21 March 2012
How NOT to get attached to your matches too soon
Online dating is a brilliant way to meet new people, but you need to be careful you don’t fall into the trap of creating fake intimacy. Here are our tips for not falling for your matches too soon...
It’s quite easy to feel a connection with someone you’ve met online, and that’s one of the great things about online dating, but you need to be sure you don’t get attached to your matches too quickly. After all, you can’t truly know someone without spending a significant amount of time with them.
We often get comments and questions here from people who felt they’d really been getting close to their match, but then that person had told them they weren’t interested or had disappeared completely. One way to avoid some of the hurt that comes with this situation is to ensure that you don’t get in too deep, too quickly. Here are our top 4 tips for just that!
1. There is no such thing as the perfect person
When you’re in the mindset of looking for someone special to share your life with, it becomes easy to imagine that the first person you go on a date with could be THE ONE. Unfortunately it’s far too easy to idealise someone on your first couple of dates with them. You can gloss over anything negative and create this idealised view of them in your mind.
There’s not much you can do to prevent this, but if you do find yourself falling into this trap time and time again, remind yourself that no one is perfect, and we all have our foibles.
2. Happy ever after belongs in fairytales only
There is no such thing as happy ever after, as much as we wish there was. There is such a thing as a very happy couple, and true love, but ‘happy ever after’ is best left to Cinderella. If you start communicating with someone, or dating them, and find yourself thinking everything will turn out wonderfully, then you need a reality check. A happy, long-term relationship is created by to loving people who put a lot of hard work into their partnership. That’s not to say a relationship is all hard work – far from it – but you are neither Cinderella or Prince Charming!
3. No one can complete you
You probably know the famous line from ‘Jerry Maguire’ where Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger’s character that ‘You complete me’. That line is perfect…in a film. In real life, it doesn’t work. YOU need to complete you. And if you’re not complete then you need to work on being the best you can be, rather than waiting for someone else to come along and fix you.
Don’t expect your matches to fulfil your emotional needs; that’s your job.
4. Electronic attraction is different to real attraction
This is a big one, and essential to remember when you’re online dating. Someone might seem like the perfect person by email, but don’t let your emotions take over. Wait to meet up with them before you let your heart make any decisions. Otherwise, you’ll go into every date putting far too much pressure on the situation and end up sorely disappointed.