eHarmony Advice

check your spelling
There is no apostrophe in ‘haves’, just as there is none in ’stands’, as you spell correctly. So the phrase should read ‘must haves and can’t stands’; they are both just plurals.

apr

Those were quote signs in haves and stands, not apostrophies. eHarmony had it correct.

Has made me write some more on my profile cheers

Come on Arlene (cue Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ music…I know it was Ilene, but couldn’t resist) having reviewed your website, you’re obviously a bit of a mis-guided activist, but apr was right; you just reviwed the text after the changes had been made. Apr, I’m impressed.

> For example, you may be a great dog lover but if you spend your ‘About Me’ profile talking about how your dog is your greatest friend, someone who doesn’t own a pet may be put off. However, after meeting, your match may come to love your dog as you do –

In my case, you’re right about the first part, but wrong about the second. I find it very useful when people put in their profile that they own a dog as that means it’s one fewer people I have to wait months for a response from as I’m not a dog lover and never will be.

Mike

Ah! Yorkiebest – I feel a bit sad reading your comment. You have self-esteem issues that need sorting. You think you’re boring because right now your life is uneventful – but you don’t have to be synonymous with what you do; I know plenty of people who are not where they want to be right now Just think of the things that are intrinsically “you”: what do you like about the world? What’s your philosophy on life?, etc, etc. And why not write your stuff in a Word doc first and check for spelling and grammar. It’s not a very good programme for weeding-out inaccuracies, but it’s better than chronic howlers.

**Good luck**

I just spotted yorkiebest(8). Whilst I sympathise with his disability, was he being genuine or has he done what I have just done?(re:spelling) Nice to see he has redeeming features. He’cares’for old ladies. Ah

David, I think “reviwed” should not “of course be reviewd”, perhaps “reviewed”?

Yeah, OK I couldn’t resist I think I agree with you regarding yorkiebest, I certainly got the vibe that it was not entirely genuine.

Whilst I’m here… ju, Word is not a programme, it’s a program.

I agree Howard, eventually a person who can’t spell will be revealed and genuinely are we all looking for the perfectly grammatically spelt profile and if we are … why ?
I am able to spell, generally and can construct a reasonable sentence, most days. However, it is not who I am and I agree with Mike having been with a person who disliked my dog and one who didn’t I know who I would choose. However, Mike should be more open minded as not all of us have dogs who rule our lives …
Ultimately just go with the flow and try to look past what is immediatly seen to what just might lie beneath …

Unless she is stunningly attractive then I am not interested….

I think spelling and punctuation is very important.It gives an overall impression of your level of education and also how much care and interest you put into how you appear to others. I instantly reject anyone that makes lots of obvious spelling or punctuation mistakes.Sorry if that seems harsh. Also, its true what the writer says about people that put as little as possible in their “about me”. To me that just reads as “no personality.” Either that or they can’t be bothered and if they cant cant be bothered then why should I?

Can anyone explain why the recent trend is not to post a photograph – and in some cases – not to even give a full first name? My personal view would be to not respond to anyone who posts a profile like this.

Am I alone or does anyone else think like this, and if so, why do they even bother?

No,you are not alone Alex.I am absolutely bewildered as to the ammount of prospective matches who have ommited to include even a single photo alongside their profile.Have also asked a female friend for her opinion,but she was also bemused.There must be someone out there that who can come up with a logical explanation.

eemmmmm…well good for you guys, you pell, well some of us we can’t, tough luck if it doesn’t tinkle your fancy, i’m not gonna sit with a dictionary next to me just to make sure i don’t miss spell any word on my biography trying to make sure i impress ladies like Tanya (21) no ways, if you feel i incorrectly spelled any word on my profile and that borders you pls don’t even border ’cause you are too perfect for me and i’m not looking for perfect people i’m looking for a perfect match,…lol grow up guys… leave it up to the school kids….. cheer up..:) sorry guys i had to write twice in a row……Belle (14)…”)

Ben
It’s programme in England, program in USA.
It drives me nuts. Spell check on Word has English English and USA English. Mine has got set to USA English and keeps throwing out words I’ve spelt correctly. Color/colour. There are hundreds of words you Yanks spell wrong.

Trevor…get a life.
They don’t spell it wrong….it’s the USA.

Oh God Lord!!
I am new here and reading all these comments
I want to run away from this website.

I am not English and for sure I will make some spelling mistakes but likely people likes me for what I am and for my sense of humor.
I have met a few politician and I assure you guys that even them are making elementary spelling mistakes.

Why we are so judgmental?
Do we have to be so perfect?

A friend got married this cool, smart girl(an academist) who speaks five languages fluently and him too.
After two years of marrige they split up, They have a polite, formal relationship but not warm unfortunately for the child.
They were not able to speak what I call “the love language” and the good high education makes them miserable.

It is deeply sad to see intelligent people loose what the life gives for the only pleasure to say …I am perfect ”

To Tanya(21) I would like to suggest to reread your comment where you said ” Also its true what the writer..”
If my mind does not loose me now, I believe that you wanted to write ” Also it is true… “!!

As a matter of fact that I am here to be found from my new wonderful partner, I still hope and have faith in what will be a perfect match.
Also thinking how lucky we will be.
Our children could be bilingual or even trilingual.

Good luck to all..

Vanessa

Say your ”willy” is your best feature. discussting man!!!

There are those who think grammer is important,and those who don’t. That is just the way it is.
Personally,I think my spelling,and grammer is part of who I am, and that you should always be yourself – no matter how you write.

I agree with belle (14), Stop complaining, you shouldn’t judge people on their spelling ability.

I just want to say that I am not a great speller but spelling is an important part of personality, some are genuine mistake which can easily be overlooked, but some people can really put down some careless sentences that appear irresponsible. People see bad spellings as an indication of low quality, the society is based on presentation and class. I was reading through Paul’s note above, there were some few hiccups towards the end but, that can be overlooked. Consideration for choosing a date can be based on several factors that include spellings.
But some profile can come up with sentences that is appalling; for example “am intrestin in futbol” i like to play fotball with my sons” i av GSH with many intress. Hun! Hun!!!.

I am new to this website and the idea I had was to find someone nice. I am concerned that too many of you are too judgemental about un-import things, such as the written word. How someone is and lives is more important surely. Not everyone has had the full and round education of some of the hyper critical people in this feed back page.
I too am disappointed at the lack of photograph’s and proper introduction information on quite a few of the people that I have been introduced to. I am just your average woman who does not enjoy having photograph’s being taken and I feel that if I can put myself though it then so should the men on this site.
The other issue I have is that some of the introductions that have been sent to me have had sex as the top most thing on their mind……. This is only a part of a relationship and not something that you need to throw at someone you have not even met yet.
As for all this spelling and grammar god if that is all you have in your lives to worry about I am wondering if I am on the right site at all. It’s the content and the person profile that you need to look at, spelling and grammar in everyday life is not that important.

Hi Kala
I am glad that the photo business make some else less than happy. Re: the no reply to ice breakers why is it that people can’t even say “no thank you”, just to leave someone questioning what they have to do to get some feed back is a little deflating.
The other thing that I find hard to take is the closed an introduction without any reason, which also can be a little hurtful. So please if you get an ice breaker respond and don’t close an introduction without giving a reason; there are a lot to choose from in the drop down list.

Spelling is just a small part of something so huge! I agree that a person who can spell correctly gives the impression of an education, BUT is by no means of importance. I strongly believe it helps also if men on here have photos !! We will always look with our eyes foremost, and without a photo the profile becomes hollow and leads to a closed match..we view with our eyes, similar to sitting down to a meal, we view the meal with our eyes to see if we like it before we taste it….please guys post photos, if us ladies can then what is stopping you?

I agree with Paul and Howard. I am dyslexic and I did check my profile carefully. When sending messages I do sometimes use a spell check and proof read. The odd error will slip through the net and the kind of person I am looking for is not the sort of person who is going to judge me on just spelling alone.

Some of my matches have bad spelling because English or is not their first language or they are dyslexic or just human but I don’t mind.

I’m glad I discovered this article, for the following reasons:
1) finally added some pictures;
2) bulked up the ‘About Me’ section, which was, frankly, in a rather poor state; and
3) got to read all the interesting comments that have been posted after a return from a great (and late) night out!

On the subject of grammar/spelling… I think it is important, but not for the reasons some people have mentioned (such as indicative of level of education or attention to detail when setting up profile). For me, it is simply because I find someone who can express themselves well a very attractive trait and, in the absence of face-to-face contact, it is one way of deciding whether someone is articulate and a good communicator.

Hopefully, that makes sense? I’m not being very articulate myself am I?

ps: If there are any typos, please forgive me, for I have sinned!

Oh dear James! You committed a cardinal sin by using ‘lol’ in your message.

*She says laughing out loudly* (Boos follow from the crowd)

We must consult a solicitor ASAP so that you can defend this action when the ‘language police’ take this matter to court.

On a more serious note though, I agree with a comment from one of the girls earlier… guys, PLEASE can you write a little something on your profiles. Anything will do for starters (even with typos), just until you wean yourself off your addiction to writing, err… nothing.

In the meantime, does anyone know if you can do a search to find your own matches through the site? I’d appreciate that a lot, as the people on this page seem far more interesting than the so-called ‘matches’ I am receiving.

Yours sincerely, Nadia

Martin – you can’t spell occurrence.

Spelling and grammar show that you have a decent education and attention to detail. Without those, I wouldn’t want a first date, let alone a second one. People who think they’re not judged on the way they write and the way they speak should wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not about what’s underneath, it’s about the first impression. If this was a job interview no-one would say – “oh, spelling won’t matter in your application”. D’uh?

Whilst I see what comment number 6 means I would not like to see it listed as a reason for closing a profile match. I use spelling as a filter and if I see a bad one I look no further. So I would not like people to hide their true talents. If the spelling is like the one I found in one of my matches it means of two things. Not well educated or lazy. A small snip of a recent example “i av acheived is passin my drivin test” Ok my spelling is not that wonderful but I do try (and yes that last spelling mistake by me was deliberate)

Never mind about the spelling issue. After only communicating as far as the three questions section with one of my matches, I was asked “I hope I am not being cheeky, but how I do you feel about posing nude”! He wasn’t cheeky at all, but downright offensive in my opinion. Grrr!! Why is it that some men have only one agenda on their minds? He was very articulate all through and if I remember correctly, no spelling mistakes, yet he has done more to make me close the match than anyone else. I would rather communicate with someone who did not spell 100% correctly all of the time than have a question like that thrown at me by someone who I hardly knew. Call me a prude but I have a lot more self-respect for myself than that! I’m just an ordinary woman who wants to meet a nice kind, loving man to share my life with as a friend or as a partner. Am I asking too much?

Right, now that’s off my chest….let’s move on..,now profiles………..mmmm!

Kat 58, for what it’s worth, I see a lot of women doing this too. Those profiles I usually sit on for a week. If after a week they’ve not been updated and padded out, then they go in the bin!

Heehee!! I loved that Dreary!
‘Astounded’is incidentally a feeling I have become accustomed to since using the site.

For goodness sake! This is a dating website not an autobiography. For those men whom require spelling to be exact, then they shall be alone for the longest amount of time. It really is time to get a grip of your life and, as you will see, life is not perfect and neither is spelling.
Good luck and even better luck to the gentlemen that use spelling as their ‘unmatched’ criteria. How sad!

Where would we be without love, no spelling required for that particular act.

Eye halve a spelling chequer;
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marks four my revue
Miss steaks eye can knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a whirred
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong or write.
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long;
An dye can put the era rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it.
I’m sheer your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh;
My chequer tolled me sew.

Lummo(67) and Sarah(68) ought to be matched. Clearly the same eye for necessary and unnecessary detail, and a mutual sense of irony.
I agree with Kala(44) and Anji(45) regarding men who don’t respond to icebreakers. I wondered if I was doing something wrong and was supposed to follow up an icebreaker with further communication before a match could respond via eHarmony’s system. Seems not. Seems they just read my profile and thought “Bloody hell, she says so much I’ll never get a word in edgeways – no point in responding”. Hey ho, looks like I’m discovering the uncomfortable truth that there are as many different opinions on spelling, punctuation, manners, effort, understanding and tollerance as there are people registered to eHarmony. Vive la differance!!!
Good luck to all of you in your search for a mate. For myself, my subscription ends in June and I shall not be renewing. I’ve decided to try the old fasioned way again – get out and engage with life and accept the challenge of meeting people face to face. I, somehow, feel it’ll be safer.

As for spelling and grammar – most people can’t manage either, but that really isn’t the be all and end all and I know plenty well educated people that can’t spell. Surely other personal qualities are far more important.

As for the lack of pictures I can only give you my reason. I have been told that I am very attractive, and have no problem attracting male interest – for the wrong reason! I don’t put a picture up because I hope to find someone who is attracted to ‘me’ rather than what they see.

Wow! At last – a place where people communicate!! I was beginning to think the whole thing was a sham, as no one seems to respond as a match.
Lummo, what a clever wordsmith you are! You all sound so interesting and I’m glad to find I am not the only one disappointed in this site and struggling to get value for my donation to the cause!

i disagree i think this is a great way to speak to peaple im very new to this i must say i also thought photos wasnt that important as lisa said but i realise they are but i still beleive beauty comes from within who agrees?

(Lummo? 67…)
Thanks, I laughed so much at your poem, and I sure as hell needed a laugh after all the seriousness flying around in here. I love words, cringe at spelling mistakes, but let’s face it…when all you have to go on here are a few words, make the effort…
But then again, bad spelling could always be put down to enthusiasm *rolls my eyes*, or as someone else pointed out, having English as a second language…

Sorry to tittle tattle, but the poem is an old one, as eny fule kno.

NM
The Curse of St Custards

Hi Does anybody know if it is possible to upload photos from my I -phone to my profile please?

Interesting to read the above – have to say I am one of those a bit anal about spelling and grammar!!

My big bug bear is no photos and lack of information though – this is a private, paid site and I joined because of this (as I too have to be careful who sees me). Over 50% of my matches do not have photos and sorry but I will not be renewing my subscription.

Without doubt the most off-putting thing for me is anyone who writes in text speak on a computer. It would make me switch off immediately. SOunds blunt but if a guy is trying to woo me with ‘i tnk u ht’ it ain’t going to happen I’m afraid!

Apologies to all I have just spotted some glaring typos in my above message.
Is it true you that you have to write certain buzz words to be matched up ? I must have missed those out !
I am loosing the faith I think.
Thanks for listening. Nat x:)

Greetings to you all!
I found reading this part of the site most entertaining and i did laugh out loud a lot!!
Firstly i must defend my fellow Dyslexics..as the poem quoted indicated, Dysleixics dont always know which homonim is right(part of the difficulties we experience). spelling correctly is another area of difficulty however we tend to have other areas of high intellengiency within our personalities namely orgnisation/ prediction skills we are caring affectionate, listening skills, empathetic, creativity, just look at Richard Branston! -as i spell quite good for a Dyslexic, others would be put at a disadvantage because of their disability/not spelling correctly/ and therfore excluded from the whole process of finding a match.
i agree with those who commented on
1)the text speech sad to say people have forgotten how to write properly
2)some people are using the site for quick sex/one night stands and those of us who are genuine and come on it to find a partner and are offended by the scum that come on for the wrong reasons, after all we are paying money to reveal ourselves to these (idiots !)/prospective partners!filteration could be of a higher standard..
3)i agree with Nadia 27 being able to express yourself is an attractive trait and as Shirley said some mistakes are made due to haste and enthusiasm!!
Finally as far as likenening it to a job interview, uncompleted essential questions on an application form would result in it being binned. These Psychometric questions are meant to give us the opportunity to match our aptitude personality traits therfore a completed profile gives us better opprtunity of apply for the job of being a prospective partner!(smile..) and yes i would be more interested in answers that tell me something about the person but sad to say some have been answered as closed questions of merely very few words or yes /no and would have been better answered as an open ended question.
4) i have put up my photo but have not given my proper name instead i have used an alias until im ready to meet the individual is safer and more secure and to protect my identity.
5)responding to questions some people have taken up to 2 weeks, why be on the site? i think a reasonable response is 3 days and should not be longer.
God bless you all in your searching.
ps yeh after reading some of the comments people have put on this bit of the site i would definatly like to view some peoples profile. their words have been very attractiv to me.
i lok forward to your comments.

I have just put my profile on here as i am ont in a postion to “go out and meet singles” either that or i am just not brave enough!
I have not fully subscribed as i wanted to try the site first and see what comes of it.
Reading these comments are very interesting! So what is this thing about “buzzwords”?
Also i not that i am not able to search the site myself, am i the only one that finds this strange? I feel that we should all be able to search, as well as review matches. Mr or Mrs Right may be just around the corner, and the site is only matching us with people who are miles away!
Ok rant over!

Lots of food for thought here. Re the photo question, I agree with various people’s comments that us girls don’t always want to put our photo there. Personally, if someone likes my profile they can ask for a picture and if I like their profile and message then hopefully there is a way for me to send one (I’m new to the site so haven’t discovered whether it is possible or not yet). When I registered I didn’t realise that I couldn’t change my name or I may have used an alias – as suggested by fire7 (89)- so I prefer to keep my photo to myself for now.

On the question of language and spelling, there is a difference between the odd typo and a complete lack of grammar and/or punctuation. Personally if what has been written is clear but it has a couple of spellings mistakes, no problem. But I do find a complete lack of punctuation and text speak a right royal turn-off!

For those who want a quick reference to the poem mentioned it is no 67.

I have had a riot reading these comments! Each to there own I say!!!I didnt realise there wasnt a search facility on this site,looks like I wont be joining although ive had a couple of requests.Sorry to you guys i didnt respond to.

Have to say I’m surprised that some folks can’t see why bad spelling is a turn off as it’s such a negative thing on so many levels –

Firstly it DOES make you look uneducated – whilst I accept that there may be geniuses out there who can’t spell, I cannot accept that there are geniuses out there who can’t use a spell checker!
Secondly, it makes you look lazy, as if you didn’t put any thought into your profile or the impression you wanted to create. It’s the on-line equivalent of turning up for a first date in mismatched shoes or a stained dress that you just threw on.
Finally, if demonstrates a lack of self awareness – I’m sure no one intentionally sets out to create a bad impression, so failing to realise that this DOES create a bad first impression is a very worrying sign. Such a level of sloppiness at such an early stage does NOT bode well, in most women’s minds, for the future of a relationship – women tend to like men who are competent at life and attentive towards them, and an initial display of incompetence and lack of attentiveness is just a total turn off!

My Dad couldn’t spell very well, but my Mum was an excellent speller and shorthand typist.They shared 40 years and 4 children together. That to me is more important than spelling. Lets live and let live and be happy with our strengths and not harp on about other peoples weaknesses.

I find I tend to skip straight past profiles that state the obvious (eg. ‘I like having a good time.’ Really? I prefer having a rubbish time) or repeat information shown elsewhere in the profile. They seem to have really missed the point.

Spelling and grammar are important to me to a certain extent. However, it’s not the be all and end all, my own isn’t perfect. I sent a set of questions to someone today whose spelling wasn’t perfect but he came across as a really nice guy whom I would like (if he responds) to get to know a little better. If he doesn’t respond it’s not the end of the world and I’ll move on but I was able to see past his spelling. However, having said that if someone uses text speak then I move on straight away, that, to me, is pure laziness. Text speak belongs on mobiles (and occasionally some forums). I also tend to move past those who fill very little in on their profiles.

I have to admit I live in jeans. I’m comfortable in jeans with trainers/boots/flat shoes but I also love, occasionally, to stick a pair of heels on with jeans. Sometimes I may even wear a dress So I’m comfortable dressed down and dressed up, for me it’s not drivel, simply the truth.

As for someone special, I do think that that someone special will be different to different people. I’m wary of someone who is always travelling, down the gym, out with friends, snowboarding, ‘insert long list of activities here’ etc, when do they have the time to date? Mind you, to be contrary I’m sometimes put off with someone who seems to do nothing but watch tv either.