Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

It amazes me how many people submit photos of themselves being embraced by someone else – you can’t help but wonder what they are trying to convey…
a) look how magnetic I am
b) this is how things used to be
c) I haven’t got over this person
and so on
All major turn-offs even if the other person is actually a relative, platonic fried, it isn’t clear from a photo so they are better off not used.

Unfortunately, 90% of the people on eharmony have at least one picture similar to one of these….

Great article, the photos one chooses to use conveys everything & is critical in creating a favourable first impression.
Get a friend to help take your shots, take dozens if necessary & pick the best ones, have fun doing it!!!!!

I would say the majority of the matches I have received have very poor photos. One indeed was of two dogs. You can’t get the feel of a persons nature from low quality images other than perhaps low self esteem & a ‘can’t be bothered attitude’.

I agree with Shirley, many profile shots I have seen involve more than one person. Err, what’s the point in that?

I like the webcam photo because it is very natural.

Group photos should be a no-no. An up to date head and shoulders or full length pic of you only is the best way of letting people know about you.

The one worse thing than not having a photo at all is the one of the motorbike, I don’t understand why anyone would post a photo of a motorbike, unless you want a relationship with one, there is no point,.

It all sounds a bit shallow to me what someone looks like is only a small part of attaction. But then I prefer to meet people from the sports I am envolved in

Its a facebook thing, thats why they do it. Women dont need a photograph in this country anyway the blokes are all desperate

The “no photo” has it’s own article cos it’s so important.

But all 10 of these I’ve seen, the most annoying I find are the “who’s who?” and the “far away”.

I agree 100% with the comments about the ‘no photo’. I think the majority of the ladies, of who’s details I have been sent, do not include a photo. This is pointless. Also I suspect a lot of ‘no photos’ are posted by the free communication weekend users. I request a photo nudge and never hear form them !

Matches!

We are looking for you, how can we recognise you if we can’t see you?
Why Don’t you have any Respect for us when we are trying to communicate with you by showing yourself? We have made an effort didn’t we? Why the Secrecy, it’s only a picture, yours! Close shot,full length with a descent background ,we will appreciate!

By the way, when you do post one, avoid to include your friends, families, dogs, cats, unless they are looking for Mrs/Mr Right too. Mind you good bargain, three for the price of one! Anyway, We rather know you first! Step by step.

We won’t be looking at your car, your boat, your motorbike, or your boudoir, Just yet. This might tell some of us that you have posted the most important thing in your life! So, Why shall we bother?
Your first impression Is very important to us, your smile, your physic, your elegance and outfit! Oui, oui, oui

Be honest because surely you do not want to waste your time and neither do we…All in Love.

I never look at anyone who doesn’t have a photo. First impressions count whether male or female. I want to see a close up of the face, so that I can see any personality showing through. You can tell if someone is a happy person or a miserable one, etc. And WHY don’t men smile on their photos. I do not want to see anyone who is scowling as many men do. I also agree that the free fortnight on this site is a waste of time. You cannot correspond as you would expect to. So I will not be continuing on this site.

This is the best article eHarmony have published – would be great if most of the men read it. I am sick and tired of looking at someone’s holiday photos where you can barely see them or they are wearing sunglasses. WHAT IS IT WITH THE SUNGLASSES??!! To all the men on here – do you actually look at your photos once you have uploaded them? Random shots of dogs/cats/vistas/electrical appliances without any explanation are just a waste of a photo upload as well. All I want to see is YOU in a variety of photos where I can actually SEE you. Yes YOU. Not your mates, not your sunglasses, not a random mountain range and most definitely, not your new car. I’ve made considerable effort with my profile and seeing profile after profile with hardly any photos or ones where you cannot make out what the person looks like (if indeed there are any photos at all) just makes my heart sink – especially if this is couple with hardly any text on the profile – you really cannot get an idea of what a person is like because of this so inevitably you just archive them. And eHarmony staff – do you actually LOOK at the photos people submit? If you did, I wouldn’t be reconsidering renewing my subscription as 95% of the male profiles on this site contain photos like this. You should reject their profile until they put one half decent photo on them.

Anna (message 25), Well said. Mind you, I have had photos rejected even though they meet the eharmony requirements.

Yes, we’ve seen all of these types of photos and women are just as guilty as men as far as I can see.

I don’t want to see some guy with his arms draped around you. I don’t know you and I don’t want to work out who it is. Don’t show pictures of you drunk on a night out where I don’t know who you are.

Oh, and stop using the word ‘genuine’. It’s getting my my nerves.

Completely agree with the article and most of the comments above. In fact, I think posting a photo should be a mandatory part of eharmony membership. As should paid-up subscription. I’m tired of being presented with matches who have no intention of engaging with the EH process (they don’t even view my profile). If you’re serious about finding the right person for a long term relationship you’ll post a decent photo, and pay the fees for communication, simple. It’s about time that eharmony differentiated itself properly from other dating websites. If it wants to position itself as a “relationship” site, it should ensure that members behave accordingly – a good profile pic and ability to communicate are basic indicators that people are serious about the process. Allowing members to review matches for free simply isn’t fair on those who are fully paid-up members, especially when we are only presented with a limited number of matches per day.

David (message 28) – did you ever think that so many women include the word ‘genuine’ on their profiles as we rarely meet a man who is? Think about it…

I understand the need for a photo but Cat states that she archives any match without a photo. I have just joined and I initially concentrated on my profile, making sure to complete all the sections. Finding a photo, putting it onto the computer, uploading it etc unfortunately took me a little time to work out. I would hope that people wouldn’t archive me just because I was unable to add a photo straight away.

Jamie (message 33) – I don’t think you realise how offensive your comment actually is. With the best will in the world, you cannot tell if a person is genuine until you actually meet them so to say that it must be my fault (as you guys are all soooo perfect) is incredibly rude. Even if you are as cautious as I am (i.e. only considering profiles with decent pictures and profile information that gives an idea of what the person is actually like and then following up with e-mail conversations before meeting up), you cannot predict when a guy will be totally disinterested when you meet up and not even give you a chance, or worse still, not even be honest and say that you don’t think it will work – just come up with some lame excuse. It’s baffling that people actually pay to be on here and then behave like that. And I’m not saying it’s just the guys as I’ve heard some pretty awful stories about the behaviour some girls on dates so nobody’s perfect.

Alison (34) If you look at your matches you will notice that there are two steps to completely closing a match. The first is archiving it, then closing it. I archive matches without photos but I leave them there for at least a week before shutting them completely, sometimes if they have a really good written profile then I’ll leave it longer. Whilst in the ‘archive’ section the matches aren’t closed as such and, as far as I know, they can still contact me.
Of course there are certain criteria that I have that if a potential match doesn’t have these I close straight away but that doesn’t include having no photo.

I don’t mean to offend Anna, but you do seem to be tarring us guys with the same brush which is a little unfair. I agree with 37 – Segedunum there (incidentally I live right next to a place of that name), you can’t dwell on the past. I’m a decent guy, but I have no luck. I’ve never cheated or been anything less than honest in my relationships, but my last 2 long term partners both cheated on me – maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, but I won’t be holding onto those hangups in any future relationships, or being presumptuous about any women I meet in the future – that’s if I meet any – hence being on this site, although it’s becoming frustrating sending out all these icebreakers and 4 weeks later not receiving one single reply or acknowledgement. However I am surprised to hear there are less than honest guys on here paying for this site – shame really, because gives us genuine guys a bad name.

You know what I agree, with all the guys and ladies comments re no photo to me personally that shows a sign of insecurity on their part, or yes possibly posted on one of the free weekends. From where I stand no photo archived, first impressions and brief outline to me the two most important things.

David – message 28 – yes me too, oh & honest.

In response to ‘The shallow one’ yes completely agree I dont consider myself a drop dead gorgeous women but would hope that whoever is doing the ‘matching’ would actually look at who they are matching and common sense would tell them that there is no way I could be remotely attracted to the vast majority of matches I get sent. Guess the ‘attractive’ guys don’t need a dating site or are just on this for ‘fun’ like most of the other sites.

I can understand people`s suspicions about others not posting a photo but i have always been put of the dating website because of this due to the fact that the job i have dictates it would be detrimental for me to have a photo posted. Perhaps eH should allow people to post their reasons for not posting a photo in place of the photo.

I really think E Harmony should read all of the comments regarding photos not being uploaded.
It is not a match when you cannot see what is being offered. They should highlight all the matches with photos and those without so that you can choose to archive without even opening them. It is a HUGE negative aspect about E Harmony and it makes searching through your ‘matches’ tiresome and cumbersome. Not a user friendly site which is a shame given the amount of information they obtain from you when you first join. The joining process fills you with hope but the delivery of your matches shows little ‘matching’ at all. I m a lady who is 5 10 – so am regularly sent blue profiles of men of 5 6 who live hundreds of miles away …..its not going too well at the moment:(

I’ve closed matches from women who don’t have a photo sorry! I’ve also closed matches of women I thought were gorgeous because they put something in their profile I didn’t like. Also if a lady wants an honest guy then maybe she could share her personality profile, that’s the foundation of what eHarmony is about, isn’t it. That information might make a match more possible because reading it gives info that can guard against problems.

There’s also another one that hasn’t been mentioned- ‘the shirtless photo’
I trully can’t stand those. Honestly, your chest isn’t really that important. And it makes you look shallow and very much in love with yourself

“show the kind of person you are, and the life you lead. They can also really help to illustrate the points you make in your written profile ”
perhaps reading more eH articles would clarify why some of us post the photos we do… it’s painting a picture of us and our life – which we’re hoping is what you’d like to know “)
and for John Oates [12] i’ve posted several of self in remote scottish scenes “)

I’ve just tried to upload 3 pictures one a normal headshot another with my sister after a charity run (it’s obvious which one is me) and a webcam one because I was playing with my new laptop and it came out well I thought (this does not mean I stay in all the time).All have been rejected and I don’t have a clue why. My pet hate is the ‘posing with a fish’ shot. I am so astounded that there are so many I am tempted to write a book about online dating with that as a title. I asked a guy once why he chose this particular picture thinking it might be something about the hunter gatherer aspect but he said it was because he was trying to show he was an aquarius!

I don’t want to be a blue silhouette but until I work out what’s wrong with my pictures I don’t blame anyone who consigns me to file 13… I would

Photos help because like it or not, we are visual creatures, though admittedly not all to the same degree. I liken the online dating experience to braving a large virtual party where I know no one. My first inclination is to scan for an ‘attractive’ face, one that maybe physically appealing but (importantly) also open and welcoming. So no matter how interesting profiles sound and however much I might enjoy some email banter, personally I’m curious about the face behind the words. It’s also reassuring if your interest is mirrored (i.e. they’ve seen your pic & still want to chat), though if the conversation doesn’t flow it may be time to move on. So profiles with content + headshot photos really help that process. I think where this falls down for most of us is having a stock of suitable pics. Most images are taken to capture a moment, not always to make you look at your best and I had none that hadn’t been cropped from ‘snaps’. It felt vain & a wee bit forced, but I asked a trusted friend to take some for me and was very happy with the result. Who knows if it makes a difference, but I’m happier that I made as much of an effort for my profile pic as I had for my responses. Given the effort involved to be on the site, I owe it to whoever extends the courtesy of contacting me (or chatting to me at the virtual party) and consider it polite to return the favour…

Ben 62. This is meant to be a matchmaking site not an opportunity for a job application. But well done for ingenuity.

Re no photo – I had loads of responses prior to uploading a photo, now I only get a few. Am not horrendously ugly but I do not take a good picture (even my friends who are very honest with me have said that the photo makes me look much much older and very mumsy – so much so that they had me posing last night to try and get a true image of myself uploaded – they failed dismally. So from my point view it could be good to get to know someone without the complication of having already compartmentalised someone from their photo

I get lots of matches sent though (even ones who are 25 years older than myself) and i have sent a few ice breakers to people. I would very much appreciate it if they would respond to whether they were interested in me or not. A simple “sorry but …. or no thank you” would be greatly appreciated. I also request peoples photos but have never been sent one! I can honestly say I am becoming very disheartened with the whole eH site.

Loved reading this. So many things are true. Joan, Cat, and Anna – love it..and on Anna’s note about the sunglasses – please guys, stop putting photos of you doing extreme sports on there. Just stop it!!! I am totally generalising here, but I don’t think anyone is attracted to ANYONE because they’ve been in a white water raft and have been sky diving. It’s honestly not that intersting!

I agree with most that’s been said here.Another thing I hate about dating sites is the names guy’s use…PLEASE.. I’m NOT impressed.

I doubt many ladies are when names used refer to body parts (1 body part in particular) or alcohol, ie.Boozy Al???? Very attractive!

I joined EH approx 3 yrs ago, I had filled in my profile honestly. I said I was separated at the time pending divorce. I tried to log in several times before and after my divorce and it wouldn’t let me.

I contacted them and they said I would need to send them the official papers of my divorce. I’m afraid not,these papers are private and very important. I refuse to send them through the post.

I could have been dishonest and said I was already divorced, as not everyone who joins is asked to provide this proof I’m sure.

Don’t tell me to photocopy as anyone can conjure up any old tat nowadays to look like the real thing. Anyway from what I’ve read here I don’t think I could be bothered now to be honest.

EH still send me emails about going on to the site, free weekends, they have the perfect matches for me, half price deals etc but they still won’t let me log in. A complete and utter waste of time in my book.

I’ve given up on dating sites, as the matches I get are beyond terrible, with ages given too that are definitely not true. Jimbo 52yrs..yes + 20yrs. Why do people do this? Sorry for the rant, but it does make you wonder, I suspect as mentioned before it is all done by computers matching up profiles.

Best photo to me is:- head and shoulders, shot outside on a sunny day, no sunglasses or head/neck gear,no stupid/silly facial expressions, looking straight at the camera with a natural smile. you will get more responses. I have seen no photo profiles and they have the nerve to state that “if you don’t have a pic you won’t get a reply”. if you are one of these double standard people, you will only get the desperate people contacting you.

Well i’m still waiting for my photo to be approved. And since i’m not a member I cannot view other people’s photos.I have had guys communicating with me (i’ve only been on here 3 days) despite me not having a picture. Got a few photo nudges now. I would have had photos up sooner but they weren’t approved (maybe because they were group photos and I got them from my facebook).
Kate in regards to pictures of guys doing extreme sports- so being a female, should I leave the pictures of me going caving out?
I still don’t know whether i’m going to join. Especially after the things i’ve read.

What picture should we take then? Personally, as a day person, I’m fed up with the “glass in hand,nightclub, I’m so interesting I’m getting pissed like everybody else photo”. A contemporary photo? Take it from a web-cam.

I totally agree with comment number 51. This site is not at all user friendly and all these blank profile pictures. What a rip off. I have just cancelled my subsription renewal after only one week. I cant find an appropriate way to do a ‘search’ either.

It’s helpful to know that you cannot search on here, as it saves me from joining. Sorry eHarmony, it seems that you and I are just not a match. Of course, I should probably complete a personality profile myself and find your answers to the personality test and compare them to see if computer says ‘Yes, yes, yes’. However, I regret to tell you that on this one, I will be following my gut instinct and making a decision based on free will. Otherwise, I might as well ask my mum to arrange a marriage for me.

So eHarmony, we need to talk. Thanks for letting me have a look around but I don’t think we’ll get on. It’s not me, it’s you. I love you, I’m just not in love with you. I need to find myself. I’m sorry, there’s someone else. So long, good luck, let’s just be friends.

morning all my first time looking at this and found it really interisting with peoples suggestions about photos..its my very first time on a site only had a computer since Feb 2001 and taken me A while to find my way on it having spent most of my time on A building site using a computer is like learning A new trade..I just joined eHarmony on 3 months £59+ish and then found eHarmony Email offering me 3months for £34 ish which was in my “in box” ha ha ha,another new lot of words to add to my bricklaying head, which I saw and read after I’ve paid the £59..You Computers Wizzards out there how do I put A photo on ??? please..kindest regards 58yr old bricky xx ps found all your comments and tips fascinating

I like when people show them slves on cam, or skype. As i have been talk with fake people that they show picts that isn’t them a tall. and others just say they cam has a faulty, till now i have not luck yet, so i do hope in the future some one come true with they won picts and is able to speakto me on Cam, or Skype.
best wishes to you all.
xoxo Mi….

My pet hate is pictures of a man holding a carp. Other than a female carp fisher, who in their right mind would be impressed by a man holding a poor fish gasping for air buy a man in his fishing outfit!

Maybe they have been told ‘carpe diem’ and misinterpreted it as seize the carp!

The biggest turn off (and cause for matches being archived for me has to be women with photos of them and other guys who look very close to them. This has been studied scientifically – men who see women with other men are most likely to see the other man as a challenge and therefore look elsewhere immediately (or find the woman less attractive than if she was photographed by herself). I sometimes wonder whether using these photos is some kind of bizarre vetting process that women employ, or that they’re simply not aware of how much damage they’re doing to their chances of meeting a great guy. Interestingly, guys posting photos of them with women has almost the opposite effect – women are more likely to rate the man as more attractive than if he were on his own or with other men. So I’m not just being sexist!

The thing that puts me off, is a woman downing a pint of beer or wearing fancy dress. I don’t even bother to read the profile – it’s a non starter.
Thomas

I have to add to this list, the ‘look at my great butt’ shot. Hard to credit, but I was matched with a guy who had one photo in which he was literally just standing with his back to the camera in front of some closed curtains. The only possible reason I could imagine for this picture was that he truly believed his butt was so great that he had to include it specifically in the advertising. All very well, and I’m not saying it wasn’t a great butt, but the message that really burst out of the picture was’ ‘I am a screaming narcissist. Come and join me in admiring myself.’ Unsurprisingly, I declined.

I see so many ladies profiles on dating sites where it finishes with ‘if you want to know more then just ask me’ and ‘no photo,no reply’.
In my experience (unless i’m just plain ugly ha) the women virtually never initiate a conversation.
There seems an automatic presumption that the men are going to do all the chasing.And i’m sure they do and that there are shed loads more men on these sites than women.
However the quieter,less pushy or desperate fellas are the least likely to bombard the girls.Hence they don’t get a look in and the girls end up writing the site off as full of pestering cretins.
The whole concept is flawed and frustrating to me.

Hi Ben,

If you view someone in ‘What if?’ they won’t see you in their who’s viewed me section. This will only happen when you communicate with them, and then you will be delivered to them as a match. If you’re just browsing, they won’t see you.

Hope this is clear!

Thanks
Emily
eHarmony Advice