmony.. needs to offer more options.. i know its about looking for a lasting relationship.. and patience probably.. which i have loads of .. but come on … needs to be a little bit more interactive.. like the possibilty of being able to have a chat.. like msn,.. if potential matches are online…

kind regards

thai

Steve, Manchester

10 December 2010 01:12

assume 90% of the profiles you receive aren’t subscribers and never will be. and the ones without a photo – I immediately archive – they rarely progress to putting on a pic.

Kim

10 December 2010 17:57

I don’t get this site at all. I can’t figure out who has got in touch and who hasn’t. I have a lot of matches but don’t know if they have contacted me or not. I’m on another well known site, and I have no problems on that one.

Is it just me being thick ?

eharmony

10 December 2010 18:50

Hi Kim,

Sorry to hear you’re not finding the site simple to use – I can forward your email to our Customer Care team, or alternatively you could give them a call, for free, on 0800 028 0308, Mon-Fri, 8am-8pm. One of our Customer Care team will be very happy to walk you through using the site, and explain anything that seems unclear.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

martin

16 December 2010 23:37

i am experiencing extreme difficulty sending e-mails to what i believe to be a match, she writes to me,I try to write back and i get logged out,why?can someone at Harmony explain? you have my e-mail address

eharmony

17 December 2010 11:18

Hi Martin,

I’m very sorry to hear you’re having problems communicating with your match. I’ve forwarded on your details to our Customer Care team who will be in touch vie email, within 48 hours, to help troubleshoot this issue. Alternatively, if you want to speak to someone sooner you can call our Customer Care team, for free (Mon-Fri, 8am-8pm) on 0800 028 0308.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Jenny

5 January 2011 02:03

Think I may have figured out how to tell if they are a paid up member… If you look under the photo it says Premium Personality Profile,
You can only get the option to do this if you subscribe

Helen L

8 January 2011 23:32

I’m so glad I didn’t read some of these comments before joining – it would have put me off an experience which has been really confidence-building and which has brought me into contact with some wonderful people (and my all time favourite first date) in just 6 weeks.

Give it a go – it takes a while to get the hang of it, but the system explains everything at each stage and as a paid up member, I’ve had lots of matches I’ve cringed and deleted (which has made me think about what I am looking for) but around 2 dozen people I am very interested in getting to know.

Lynn

16 January 2011 20:22

I have just created a profile today, but I am not subscribing yet as I want to bide my time first and see what kind of matches are sent to me. So far I have been sent 7 and only one is a good match, but that’s a start.

I have a few questions:
1)Can my matches see my photo even though I am not subscribed?

2)Will I be alerted if one of them emails me (even though I know I can’t read it without paying)

3) I divide my time between 2 countries, the UK and USA (LA). I’d like matches in BOTH countries, but so far I’m only getting sent local ones, even though I have set in my preferences that I’m open to matches worldwide. How can I further amend this to opt for more choices? I can’t imagine that in the entire world I am only compatible with 7 men and they all live in London.

eharmony

17 January 2011 12:49

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for your questions, hopefully my answers below will help you get on your way to having a great eHarmony experience.

1. Any match that is subscribed will be able to see your photo. Matches that are not subscribed, like you, won’t be able to see photos. Anyone, however, can upload profile photos.

2. You will be alerted to any communication you receive, whether you are subscribed or not. You will see requests for communication on your ‘Home’ page and your ‘My Matches’ page.

3. You’ll receive a few matches a day, so that you can review your profiles in your own time and not be overwhelmed by hundreds of matches. One option is that you can choose the specific countries in your distance settings. To do this, go to ‘My Settings’, then click on the ‘Distance’ tab. Under ‘How far do you want us to search for your matches?’ choose ‘I’d like to select from a list of countries…’ Then you can specify only matches in the UK and US.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Mel

17 January 2011 16:12

I am not a member at the moment, but have been. I live in the UK, the only matches I received were in the US or Australia, with maybe once in a while from the UK. It’s great to converse with people in other countries, but realistically virtually impossible to meet up quickly to ascertain whether there is chemistry.

Poppy

20 January 2011 20:30

Oh dear .. not sure if happy or sad I’ve stumbled across these posts before subscribing :-s
I was so optimistic about this site, but have very little money, so have to decide wisely whether to invest it here or not. I get the sinking feeling these ghost profiles will drive me nuts with frustration. Such a shame after all of the hassle I had having to keep re-starting the registration process which hung-up on me many times mid-completion. Good luck everyone whatever you decide

Mike

25 January 2011 12:02

I echo many of the comments here. I took advantage of the recent special offer for a discount on a 3-month membership and I’m already remembering why I cancelled my subscription almost a year ago now.

I don’t have a problem with the people I’m being matched with, though some are a little too far outside my local area. However, the site is not very intuitive, especially communication. Also, not being able to search for matches is a joke. I don’t want to be drip-fed 5-10 profiles a day.

In fact, it makes it feel a bit like a scam. If these people exist and are on the site why wait to match me with them? It’s a little strange that there’s a stream of matches getting pushed to me each day but I’m not allowed to discover them until the website delivers them.

More information about when someone last logged in and their membership status would be useful too. I have no idea if the matches I’m delivered are subscribers or if they’ve even logged into the site in the last year.

I suppose the ends justify the means and if I meet someone on here then that’s great – all it takes is one special person to be out there – but I do feel this site puts up a lot of barruiers to meeting that person.

Stephen M

30 January 2011 19:45

Well my membership is now up for renewal in a weeks time as per Mike’s comments (25th Jan, 2011) then yes agreed this site seems to make life harder and how do you know if the profiles you are sent… when did they last logon for instance are they a paid up member or just joined for free and not active…..or even joined on one of these free weekends so they can contact you for 3 days then what…perhaps that the reason why you get no replies as they have not paid up and cant reply to you…still I actually phyiscally met a person from the site only taken 6 months….we had 2 dates its not going anywhere still I actually met a real peron wow…I have had nearly 200 matches in 6 months and have met 1 person this must be a record…lol

Sally

6 February 2011 15:04

Complete con. Advertise free communication fortnight that gets you nowhere but allegedly a few questions that have already been filled in on my profile?. All my matches are in their 50s??? I cant view their photos, can’t do diddly squat without paying the big bucks. Site is too longwinded and complicated, how anyone bothers to trawl through this and pay a fortune each month to find their ‘ideal match’is beyond me! Thoroughly disappointed. The only price I would pay would be the £12 but you have to presume its going to take me a year to find someone at that price and it’s not worth £145 of my money. Adverts misleading ‘free communication’ is misleading. Thumbs down and bodering on false advertising.

100

John

8 February 2011 13:31

I feel a bit misled like others on this site. I got drawn by the idea of it be ing free for a couple of weeks. I thought I could try it and if it seemed a good idea I would subscribe. I cannot see people, I cannot communicate with people and very little happens. It has not even motivated me to complete my profile. Nearly got to the end of my first Guided Communication. Slightly forgotten who she is because it has taken so long.

Not a great experience so far.

101

Rosemary

9 February 2011 01:18

Can eHarmony please explain their definition of 2 weeks free communication, because so far I have not been able to communicate with any of my matches except send them pre structured questions? What is the point of supposedly 2 free weeks if you don’t even get to speak or know anyone and get a taste of the kind of people you will be able to meet once you do decide to sign up? I eagerly await your answer eHarmony, because me experience so far has been less than harmonious.

102

eHarmony

9 February 2011 16:40

Hi Rosemary,

Our Free Communication Event allows anyone who registers to try out our Guided Communication option. With three stages of closed and open ended questions we think this is a great introduction to your matches. Then of course it’s up to you whether you decide to subscribe after the event.

Here’s a quick guide to the stages of Guided Communication:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/answers/detail/a_id/2384/c/171/r_id/166

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

103

john

20 February 2011 01:24

this site is crap – most annoying dating site i have ever used – poor layout – couldn’t even find the read emails button! – too many questions, has this site been designed for a laugh – i would never ever pay to see someone’s photo – what a joke! do you buy a car before seeing it? haha take a leaf from cupid medias dating sites you losers!

104

Ann

23 February 2011 00:48

What a disappointment to discover that I have been caught along with so many others who had put their trust in you as well as all their personal details. Are any of the details matched? I live in South Devon and was matched with a man in remote Scotland. How could we ever meet? Is this a case poor attention by staff? I suggest that you look into this matter as you are just wasting expensive advertising otherwise.

105

Vicky

23 February 2011 01:13

New to all this, had I read this section before paying up, I would not have subscribed. It doesnt look good!!!!

106

eHarmony

23 February 2011 10:48

Hi Ann,

I’m sorry you have not had the eHarmony experience you had hoped for so far. To answer your specific question about being matched with someone outside of your distance settings, we will sometimes send you ‘Flexible Matches’. These are matches that are still highly compatible with you, but won’t necessarily adhere to your personal preferences of distance, age etc.

In the case of your match in Scotland, if you do not wish to ever receive any matches outside of your distance range, follow these steps:

1. Log into your eHarmony account
2. Click your ‘My Settings’ tab – from here you will be able to tighten distance settings on the ‘Distance’tab
3. To only receive matches within your distance range move the slider beneath the setting to ‘7′ (i.e. indicating that this setting is ‘Very important’ to you) and you won’t receive any ‘Flexible Matches’ outside your distance setting

If you have any more questions about your eHarmony account, please don’t hesitate to call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m)

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

107

patricia

2 March 2011 19:24

Hi
This is another comment actually!!
I paid for 3 months on this site on a special offer. I am very disappointed as I don’t want someone within 30 miles, like other sites offer why can’t you start searching within a mile. Why would I want someone from Essex when I live in Surrey? Also, it’s extremely complicated!! I want to view pictures of the opposite sex without opening a ‘match’. If I had known before parting with my money I would definitely not have signed up. I have lost interest already and am going back to Plenty of Fish and Smooch for nothing

108

Patsy

7 March 2011 11:01

Well I just finished a 1 month trail – thank god I didnt sign-up for more. Very bizare matches – just seemed to throw anyone in my age-bracket at me. Very depressing to get the drip-drip daily digest. Very few professional people – honestly e-harmony I’m still in my 40s and have a professional job with a PhD entry – do you really think I’m compatable with a 68yr old retired builder (sorry – dont mean to be ageist or a snob – but this whole experience has not help to build my confidence after a recent divorce). Actually communicated via email with one man (yes one for £34) – now he seems to have disappeared – i think he wasnt single at all. Hummmm….be careful people before you sign-up.

109

Jason

14 March 2011 09:05

I have 2 simple questions which seem to have been avoided. What is the ratio of men to women? Why don’t you show the recent activity timeline like many other sites?

110

Tracy

16 March 2011 00:15

Beginning to wonder what have i done! find it very frustrating that i am 44 and getting responces mainly from men 55,56,59 and so on.Those i have messaged within my age range ’2 of them’ have not responded.Also for some reason can not download my picture which will put people off.

111

Toni

30 March 2011 18:01

Hmmm, very interesting. With a 100% fully populated profile, 4 recent easy to see photo’s and settings with age/distance criteria set to very important I probably won’t cough up to join (thus remaining a ghost – sincere apologies!).

What I would say to EH is “bravo” for allowing these comments on your site. Freedom of speech seems to be alive and well even though it will ultimately result in them shooting themselves in the foot as they don’t seem overly keen to rectify these issues.

112

sammy

2 April 2011 02:57

inshort i can believed this, after suscribing i find it very difficult to use. i am not enjoying it at all. march can not email direct they will demand for guided communication and their is know esplanation to that. infact i regret wasting my money on this site.

113

Rani

8 May 2011 19:38

Really disappointed that photos are not available without joining. Secondly, there is not indicator from the profile re level of education, which I have specified is very important to me.Why can’t I respond to an icebreaker without subscribing?

114

joan kay

24 June 2011 12:24

so dissapointed with this site, wish I had not joined for 3 months, can i cancel the 2 months i have left and get my money back?

115

kathryn

30 June 2011 01:04

I cant see photos, read emails change mt profile pic. They said that windows 9 isnt compatable.. Wish i had known before i joined.

116

eHarmony

30 June 2011 09:39

Hi Kathryn,

We’re sorry to hear this. We do try to make our site as compatible as possible with all browsers, but as there are many different browser types and releases we are often playing ‘catch-up’. However, I am surprised that our site doesn’t seem to work at all for you in IE9, and I will email our tech team and ask them to look into this.

In the meantime, If you would like to continue using eHarmony, we’d suggest you consider using Firefox or Chrome instead of Internet Explorer. If you need any help on how to do this, please call our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

117

Sarah

20 July 2011 08:52

Hi
I stumbled across this Comments box prior to parting with ££s. It seems EH want to help us. It may be due to their HO being in the US, the UK branch has to follow what the main tree does. Perhaps US citizens need to be guided what to say to a potential match? I’ve found the Guided Communication restrictive as many of the suggested questions do not apply. I’d like to suggest to eHarmony that their tech team give us a box telling us whether the suggested match is “alive and active” or has not visited for “3 days or more”. I’ll then part with my ££’a. Sorry to Dave in Telford not to post photos, as I’ve not joined EH. Bon Chance

118

Alex

1 August 2011 23:05

Glad I read these comments – thought it was me finding it hard to use and far too few matches in a 60 mile radius and No I am not being fussy! Had high hopes esp after recent publicity but far too depressing to think that in a 60 sqmile radius there are only 7 men ‘compatible’ with me!

119

eHarmony

2 August 2011 10:09

Hi Alex,

Thanks for your feedback. You should receive a few matches each day to give you the chance to review each one properly. Please let us know if you aren’t receiving the matches you expected.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

120

2 September 2011 08:27

I find the guided communication frustrating, do women actually prefer this method of communication? Judging by my response ratio (from women who have shown interest in me by sending icebreaker) it would appear they don’t

121

Bob

21 September 2011 01:51

Bit confused here. I sent an eHarmony Mail to a match, and received a message back saying my request had been accepted. All good except……….. there’s no message of any kind from my match. The only message I can see in my Mailbox is the one I sent! Does this mean I have to send another message? The only option I seem to be able to click on is ‘Write New Message’. All a bit confusing for me…

122

eHarmony

21 September 2011 10:58

Hi Bob,

This means your match has accepted your request to enter into eHarmony Mail (some people prefer to go through Guided Communication first) and is probably just taking their time to actually respond to your email.

I hope this helps, and I hope you enter into a great conversation!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

123

Dave

2 October 2011 02:39

What a nightmare… this is all to complicated and protracted. I don’t want pre-loaded questions. If I get a match I want to be able to contact them or offer them the oppotunity to contact moi. This is not for me… KISS

124

Ceri

24 October 2011 14:52

I have tried to get any response from a match since I joined- with no luck whatsoever- I have tried guided communication- no replies, and I have also tried contacting women by e mail with no reply.
Are any of the matches I have been sent alive, or are they people who have left the site?

125

garry

30 November 2011 00:04

what does it take to get something positive on this site,im beginning to think its all a made up con,,im 44,single never wed and starting to think ive made a monumental error, the site is confusing and very unproductive,,or is it just me?

126

eHarmony

30 November 2011 10:37

Hi Garry,

Thanks for your comments – I’m sorry you’re not having a good experience with us. We’d love to help you get the most from eHarmony, so whether you have any specific questions or just want to chat about your subscription, please get in touch. We have a dedicated Customer Care team who know eHarmony inside out, and are ready to help.

You can contact us in lot of different ways:

Call us for free on 0800 028 0308
Email us using this link: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask
Alternatively you can browse our FAQs or Live Chat with one of our experts here: https://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/

There are also lots of articles on here about using eHarmony, and how to put together a great profile. If you’re looking for something on a specific topic please let us know here.

I hope this helps, and best of luck in your journey

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

127

Jen

16 December 2011 00:22

I just joined and paid well over $80… for What? For five matches that to be honest are NOT my type at all! Then i try to hit find new matches, and nothing! Apparently in all of the UK there is not one more guy between the ages of 25 and 37 wanting to meet a 28yr old professional female who likes hanging with her friends and the outdoors? I think this site is a sham and you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. It is so disheartening when muster up the courage to try online dating, as you work 60hr weeks, and it slaps you in the face with 5 matches in a country of 60million people! I would like a full refund please…and ‘Yes’ before you ask i have relaxed all my preferences and still nothing? Money. Back. Please.

128

eHarmony

16 December 2011 12:26

Hi Jen,

Thanks for your comments. I’m really sorry you haven’t received more matches and aren’t having the eHarmony experience you’d hoped. Please call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308 to discuss a refund, as you have only just subscribed you should be well within your cooling off period.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

129

Cheryl

12 January 2012 01:26

I’ve just spent £80 on a 6 month subscription only to find very little on here. Minimal matches and those that are do not fit my requirements…ie i’m 39 and not really interested in someone in their late 50′s. 5 days and I want a refund; how do I go about complaining about this?

Cheryl

130

eHarmony

12 January 2012 10:32

Hi Cheryl,

Thanks for your comments. I’m sorry you’re not having the eHarmony experience you expected. There are a lot of things you can do to ensure your matches suit your requirements. For example, by indicating that age is ‘very important’ to you in your personal settings, we won’t send you any matches that are outside of our chosen age range.

Please call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308. They will be able to suggest lots more things to improve your experience. And then, if you are still unhappy with our service, you can get a full refund if you are within the first 7 days of your subscription.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

131

Elaine

20 January 2012 18:18

I gave up on this site once before, but decided to try again. It’s very different to other sites in that it’s more controlled. With the others, you go window shopping and look at whoever’s profile you want to. I’d like to remove profiles of people with no photo and don’t want unpaid members in the list. The idea is interesting, but they just need more people to sign up to it. I guess it’s ok in certain places, but I have the sea and a large river taking up most of my area (diameter), so not a lot of choice.
I think you’re less likely to get players on this site as you seem to have to jump through more hoops to communicate and they seem to get bored if they can give out their mobile after two messages asking you to call/text them. So, at least if people are prepared to go through this more controlled process, it shows they’re more genuine. I don’t know. It’s one way of filtering out the genuine from the players, but still won’t catch them all. The site’s OK, just needs more members. I prefer it to the free sites and the top dating site. I had a lot of winks/messages on the others sites, but all unsuitable. Maybe eHarmony could give choice as to how people want to use the site – browse freely or controlled to suit different personalities. I’m not unhappy with it. If I went to a bar for a few weeks, I might not even get to chat to one man, at least here, I am getting that chance.

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