Communication: your top 3 questions answered

2 February 2010

by eHarmony

Last month we asked you to send us your questions about communicating on eHarmony. We wanted to answer any queries you had, so that you could get down to the real business of enjoying your time on eHarmony. Read what our experts had to say.

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Last month we asked you to send us your questions about communicating on eHarmony – we appreciate that communicating online can be a tricky business. Ultimately though, online dating is a great way to meet like-minded people in a safe, relaxed environment. And that’s why we wanted to answer any queries you had – so that you could get down to the real business of enjoying your time on eHarmony.

It turned out a lot of you had very similar questions, so we’ve picked three that best represent your most commonly asked questions:

I was wondering when you start the guided questions with someone and you haven’t heard back from them for 10 days or more, how do I approach further communication without coming over heavy and hassling? If you send an icebreaker and there is no reply after a while, do you send your questions or close the match? (Iain)

Iain’s question gets to the heart of communicating online straight away – walking that fine line between too relaxed and overbearing. When you start communicating with someone on eHarmony and they don’t respond, or go quiet after a while, how do you know how to proceed? Well, Iain, the fact is (and we’re sure you already know this) there’s no way of knowing exactly what someone is thinking when they don’t respond to your communication.

However, there are a few tips to remember when it comes to timing your communication online:

• You can always nudge a match to remind them that you’re waiting for a response. You will find the ‘nudge’ link on the Match Details page of the match you wish to prompt. To give matches a fair amount of time to respond, you can only nudge them seven days after your initial communication.

• Give your match two weeks to respond to your nudge. This is a fair amount of time for someone to return from a holiday or business trip. Waiting a fortnight can be frustrating but it’s better than closing a match before they’ve had a chance to respond to you.

• If you’ve heard nothing after this time, close the match. This will allow you to focus on other matches that you are communicating with.

• And finally, remember that on our side we do everything we can to prompt our users to respond to communication; from notifications on their match pages to emails that there is someone waiting for a response from them.

As for Icebreakers, while they are intended to get the conversation started, some users may require more substantial communication from you to decide whether or not they will respond. If you’ve sent an Icebreaker, there’s no harm following it up with your first round of questions in Guided Communication.

Finally, we would encourage you to communicate with as many matches as possible – you never know who you’ll find that all important chemistry with!

Despite eHarmony advice that matches may vary in their response time, isn’t it the case that if their responsiveness is well off the mark from your expectations (however unrealistic!) then is this an important source of incompatibility? (Idara)

We acknowledge that it can be frustrating when a match doesn’t get back to you in the time you would expect – just as in real life when someone doesn’t call you when you hoped they would. Idara doesn’t specify whether she’s talking about first communication or an ongoing dialogue but we’ll cover both.

Firstly, as we all know, life can get in the way of everything else. Whether that’s a promotion at work meaning you have to work late, or some kind of family crisis, even those of us with the best of intentions can end up letting other elements of our lives fall by the wayside. As we mentioned to Iain above, it’s worth waiting for at least a couple of weeks to cover off this kind of eventuality.

Idara’s point about compatibility is interesting, and it is true that one of the dimensions we match people on is ‘Communication Style’. But compatibility is about so much more than you and a match being prompt communicators, or both liking cheese, for example. It’s about matching you on the really important aspects of life, such as how you want to bring up your family and whether you share the same sense of humour. And, it’s about matching you on as many of these dimensions as possible.

However, if the speed at which a match responds to you is paramount then there are some steps you can take to make this clear to matches:

• Work it into your About Me profile. For example, under ‘What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?’, you could specify that you are looking for someone who is respectful and polite in the way they communicate with you.

• If you are engaged in Guided Communication, at the ‘Must Have, Cant Stand’ exchange stage, you can specify certain traits that reflect how you prefer to communicate. For example, you could specify ‘Communicator – I must have someone who is good at talking and listening’ in your Must Haves.

• If you have reached Open Communication, or are communicating via eHarmony Mail, and are still frustrated by your match’s response rate, don’t feel afraid to raise this with them, in a non-confrontational way. They may be able to explain it to you.

• Also, if you are expecting near-immediate responses from your matches, you may need to take a step back and rein in your own expectations – it’s ok to be eager to hear back from someone you think you may have a real connection with, but don’t overdo it.

How come some matches have a request photo link rather than their photo just being shown like others? (I. Smith)

At eHarmony, the only users who will see your photos are those you have been matched with. We are not a dating site that simply lets users scroll through lots of pictures and profiles – we prefer a more specific approach to helping you find your soul mate. eHarmony members receive several compatible matches a day so that each member has ample opportunity to review their matches and decide who they wish to communicate with.

However, some matches still choose not to display their photos, for various reasons. If you look at the comments on some of the articles on our Relationship Advice site you’ll see that some users prefer to hide their photos, perhaps because they are in the public eye. Maybe they are a teacher and don’t want to run the risk of their students finding them online. Whilst this is highly unlikely as eHarmony only accepts single people over the age of 18, and we match users – users can’t be searched for – our users’ peace of mind is very important to us.

Other eHarmony members prefer to engage in a dialogue with their matches before showing their photos – again, this is purely personal choice. If you feel you are communicating well with a match, then you may wish to ask them to upload a photo in Open Communication or eHarmony Mail. Additionally, newer users may not have found the right photo to upload yet, so it is certainly worth waiting to see if they upload a photo later on.

The ‘request photo link’ you can see on some profiles is an option we are currently phasing out – it is personal choice on the part of the user to display this link, as they may not wish to show their photos upfront. However, as mentioned above, users still have the option not to post photos. The reasons behind why users ask their matches to request photos are very similar to why users don’t post photos at all.

Rating: 7.6/10 (29 votes cast)

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Comments

Andrew

8 February 2010 15:32

Once I have sent the first questions to some matches I see “Introduction” against the match on the communicating page. For others I see “Get to know each other”. What’s the difference between the two?

Many thanks
Andrew

eharmony

9 February 2010 11:35

Hi there Andrew,

Thank you for your query. We contacted our product team who confirmed that you should see ‘Introduction’ next to matches in the ‘New’ matches tab when you haven’t yet viewed their profile. You should see ‘Get to know each other’ when you have viewed a match or sent communication.

If you are seeing ‘Introduction’ next to matches you have already communicated with please let us know, and we will investigate, as this could be a technical issue.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Emily Brett

10 February 2010 17:29

Hi there,

I have ‘Introduction’ next to matches I have already communicated with?

Thanks

Emily

eharmony

10 February 2010 18:47

Hi there Emily,

If you are seeing ‘Introduction’ next to matches you have already communicated with this could be a technical issue. I have passed on your query to our technical team who will investigate as soon as possible.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Deborah

13 February 2010 23:48

Hi – I know I am not in the correct place to ask this – but I cant find a listing for a general query – so here goes. I have just signed up this evening and cant find any matches even though I have increased my search from 30miles to 120 miles!! I dont believe my answers were all that restrictive. Can you tell me why there are no matches for me please?
Look forward to hearing from you
Kind regards
Deborah

eharmony

15 February 2010 10:46

Hi Deborah,

Thank you for your query about eHarmony. We have passed on your question to our dedicated Customer Care team. They should respond to you via email in the next 48 hours.

If you have any more queries, please contact our Customer Care team here: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask/kw/contact/r_id/166

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Graham

26 March 2010 00:11

Why is the ‘request photo’ being phased out?

Surely this is an ideal way for people to be notified that the person is interested in seeing a picture?

I would imagine that a significant percentage of people will communicate with someone with a photo, so it makes sense to have an option to request this if someone is new/just signed up.

Pete

30 May 2010 12:10

Hi, I was looking in my archived section and see that some matches say ‘match closed’ yet others have an orange bar saying ‘re-open match’, both matches being closed on the same date? Why is there this difference?

eharmony

1 June 2010 09:58

Hi Pete,

If a match has closed you they will appear as ‘Closed’ in your ‘Communicating’ tab – you can then choose to move them to your Closed folder by clicking ‘Close Match’, where they will appear as simply ‘Closed’.

However, if you close a match that you are already in communication with (this includes them simply requesting communication with you), you will still have the opportunity to re-open the match at a later date. These types of closed matches will appear with the orange ‘Re-open match’ in the Closed tab.

If you have any more questions please call our free Customer Care helpline on 0800 028 0308, 8am-8pm.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Marina

15 August 2010 08:38

Could you please tell me how to close a match that you have had communication with, can’t see option on screen?

Irene

15 August 2010 14:26

Whatever am I doing wrong, since I signed up I have sent 16 messages or icebrakers and no body has got back to me?

eharmony

16 August 2010 12:36

Hi Marina,

You should be able to see a link at the bottom of your match’s profile profile page saying ‘Close match’. Simply click that and you’ll move that match to the ‘Closed’ section of your ‘Archive’ tab.

If you are still having problems, please either call or email our Customer Care team with the details:

Email: http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/ask
Phone: 0800 028 0308

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

eharmony

16 August 2010 12:45

Hi Irene,

I’m sorry you’re not receiving the levels of communication on eHarmony that you would expect.

I’ve forwarded your comments onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch shortly (via email) with some tips on how to increase your chances of communication. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing a few words in your profile, or uploading a new profile photo.

In the meantime, you might want to read one of our articles for more tips:

How to make your eHarmony profile stand out
Making the first move: our top tips
Ultimate profile photo sins

Hope that helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Lesley

28 August 2010 07:35

Why do I never get a response when I send an icebreaker?

Michael Grant

29 August 2010 20:43

I don’t really find the layout or the format of your home/matches page, very easy to follow.
I imagine it’s probably been done by someone, or some body of people who assume everyone using this site has as much understanding of this system, as they do. I’ve had match closed, what does that mean, person has met someone? or they’d rather not communicate with me, I’m not at all paranoid, just baffled!

Hoping the contents of this message assists others after me, as I will be leaving eHarmony mid-September.

Yours sincerely

M. Grant

philip

30 August 2010 20:19

How do you find your sent emails on this site?

eharmony

31 August 2010 10:31

Hi there Philip,

Thanks for your query. You can review and send eHarmony Mail messages from your match’s Match Details page. Use the ‘Collapse All’ and ‘Expand All’ links to toggle between different views of your messages.

Hope that helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

5 September 2010 17:07

on the assumption, the matches I receive have also received my details, how is it that so few seem to have viewed my profile? Surely,you need to do this before discarding a match for whatever reason

Steve, manchester

13 September 2010 17:29

I assume because they are no longer using the site.

eHarmony review er

21 September 2010 22:17

We have found that many members dont review or reply to every match that they are sent, this may be because they have decided to already pursue a relationship and dont think it right to embark on another communication ( would this be cheating ? lol)

Or it could be that some of your matches have chosen not to be sent details of their matches by e-mail preferring to check their homepage from time to time, and that they may not have caught up with your profile yet?

Wendy

26 September 2010 13:17

If someone requests eharmony mail, and I accept that; can I then return to Guided Commmunication later?

eharmony

28 September 2010 09:48

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for your query. I’m afraid that after accepting an eHarmony Mail request you cannot return to Guided Communication.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Anna

2 October 2010 00:07

Hi,

You’ve sent me a communicate free weekend but when I try and send a message all I get si the subscriber screen and my mesage doesn’t appear to have been sent. Surely if I can communicate for free then my message should be allowed through? I’m rather confused.
Thanks
Anna

eharmony

4 October 2010 09:58

Hi Anna,

Our Free Communication Weekends allow non-subscribers to communicate with their matches using Guided Communication. However, you must subscribe in order to send your matches emails (eHarmony Mail or Fast Track). You can find out more here:

http://help-singles.eharmony.co.uk/app/answers/detail/a_id/3107

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

niki

5 October 2010 22:16

Have been on here maybe a month and haven’t met anyone, am I doing anything wrong?

Steve, manchester

6 October 2010 18:36

Make sure your photo is the best representation of yourself possible.

dave

12 October 2010 10:52

I sometimes get icebreakers or requests to communicate from people who are just too far away – even with my distance preference set to the minimum, when we are on opposite sides of London it’s just no practical to meet on any regular basis. (you need to refine your distance settings for the UK – and also allow us to select individual London Boroughs).

Anyway – it would be good if there ws some way of giving a reason for closing a match, like there used to be – ie “the distance between us is too great” etc. I cannot understand the thinking that removed this capability.

Steve, Manchester

14 October 2010 19:56

Ok, far point but if you get communication from someone who isn’t viable regarding distance then CLOSE them so that they know where they stand please.

Regarding giving a reason for ‘closing’ – why bother, if you’re dumping me and we haven’t even met, I have no interest in your reasons as I will have forgotten about you within 5 mins of seeing you have closed me.

Bridget

18 October 2010 22:07

My age range is specified as between 38 and 46 so why are most of my matches over 50!!!!

eharmony

19 October 2010 15:53

Hi Bridget,

You can let us know that your age range is very important to you by following these steps:

1. Log into your account and click on the ‘My Settings’ tab
2. Go to the ‘Personal Preferences’ tab
3. Move the slider to 6 or 7 on the scale to tell us that age range is very important to you

This means we won’t send you any ‘Flex Matches’ based on age. These are matches who are compatible, but fall outside of your personal preferences for any preference that you’ve indicated isn’t important to you.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

Rachel

26 October 2010 19:24

Is there a way of responding to someone’s icebreaker to say no thank you? Rather than him have to wait for two weeks to come to the conclusion I’m not interested. It would only seem polite…

Dizie

28 October 2010 13:43

I have been communicating via e-harmony email successfully as the Ice breakers and Getting to Know you stuff I feel is a waste of time. However, why is it not possible to look at somebody’s personality profile? There does not seem an option to request to see it.

eharmony

28 October 2010 15:10

Hi Dizie,

Thanks for your question! Any eHarmony member can choose to share their own Personality Profile with everyone, selected matches or no one. We don’t have a specific feature that can request to see a match’s profile – but you can ask them to share it with you. To do so, ask your match to follow these instructions:

1. Log into eHarmony and click the ‘My Settings’ tab
2. Click the ‘Sharing settings’ link, and then the ‘Personality Profile Sharing’ link
3. Choose whether you want to share with no-one, everyone or specific matches

Hope this helps! Great to hear you’re communicating via eHarmony Mail, best of luck!

eHarmony Advice

sunday bolanle ajayi

6 November 2010 19:07

many things that happened to me on eharmony makes me thinks that eharmony is not my right datin site.because,me and my matches,when we got to level of ehamony mail.we communicated with each other 2 or 3 times.not even say anything bad.they will just disappered,and come back 2weeks after which is bad.and when they come they don’t have anything good to say.so am fed up

Steve, Manchester

6 November 2010 22:25

Rachel, the best way of saying you aren’t interested in taking it further is to click on the ‘close’ option otherwise we all waste time.

Helen

14 November 2010 00:38

Why do the icebreakers I have sent not come up in the ‘communicating’ matches? I have communicated with them and I am waiting to hear- I would like to keep track of them.
I am dissappointed with this site, I have sent many icebrakers and not had one response. I do not think I am that repulsive! I just would like some communication! You should be able to view who has recently been active on the site.

Here’s me hoping for a date one day!!

Steve, manchester

16 November 2010 18:13

I’ve sent loads of icebreakers, unfortunately some people are rude and don’t repond or if they are no longer using the site were too ignorant to close their profile down.

Elaine Mason

18 November 2010 09:58

I agree that there should be a facility to respond to an icebreaker or guided communication to say that you’re not interested but in a more diplomatic way, maybe distance etc. This would be more acceptable than just closing the match! Plus if the match can’t be bothered to upload a photo then I can’t be bothered reading their profile and it goes direct to archive.

Steve, manchester

18 November 2010 17:27

I don’t see why you have to be diplomatic when closing someone and I don’t think there really is a ‘nicer’ way to reject someone than clicking on ‘close’. I think the more fuss/information you give someone when rejecting them the more undiplomatic it becomes.

And I don’t believe it would be used correctly – I suspect all I’ll end up getting is silly messages saying “sorry, closing due to distance” from someone who lives 5 miles from me when really they just think I’m too ugly for them!

Jan

23 November 2010 22:22

I have recently joined, and like some of the comments above, am disappointed so far. It doesn’t seem to correctly record communications, with some staying on the “new” page, and some moving onto the “communicating page”, and the home page still showing Read and Reply or reply now, even after I’ve replied. It would be better to be able to close a match straight off if you are not interested in a match rather than having to archive first then re-visit later to close, which notifies the other person you have viewed their profile again, which may be misleading. As it stands I will not be renewing my subscription as I just dont find the site easy to use.

Chris

24 November 2010 02:12

Lol! I like Steve, he’s right, people have excusitis and you can’t expect a smooth ride all the time. There’s enough advice on this site about “picking yourself up” for people to cope anyway. And it’s only a dating site after all!

eharmony

24 November 2010 11:12

Hi Jan,

I’m sorry to hear you’re having some issues with your eHarmony account. I’ve forwarded your comments to our Customer Care team who will be in touch shortly, by email. From the sounds of what you’ve described, there may be a problem with the way matches are displaying for you. Our Customer Care team will be able to look into this and rectify any problem. They will also be able to explain anything about the eHarmony service that seems unclear.

Alternatively, if you’d like to speak to someone over the phone you can call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308 (Mon-Fri, 8am-8pm).

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice

john

28 November 2010 02:25

i want to see photo of my date before i will react….

Kim

28 November 2010 20:02

I find it very impossible to decipher whether someone has sent me an email, icebreaker, guided communication, list of questions previously. I have written down some answers from previous questions which may help me – but why should I have to do that? Why is it not straightforward ? If someone has contacted me, I don’t know if I’ve already looked at their profile or emailed them. Looking at the communicating page, it is very difficult to see whose message I haven’t read. I find myself revisiting members who I’m not that interested in. I don’t think I will be renewing my subscription. It’s just too damned complicated !!

Steve, manchester

30 November 2010 19:37

I’m having no problem using it.

Steve, manchester

30 November 2010 19:39

there’s a sort order option Kim – select “recent activity” within the tab where you see who you are communicating with and then go to page one – that at the top has the latest stuff that’s going on.

Ashley

3 January 2011 21:34

Wow everyone here is very good at complaining! I find the site very easy to use and rather intuitive most of the time. I agree having to archive a match to close them is slightly odd and I would love a tick box so I can send multiple messages at once after reviewing multiple profiles in one go. However, other than that this site is brilliant. I like the way we are matched instead of being left to do the endless trawling, I like, and understand, how to fine-tune my match preferences in order to get matches I want 98% of the time (it won’t always be right, it’s done by a computer and some people may have twisted the truth slightly on their initial questions out of guilt or shame), but I believe that’s because I took my time and read everything over to make sure I was doing it all correctly. Instead of instantly whining I think you should all go back to your profile and use your own brains to figure out your problems. I could have told you the answer to 70% of the questions here, you didn’t need to waste the time of the eHarmony advice team!
Get off your backsides, it might even make you all more attractive

5 January 2011 01:21

I like what Ashley says and agree with most of it.If you have bothered to pay for subscription on a site like this, one should take the time and scroll through the profiles of the matches sent to you. I find it quite helpful to stop the matching if you know you’re not going to have time for a while, and then focus on 1 or 2 at a time. So far, I have been able to communicate quite well with the matches that have replied to my communications, and I don’t experience any technical problems… I find the guided communication very good and it feels safe. 1 question maybe: how ‘ethical’ do other people find it to do the eharmony mail with 2 people at the same time? (before having met either)
I like Steve’s replies, too.

Jennifer

9 January 2011 21:47

Is there any way of stating that I only wish to receive matches who display their photo in their profiles?
I know looks aren’t everything but I think that everyone has a physical ‘type’ and that a certain level of attraction is essential for a good match. I display my photo and I have no interest speaking to people if I don’t know who I am talking to. It makes me think that they could be anyone.

eharmony

10 January 2011 10:54

Hi Jennifer,

Thanks for your comments. We don’t offer the functionality for users to only receive matches with photos, as many users may be planning to upload a photo in the near future, and we would not want you to miss out on the opportunity to be matched with them. They may be waiting for a photo to be approved or simply trying to find a profile photo they like while they set up their profile. Also, some users feel nervous about posting a photo, as they may be shy, or may have a job that makes them unwilling to do so.

We’d rather you made the decision about whether or not you close your matches, based on their profile. Also, remember that you can request your match upload a photo by clicking the link on their profile page.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

vanessa

21 January 2011 13:11

You seriously need to be able to sort out an easier way to delete unwanted matches…life is too short to spend archiving then deleting, this is a simple request with a simple solution so why doesnt it exisit!!!!!

Heidi

22 January 2011 11:09

I have paid my membership, and it lets me onto the ‘answer questions’ section for my matches, yet when I answer the questions (check the boxes) there is then no option to send them! so they just get lost every time! how do i send them to the person? and also when i go to ‘skip to mail’, it just tells me about the safety but there is no option to send anything!! Please help…it’s very frustrating! Many thanks

Helen

22 January 2011 20:10

Hi, new here, had and icebreaker, responded with 5 ‘get to know each other questions’ and an ‘eharmony mail’. I received an email to say ‘my match’ had responded, but on logging in there is nothing there….. im confused!

eHarmony

24 January 2011 10:58

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your query. It sounds a lot like you’re not seeing the orange buttons that allow you to send questions, and move to eHarmony Mail. This suggests a technical issue, so I’ve forwarded your comments onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch within the next 48 hours. If you’d like to speak to someone sooner, you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m)

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

eHarmony

24 January 2011 11:05

Hi Helen,

Thanks for getting in touch! I think the best thing to do is have one of our Customer Care team check your account to make sure there isn’t anything amiss. I’ve forwarded your query onto them, but if you’d like to speak to someone directly you can call them on 0800 028 0308 (Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m)

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

AMH

27 January 2011 04:18

I deleted a matches email from the communication tab by mistake – how do I retrieve it?

Ceri

27 January 2011 11:04

Hi there

A few times in the past couple of months I have gone straight to email and each time I have received a response which says ‘Congratulations! *name* has accepted your eHarmony Mail request. You can now freely write email messages to Jules’. But there is no message from the person. Am I supposed to send another email of introduction or are the ladies just receiving a notice saying I would like to email them?
Regards

Ceri

eHarmony

27 January 2011 11:16

Hi AMH,

Thanks for getting in touch. I think the best thing for you to do is call our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308 (Freephone, Monday to Friday, 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., and Saturday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m) and they should be able to help you. You will be able to explain exactly what the issue is and they will be able to walk you through the next steps.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

anne

30 January 2011 09:47

i have just joined how do i read the questions people send

eHarmony

31 January 2011 10:35

Hi Anne,

Welcome to eHarmony! The simplest way to review communication your matches have sent you is from your homepage. When you log in this is the first page you’ll be taken to and will list any communication you’ve had with a button beside it saying either ‘Read and Reply’ or ‘Read Icebreaker’.

This page is a useful overview of everything that’s going on with your matches, showing communication, updates your matches have made to their profiles and who’s viewed you.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Anne

31 January 2011 21:05

I agree with the comments about the layout of who you have ‘communicated’ with in any format – I can’t find a way to keep track as some profiles have moved about on my account and some haven’t (despite the same method of communication with them). Also when i send an email, does that person have to first ‘accept’ that they will receive emails before the message gets forwarded to them or what? I got an administrator msg that someone had accepted my invite to email but it didn’t tell me if they’d read my message or not, so i don’t know if should send another one…Very confusing and I don’t have faith that my ‘communications’ are getting to where they’re supposed to.

ellory

1 February 2011 16:31

i just want to know after you sign up go through all that if you don subscribe straight away i guess there is no chance in you seein some one picture anyways my intrest respond as been great just finding it hard get to a match as it mean i have to subscribe …the heart is will but just been lay off so will keep account until am able to sort subscription….much thanks if there is away around this issue would gladly embrace

Marie

1 February 2011 22:43

I find this site frustrating, very fiddly..I have been offered free communication but now find it’s not free,I have two people requesting communication and can’t respond without paying..so it’s not free..also my free membership isn’t really free, I can’t see anyones picture so I have deleted mine as I have no idea who it is being sent to by this site. Having read the comments here by users, I will decline to be a paying member. To those who have asked to communicate, my apologies, I’m not from the mainland either and have only seen 2 profiles from N.Ireland.

eHarmony

2 February 2011 11:25

Hi Marie,

Thanks for your comments. Just to let you know that from 1st-15th Feb we are running our Free Communication Event, which I think you’re talking about. This means you can communicate with all your matches using Guided Communication for the next two weeks. This will give you a great chance to get to know your matches and decide whether or not you’d like to subscribe after the two weeks is up. If you are receiving requests from matches to communicate using eHarmony Mail, then you can ask them to revert to Guided Communication in order to communicate for free.

I hope this clarifies things for you!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Chris,

3 February 2011 21:29

Hi, if I send an email to someone and I get a message saying –
Congratulations! ***** has accepted your eHarmony Mail request. You can now freely write email messages,Does this mean they have read my email, or just agreed to read future ones? therefore should I re send my initial email to them?
Thanks.

Rosemarie

9 February 2011 00:59

I too am having problems with the communications. Even during this ‘free fortnight’ I really haven’t had any real interests to my initial request…. and I’ve sent MANY!!! If I am sending them ‘ice breakers’ and initial ‘getting to know you’ questions then why is NO ONE sending me any ice breakers or getting to know you questions? I was told that when I get a new match that person gets my details too, so why out of my 260 plus matches …. no one likes me?

I was going to subscribe after this free period, but I don’t think I’ll bother.

gkl

9 February 2011 19:39

Ithought fellas on this site were different! I followedthe guided communication to the letter – after having a rubbish time on another site. We seemed to have a lot in common, but alas no. I beleive in respect for one another, clearly he didn’t. We arranged to meet on Sunday, for a drink, in a public place, blah, blah – and he stood me up!! I had high hopes for the ‘relatiosnship’ site. I thought men would be more genuine. Now it’s back to the drawing with a dented ego, and even less confidence than I had in the first place!

Dave

9 February 2011 23:39

Same question as Chris (#65)…

eHarmony

10 February 2011 12:22

Hi Dave, and Chris!

To answer your question about eHarmony Mail, if you send a match an email with an eHarmony Mail request they may accept the request, but might not respond immediately. You will be notified they’ve accepted, meaning they’re happy to accept your communication, but you might have to wait a little while for your match to write a reply.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

anon

12 February 2011 08:43

how do you know if a match has asked you to come off eharmony (supposed to be dating exclusively) but they have continued to find matches on line…

ann

13 February 2011 22:06

Couple of questions: how do you delete people? Can you really only do it one at a time? Also, can you include your contact details during guided communication? If not, and you try, does the whole lot just get deleted? Also in answer to the queries about why people don’t respond to messages, it’s probably just that they are not full members and haven’t seen anything to make them join. I’ve just been doing the guided communication thing with someone nice (Marc), but really can’t afford to join just yet so have no further way to let him know I may be interested!! Would also comment, far too many people are way out of my area and age group, yet they are still being sent.

david

16 February 2011 20:59

now that the free communication time is over how come we cant see pictures ????????? if i cant see the pictures of the matches then what the hell is the use of this web site i dont want to end up with some dog that i cant stand and most of the matches 99% are from over 20 miles away from me that not good so why should i pay for this
david

Lucy

27 February 2011 16:00

You can’t blame e-harmony if your matches haven’t replied to your ice breaker, or because a date stood you up!! And to the person who asked- “If the guy I’m dating asks me to come off e harmony- how do I know that HE’s not still on it himself…” thats a thing called trust, and if you can’t manage to find that with someone you shouldn’t be dating them in the first place! And girls- this whole thing about a “nice” way to say “sorry I don’t want to respond to your ice breaker”- is just ridiculous- if you close someones profile it means “I wasn’t really interested in your profile”- you don’t need a “nice” way to say this- this is a dating website, its expected you’ll like some profiles and not others! And if you yourself find it incredibly hurtful when someone doesn’t respond to an icebreaker- you may need to find a way to improve your overall confidance and self esteem, as this really shouldn’t be a crushing event!

jayne

7 March 2011 21:20

I’ve found this website difficult to understand at first but eventually got the hang of it.Also,because there are so many matches it’s difficult to choose thought I’d like to read more of them it’s impossible, hence I like a photo at least. I’m shy myself but I know I I need to post a photo.I’d prefer to meet people closer and have the radius closer only because it’s not practical to like someone so far away, one of us has to give up their home and may not be brave enough or had bad experience, anything really

Lottie

9 March 2011 15:01

Once my communication request has been accepted, I dont need to resend my email do I? This will automatically be sent to the person I am trying to email? The system says “congratulkations, your request has been accepted, you can now start communicating” and there is a box for “send an email now”, this is a bit misleading as I am not sure if the email I have already sent will be forwarded on or if I need to resend it?

eHarmony

9 March 2011 16:30

Hi Lottie,

When you start communicating with a match using eHarmony Mail, they will need to accept your request to use eHarmony Mail. Then they will be able to respond to you. In the case you’ve described above, it sounds like your match has said ‘Yes!’ to communicating with you using eHarmony Mail, but hasn’t got round to writing a response yet (they’re probably waiting until they’ve got the time to dedicate to writing a response )

Don’t worry – you only have to do this once with each match.

We let everyone accept or decline eHarmony Mail from their matches, as some users prefer to start talking using Guided Communication.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

David

30 March 2011 08:44

I’ve joined fairly recently. I sent out several icebreakers. Two responded, wanting to see a photo. So, I duly obliged and uploaded some onto my profile. Within days, both had closed their match with me. I’ve had this happen on other dating sites as well. My written profile seems to attract but it all goes wrong when the photos are added. Short of (a) a Photoshop makeover or (b) a face or body transplant (:)), what can I do about this?

Temi

30 March 2011 19:02

Hello eHarmony, I have noticed that a lot of people I send messages to dont have the option to reply and even some that send icebreakers to and reply we cant go any further. No way to continue communication even after exchanging icebreakers… why is this?

We cant communicate. This doesnt give a good report to tell others about eHarmony

Thanks

Temi

David

30 March 2011 23:24

Is there someone on e-harmony who can review what I have entered on my profile? I have tried to be honest about myself, as I have done on other sites, there is no point in being what I am not. But I would appreciate some advice as to my profile and how to progress regarding communication. Frankly, I have wasted enough time over the years trying to “be myself” on sites like this, only to be ignored or rejected.

eHarmony

31 March 2011 10:33

Hi Temi,

Thanks for getting in touch. Your matches will be a mixture of subscribed and registered users. Subscribers will be able to communicate with you straight away, however registered users can only send Icebreakers to their matches. If you have exchanged Icebreakers with a match who is registered then you can be pretty sure they’re interested in you, and may well subscribe soon to communicate with you.

We would recommend sending first Guided Communication questions to any match you’re really interested in, as this shows a very clear desire to communicate, and can say more than an Icebreaker.

Please let us know if you have any more questions. If you’ve like to speak to our Customer Care team, you can call them for free on 0800 028 0308.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

eHarmony

31 March 2011 10:46

Hi David,

Thanks for getting in touch – we’re always keen to help our members get the best from their time with us! There are a few of things you can do to get advice on your profile:

1. Submit your profile to us and it might be chosen to be featured in our next newsletter for feedback from users. More info here: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/using-eharmony/2010/10/want-some-feedback-on-your-about-me-profile
2. We have quite a few articles about putting together the best possible profile, you can browse them here: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/using-eharmony
3. Make sure you’re posting great profile photos – you can find out more here: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/using-eharmony/2011/02/gallery-the-10-worst-profile-photos-you-can-post
4. If you’d like to chat to someone, you can call our Customer Care team, for free, on 0800 028 0308

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Kay

31 March 2011 13:29

Hi, can you please tell me that if a user accepts my email request, it means they are a registered or subscribed member of the site? And that if a user accepts my email request, they can also actually read the email I have sent.Many thanks and good luck all in their search.

eHarmony

31 March 2011 18:43

Hi Kay,

If a user accepts your eHarmony Mail request, that means they’re a subscriber yes. That means they can read and reply to your email.

Thanks!
Emily
eHarmony Advice

John

9 April 2011 20:50

I have been a member for only a few weeks and have received a couple of icebreakers and met someone I could talk to on an intelligent level. I am still looking for that special someone and am loving using e-harmony. Although I have not had a massive response to my profile, I have had communication and e-mails and believe that if I stick with it, I will find my “soul mate” here.

E-harmony is the best dating site I have seen. The advice pages are brilliant (if you bother to read them), and if you take the option of having your premium personality profile, you will find it very accurate. I really enjoyed reading mine, and was able to have a good laugh at myself, as I recognised all the characteristics about my personality.

Unfortunately, we all have to accept that sometimes some people might not fancy us. I have sent e-mail requests (I prefer not to use icebreakers or guided questions) and received no response, but hey, that’s life. Two of the people I have contacted did not have a profile photo – get to know the person, looks aren’t everything!

I also believe that the way e-harmony matches people is way ahead of other sites. They take the hassle away of trawling through profiles yourself; most of the matches I have been sent have been very close in most aspects to the kind of person I am looking for. This is a very professional site and from what I have seen of it in the few weeks I have been a member, the people running it are serious about helping us to find love. Most other sites just leave you to it. Sorry for waffling, but I am really enjoying e-harmony.

Just one thing I wanted to ask. If I want to widen my match settings to include say a specific European country, are e-harmony as careful about matching people from other countries, or is it just a free-for-all? I couldn’t find any advice about what happens if you want to try matches from abroad. Thank you.

eHarmony

11 April 2011 09:54

Hi John,

Thanks for your comments.

We match everyone using the same key dimensions, so no matter what your personal settings are (for example, whether you’re looking for someone within 30 miles, or across the whole world) you will still receive highly compatible matches.

Hope this clarifies things!

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Pete

12 April 2011 17:10

I’ve been using the site for a year and have met some nice women, just not the right one yet. I met someone outside of eharmony and we dated for a while so I didn’t do anything with my account. When things didn’t work out, after a while I came back on here and now have some 800+ matches that are way out of date. There seems to be no way to bulk edit matches as closed so I’d need to spend a week of evenings going in to each match and clicking on close match. Is there any way to bulk edit or should I step back and consider these very old matches as potential people to start communicating with?

Persephone

29 April 2011 13:40

It has been raised numerous times but in the event of EH not paying attention I’ll repeat it ) One thing the site would REALLY benefit from is the option to see which members are paid and which aren’t so you can work out who chooses not to respond and who is unable to due to restricted membership. Given the cost of the site I don’t think it’s much to ask, other sites like plentyoffish which is free, and matchaffinity show when a user last logged in either in hours (for POF) or within the last day/week/month which would be really useful given the amount of money being spent it’s worth knowing people your being matched with are still on the site regularly.

chris

7 July 2011 07:36

All very fascinating stuff. My beef is with ‘guided communication’, in particular the requirement at the second stage to select – and therefore have – 10 and only 10 must haves and can’t stands as defined by the eharmony wordsmith! Or have I got this wrong and there is some way to follow this path without lying to the recipient by selecting items arbitrarily to fill the quota, even when you do not agree with the wording of the item, let alone do not have that preference?

gina wilson

19 July 2011 20:04

I am a new member and I’m finding it difficult to navigate this site, perhaps you can help? I have 4 pictures of someone but I can only see the 1 showing, also when I got a message I could only view it once, I cannot seem to click back onto it and read again, am I doing something wrong? also I tried to return an icebreaker and couldn’t. please can you help a newie…

eHarmony

20 July 2011 10:10

Hi Gina,

It’s difficult to diagnose the precise issue you’re having from your comment, but we’d love to help you out. Please call our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308 – it’s free and they should be able to access your account and work out what the issue is over the phone.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Chris

10 August 2011 21:41

I just find it very hard to talk about myself to a stranger. After 29yrs of being with one person, then suddenly thrown into being single. I’m not sure I know how to be single with out being polite and making small talk. how do I keep him interested in me?

Joe

29 August 2011 23:39

Hi, I have yet another question about icebreaker. I sent icebreakers to matches that I am interested with. Some of them viewed my profile and never responded back to me at all. Not another icebreaker, question, or closing the match. Should I go ahead continue with my first questions or should I close them after a certain time period? Thanks!

Gabriel

10 September 2011 20:37

Why is it when I respond to the five questions they send It still give me the option to reply to the same questions again? Did they send the first time or not so I dont look like an over bearing creepo responding ten times

Peter

7 November 2011 13:55

I’m very disappointed. I was moved to sign up due to the ‘free communication’ weekend, and spent the time to create a profile and view my matches. It was only after I chose my favourite to send a message to, and skipped to the free-form message (I dislike the scripted stuff, personally), that I found that actually communication WASN’T free and I couldn’t send the message I had already lovingly crafted!! I feel like this so much time of my life I won’t get back, due to false advertising.

Martyn

1 December 2011 01:03

Does eharmony send me matches who are not subscribed? I am begining to wonder as I am trying to communicate but getting no responses at all. If I am matched with unsubscribed people, how would I know that? because if they were unable to message me back or respond to an ice breaker, it would seem very harsh to match me…

eHarmony

1 December 2011 11:54

Hi Martyn,

Thanks for your comments. We match you with both subscribers and non-subscribers alike to give you the best chance of meeting someone special. Just because someone isn’t a subscriber today doesn’t mean they won’t be tomorrow. Non-subscribers can respond to Icebreakers, and send Icebreakers (one per match) so you will know if they’re interested. You can also look at when a match last logged in to see how active they are on the service.

Hope this helps!
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Irene

3 December 2011 06:56

How can you tell if someone has read your email message?

If you send an email and then change your mind, is there a way to retrieve it?

Natalie

11 December 2011 23:03

I have just created a profile but haven’t subscribed yet. Absolutely crazy that you cannot see the photos of your matches without subscribing. The other dating sites allow you to see photos and messages but if you want to reply you have to subscribe!!! Also I am receiving lots of icebreakers but I am unable to respond to say I haven’t yet subscribed so my ice breakees may think I am rude or not interested!!! I was really considering subscribing to this site as I had heard a few good stories but now I am not so sure!!!! Eharmony – there is a few issues here that need to be dealt with!!! Do you listen to peoples comments????

eHarmony

12 December 2011 10:39

Hi Natalie,

Thanks for your comments. I’d definitely suggest you to respond to any matches you’re interested in with an Icebreaker of your choice, to let them know you’re interested, while you’re deciding whether to subscribe or not. We have lots of different subscription plans, from one month to a year, so there will be one to suit you.

We pride ourselves on doing things a bit differently to other dating sites, so we don’t mind that we’re different from your average dating site – and our users don’t mind that either. For many subscribers it is reassuring that only other subscribers can see their photos. If you have any more questions about our service, please let me know.

Otherwise, if we’re not for you, then I still absolutely wish you all your best in your dating journey

Emily
eHarmony Advice

100

Steve

27 January 2012 00:32

I have found this site quite complicated. I have had 13 unanswered communications and consider this ignorant.Having said that,how pleased I am that they didn’t reply because the 14th did and she is wonderful!
Thank you eHarmony

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