Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

i’m trying to log on to my e-harmony account and i’ve forgotton my password and i’m trying to log in with a new password and it won’t accept please help me many thanks from emma.

The one thing eHarmony forgot to mention here is for matches to use at least ONE recent picture that’s not older than approximately 3 MONTHS old!

It’s a shame as every single match I’ve met and not just from eHarmony, looked nothing like their profile picture(s)! When I met them it was more a case of me telling myself that I ‘should have gone to Specsavers’ yet I have 20/20 vision but my date decided that the picture from years ago which showed her ‘in a good light’ was appropriate.

It’s not fair to any match and pictures that are out of date shouldn’t be used. If I put up pictures of myself as a man in his 20′s then any young lady in her 20′s would feel conned as I’m now in my late 30′s.

Therefore, why do matches think it’s acceptable to do this and why is it that online dating sites allow it?

Furthermore, considering every mobile phone nowadays has a built-in camera why isn’t it possible to upload a recent picture?

John

Mark you are spot on and correct in everything you’ve said. I think it’s right you try and portray yourself as who you are and not someone you are not.

I don’t understand why so many matches I have dated or seen have put up out of date pictures and it is a real shame as I know it happens with both men and women.

I’ve had so many women who use eHarmony send me messages telling me that they have had dates with matches that look nothing like their pictures and are equally frustrated by this common factor with online dating.

Again Mark you are right in saying it seems very difficult in enforcing a recent picture policy but as you have found when you go for a date with a match and they’ve told you that you look better than your pictures on your profile it makes the date easier and better, unless your match didn’t look like the person on her profile.

eHarmony should listen to what we are both saying as I know they read these comments on all of these questions and we are not alone in thinking this as it affects all users and if eHarmony wants to lead in online dating then why not be the first online dating agency to incorporate a recent picture policy?

Maybe then a lot more people would have a lot more trust and enthusiasm with online dating as I’ve now been on every single online site and I am tired at how many matches or dates just don’t look anything like their pictures!

Good luck in finding a match Mark and I hope you have more success than I’ve been having.

John

I like what you said Isi and it’s a shame eHarmony doesn’t listen to it’s users. It’s not just eHarmony that I’ve found users uploading out of date pictures but every dating website in the UK and I’ve been on or are currently using all of them.

I’m not sure why anyone who is serious about meeting a match would use an out of date picture as you are spot on Isi it’s a very bad sign right from the start?

I’ve even rewritten my eHarmony profile to request a recent photo from my matches and I’ve had a mixed response from my matches with some in agreement with me who have been on dates and found their matches looked nothing like their photos and new users who haven’t had a date yet being very defensive and disagreeing with me.

I know eHarmony is all about hidden inside qualities but when a match looks so different from their pictures used what kind of person are they when they don’t feel comfortable in revealing who they are in the first place?

You are spot on Isi, like Mark and maybe eHarmony Support who read all these messages will realise that if they are serious about online dating they might start with a recent picture policy!

Hello Cat,

Thank you for your response but I don’t think you read my first comment which was for at least ONE picture in a user’s profile should not be older than 3 months.

A decent, clear full-length or half-body picture of a match would at least show that person as who they are and not someone else when they arrive for a date.

eHarmony could do this but currently no online dating site has this policy and allows it’s users to upload any picture they want as long as it isn’t offensive or indecent.

Have you been on a date yet from an online agency and if you have did your match look like their profile pictures?

I don’t mind multiple pictures taken over several years it’s just when meeting a match and seeing that they look very different from ALL of the pictures they posted on their profile I feel conned and deceived and annoyed that I’ve wasted my time, again!

I wish you were one of my matches Jo as it seems that only on the forums or questions the users have a lot more common sense in how they approach online dating.

Everything you said about having good teeth and overall good oral health should be expected but sadly when you’ve gone on a date you’ve only found this out when your match opened their mouth.

I hope eHarmony takes notes of these answers we’ve all put up as it really does need to incorporate these points into the site if it wants to be ahead of the online dating game?

I was to busy “ranting” out of sheer disbelief at the comments of some other users that I forgot to comment on the article.

It must be a sign of old age what with the wrinkles and grey hair and all. Which of course I have hidden from my matches out of deceit!

I think this article goes against the whole idea behind eHarmony and the approach that they take and claim is unique.

We are supposed to be matched on our personalities, our beliefs, our outlook on life and all that rubbish!

However quite clearly at the end of the day apparently all that matters is what we look like.

Why did’nt eHarmony just say so in the first place. Do they actually realise how long it took to answer all those blooming questions.

Whereas we could have just added a picture of ourselves with the caption “come and get me if you think I’m hot enough!”.

The full length picture annoys me the most. What is that all about if not to blatantly say that I first need to be sure you are not fat, or short, or disabled so I am gonna need a full length shot just to be on the safe side otherwise no date.

I find it all rather amusing really. These articles are much better than reading Closer and Heat put together.

John, if you claim it is easy to enforce a recent picture policy perhaps you would care to tell us all how this would be achieved instead of just saying it all the time.
I have been on many dates over the last two years on other sites which were for casual dating as that was all I was interested in at the time. In all honesty a couple of men looked maybe 8 or 10 years old than their picture. Maybe a little less hair, a few extra pounds but so what. A man’s eyes and smile don’t change.

Also one man I was involved with turned out to have terrible teeth which were not visible in his picture. However he was funny, intelligent, charming, and great in bed so what the hell did it matter. A man’s worth, in my book, is not judged by the condition of his “nashers”.

What makes Jo think that she is such a great catch that a man she was initially attracted to is now a definate “no no” because his teeth were not up to scratch. I am sure if I had a picture of both you and Jo I could pick you both apart in terms of appearance if I wanted to be nasty.

No, pictures and appearance are not a vital part of matching unless you choose it to be. Which is why questions like that were asked in the questionaire so that you are matched with people who think the way you do (although in which case it is deceitful that someone who, like you, bases alot on appearance should lie about there own appearance).

Needless to say John, me and you, have not been matched. Or at least I hope not. You have’nt been matched with a Sally-ann, age 37 from Worcester have you?

I certainly hope not! I would hate to worry that although my partner is attracted to me now in 10 years time he might trade me in for a younger model because I do not look like a thirtysomething anymore. Ageing is inevitable what do you expect.

Also if someone is supposed to be 40 and they send you a picture looking like a 25 year old I am suprised you do not question it sooner. Or do you just think “way hay” I’m in there!

Out of curiosity how much time do you spend getting to know someone before you meet in person? Do you rush into it that there is not much else to focus on other than the physical appearance?

I certainly understand that, if someone takes you for a complete fool (i.e a photo of their younger and more attractive sister) then they clearly have no respect for you and of course you are not going to be interested anymore even if the real them is still attractive in your eyes. But a picture that is just 5 years out of date cannot surely be that much of an issue.

This is my last comment on this thread and I shall not check back for replies. Partly because we are just repeating ourselves and partly because my mother, whom I am a full-time carer for, has been taken seriously ill and I don’t have the time. I guess we are just going to have to agree, to disagree.

However you are wrong about the recent picture policy being easy to enforce (and again you have still not really stated how this would be achieved other than to proclaim that it would be easy to). You can change the date on any digital camera, web cam, or mobile phone to be whatever date you want it to be before taking the picture.

Also just because the picture was taken today it does not stop the picture being a picture of the womans young sister. Also have you not heard of “airbrushing” we live in a society that demands “perfection” and no one looks in person the way they look in pictures you only have to look at magazines and album covers to see that.

The point I am making is that it is easy to use software to enhance a picture.
You might well ask why would someone go to all the trouble of doing this and I would agree but if people really do post pictures of other people instead of themselves, well they will do anything, wont they!

I only make an issue of this with you because a picture no more than three months old sounds extreme. If people change so quickly how do you account for passports which are issued for 10 years. Child passports are for 5 years because they are still growing and changing but once you are an adult its 10 years and thats because as an adult you dont just change that drastically without cosmetic surgery, an accident, serious weight gain or weight loss.

You say “I no longer trust the person on eHarmony is the person on eHarmony” so maybe you need to question why are you still here if you really dont trust the process or the women.

I wish you luck. I really do.

This is interesting. I read some of this thread not all in its entirety, only because of its repetition. Hey John, completely appreciate what you are trying to get across. It is only right and fair that someone posts a recent picture of himself or herself. Then again, this site is meant to delve a little deeper. That said I do appreciate aesthetics are important. However, wish there was a way of just sharing photo/s with someone you are communicating with and/or want to make that visual connection.
Please consider a photo will not complete the picture, it may be a start or an end but the in-between really does count.

Hello John

Is this just me or does anyone else find it difficult to ‘delete’ people who do not appear to be atractive on first view.

I know that we all have personal preferences and this is fine…
But I feel bad at times deleting a person on face value. As they could be lovely when you get to know them!

I also took Eharm advice and have tried to be as honest as possible with my profile. My photographs are up to date, I feel that it is really important to be honest and be yourself from the start.

Gloria

I cannot believe i have wasted my time reading all this crap. Sometimes the people we were never attracted to become very attractive when you really take the time to getto know the person. So sad ,shallow people that just have not understood the true beauty of a human being. It lies within fools. You just need to take the time and go there.

Having read this article (and the comments!) I have uploaded a picture of me which is only a few days old. Sadly I have to accept that some people will look at my photo and see a middle aged woman with a bit of extra poundage, but if prospective matches are going to judge me by a picture then they really arent right for me anyway. Personally, I do like to see a profile picture just to put a face to the details, I rarely look twice at a profile without a picture and I think that is probably true of most people.

Photos Photos Photos.Why do people keep banging on about them.Anyone who has 2 rely on looking just for the picture on a profile isn’t worth the price of a drink in my book.Not everyone is as good looking as a model or a celeb.Most of us are just everyday people.To put your photo up and then get no response at all? Well that would really make u feel good would’nt it. Perhaps some users should look at themselves and ask HOW SHALLOW AM I.If only one lady looked at my profile for what it says in it rather than does he look like a tv star that would be a first.

Claire (22) Maybe a bit of both. You can put captions under the photos. So write captions underneath which ones are before cancer diagnosis and which ones are after

I’m giving this online dating a try and hope to at least meet one date before the end of the summer. If no luck I’ve decided to try a personal matchmaker instead, has anyone out there ever tried that approach and if so, what’s your advice or experience on this.

My experience has been exactly the same as Andrew (comment 27). I know I am not the best looking bloke and I am quite self-conscious about having my photo taking. I initially subscribed with no photos on my profile and to start with, despite what E-Harmony and others advise, did not get a bad response. In about a week and a half, I only had one person respond to ice-breakers I sent out but four women initiated contact with me.
One of those seemed quite promising. We got as far as exchanging a couple of emails on the site and it looked as though we had a similar sense of humour and both liked the same music and films. The reason why I plucked up the courage to get some photos uploaded was because she asked me to. Guess what I found when I logged on the next evening. She had closed the match!!! The really ironic thing is that on her profile she states she wants people to look at the person inside, not what they see on the outside and her can’t stand list included vanity and hypocrites. It is actually quite funny now I think about it.
It gets worse though. Since uploading my photos nobody has responded to any ice-breakers I have sent and nobody has initiated contact with me. The only change I made to my profile was uploading photos so it is obvious that seeing what I look like is making the difference.
I think the problem is that on a dating site everyone is evaluating other people in the context of being a potential partner. Therefore people are looking for signs of attraction and maybe as a result are not prepared to get to know people that they might in another context.

Hi Louise,

It sounds like some of your photos are awaiting approval, which is usually done in 24 hours. If you’re still not seeing your photos soon, please call our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308, for free.

Thanks
Emily
eHarmony Advice

Its a good idea, in fact essential that if the date the photograph is not showing on the actual photo , to date it including *the year* it was taken as i have have done . Ladies if you have coloured or cut your hair add in the box “still recent i just had my hair cut /coloured ect . Take a few shots a *month* every month and pic something from those , even its its just at home or work as long as you have one up each month and try to fill twelve boxes same for the men . Dont hold babies up ever in a shot if male and on your own ..scary and innapropriate for singles and prob divorced people.