Making the first move: our top tips

23 December 2009

by eHarmony

You’ve created your eHarmony profile, which is a great first step. But once you start receiving matches, what next? Our top tips will help you get the ball rolling and give you the confidence to make the first move.

Print Email

female_hands_keyboard_crop

You’ve created your eHarmony profile, which is a great first step. But once you start receiving matches, what next? Should you wait for them to get in touch? Send an Icebreaker? Or should you bite the bullet and get communicating? Our top tips will help you get the ball rolling and give you the confidence to make the first move.

Choose your preferred way to communicate
At eHarmony, we know that everyone is different, which is why we give you a selection of ways to communicate with your matches:

Icebreaker: If you’re a bit hesitant, send your match an icebreaker. Icebreakers are a selection of eight phrases designed to get the conversation going, for example, ‘Just wanted to say Hi!’ This may prompt your match to contact you.

Guided Communication: This allows you to communicate with a match in three stages, in a structured way, by swapping information at each stage.
>You can find out more in our article ‘Guided Communication explained’

Open Communication: After the three stages of Guided Communication, you can enter Open Communication with your match, where you exchange email-type messages. This is safe and secure – we don’t reveal your contact details to your match.

eHarmony Mail: If Guided Communication doesn’t appeal to you, you can request your match communicates via eHarmony Mail with you. This simply takes you both to Open Communication (see above). However, your match might prefer to stick with Guided Communication – they can let you know if this is the case.

Do your homework
With online dating, you get out what you put in. Make sure you review all your matches – look at their photos, read their About Me profile (which usually contains some great clues as to their character) and read their Personality Profile if they’ve made it public. You never know what might spark your interest.

> Wondering why your matches seem quite different? Read our article ‘Why are my matches so varied?’.

Communicate with as many people as possible
There’s an old saying; you’ve got to speculate to accumulate. And communicating on eHarmony is pretty similar. Yes, we send you matches based on deep-down compatibility, but it’s then up to you to get talking to them! Even if you’re not quite sure whether a match is right for you, you could gain so much from sparking up a conversation with them and finding out you have great chemistry.

We know it’s not always possible to communicate with all your matches – and some may not respond to you – but by having different conversations going you’ll gain confidence and get so much more from your subscription.

Don’t jump to conclusions
If you’ve initiated communication with someone and they don’t respond, don’t take it personally. There are any number of reasons that someone doesn’t choose to respond to you, just one of which being that they’re not interested. The fact is that if they haven’t taken the opportunity to get to know you then they’re the ones who lose out.

On a similar note, if you’ve exchanged communication with a match and they stop responding, don’t jump to conclusions. If the communication has been regular (once a day for example) don’t start worrying when it’s been more than 24 hours since they sent you anything. They may be unable to get online, they may be trying to work out what to say next…the possibilities are endless. Before you send them a prompt (Guided Communication), or another message (Open Communication) leave at least a few days so that they don’t feel pressured.

> For more about how long you should wait, read our article ‘How long should you wait for a reply?’

Be polite
If you receive a communication request from a match and you genuinely don’t think you would have any chemistry, then make sure you close your match.

This will allow you to focus on the matches you’re most interested in, and will enable the match you have closed to move on to communicating with other matches. This process is especially important if you have already communicated with each other.

If you’ve got more questions, check out our help section on communication – it’s all there.

Rating: 7.2/10 (61 votes cast)

Print Email

Comments

Jennifer Edwards

31 December 2009 11:31

Hi, I thought your article was fairly interesting. I have sent an initial communication to several of my matches but have only received something back from a couple.
I would like to know how to close a match that I am not interested in.

eharmony

31 December 2009 11:42

Hi Jennifer,

To close a match follow these steps:

1. On your home page, click on the name of the match you want to close. This will take you to their ‘About Me’ profile.
2. Scroll to the bottom of their profile and you click on the link in the bottom right hand corner called ‘Close match’.
3. You will then be prompted to choose a reason for closing your match.
4. Your match will be notified that you have closed them, with the reason you gave.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

salamander

31 December 2009 21:19

This was called “Making the first move: our top tips” Unless I have completely understood it I haven’t seen a single tip for making a first move!!

Hope

1 January 2010 13:34

Hi,
how do i change my location as i have moved house?

Thanks

eharmony

4 January 2010 10:35

Hi there Hope,

Thank you for your comments. We have forwarded your queries onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch shortly.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Wendy Henry

10 January 2010 12:38

I have updated my information on the introductory page,however this has not been confirmed by the green tick which is reflected as seen on the main profile page? could you please let me know if i need to do anything else to ensure that this section is completed

Antonia R.

11 January 2010 01:06

I had a local guy wanting to get in touch (Carlos,Tunbridge Wells UK match delivered on 9Dec09). I have sent him a message and had a response from you that he has sent me a message and for whatever reason you did not alow me to open it. Had couple of friends to have a try and they came with same conclusion. How can I investigate this case as I am rather disapointed

eharmony

11 January 2010 10:53

Hi Wendy,

Thank you for your query about eHarmony. We have passed on your question to our dedicated Customer Care team. They should respond to you via email in the next 24-48 hours.

If you have any more queries, please contact our Customer Care team here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask/kw/contact/r_id/166

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

eharmony

11 January 2010 10:54

Hi Antonia,

Thank you for your query about eHarmony. We have passed on your question to our dedicated Customer Care team. They should respond to you via email in the next 24-48 hours.

If you have any more queries, please contact our Customer Care team here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask/kw/contact/r_id/166

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

James218

16 February 2010 23:04

I have loads of closed matches and when I select the “Communicating” tab the are all listed even though they are “closed”. Can’t we have a “closed” tab as well or a way to remove “closed” matches entirely.

Phil Jacob

27 March 2010 09:10

The key here is BE POLITE. We’re all the same boat here! Is it so difficult to send someone a closed message? Please don’t just check out the profile pic and do nothing. Can’t you see how arrogent and insulting that is?

Caroline

28 March 2010 19:36

Further to the message above from James 218 on 16 Feb; I also find I have a communication page full of closed messages from people I have never had any contact with. It makes this page very hard to use. Can these be deleted in some way?

eharmony

29 March 2010 10:13

Hi Caroline,

Thank you for your query. You can move matches with closed messages from your Communication tab to your Closed tab. Simply click ‘Read closed message’ next to a match and then click ‘Close match’ on the following page. Your match will then move to the Closed tab.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Matthew K

9 July 2010 02:45

I moved to a different house. I need to change MY location. How can I do this. Couldn’t find any link to contact eH..

eharmony

9 July 2010 11:33

Hi Matthew,

Thanks for your query. You can call one of our Customer Care agents who will happily help you change your location. Call them for free, 8am-8pm: 0800 028 0308.

Alternatively you can email our Customer Care team using this link:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Luke

17 July 2010 23:04

Oh yes; and one of those 6 lucky women ‘closed’ me without even replying……gosh, will she ever know how she just missed out on her ideal mate…….?!

nathan

21 August 2010 12:13

I’m getting fed up with this site to be honest. I have tried communicating with nearly 50 girls in the two months I’ve been on here and not one reply. It gets very demoralising.

eharmony

23 August 2010 09:54

Hi Nathan,

Thank you for your comments. I’m sorry you’re not having the eHarmony experience you expected. I’ve forwarded your concerns onto our Customer Care department who will be able to give you some suggestions on how to improve your chances of communication. Sometimes it’s something as simple as posting a different photo, or updating your About Me profile a little.

They will be in touch within 48 hours. I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

andrew

25 August 2010 19:17

this site is absolute rubbish
nobody i know will ever join after what ive told them about it
at least dick turpin wore a mask

Steve

26 August 2010 18:22

there’s no way of knowing if you’re looking at a paying subscriber or one that has been a payer but has expired or one that has never paid for a subscription.

there is also no indication of whether they have logged in within the last day, week or month.

there is no indication of weight so if you’re not into size 24 girls there is no way of checking first before you waste everyone’s time emailing

Linda

28 August 2010 00:33

I came on this site because it was a free weekend to give it a try before I spend money I cant afford. But I still can’t see the pictures of anyone so this is a complete waste of time for me and I suspect others. And I have heard a lot of people moaning that they want to see the person before they communicate, Thats what its all about at the end of the day- physical attraction. Other sites let you see the candidates before you make the decision to pay, this doesnt. Thats not right.

Steve

28 August 2010 01:16

Andrew – I received this email recently from someone I’d tried to start guided communication with – “Many thanks for taking the trouble to communicate. I have been on the site for some months and recently cancelled my subscription.
I haven’t found the site particularly inspiring and the endless round of questions and answers have probably contributed to this.
Sorry to be so negative- I really hope you have more success”

Self indulgent moaning drivel which demonstrates why some people are single. .

Another girl recently gave me her number – we exchanged texts for a couple of weeks based on the promise we’d meet up this week – she texted saying we weren’t compatible ‘cos I hadn’t phoned her. I pointed out that if phone chat was so important to her then why hadn’t she rang me!

I suspect there are plenty of others like the above – who think it should be delivered on a plate to them without having to make an effort.

Elle

28 August 2010 19:07

I like the fact that eharmony publish the negative comments! I sent a negative review about a book to Audible.com and it disappeared into the ether.

Juney

29 August 2010 19:05

This site is absolutely frustratingly painstakingly ridiculous. Just let people communicate as and when they want. All this guided communication and endless sets of questins and answers makes the process tense to the extreme! Stop it. Eharmony have tricked people into free communication this weekend which involved ..you guessed endless questions how pathetic

andrew

30 August 2010 01:44

re steve
trouble is steve not one of my matches in last 2wks has even viewed my profile let alone communicated
ive emailed and sent icebreakers to a few and not one has replied or even viewed my profile either
would that please you i very much doubt it
all i get from EH is write more in your profile and /or send more emails but whats the point doin that if nobody is even looking at you
judging by the number of people moaning on these forums i am not alone
i dont want anything on a plate thankyou
just getting a reply or a viewing would be nice after all thats what i joined for

Miss J

30 August 2010 19:31

To Andrew – It is frustrating, but bear in mind the season. It’s summer (apparently) which means some people may be on holiday / out of the country, unable or unwilling to log on to their account. Or all their colleagues are on leave and they’re having to work extra hard in their absence! For my August matches I’d give them a whole month, then close match if I don’t hear anything.

Steve, manchester

1 September 2010 17:02

Juney “This site is absolutely frustratingly painstakingly ridiculous. Just let people communicate as and when they want. All this guided communication and endless sets of questins and answers makes the process tense to the extreme!”

- I actually think it’s a good thing the guided communication, if someone is willing to answer a few questions and select have/have nots then they are making an effort. Remember – the more questions a bloke asks, the more likely it is that he’s after long term. I’ve used other sites where it’s easy to just email each other – you end up with emails that dont always give you much info and often you end up with time wasters because they can easily just ask “what plans have you got for the weekend?” to stall meeting up.

Steve, manchester

1 September 2010 17:06

Andrew, I’m puzzled why no-one is viewing your profile. I suggest whenever you get new matches you always send then the 5 initial quided questions – that’s what I do. Hardly anyone responds. and maybe Miss J is right – things will probably get busier when the summer is over?

andy

3 September 2010 23:32

re steve manchester
thanks for the advice already tried that however
had 3 views since no communication back though not even t say no thanks
re miss j
i must be so unlucky that all the matches may be on holiday all at the same time
i,ll be glad when my subs expire next week
relationship site hmmm ! qoute Jim Royle
my a**e !!

Steve, manchester

6 September 2010 17:00

good luck to you. put a complaint in.

andy

6 September 2010 22:25

thanks steve
good luck to you too

Steve, Manchester

11 September 2010 19:28

not much happening here Andy, I’ve managed to reach the emailing stage with a few. some then just are inept or rude. e.g. disappear for a few days saying they’re off for the weekend then come back and saying they are leaving the site and dont have much time for dating anyway cos their daughter now is playing a lot of football or something equally weird but would like to continue emailing.

exchanged phone numbers with others who then just disappear – I assume they aren’t really wanting to meet up but like the idea of penpals.

then others try to skip guided communications – I now refuse ‘cos if they can’t be bothered to answer a few simple questions and go to the trouble of taking the time to do the guided option then they also probably would think it’s too much effort to meet half way on the restaurant bill.

Steve, Manchester

11 September 2010 19:32

I’ve been a paying member just under 2 months. Hardly impressive results – I think it’s too expensive to expect people to pay around £30 a month for this kind of “action” so I’m not surprised most of my ‘matches’ are non responsive profiles – it is an utter con that I’m being ‘matched’ with people who aren’t subscribers and therefore aren’t able to communicate.

DISGRACEFUL

Steve, Manchester

11 September 2010 19:59

I’ve now added this to my profile cos I’m sick of being viewed by people who dont reply to my messages – I assume ‘cos they aren’t paying.

“If you can’t be bothered to pay the relatively small subscription fee in order to be able to view photos and communicate you’re not the kind of person I’ll want to meet or date. I think you’ll find the same applies to most men who have standards.”

Sharon

12 September 2010 12:11

I signed up to sample the site and have now suspended my account (read a v interesting forum conversation under Photos Sins that helped me decide) until I feel that EH is the route I wish to take/use. So now I will no longer be matched with people I cannot reply to. (It took me a while to actually find out how to do this by the way).

Steve from Manchester, I understand your frustration and def think that EH should allow subscribers to limit their matches to fellow subscribers should they wish. At least that way you’ll know if you are at the same stage. EH could also consider de-activating matches for dormant accounts. But just to say that not all non-subscribers are malicious or rude, we may have just not been able to decide whether EH is the route we def want to go (which is why we are still at the non-subscriber stage). Good luck with your search.

Steve, Manchester

12 September 2010 22:17

thank you Sharon. I think at the very least they should show on the profile you are viewing if a member is a subscriber and if the member has recently logged in. my opinion is that they don’t do this because they don’t have faith enough in their product/service – if they have nothing to hide then this information should be shown.

Juliet

19 September 2010 14:29

No wonder women don’t reply to ur messages with that kind of attitude, Steve..Manchester. I wrk full time an despite a pay rise I’m financially worse off, does that mean I’m not entitled to look on this site. £30 a mth is NOT a relatively small sum 2 some people. I’m a very independant lady who has brought up 3 children on her own 4 17yrs but ur attitude makes me glad i’m single!!

jenn

19 September 2010 20:29

iv been on eharmony for 1 week and have
sent icebreakers, questions and even message to 40 if not more men with nothing nothing nothing back thankgod i only paid for just 1 month although regret paying the extra £5
for the personality profile which i cant read of ANYONE ELSES so disapointed as researched and internet said this was the top dating site i think iv got more chance of meeting a guy on freecycle! jenn

Carole

20 September 2010 14:57

Well just to join in the conversation/general moaning, I’d like to add that I too am in the same boat..A lot of men didn’t even look at my profile when they were prompted by eharmony …and no, they weren’t on holiday, given that they eventually bothered looking it up after I initiated contact!…No reply regardless..What also struck me was one guy who never bothered replying to my first questions but who then looked me up again 2 weeks later…still without communicating with me?! Er…
Anyhow, on a positive note: I’ve never been on so many dates with really nice men met through the usual socialising, going out etc.. than since I’ve joined eharmony! LOL! If I’d known, I would have saved myself some money and just keep going out and expanding my social life without bothering with this site. Needless to say I ‘m unlikely to renew my membership!;op

Steve, manchester

20 September 2010 15:18

Juliet – I think I’m entitled to an opinion without getting the “no wonder you’re getting no replies with that attitude” rude comments. My attitude if born of the frustration of sending emails week after week and getting occasional replies mostly because people are using the site but too poor or too tight to pay up – they then wait for a free communication weekend and actually tell you they haven’t subscribed because quote “I’m tight fisted”.

Steve, manchester

20 September 2010 15:20

Carole, I get a few who view my profile but never respond. They are the ones who aren’t paying. Close them!

Carole

20 September 2010 15:45

Steve,

You are probably right.. but then again, maybe I shouldn’t be so touchy about men not replying to my communications etc.. I must confess that I’ve been a bit guilty as well..the reason was that I was really not interested but I was a bit embarrassed about telling them as I didn’t want to come across as rude..and obviously that made me look even more rude! I just didn’t know what to say..never done internet dating before after all.. but I know that should not be an excuse so my apologies to anyone I’ve done it …Sorry!
Aside from the non paying members, I guess the men who didn’t reply to me didn’t like the look of my picture hey!? Ah well, what goes around comes around. Karma! p

Steve, manchester

20 September 2010 17:18

you just have to stick with it Carole but that doesn’t mean I’m suggesting you keep paying lots of subscription fees if you aren’t getting any results at all!

I think sometimes I don’t close someone but I’m not sure so I leave the profile unclosed in case I change my mind.

“Aside from the non paying members, I guess the men who didn’t reply to me didn’t like the look of my picture hey!? Ah well, what goes around comes around.”
- don’t let it get to you. everyone has their own personal taste and it might just be the bloke is into a different hair colour than yours – dont ever take it personally, it’s just a computer screen and a stranger you’ve never met.

Carole

20 September 2010 19:27

Thanks Steve. Don’t you worry though,I don’t let it get to me at all. I’m having too much fun dating at the moment anyway!
Just not through eharmony! ;op
I’ll just stick with the website until my membership runs out..It’s just much cheaper and more fun to go out there and actually meet “real” people frankly. ) Sorry I’m saying “real” because sometimes I do wonder if there is anyone out there on the worldwibe web ! ahaha!
Ah well, we live and learn..
Bye for now and Good Luck to us all )

Steve, Manchester

21 September 2010 01:02

perhaps you should come back to the site when things go quiet in the real world?

Carole

21 September 2010 16:32

Steve,
you wouldn’t happen to be working for eharmony would you?? ahahaha!
Anyhow, I ‘m gonna leave this now as I’ve been boring everyone long enough..;op
Bye

Steve, manchester

21 September 2010 18:34

nope! if I did work for them, I’d implement a lot of changes!

Bob

14 October 2010 10:05

Interesting thread – even if it’s not exactly what EH was expecting!

The problem with EH and some of its rivals is that they don’t let users know if a match can respond i.e. if they have paid the fee! This results in the site giving a bad impression of its users.

I know one user (known from outside EH) who has cancelled her membership for lack of response – did nothing for her confidence.

Yes I know it’s a numbers game for the online dating agencies – but there’s no point if you just have numbers and no ‘Responders’!
Number of simple solutions:
Why not exclude non-members from searches by members.
or
A little flag that says not a member at moment can’t respond!

Steve, Manchester

14 October 2010 19:57

true, you don’t know if you are sending a message or icebreaker to someone who is active or someone who hasn’t paid a subscription.

nick

24 October 2010 11:46

i was reading earlier that a ‘nudge’ link was available to prompt a match to respond, is this link only available after 7 days.? I can not find one on the match detail page, has only been 5 days like.

Steve, Manchester

25 October 2010 20:35

the nudge option appears when you look at a profile under the photo if they haven’t responded in the last week. I find it makes no difference.

Miss EJ

1 November 2010 17:25

I have three points,

1 Having to go through so many different stages to get an end result seems to be a theme in eHarmony. Having to keep going into people’s profiles to close them is a little callouse because you appear on their viewed listings.
Having to go through all that simply to close it is a pain. Especially when you’re simply trying to keep everything organised so you can remember who you’re talking to. Which brings me onto my next point…
2 It’s very difficult to remember who’s who from a name and location. Could there not be a thumbnail pic to help or a bi-line.
3 Also I don’t get asked to give a reason for closing an account when I do. I’d like to be more polite.
4. I’d like to know who’s a registered user so I don’t waste my time. I know you want to entice them to join by using us but it makes me not want to bother. I wouldn’t mind though if they were worth it

Get it sorted please, you loosing paying customers.

Miss EJ

1 November 2010 17:26

Whoops, I came up with another one at the last mo.

Steve, Manchester

2 November 2010 00:35

I agree with EJ – photos to appear on the main list please so we can see who it is without going into the profile to view the pic.

Steve, Manchester

2 November 2010 00:37

I understand you think it’s polite to give a reason why you are closing someone but I’d rather not know, if you’re closing me then the quickest way for me to move on is not have something to think about. If you give a reason why you closed me, I won’t find it at all helpful but it will probably irritate me!

Charlottte

3 November 2010 13:28

I have been reading this and I just wanted to say that I met the most amazing man after only 1 week. We didn’t do guided communication – just swapped personal email addresses and away we went! I will be seeing him for the second time this weekend and I am so excited. The key for me was he had taken the time to fill out his profile with thought and care so I knew that he would be interesting – unlike those who just put the basics which is useless. Just wanted to share a bit of positivity!

Dave

3 November 2010 20:08

I would agree with Charlotte 100%. I have discovered the woman of my dreams on e-harmony and aside from the ice breaker did not use any of the guided communications. Her profile got me interested because she had actually told me about herself and the kind of man she was hoping to meet. None of the multiple choice answers were used, instead thought and honesty were used. As a point of interest, there was no photo but that did not matter as it’s the person inside I wanted to know. Turns out she is an absolute stunner!!! We have been on a first date and had an absolute ball. Truth is known I had already fallen for her before we met and now we have it’s the strongest love I have ever felt. Mental? Maybe. But it feels dead right and hope to spend the rest of life with her.

Steve, Manchester

3 November 2010 22:22

congrats to you Charlotte and Dave, I hope your dates go well.

Amanda

4 November 2010 14:45

Question for the guys: do any of you actually notice/get notified when you’ve received an icebreaker?? I’ve sent god knows how many of them & had about 2 respond! Either they don’t know I’m trying to initiate contact or I’m being silently rejected (without being closed!) by a huge number of “matches”! Is there actually any point sending these or am I wasting my time? I have my account set to email me if I get an icebreaker – maybe a lot of people don’t?
Another major gripe is that of the approx 400 “matches” I’ve been sent, I have only been able to read the Personality Profile of 5 of them!! Since this is supposedly one of the selling features of eharmony surely it would make sense to have the Personality Profile open to view by default, instead of the user having to “open” it manually – which the majority of guys either don’t seem to realise or don’t think it’s that important! If you want to keep your personality a secret what the #*@* are you doing on here??? I’ve even added a sentence somewhere in my profile saying “guys: please unlock your Personality Profile” – has it made any difference – NO!
I also agree with the person above who said how about an indication that there is a profile photo available, before you open the profile to find that he’s hardly written anything about himself, there’s no photo & his bloody Personality Profile is locked tight!!
Ok – rant over lol. Gosh I feel better now!

Steve, manchester

5 November 2010 18:10

Amanda, I think they are a combination of non subscribers so they receive the ice breaker and don’t repond cos they aren’t able to see your photo. Or they are people who signed up but hardly or never login. Or they are just ignorant selfish people who haven’t the manners to respond.

Steve, Manchester

6 November 2010 20:29

oh and also I think some girls/men only correspond with 1 match at a time, they think they have met mr or miss right and wont communicate with other people. then they meet the person and if it doesn’t work out start communicating with the next on their list.

ie. they become “exclusive” with someone before they’ve even met the person – I would never become exclusive at such a stupidly early stage.

Steve, Manchester

6 November 2010 20:31

that method of “one at a time” is unlikely to succeed as you’ll find people are rarely what you expected and you have to both fancy each other etc. I’ve found around 1 in 10 of the people I’ve met, I’ll then want to date and of those most wont get past a few dates.

Jackie

7 November 2010 23:03

I like eharmony and had a very positive experience with a match resulting in a lovely few months relationship, which sadly has not worked out, hence my return. I’m glad the free subscribers don’t get to see a photo. I don’t want the whole world to be able to see me, I feel the decision to go down this road to find a partner is very private. On the subject of photos, seeing one is not about getting the Brad Pitt lookalikes. It is simply to give an idea of a person. I do not pick matches because they necessarily look attractive, you don’t really know if a person is attractive to you until you meet them. Also if you men don’t put anything in your profile, other than a couple of words, us ladies won’t know the treasures you are and I personally would not pursue a match who told me nothing much about himself.

Steve, manchester

8 November 2010 15:20

I agree that people should only be allowed to view photos when they have parted with money. It keeps out the nosey rubber neckers and ensures only people with a reasonable amount of committment are seeing our pics.

Steve, manchester

8 November 2010 15:24

Jackie, I wouldn’t rule people out due because they aren’t good at selling themselves within a profile (if that’s what you mean). Not everyone is good, familiar or professional regarding selling themselves and those they articulate well in a profile doesn’t necessary equate to the same in reality. Also allow for dyslexia. The same applies to phone calls. There are plenty who sound great on the phone and then turn up and have nothing to say. Likewise plenty who are arqwuard on the phone but come to life in person.

Jackie

9 November 2010 21:41

Hi Steve,
I never thought of dyslexia and that’s a fair point. I don’t think that would explain the lack of detail in a large number of profiles. We are simply looking for a few chatty comments, not professional ones, which show a bit of effort. I guess I don’t know what a typical female profile would look like, nor would men see what other men put in. There really are a lot of men who put next to nothing, which leaves me really not knowing whether they and I would be compatible. You need something to go on!

Steve, manchester

10 November 2010 12:34

I agree, if it appears they can’t be bothered to make an effort on their profile then that reflects on what to expect if you meet/date/have a relationship with someone. And some of the profiles I’ve read are very lazy – no photos, words that look more like text messaging. I want to read something and think that person is going to be stimulating company not a chav!

Steve, manchester

10 November 2010 12:38

As for working out if someone is compatible after reading their profile – from my experience of meeting people I’d say profiles are a way of spotting red flags not spotting if someone is compatible. If the profile for example says the most influential person is their ex husband cos and then goes on to a good moan, I’d be put off. I’ve never found profiles as a good way of seeing if their are compatibilities – I have to meet someone and date a couple of times to find that out.

Gary Flynn

14 November 2010 21:20

I am a little stuck in what to say on the first e-mail, so i went into this section titled ‘making the first move-our top tips.

I have found none,a person called Salmander wrote the same and suprise, suprise got no reply to her question by E-Harmony.

When other comments were met with a reply,i think that very strange.I hope i hear or see a reply.

Cat

15 November 2010 23:29

I agree with Jackie about the profile. There are a couple of multiple choice questions and there are two other questions ‘most thankful for’ and ‘can’t live without’ sections where a single word/short sentence are appropriate. The other questions should contain answers of more than two or three words. These are questions where you can really sell yourself. Unfortunately, these are often either missed out completely or consist of a couple of words. Missing out one question is fine, especially if the rest are filled in with sentences, but missing out half/using a couple of words both tells me nothing about the match and says that they can’t be bothered.
These profiles tend to be ones without photos and I often end up not just archiving them but closing them.

Steve, manchester

16 November 2010 15:35

when I read a profile and there’s no photo to me that means lack of comittment and a lazy person. I check in case the profession is ‘police woman’ but otherwise if a pic doesn’t appear after 2 months I close it.

Janet central scotland

20 November 2010 11:06

I am so glad I found this bit, I thought it was just me! first time on a dating site,I have only prescribed for one month,thank goodness.Totally destroying my confidence with no replies,or people not even looking at my profile.Admit to looking and closing contacts without comment though, as so disheartened, I honestly thought most of them were not real.I apologise to anyone who I have done this to.
How do you guys deal with closing contacts,I always look, but then maybe feel they dont give enough info, or whatever, I feel so rude closing without giving them a chance,or explanation, but soul destroying to have loads of names on a list,

Deborah

20 November 2010 12:29

I feel really let down by this site as I get a couple of matches a day and I send my first questions to almost all matches as often you don’t know if you would like someone until you get to know them more or actually meet and hardly anybody replies. I have been on this site for a year and only actually got to the stage of meeting someone twice! I lead a busy life which is why I joined eharmony but I check my profile everyday and respond to people straight away. I’m serious about meeting someone it would seem others are not.

Steve, manchester

23 November 2010 17:20

Janet, I have no problem with people closing me and I really think anyone who is on a dating site who can’t handle being “closed” or rejected shouldn’t be on a dating site. Obviously when I say rejected I mean without any form of abuse! I think you are completely entitled to close me or anyone without explaining yourself. It is non of my business if a match doesn’t fancy me!

Steve, manchester

23 November 2010 17:22

but I’d best warn you now, don’t go on photos and profile text to determine if someone is a match. People never looks like their pic and often pics are ancient and some people aren’t good at selling themselves in their words.

Steve, manchester

23 November 2010 17:24

Deborah – unfortunately a lot of people on dating sites are time wasters. I’m serious about meeting someone and finding myself a relationship that will last but so far most matches are too lazy to get a photo on their profile or too lazy to pay for subscription or still aren’t over their ex or if I meet them, have bad manners!

JEL

10 December 2010 13:22

I amso pleased to have read these comments. I have contacted lots of men but have had hardly any replies – I dont have 2 heads so was getting v demoralised – I now realise that a lot of the contacts may not be paid up members – that is so bad, we need to know who is who. As for the site its self, I find it very difficult, poor layout and not easy to move around. I agree that moving and deleting matches is time consuming. i have unfortunately paid for a year, so will stick with it, butamv dissappointed in the site. They say they will match you with your perfect partner, but most of mymatches have been flexi matches. Wont be recommending this to anyone else.

Jeffrey

28 December 2010 18:29

Thanks for those who have shared genuine hard experiences with this site. I’ve been on this site for over 7 months and receive around 4 matches a month, and from what I see most seem interesting enough to open conversation…. But so far I’ve only ever met one and not been able to communicate to any other due to NO response to my invitations to chat at all. I was wondering whether non subscribers can upload multiple photos on their profile and when the 7 day trial ends can they still communicate with full subscribers? Because I understand you can nudge them to remind them that you have initiated contact with them, but say they can’t reply back how would I know? Would appreciate clarification on this.

mojo

29 December 2010 13:51

Hi,
I’m a none paid up member but I’m thinking of joining. The main things that have been putting me off are

1.I think it is very unfair of EH to constantly match me with paid up members who may not be aware that I am unable to reply.

2. Given the number of matches I’ve been receiving from EH, it seems unbelievable that I’ve have had so few first communications. Or rather it did till I read this lot.

3. There is just not enough flexibility. For example I don’t want 5 must have’s and can’t stands. I want only four of one and three of the other. But can I do that? No chance.

Still THINKING about joining but to be honest reading these comments really puts me off.

eharmony

4 January 2011 16:00

Hi Jeffrey,

Thanks for your comments, we appreciate everyone’s thoughts on their experience of eHarmony. Non-subscribers can upload as many photos as subscribers (that’s up to 12). Non-subscribers are able to communicate during any free-trial period or our Free Communication Weekends but after those times we ask them to subscribe – and many do – in order to continue their eHarmony experience.

I’ve forwarded your email onto our Customer Care team, who will be in touch shortly about your query on lack of communication, and matches. They should have some great tips to help you get more from your eHarmony account.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Cheekykat

11 January 2011 22:08

I am very disappointed with EH, no-one is replying, no-one is viewing WHY? if someone looks at my profile, should that not show as someone has viewed my profile???am I being matched with people that dont exist?? I am getting profiles of people that live miles away even though I have stated how far my matches shouls be!!!!

eharmony

12 January 2011 12:46

Hi Cheekykat,

Thanks for your comments – I’m really sorry you’re not having the eHarmony experience you expected. I’ve forwarded your comments onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch via email very shortly. I’m sure they’ll have some great advice for you on how to get the best from your eHarmony settings and your profile.

In the meantime, you might find our article ‘How to get your distance settings right’ helpful: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/using-eharmony/2010/09/how-to-get-your-distance-settings-right

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Tim

20 January 2011 00:58

If im honest, I’ve only been on here for about 14 days and i joined in quite a hesitant sort of way. I got the info about the free communication weekend and after spending what seemed like an age filling in questions finally got onto the site.

One critique i have of the site is that during the trial period weekend it would be an idea to maybe allow you to see your matches zs well as read the profiles. The reason i say this is that it is not just the person that you read about that you want to get to love but also the person you are hopefully going to be staring at lovingly for the rest of your lives.

My other question has to be that when you send contacts- guided or icebreakers – if you then go on and cant see an option for communication with them, does that mean that they have rejected you and taken you off their match list? The reason i ask is that alot of people seem to be without communication options and “apparently” i should get notice if they reject me.

I will admit that it is disappointing if you are rejected, especially if they seem like someone you would get on with, but on the other hand, its them that are missing out on getting to know me more. So its there loss.

Any more info would be appreciated. Oh and also maybe making the 28 quesiton bit at the sign up a little shorter, would get you onto the site, and once you see how it works will give you chance then to go through and add to bits. Because if im honest, the back end of mty quesitons i may have cut short due to becoming very very frustrated with all the quiestions (im dyslexic so questions for that long are not good).

Good luck to all the daters out there! Keep smiling.

Tim

25 January 2011 17:33

I feel as others do, truly disappointed by this site. I get many matches and try to communicate with those I feel a connection with – to get no responses although I can see that they have viewed my profile. It took me a while to put my photo on, not because I am lazy but because I don’t have much confidence about myself. I felt really good that I finally posted a photo. So this system doesn’t help confidence wise. I also seem to be matched frequently with men aged 60+, who are retired…..I am 46 and have 3 children and work and would really like to meet someone in a similar situation. I still think that a lot of my matches are made up by EH or men just want younger women than me. I will not get sucked into renewing my subscription by the sudden increase in matches as happened before, but for none of them to be willing to communicate. I really think that EH could do more to help with the communication process.

joe

6 February 2011 13:23

Gotta say folks it came as a relief to read the comments above re poor responses/no response to communications – there was me thinking it was just me!
After a year and having actually met two (unsuitable) girls on dates, I’ve decided to go out into the real world and initiate contact the old fashioned way. All this dating website nonsense about it being much more efficient to meet people online with the busy lives we live- complete nonsense. Utter nonsense. Guys, do what I do now – go to somewhere with lots of girls in the age-group of girls you’re interested in , and initiate conversation with as many girls as you like. Oh..and if you see a girl you like the look of walking down the street, on the train etc ..go and talk to her! Girls love confident guys with the b**lls to talk to them. It’s fun, it works, and it costs nothing:-)

Andrew

9 February 2011 02:00

How do I make my personality profile available for viewing? I look in settings, and at the actual profile report, yet I can’t see a button anywhere that prompts you to make it available for viewing.

Rob (Kent)

9 February 2011 04:20

A few ideas:

1) In this article, it mentions that when you close a match, it prompts for you to give a reason.

Not once have I seen this, nor received it from a match that’s closed me.

It’s definately a feature that needs to be present, since closing a match without a reason is quite… negative.

2) It would be nice if we could know if a match is a premium member or not, as this would explain a lack of communication.

3) Make personality profiles much more obvious and clear. I didn’t notice mine for ages, and then after that, realised no one could see mine unless I let them.

The Personality Profile is a great feature, it needs to be promoted more, and encouraged to be used and made known to matches.

4) A forum section would be helpful instead of looking through lists of comments like these on specific articles.

Apart from these suggestions, am enjoying the site and it’s functions and features.

eHarmony

9 February 2011 16:49

Hi Andrew,

Thanks for your question. You can share your Personality Profile with all, or some, of your matches by following these steps:

1. Log into your eHarmony account
2. Click the ‘My Settings’ tab and then the ‘Sharing Settings’ link
3. Choose the ‘Personality Profile Sharing’ tab and edit your preferences

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Diane

13 February 2011 19:15

I agree with some of the comments here. Free weekend should be what it says, free to view all the sites and that includes pictures.

barbara

14 February 2011 01:02

I am just about to leave the site after a year (rush of blood to the head after a fallout with my then BF made me join!) What a waste of money. Nobody has contacted me even though I have sent friendly messages to loads of men. So much for matching us up with the perfect partners! Perfect partners would probably at least say hello back! If a little more was spent on improving the site, and a bit less on the advertising the people who finance it with their subscriptions might just get a better deal.

Charlotte

16 February 2011 15:26

I met a ‘lovely guy’ through eharmony (see earlier posts 03/11/10) in fact Steve from Manchester congratulated us both, so thank you Steve. After quite a lot of dates, but taking it slowly
turns out that he was wearing men’s support underwear (SPANX) to hold in his fat, was older than he said he was and after a few more dates told me he had no teeth of his own…….to top it off he nicked a pair of my pyjama bottoms, I can only presume as some sort of trophy!
Thank you eharmony for giving my friends and hours of raucous laughter!!!!!
Best money I have spent in years!
Next!

Kimberley

18 February 2011 23:32

Well i’ve been on the site for just over a month. I’ve had allot of profiles sent to me, which is good, but hardly any replies, which is not so good !
I paid for one months membership and when it ran out i decided to phone the customer services line to find out what the membership options were if i wanted to stay on the site.
I started to think that maybe a month just is’nt enough time to be on the site and that i should at least give it a little more time.
I was given an option of paying over a year at 12.95 per month, which i thought was good.
Trouble is, now i’ve signed up for this, the last two days since this new membership has been paid i’ve been sent NO matches ! Go figure !
I guess paying for the 1 month makes EH more eager to send matches to try and keep you on the site !
So now, of course i’m thinking, was this such a great idea after all if, after agreeing to sign up for a year EH will therefore not be sending me any matches !
EH, that just is NOT good customer service and i feel very upset by the way i’ve been lead to believe that the service which was given before i paid the monthly subscription for the year was better than the one i’m now currently getting !! No loyalty on your part !

eHarmony

21 February 2011 14:58

Hi Kimberly,

Thanks for your comments. You should continue to receive matches, though they might be sporadic at times. If you’d like to talk to our Customer Care team, you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m). They’ll be happy to talk through your account, and may even be able to help you adjust your settings so that you receive more matches.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

24 February 2011 01:41

Argh, I’m so glad I’m not alone! I’ve not been on the site that long but have had hardly any responses, views or interest. I’ve signed up for a year and will definitely stick with it but it is soul destroying to have received so little interest. I decided to try this site as a way to get back into dating after breaking up from a longterm relationship a while ago and even though I’m only 22 and not bad looking and have done my best to fill it my profile it has completely destroyed my confidence! What am I doing wrong?

eHarmony

24 February 2011 10:52

Hi C,

I’m really sorry you’re not enjoying your eHarmony experience. As I can’t look at your profile personally, I’d suggest you get in touch with our Customer Care team who are great at giving advice on individual profiles and helping you get more communication. You can call them for free on 0800 028 0308, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

25 February 2011 21:14

Hi, I can only echo what so many others seem to be saying, EH has turned out to be a real let down. How can the matches they send be so compatible if they don’t respond? It does make you wonder if these people actually exist. Surely if the EH matching system is so good matches would be keen to respond. It does nothing for your confidence. Just have to put it down to experience. When I questioned my non-responding matches EH said they couldn’t distinguish between paying and non-paying members and I had joined after a free weekend. Fair comment but I think if people don’t join after a few weeks they should be removed from the matching system or at least we should be able to tell if matches are paid up members so we know they are serious.

26 February 2011 01:41

I’ve only been on eH for 4 days but I’ve already come across quite a few hurdles.

1) I found the sign-up/profile-building extremely tedious and I ended up rewriting alot of it once I finally got to see how it looked on my profile page.

2) Why oh why are there no thumbnails to accompany the names on the list of matches? I keep mistakenly viewing the profiles of people I’m not really interested in (and thereby, I believe, alerting them to my repetitive attention) because when I first viewed I wanted to think about them a bit before closing. It took me a while to realise that I was better off keeping track by archiving the “maybe” matches and just keeping the “wow” matches open on the homepage. (But I’m not sure what’s happening, if anything, on the other person’s end when I archive them).

3) How do I view my personality profile? I have kept it hidden from my matches because I don’t know what it says. I understand this is all about honesty but I’d like some idea of what other people will be learning about me.

On the positive side, I was quite impressed by the quality of matches I’ve been presented with so far. Most of them seem quite well suited to me (on paper, anyway.) Nobody’s made an effort at communicating yet so I’m going to take the first step myself and hope for a better response than most of the other commenters on this feed seem to have gotten!

Ruth

5 March 2011 06:50

I just found this thread quite by accident and I’m very glad I did.

I think that says it all about this site. I seem to find everything by accident!
It is difficult to navigate and find what you are looking for and everything seems to be unnecessarily long winded.

I hadnt realise about the fact that so many of my ‘matches’ could be unpaid members and thus never likely to communicate.
At the moment, having been on here for three weeks, I am still receiving at least 7 matches a day. I have sent ice breakers, questions and emails to several of my matches (I am being pro active in this!) and have only actually communicated with two.
My homepage is full of matches and as others have said this just becomes a list of names and as I dont archive or close matches as I see them I end up having to reopen them all at a later date to decide where to go with them. A thumbnail photo would help me with the now 90matches I have to sort through again.

Time consuming and clunky is I think the best way to describe my experience on the site.

I am on here to find love or at least a step in the right direction, so it’s not for want of trying to get on with the site.But I wont be re-newing and I wont be recommending the site to anyone soon either.

I just find it strange that a site that has such great advertising and promise is actually so hard to navigate and non user friendly. Im sure that many many happy customers would disagree with me (after all 2% of American weddings last year were eharmony ones!!! see advertising and all that! hahahaaa).

Tim

6 March 2011 07:27

This comment stream has really struck home.

I am ok with getting a knock back, I am fine with ” sorry Tim, not interested, good luck in your search ”

I have done the same to people who have enquired.

Why can’t we have that feature added. I’m fine with just being told, ” thanks but no thanks “.

It’s not what I truly mean, but the gist is there.

JC wrote a good piece about this, I’ve read this forum and it’s opened my eyes a bit, shocked and at times made me scream laughing ! Totally agree, nod my head in being reminded of the experiences so far.

I am serious, I am not bitter, my reasons for going about looking for someone suit me and my lifestyle/workstyle.

She’s out there, not in a pub or club, I can’t do that now, this, I thought was an option that made it preferable, suitable to find that certain someone.

I joined, and have continually paid the the money (it’s not the money either that I’m p&ssed about), it’s the fact that if I send out a hello or mail / ice breaker that you get some form of feedback or ” yes or no “

100

Anne

9 March 2011 00:10

After reading all this I am glad to realise that its not just me. I find this site totally confusing and painfully frustrating. I havnt recieved any form of communication after 2 weeks of being on the site. How on earth are you supposed to find out you have recieved a message anyways, maybe I have had an ice breaker to instigate communication but I dont know about it as yet?? Totally confused and very dissapointed.

101

eHarmony

9 March 2011 10:52

Hi Anne,

I’m sorry you’re finding our site a little confusing. I’d suggest you call our Customer Care team, who will be able to walk you through any issues you’re having. You can call them for free on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m). They know the site inside out and should be able to answer any of your questions.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

102

14 March 2011 21:02

Agree wholeheartedly with the met ASAP approach. You just don’t know until you meet in person.
Also, I am having major issues with being matched inappropriately. I’ve been very specific with my criteria, yet still get matches that are clearly in contradiction (yet aren’t flagged as flex matches). Don’t know what to do.

103

eHarmony

15 March 2011 10:51

Hi L,

Thanks for your comments. I’m really sorry your matches don’t seem to be compatible for you. The best thing for you to do is to call our Customer Care team who will be able to look into your matches for you, and help you get the best from your match settings. Call them for free on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m)

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

104

Mel

22 March 2011 02:05

My days! Why is everyone taking this sooo seriously, dating is meant to be fun and at the moment (I joined last week) I’m having fun e-mailing some men who maybe aren’t in it for a relationship but want to chat, meet up etc. Maybe if a lot of you stopped acting so desperately and lightened up a bit, you’d get more dates, so far I’ve had no trouble .. life’s too short, so have some fun! by the way Steve, I’m dyslexic and I feel no extra provisions need to be put in place, I think e harmony is doing a good job xx

105

Jane

22 March 2011 12:45

Pretty disappointed with it so far. Have had nearly a month and sent gazillions of ice breakers to cast my net far and wide. 3 responses and 2 of those then disappeared (hint to everybody – would be kind to say you don’t want to take it any further). I have 3 months membership so I’ll keep trying and stay positive – doubt I’ll renew tho. I seem to get loads of potential matches but perhaps they exist on some other plane

106

Lesley

2 April 2011 00:43

as an experiment I send an icebreaker to almost every single one of my matches and did not get a single reply. I also find the lack of personal communication on this site extremely frustrating – I won’t be renewing my subscription – there are plenty of much better free dating sites out there

107

3 April 2011 14:32

I am beginning to wonder if this is just a con – I have now been on the site for several months and not one person has contacted me. Perhaps you could explain what I am doing wrong

108

3 May 2011 17:40

HI
I agree with Mel, we should take a relaxed approach, and if people are not replying it usually is because they are not interested! But hey move on, maybe EH isn’t for everyone, but their is definately someone for everyone out there….somewhere!!
My only problem with EH, is the matches they were sending me, were shorter then me, EH stated that height preference did not matter to people looking for potential partners, but as a woman at 5ft10ins, I can tell you it does 100% matter, especially to me!
With the point of closing matches- can someone explain to me what this is?!? Thanks and happy searching everyone

109

Mark

18 May 2011 16:05

Have joined and already cancelled subscription on 1st day…..only 6 matches in a 60 mile radius you gotta be kidding, and there doesn’t seem to be a way of browsing through the non matches either.

With the publicity this site had had I would have expted it to be full of paying subscribers.

Extremely dissapointed in EH, no where near meeting expectations.

110

eHarmony

18 May 2011 16:55

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your comments. We send members a set of matches each day, usually around 5-7. This allows you to browse each match carefully, and means that – unlike on other sites – you’re not overwhelmed with hundreds of profiles. You are also able to change your distance settings to suit you. You can find out more about this here: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/using-eharmony/2010/09/how-to-get-your-distance-settings-right

We have over 1.5 million registered users, and our service has worked for thousands of couples. We would urge you to give us another go – even if that’s without subscribing and just seeing who you’re matched with. However, if not we wish you well in your search!

Best wishes
Emily
eHarmony Advice

111

fan

9 July 2011 20:08

Awww, I had put such faith on e-harmony and thought I would meet my perfect match. Summer is here and is time to be with someone to go for a walk a nice lunch in the country, make love in the garden but all I get is nothing but wrong matches and when I send an icebreaker there is no reply. Treat others how you would like to be treated, this so much time consuming specially after a day’s work, so guys (girls & boys) pleaseeeee, be nice and reply. whatever your answer
Fan

112

Gary

20 July 2011 11:28

I find I share the frustrations of many people posting in this thread, So many matches say they are passionate about communication (after all that is one of the cornerstones of building a relationship), yet, as has been pointed out, do not respond. I am aware that they may not currently be full paying members, in these tougher economic times, it is a serious investment on this site. But I do feel it should be easier to get the conversations going. knowing if a member is fully paying or not is key, trial members should be marked, so we know to give them more time to complete profiles, update photos and sort out a full membership. And they should at least be able to acknowledge receipt of an Icebreaker / question / mail, even if only to say “Not interested” or “I would like to reply as soon as my membership goes through”.
Otherwise I see everyone waiting for a free communication weekend and mailing real e-mail address’s to those they are interested in. I have heard of some people who do this to a temp e-mail address they set up just for matches…

Communication is the key, you are a communication website, try communicating better with your own customers and listen to their requests

Gary
250 communications, no responses!!

113

Sarah

20 August 2011 19:02

I am looking to join, wish there was a trial period free to test the site out as unfortunately I am not prepared to fork out money without testing the site properly. Does anybody know the ratio of full members (who are able to respond) to non paid up members?

114

Stuart

22 August 2011 20:25

I’ve been on here for a few weeks. Sent out loads of ice breakers, mails and ‘questions’ and nada. There is one girl who, from her profile, is absolutely perfect, I’d love to meet her. I’ve sent mail, ice breakers and questions but nothing in return. I can see she’s been online so if she wasn’t interested she would of closed me right? My guess is she hasn’t subscribed which is a shame because I know she’s out there and she seems lovely. Maybe an option to pay a little more and allow non subscribers to contact you (and read your messages) is needed? I am a bit disillusioned with eHarmony. Its a bit too ‘locked down’.

115

David

28 August 2011 09:19

I just signed up for a month and I also get the impression that a lot of contacts aren’t paying members as they usually only have a couple of photos at most and limited profile. If someone has viewed your profile more than once there’s a good chance they might be interested but if you want to contact them and they can’t respond or see what you look like what’s the point. You could try sending a message with your email address and say you’ll send them some pics if they get in touch.

116

Jenny

18 October 2011 17:56

Re fan; I put no faith in this website but know I have to try as I’ve gone to long, become too comfortable being on my own.Yes I’ve sent lots (40 in 3 weeks)of icebreakers, smiles and emails and have heard from 3 men. I treat it like a game. good luck everyone.

117

Rosemarie

22 October 2011 08:21

hi there everyone, i joined for a year, i am now on my 9th month, (silly me!) I have send endless smiles,icebreakers, emails…as yet heard nothing back….this is the worst online website, in my experience…. very demoralising

118

eHarmony

24 October 2011 10:13

Hi Rosemarie,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re not having a good experience with eHarmony. We would love to help you out and see if we can make the rest of the time you have with us more fruitful. We have a great Customer Care team who are on hand to help: you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308, chat with them using Live Chat from our help page (http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/home) or you can email them (http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask). They will be able to give you lots of tips and ideas for getting the most out of eHarmony.

In the meantime, there are some things you can do to encourage more communication:

- Is your profile photo a really great photo of you? One that you look at and think ‘I look great!’ I know this may sound shallow, but lots of people look at profile photos before they read a match’s profile. One of the best things you can do is ask a friend to choose a photo for you. Friends will often have a great idea of what makes you look your best.
- Is your profile interesting and varied? We hear two complaints about profiles: firstly that they’ve not been filled out fully and secondly that they sound generic. It’s important to stand out with your profile and make your unique personality shine through. Pay special attention to the section about what you’re most passionate about. That’s usually the first part of your profile your matches will see and if it’s lacklustre or has just a couple of words in it then this might turn some matches off.
- Send Guided Communication or eHarmony Mail to any matches you’re really interested in. Icebreakers are a good way to show an interest, but if you can show that you’ve tried to personalise your communication with a match then is shows you’ve put in more effort.

Hope this helps, and please let us know if you have any more questions.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

119

Claire

31 October 2011 19:23

I really don’t like that matches can see how often you’ve viewed their profile. I’ve viewed people I’m not sure on several times to remind myself not realising thatthey would see and think I’m really interested or a stalker! I can’t actually work out where I can see who is viewing me, guess I need to spend awhile looking at the settings but I agree it’s not that user friendly.

120

Anna

2 November 2011 21:53

Thank you thank you thank you!
These messages have restored my self esteem as I was beginning to think I must be a complete minger as nobody replies!!!! Maybe we should set up a break away site as everyone who’s commented is obviously interested
As for matches I think my best one who was obviously so ‘deeply compatible’ was a bisexual naturist
good luck to all x

Comment on this article (no need to sign in)

Looking for more?

Sign up to eHarmony

FREE to review your matches

First Name:

I'm a: seeking a

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:

How did you hear about us?

By clicking 'Find My Matches', I confirm that I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. I understand that I may receive special offers and other email communications from eHarmony and that I can adjust my email preferences at any time.

Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.