Self promotion is one of the most difficult forms of writing there is and we Brits are notoriously bad at it. CVs, personal profiles, dating profiles, all require a magic formula to get them to stand out from the crowd. Here are our 6 top tips:

1. Answer the questions as fully as possible
If your profile is no more than a list of likes and dislikes it isn’t going to stand out and potential matches will come away knowing little about you as a person. Use every question to give a full answer that tells the reader something about your personality. When asked ‘What are you passionate about’ don’t just put down the things that you do regularly or people you see regularly – what are you really passionate about? What can’t you imagine your life without? It may be music, art, personal growth; it could be your work, saving the whale or promoting peace. Say what it is, why you are passionate about it – a bit of history about how you first got involved is great – and how that manifests in your life. Write about things that are unique to you and in a way that will be memorable to the person reading it.

2. Its all about you
Even though our life is made up of the people around us your profile is about you, not them. Everything that you mention in your profile should be there to inform the reader about you. If you have a really supportive brother by all means mention him in the influential people section and say what he has done to help you but then say how you have made the best use of his help rather than loads of information about him. When you talk about films, books, hobbies, relate it back to you so that it shows something about your personality.

3. Inject a little humour
Don’t make your profile too serious. We are more likely to remember a profile that makes us laugh than one which gives lots of information. Tell anecdotes, what are the funny things that have happened to you recently? Think of it a bit like a CV – your CV needs to be short, succinct, interesting and show you have the necessary skills for the job – a good CV’s only purpose is to get you an interview, that is where you will be able to shine – a good profile is simply to get you dates and can never possibly capture the wonder of you – the reader will have to make contact if they want to see that. Make them smile and they are much more likely to come back for more.

4. Be honest
If a shop had a lovely display of iced buns in the window and you went in and discovered that they only sold nails you would naturally be disappointed. If you write a stunning profile that bears no relation to who you really are then you may find yourself with a few disgruntled first dates. Be honest about who you are by imagining what your best friend would say about you – ask them if you aren’t sure. Keep a positive, upbeat tone when you are writing – best achieved by making sure you are in a good mood when you write it. Also try to make sure that you have plenty of time to write, edit, reread and get some feedback on what you have written before it goes live.

5. Check it out with someone else
Remember that it will be someone of the opposite sex (or perhaps not) that you are trying to attract so ask a friend of that sex to check out your profile. The questions to ask them are; Is it interesting? Does it truly reflect me? Do you want to know more about this person? Do you think men/women would find this person attractive?

6. Look at what other people have written
Have a look at profiles that are by people the same age and gender as you and see what they have written. Another good place to look is the profile feedback section on the eHarmony website where people have posted their profiles for others to read. You can also read the feedback comments people have left and put your own profile up for feedback if you think it would be helpful. Remember you can edit and update your profile as many times as you like – it’s a work in progress.

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we showcase one user’s eHarmony profile, asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our eighth edition we’re showcasing Rhona’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. She’s looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:
I enjoy keeping fit, particularly running, and enjoy taking part in races. I am basically an outdoors-y person at heart. While long-distance running is my sport of choice, when I’m not training I prefer more leisurely pursuits such as hiking/hillwalking, cycling, sightseeing, etc. When not outdoors I like to visit museums/art galleries, exhibitions, places of historical and/or social interest, etc. I love music and am a keen participant in an amateur operatic society.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Honesty. Someone who is honest with himself and with everyone else both materially and emotionally. Beyond that I am looking for a gentle, caring man who shares my outlook on life.

In my own words:

The most influential person in my life has been:
My closest friend – she is always encouraging and very supportive, and has a positive outlook on life which is infectious!

The three things which I am most thankful for:
• I value the close bonds of my immediate family – they are the most important part of my life.
• I value personal security.
• I am grateful for my health and fitness, and the opportunity and ability to pursue an active lifestyle

Three of my best life-skills are:
• Achieving personal goals
• Keeping physically fit
• Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Under the surface I am a pretty emotional person, my feelings tend to run very deep.

The things I can’t live without are:
• My family
• Laughter
• Some peace and quiet – space to chill and relax.
• Freedom to be who I am without fear of ridicule
• Air, food, water – bet everyone says that!

The first thing people notice about me:
I come across to most people as being quiet and calm, and pretty level-headed.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I can come across as shy and retiring until I get to know someone – don’t let that put you off, there’s a lively, caring, fun-loving person underneath!

My interests
I typically spend my leisure time:
Keep fit – running, swimming, hiking/hillwalking, cycling, gym classes. Reading, particularly fantasy (eg Terry Pratchett, Ray Bradbury, Douglas Adams, JK Rowling) Amateur Operatics (musicals and light operetta) I enjoy learning in my spare time as well, and have recently completed an Honours degree through the OU. I enjoy the theatre, cinema, and performing arts though I don’t often have the opportunity and/or time to go as often as I would like. I love eating out, though again it’s something I don’t do often.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I’m always reading something so it’s difficult to pick one book over all the others. I am currently reading Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” – I’ve been meaning to read it for years and have kept putting it off. I’m enjoying it so much I’m now wondering why I didn’t pick it up sooner!

According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:
• Physically Fit
• Quiet
• Loyal
• Intelligent

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we showcase one user’s eHarmony About Me profile, asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our eighth edition we’re showcasing Shoki’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. He’s looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:

I’m not really passionate about something but in general I enjoy having progression in life, whether it be a job, hobby or even trying new foods. I belive that being the best at something doesn’t mean that you are the better person. I enjoy playing different sports and trying new activities.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

A genuine and friendly person who is honest and faithfull. I’m a up-front type of person so if there is something that I like or is a problem I won’t hesitate in saying something, I would like the person that I am looking for to have this quality as well.

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

My oldest sister is my rock, she’s always there for me when I need her. She’s always right when I am wrong and has brought me up since I was a baby. I even eat with the fork in my left had because my sister is left handed.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

• My oldest sister – always and I mean always there for me

• Being able to live life – learning from mistakes makes you stonger

• My Parents – Having the best up-bringing I could possibly have

Three of my best life-skills are:

• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness

• Being a good friend and companion

• Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

People fail to notice the real me, it takes a while to get know me. Thats why the people that do know me are the ones who I have a close realationship with.

The things I can’t live without are:

• My mummy

• Music

• Grilled Chicken

• A book – I have to be able to reed something

• My Car – I like traveling / going to new places

The first thing people notice about me:

My eyes – they are brown but go according to light, the more light the more hazel they look.

Some additional information I want you to know:

Communication is very important – if you want to ask something, just ask! I have previously lived in Saudi Arabia for eight years so my family have an Arabic culture rather then an Indian culture. It is all very mixed due to my father being from Africa and my mother being from Fiji. The language I speak at home is mixed but fun.

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

I like to reed – mainly magazines, books on the odd occasion. Playing online playstation – keeping in contact with extended family this way.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

Twilight – Team Edward all the way

According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

• Genuine

• Good Listener

• Caring

• Loyal

1. Group photos

We’ve asked for your profile pet hates and your email pet hates, so now we’re turning to that most prickly of subjects: photos. What is the last thing you want to see when you click through to a match’s photo gallery? Is it them showing off? Old photos? Photos with pets?

Let us know in the comments and we’ll start compiling them! And by the way, ‘No photo’ doesn’t count – that’s a whole different debate!

On the one hand, communicating when online dating is easier than the real world; after all, there are no awkward pauses, or foot-in-mouth situations. On the other hand, when you’re trying to communicate with a match, and that blank screen is staring back at you it can suddenly seem impossible to know where to start.

That’s just one of the reasons why we give you different ways to communicate with your matches. Everyone is different, and everyone has their own preferred way to get to know someone. You can send a Smile to let a match know you’re interested, send an Icebreaker to get the conversation going or jump straight into eHarmony Mail and get chatting.

There is one more option though; our unique Guided Communication process, which can help you get to know a match in a whole new way.  The idea of a four step process in order to get to know someone might seem a bit laborious, but give us a chance and we might just change your mind. Here are our five reasons why Guided Communication can be an amazing tool to help you get to know your matches.

1.    Ease into conversation slowly
That feeling we were talking about before, where you look at a blank screen and suddenly have no clue what to say to a match, doesn’t exist with Guided Communication. You can start the conversation with a few interesting questions in a way that you’d never be able to do in a bar or with an email. Choose your answers from a list, or create your own and see where the conversation leads.

2.    Delve deeper, quicker
Your matches’ profiles and photos will have given you some useful information – and helped you make the initial decision whether or not to get in touch – but Guided Communication helps you get under the skin of your match, with limited effort. You don’t need to a week’s worth of emails to discover that Mike from Lincoln really isn’t the kind of person that piques your interest.

3.    Compare and contrast your matches
We’re not very keen on talking about dating as if it’s some kind of ratings and numbers  game, but when you look at the nuts and bolts that’s what it is; deciding whether Sally from Ealing is worth your time when compared with Rebecca from Brixton (of course they both might be, at this stage!).

Guided Communication enables you to work out which matches have true potential as soon as possible. As, let’s be honest, there’s only 24 hours in the day, and you don’t want to spend all of them online. And to make this process even simpler you can ask your matches the same questions, to compare and contrast their answers and immediately see whose responses you like – and who’s going to get a polite ‘thanks, but no thanks!’.

4.    Ask the questions that matter to you
How do you start chatting to someone online? ‘Hey how’s things?’ Or maybe, ‘Nice to meet you, I see we both love listening to Swedish 80s pop and eating rice crackers!’ However you start, you probably don’t usually start with deep, probing questions and thoughts, but things would often be so much simpler if we all did this. After all, it’s not that you both love listening to A-Ha that’s going to ensure you have a deep, meaningful relationship. It’s the important things like whether or not laziness is a deal breaker, or whether or not you both want children at some point.

5.    Tailor Guided Communication to you
Guided Communication is flexible. You can send the same questions to every match so you can compare and contrast their answers. Alternatively, you can choose different questions for each match based on what you want to know about them specifically. Skip to eHarmony Mail whenever you want (though remember you can’t go back) and close communication whenever you want (though please be polite about it and if you can, let them know why you’ve closed them).

1. Prepare to knuckle down

Most dating sites ask you for just a few details, then – yay! – you’re browsing hundreds of pictures and profiles. No strings attached, no commitment needed. But at eHarmony, we do things a bit differently. We ask you to complete a Relationship Questionnaire before you get started with us, and we ask you to dig deep.

Your answers to this questionnaire help us build a comprehensive personality profile of you, and we work out which of our members you will be deeply compatible with.  That compatibility is essential, as our research has shown that it forms the basis of all happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Above all, we believe that everything starts with you. After all, it’s you that’s on this journey; we’re just helping you along the way.

It all starts with you
Our Relationship Questionnaire is quite lengthy – you can see from our members’ videos that some of them agree! But there’s a great reason why we ask you all those questions; we want to get to know you inside out, and it’s only when you tell us who you are, and who you’re looking for, that we can really start our search.

The Relationship Questionnaire is also a case of getting out what you put in. Take the time to answer the questions in a natural, but considered manner, and you should find that you start to learn more about yourself. Don’t rush the process either – it’s a great exercise to do one spare evening when you know you’re not going to have any interruptions. It can take some people up to an hour to complete, but we think it’s a worthwhile experience.

Digging deep
You don’t just fill out the Relationship Questionnaire as a learning exercise. Your responses to the questions help us build a comprehensive profile of your personality, which we use as part of the process of finding your compatible matches. This is why it’s never a good idea to fill out the questionnaire when you’re very emotional, or have had a few too many glasses of wine; it needs to be a true representation of you!

Once you’ve completed the Relationship Questionnaire, you can access this Personality Profile from your eHarmony account whenever you like. It covers how you fare on agreeableness and emotional stability, and also explains the kind of reactions others may have towards you – positive and negative alike. This makes for a really interesting read, but also can be a great thing to share with your matches. It will help them to gain an even deeper understanding of you, and may even be an interesting talking point on dates!

Where compatibility comes in
First, a word on what compatibility is – many people think compatibility means something as superficial as liking the same music. In fact, the Chambers English Dictionary definition for compatible is “able to associate or coexist agreeably”, and just because you and your date like listening to Lady Gaga certainly doesn’t mean you’ll fit that definition.

At eHarmony we take compatibility seriously. For us compatibility is what leads to happy, healthy, long lasting relationships. So, once you’ve helped us learn more about you, how do we translate that information into introducing you to other deeply compatible members? The answer lies in the rest of the relationship questionnaire. We ‘map’ your answers about your personality, emotions, values, and interests against our key dimensions of compatibility, which tell us who you will be the most compatible with. These key dimensions are based on things like sense of humour, what kind of energy levels you have and whether you’re outgoing or not.

Why do these things matter? Well, as a couple if you have differing energy levels, for example, the life of the partner who likes to be in bed at 10pm every night isn’t going to gel with the life of the partner who likes to go out until 2am most nights of the week. They might find each others’ differences exciting at first, but in time, these differences will become annoying, and will probably lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

The science bit
We can say all this with confidence too. eHarmony was originally founded by clinical psychologist Dr Neil Clark Warren who, after years of counselling couples in crisis, wanted to find a way to get to the root of the issue and bring the right people together in the first place. It was this idea, and his research with fellow psychologist Dr Galen Buckwalter that lead to the formation of eHarmony in 2000.

Eleven years later we run the only commercially funded relationship labs in the world, and continue to research the theory behind what makes some couples work, and what makes others break up. We also carry out research into country specific relationship issues, so that we can tailor our matching system to each individual country we serve.

Our eight strong research team are continually improving the eHarmony Compatibility Matching System. If you want to learn more about them, or see what they do on a day to day basis, check out the eHarmony Labs website

In brief…

1.    You tell us about yourself in the Relationship Questionnaire, which includes questions about personality, emotions, values and interests.
2.    Your basic settings (distance, ethnicity etc.) are taken to create your potential pool of matches
3.    We take your answers to the personality questions and build your Personality Profile
4.    Your responses to the full relationship questionnaire are mapped against the key dimensions of compatibility
5.    Using eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching System® we find the people in your pool of matches with whom you will be the most compatible
6.    The most compatible matches appear on your My Matches page
7.    You get to start having some fun and getting in touch with your matches!

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we showcase one user’s eHarmony About Me profile, asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our seventh edition we’re showcasing this female user’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Our user is looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:

My passion is music. I play the oboe and piano and am teaching myself the guitar. I love going to classical concerts and music gigs. I am re-thinking my career direction and hope to get into Music Therapy as I believe music can do so much to help people communicate and heal.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

Things like honesty and respect etc. I would say are givens, so other than that, someone who I really admire and who admires me I think.

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

That’s a really difficult question! I’m tempted to use the ‘sample answer’ but then I don’t have a brother.. I’m quite easily swayed and love learning from people so all sorts of people have had an impact on me. I’m sorry I just can’t choose one!

The three things which I am most thankful for:

• Freedom to do most things I want to do

• My sister and her emotional support

• Gu chocolate pots

Three of my best life-skills are:

• Maintaining an organised life

• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness

• Being a good friend and companion

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

That I’m ridiculously sensitive and tend to cry a lot so don’t be mean to me!

The things I can’t live without are:

• Music

• Excitement

• Tea and cake

• Nando’s

• Tidiness!

The first thing people notice about me:

Some people think I have a ‘posh’ accent – losers!

Some additional information I want you to know:

Information available on request…

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

I enjoy playing and listening to music. I like watching films or comedy sitcoms. I love walking and picnics. I like drinking tea and eating cake. I like baking (see earlier point about eating cake..). I do voluntary work. I enjoy having dinner and drinks with friends. I enjoy self development courses and talks at the School of Life. I have recently started to get into meditation.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The last book I read was Alice in Wonderland.. I do read adult books too but I fancied re-living the pig babies and mad hatters. I’m surprised it didn’t scare me to death as a child.

According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

• Creative

• Articulate

• Good Listener

• Caring

Sometimes you might feel like we only ever persuade you to leave your settings as wide as possible, in order to receive as many matches as you can. But we know that there are some criteria that are very important to you, and that’s exactly why we give you the option to filter your matches.

For some people distance might be important – especially if you’ve got children you don’t want to uproot. For others religion might be important. And we don’t just mean that if you are religious you might want a match who is also of the same faith as you; we also know that if you are not religious you may also be looking for someone who shares your outlook on life.

We recognise the importance of this right from the start. When you complete the Relationship Questionnaire, Spirituality is one of the key dimensions we match you on. But, we also need your input on which (if any) religion you prescribe to and how important it is to you. For some people, having a partner who shares their faith can be make or break in a relationship.

Your starting point: My Settings
In ‘My Settings’ (when you log in) you’ll find your starting point for your religious choices. Under ‘Background and beliefs’, alongside other settings such as ethnicity and education, you can specify your level of spirituality and if you would prefer your matches to be of specific religions. If this setting is very important to you (and it probably is, if you’re reading this article) then make sure you move the slider to 6/7 – this will ensure you only receive matches that fit this criteria. However, it’s worth remembering that the more settings you mark as ‘very important’ the more you’ll restrict your matches, so try to be as open minded as possible.

Working out what you want: using your Must Haves and Can’t Stands
You’ll probably have come across the Must Haves and Can’t Stands in Guided Communication. We think they’re incredibly important in helping you focus on what really matters in a relationship, rather than what’s just a ‘nice to have’. When it comes to helping you think about religion, there are two ‘Must Haves that can help you work out what you want in a partner:

•    Spirituality: in selecting this Must Have you’re saying to your matches that you require them to share your faith
•    Spiritual Acceptance: in selecting this Must Have you’re telling your matches that you need them to accept your beliefs, but not necessarily share them

If you are a practising Hindu, it may be very important to you that your partner shares your beliefs and, for example, come to temple with you. However, you may simply want your partner to understand your beliefs and practices, and how they fit into your life.

When you’re thinking about your faith, it’s also worthwhile considering if you want children, whether you would want them to be raised according to your faith, or whether you will eventually leave that choice up to them.

A useful exercise: writing your own Must Haves, Can’t Stands
While the lists of Must Haves and Can’t Stands you’ll find on the eHarmony site are pre-written for ease, this doesn’t stop you from making your own lists. By writing down exactly what you want from a partner when it comes to their religious choices you’ll be able to really pin down what you’re looking for. And clarity in what you’re looking for is always a brilliant starting point towards finding someone special. This will also enable you to explain to your matches, very clearly, what you’re looking for.

Overall, the most important thing is that you’re true to yourself. If you are an atheist, and need someone who shares your beliefs, then let us know. There’s no point the eHarmony system matching you with someone whose belief in God is a large part of their life – and vice versa. By knowing what you want, and how we can help you find it, you’ll be on the path to finding what you’re looking for.

Rolly

Last month we asked you to tell us what you hated to see in the online dating profiles of your matches, and you didn’t disappoint. From all your replies on the Advice site and Facebook we’ve compiled a list of the 10 profile writing sins you should never commit. Are you guilty of any of these? Let us know in the comments below.

1.    Being vague
We have a question in the eHarmony profile entitled ‘What THREE things are you most thankful for?’, which is a great opportunity for you to really show what matters to you in life. Unfortunately lots of people put answers such as ‘family’, ‘friends’, ‘my health’. And when you’re one of 7 other matches with these generic answers you need to try and stand out. Instead, why not try expanding on your answers:  e.g. ‘My friends, as they make each day happier, funnier and a little bit more exciting!’

2.    Having a nickname
We encourage eHarmony users to include their own names instead of ‘nicknames’ on their profile. Frankly, we think nicknames are just a bit tacky – and our users agree. If you’re tempted to call yourself ‘Princess Peach’ or ‘Mickey Blue Eyes’, think again. You could be putting a lot of your matches off…

3.    Mentioning your ex
Your online dating profile isn’t the time to offload your baggage. Everyone has an ex or two, but when you’re trying to give a match the best impression of yourself talking about how your ex-wife got everything in the divorce doesn’t leave a good taste. Equally, even if you have a great relationship with your ex, your profile isn’t the place to mention it. After all, it should be all about you now, not you in the past!

4.    Having an incomplete profile
We know that for eHarmony users especially the Relationship Questionnaire can take quite a long time, and then on top of all that we ask you to fill out your profile too. At that point, you really might not feel like putting your heart and soul into your profile, and that’s ok; schedule sometime at a later date instead. What’s important is that at some point you fill out your profile. We had a lot of eHarmony users tell us that an incomplete profile can get an immediate ‘Close’ from them. After all, if a match can’t be bothered to fill out their profile, what else can’t they be bothered to do?

5.    Poor spelling and grammar
Just as in our article on the top 10 messaging sins, poor spelling and grammar is a HUGE no-no. Now, we know that not everyone is an Oxford English graduate, but that’s not really an excuse. If you know you struggle with writing, get a friend to look over your profile, or paste it into a program such as Microsoft Word first which will pick up most spelling and grammar issues. Otherwise you run the risk of looking plain lazy.

6.    Justifying why you’re using an online dating site
Way too many people start their profiles with something like ‘I wouldn’t normally use a dating site, but…’ Why are they so embarrassed? Over 5 million people in the UK date online, and the stigma that was once there is fading fast. If you try and justify your presence on a dating site, you run the risk of your matches thinking ‘Are they suggesting I should be embarrassed to be on here too?’

7.    Going OTT
Inventiveness and originality are your friends when it comes to writing your online dating profile. But, just be sure not to go too far over the top. Talking about how you’d love to have ‘endless walks along moonlit, white sandy beaches while softly stroking the hair of my beautiful date’ might just put a few people off. Aim for fun and sweet rather than overbearing and scary!

8.    “I’d prefer not to say”
This phrase seems to be a bugbear of many people. The problem is that it leaves many more questions than it answers: What is the person hiding? Why don’t they want to say? If we do communicate, when will they tell me about this thing? If you must say this, offer some kind of explanation -  but really it’s best not to say it at all.

9.    Text speak
‘i luv bein wi my m8s and havin fun! LOL! ROFL!’ Annoying, isn’t it? Text speak gets a big thumbs down from our users. Why? Because it’s lazy, annoying and sometimes almost impossible to decipher. Take the time to write your profile in proper sentences. You owe it to your matches!

10.    Boasting
Talking yourself down is bad enough, but rattling on about how your friends often say how pretty you are, or how clever you are, is even worse. It’s up to your match to decide whether you’re attractive, intelligent and witty, not you!

Every eHarmony match has the potential to be someone truly special, but sometimes they can just be truly disappointing. Maybe you’ve received a Disappointing Match, and you know how frustrating that can be. But can you be sure you’re not a Disappointing Match too? We’ve put together a guide to the 4 main behaviours of a Disappointing Match (DM). It doesn’t take much to become an amazing match, and it really will help you get the best from your time with us.

1. The DM’s profile is empty, or very sparse
It’s great when you discover you have a new match, but if their About Me page is completely lacking in detail, then that feeling of excitement is quickly dashed. A bad About Me page can take many forms, here are some of the worst types:
•    Completely bare
•    Full of generic responses
•    One word answers in each box

We know that filling out your profile can be a pretty daunting prospect.  All those boxes, all requiring you to talk about yourself; we Brits are really not very good at putting modesty aside. If you know this is you, and you want to avoid becoming a DM, check out these articles for some great tips:

- How to make your eHarmony profile stand out

- What NOT to say in your About Me profile

- Alternatively, submit your profile for feedback from our community

2. The DM has no photos, or identical photos
We’ve talked about this on eHarmony Advice many times, but still there are many users who don’t upload a photo. Yes, even active paying users. The fact is – and we’re sorry if you’ve heard this before – users with photos receive NINE TIMES more communication than users without photos.

Our Matching System is based on what really matters deep down, and in an ideal world we’d say ‘trust the system, looks don’t matter’.  After all, we’ve shown that compatible couples have longer, happier relationships. But we know that in the real world everyone wants to see what their matches look like, that chemistry is important, and that’s why we give you a gallery of 12 photos to play with.

Posting five almost identical photos is almost as annoying as not posting a photo at all. Your matches go to your gallery to discover more about you and your interests. Posting a gallery of samey photos says one of the following:

•    ‘I only have one photo of myself’
•    ‘I only have one photo of myself that I like’
•    ‘I only have one pose I do in photos’
•    ‘I couldn’t be bothered to find more photos’

- Not sure what kind of photos to post? Check out our article on ‘The five profile photos you NEED’

3. The DM only communicates with a few of their matches
Every match you receive is a compatible match. This means they have been selected by our Compatible Matching System to match you on key dimensions of compatibility; or in other words, you will have the basis for a happy, long-lasting relationship already in place.

As much as we hope they would, not every match will put up a whole gallery of photos, or fill out every aspect of their profile. And even if they do, there’s only one way to truly get to know someone – by communicating with them. The DM doesn’t think this. The DM thinks they should judge someone on their photo alone, even if they’d be horrified if someone did the same to them. Our Guided Communication system makes it easy to make that initial contact, but it’s just as simple to send a match a quick note using eHarmony Mail. Don’t be a DM, communicate with as many of your matches as possible!

We’re not saying get in touch with every match without even looking at their profile, but just remember that the person you fall in love with might not match the image you have in your head. If something in their profile piques your interest, go for it, and remember that our Compatibility Matching System has worked for hundreds of thousands of other couples across the world, so give it a chance to help you find someone special.

One final note: if you receive communication but aren’t interested in the match, go to the trouble of closing the match.  It only takes a few seconds and saves the other person a lot of wondering.

- Not sure where to start when communicating? We can help with our article,  ‘Making the first move, our top tips’

4. The DM can’t wait
We prompt every new member to upload photos and complete their About Me profile as soon as possible after joining. But sometimes life gets in the way, and that doesn’t happen. Some new members need time to find the right photos or run their profile past a trusted friend.

The DM doesn’t appreciate this. They close out any match that doesn’t have a photo instantly, without giving that match even a few days to finish their profile. The DM might also close a match without giving them any time to reply to a communication, but the fact is that life often gets in the way of things. They might have sat down to reply to you only to have to attend to one of their children, or maybe they’ve gone on holiday for a week.

The overall message is don’t be a Disappointing Match; it’ll allow you, and your matches, to have a much better experience. Give everyone a second look as you never know where it’ll take you!

You’re reading a match’s profile, when suddenly something catches your eye. Whatever it is, it turns you right off your match, and you close them out. So, what’s the one thing that you can’t stand to see in a match’s profile? Maybe it’s bad spelling, talking about their pets or USING CAPS LOCK. Whatever it is, we want to know!

What can really put you off a match in their profile? Tell us in the comments below!

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we showcase one user’s eHarmony About Me profile, asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our sixth edition we’re showcasing David’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Our user is looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:

Like to go to art galleries – would love to have big house with lots of room to hang pictures – and money to buy them! Like music and would love to play an instrument – took guitar lesson some while back and should take it up again. Family are important as are friends but may be should give them more time – love my nephew and nieces to pieces (did I really just write that?!). Prefer the countryside to live in but that is probably because of my childhood. Not particulalry sporty but like friendly tennis matches. History oh yes, any subject on world historical events – what shaped who and the way we are now

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I’m looking for a real friend who I can trust in all situations so I guess that needs to be it – Trust. I don’t want to be with somebody ‘just to have somebody’. A number two if I’m allowed would be appreciation – not in showering gifts or anything like that but just to…..know in my own mind that I’m valued

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:
Let me think a little longer on that one…. yes…my grandfather; he was a cheeky chappie with an explorative mind – I think I get some of his characteristics! Also, a tutor I had when I was going back in to study; his style of teaching evoked a positive ‘can-do’ attitude.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
•    Stable family upbringing in the countryside with family support
•    Health and being physically fit
•    Having a good job that allows me to travel many places in the world

Three of my best life-skills are:
•    Creating romance in a relationship
•    Being a good friend and companion
•    Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
As a school teacher once wrote in my report, my ‘zany’ sense of humour. I think I still have it, sometimes a little off the wall and you need to keep up and read between the lines a little. TWO! – That the above, and my fairly technical job masks that I am in touch with my emotions – I am not a blubber but you will notice if I am caught in the middle of a sad film or rousing music. I can empathise with others.

The things I can’t live without are:
•    Something to look forward to
•    Friends and family
•    Snow – at least once a year
•    A change of scene every now and again
•    Bread and butter pudding with custard

The first thing people notice about me:
Hmmm, nobody’s ever told me… but it might be that I’m quite reserved until they get to know me.

Some additional information I want you to know:
Hmm…nothing urgent, it can wait until we speak

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:
I like (?) to visit the gym, pub, tennis or squash and also visiting family and friends. I like walking, especially coastal paths and also run a little……somtimes……well, occasionally. Perhaps sometimes watch more TV than I should! Like to read also, thrillers and history are my favourites, eclectic I know but hey ho!

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I recently read The Reader, which was fabulous and also “And Did Those Feet’ by Charlie Connelly that describes the authors treks following those of several historical figures who lent a hand in shaping the Britain we know today, from Boudica against the Romans and King Harold marching from Stanford Bridge to Hastings and to Bonnie Prince Charlie. Currently got two on the go; ‘The Lying Ape’ which is a light-hearted description of the many ways we are lied to by everybody from our nearest and dearest to the hard hitting advertisers and also ‘The Genesis Secret’ which is a thriller and have no idea how it’s going to end – but is compulsive.

According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:
•    Kind
•    Good Listener
•    Easy-Going
•    Romantic

Why you need these profile photos...

The ‘Passionate’ question is the first thing you complete on your eHarmony profile and, more importantly, the first thing your matches see (alongside your stunning profile photo(s), of course!). That’s why it’s so important to get it right. After all, that first impression is an essential one; online daters tend to be very quick to judge other people’s profiles, so it’s important you capture their attention right from the start.

As with anything you put on your eHarmony profile, the key is to providing detail and being individual. So many eHarmony users answer the passionate questions with things like ‘my life, friends and family’. That’s all very well, but surely those are a given? If you don’t have passion for life, or friends or family you’ve probably got a problem. And these answers instantly turn some matches off. After all, if you couldn’t be bothered to come up with something original then the rest of your profile probably isn’t going to be much good either.

Before we get all ‘Profile Bootcamp’ on you, we recognise that this is not an easy task. It’s hard to answer this question for yourself, never mind telling a stranger what you’re most passionate about.  That’s why we’ve got these tips for getting you started on this tricky question:

What does it actually mean?
If your mind doesn’t whirr into action when you ask yourself ‘what’s the one thing I’m most passionate about?’ then why don’t you ask yourself this instead: ‘what is it that gets your blood pumping, your heart racing and makes life worth living?’ And don’t forget we want to also know WHY this thing is so important to you as well – really give your reply some colour.

Why can’t I come up with an answer?
Some people will know their response straight away, but some of you will find it much harder to answer this question. If this is you, it’s probably time to start giving yourself more credit. Often when asked about dreams, hopes and passions, many of us will give the ‘what, little old me?’ response. Or rather, we just don’t think our own passions are interesting enough to even call ‘passions’.

Give yourself more credit! For example, if singing is your passion, talk about it here. Just because you’re not last year’s X Factor winner, doesn’t mean your passion for singing is unimportant.

Breaking down the passion question
Here’s a step by step way to create your passion question:

Topic: Your passion will probably be based on a specific topic, be it badgers, fairy cakes, American history or mountain biking

Object: Your passion will also be directed at an object. So it could be focused on bikes, buildings or something more animate like friends or dogs.

Action: Your passion will also include an action. It doesn’t need to be elaborate. For example you might ‘enjoy making AirFix models of WW2 fighter planes’. Be as specific as possible, as that creates a mental image for the reader.

Skill: Your passion will include a skill – for the example above, making the models themselves is the skill. You could even elaborate and say you enjoy painting the models the most as it makes you feel really creative.

Outcome: On top of all of this there’s an outcome for your passion. What you hope to accomplish in the end. This should go some way towards answering the ‘why’ portion of the question.

Mix and match these components when you’re thinking about answering this question and you should be able to come up with something a bit more expressive and interesting than ‘Life, family and friends’. And you’ll also provide your matches with a great conversational starting point.

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we’ll be showcasing one user’s eHarmony About Me profile and asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our fifth edition we’re showcasing this lady’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Our user is looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:

Music is my biggest passion followed by dancing. I’m passionate about living life to the fullest. I try different activities mostly for the experience but have ended up picking up one or two as hobbies. I have a spiritual side to me in which I keep a personal connection with the Supreme Being, have my own prayers and find visits to any spiritual place very soothing but I don’t strictly follow my religion. I have a soft spot for animals and a weakness for sweet things (yum!). I’m an out going person but dont mind a relaxing evening in. I’m genuinely passionate about being with someone I can share my life with and shower my romantic side on

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who laughs easily someone who enjoys doing things together but appreciates having ‘me’ time too. Someone not shy to express his feelings for his partner. A person aware of his responsibilities and can keep a balance between being easy going and knows when its ok to get serious

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:
My eldest sister – she’s been a support in some of my toughest journeys in life. I look up to her as a friend & as my guardian angel. She’s been there to always draw the best out of me. Thanks Sis….but don’t tell her…..now we don’t want her to get a big head do we!

The three things which I am most thankful for:
•    My childhood & teenage yrs in Kenya
•    Success achieved todate
•    My close loving friends & family who’re always there for me

Three of my best life-skills are:
•    Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
•    Maintaining a network of close friends
•    Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I know how to make my partner feel very special……not many people see this as I reserve this for Mr Right only!

The things I can’t live without are:
•    Food
•    Family
•    Music
•    Laughing/Humour
•    Friends

The first thing people notice about me:
My smile and i’m often told i’m very approachable and easy to have a conversation with. But when we meet do tell me what stood out to you!

Some additional information I want you to know:
I work hard and commit to causes I believe in and relationship is something priceless for me. I do take time in getting to know a person before committing 101%. So if you’re looking for someone who’s genuine and thinking about settling down with Mr Right then please do get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:
I try having a balance between just chilling and doing something fun. My evenings on weekdays vary from going to the gym, i’ve just started attending a yoga class, meeting a friend for a chat or just relaxing indoors with a nice cooked meal and watch TV (anything comedy is always nice!). Weekends vary from doing some baking/cooking for family/friends, having a music class (Indian classical music), experimenting recipes, try fulfilling some of my hobbies like horse riding if time allows or just meet friends for dinner/night out/movies/play chess etc. Of recent i’ve started going to galleries/museums, watching stand up comedians & theatre.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
After three years of studying finance I ‘run away’ from books! lol Occassionally I try picking up a book as a time pass, currently reading Eat, Pray, Love.

According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
•    Warm
•    Happy
•    Caring
•    Outgoing

•  Entrants must be 18 or over
•  No purchase of products or services from eHarmony is necessary. There is no fee to enter this prize draw.
•  The prize is non-transferable. No cash alternative.
•  There are 100 prizes to be won. Winners will be selected at random from entries submitted.
•  The prize draw is open to UK residents only.
•  Entries must be made by no later than 11.59pm GMT on Friday 4th March
•  One entry per email address will be added to the prize draw.
•  By submitting an entry, entrants acknowledge and accept these terms and conditions and agree that their answer to the prize draw question may be posted on the eHarmony UK Facebook page
•  Employees of, or those representing, eHarmony or their affiliated companies, their families, cohabitants, agents or anyone else connected with the promotion, are not eligible to enter.
•  eHarmony is the promoter of this prize draw and can be contacted at eHarmony UK, Po Box 5904, London, WC1N 3XX.
•  Winners will be notified within one week of the prize draw closing. The results of the prize draw are final and no correspondence will be entered into.
•  The prizewinners name and county of residence can be obtained by sending a SAE within 14 days following the free prize draw to eHarmony UK, Po Box 5904, London, WC1N 3XX
•  Entry must be made by the entrant, only at the following email address: fbbookgiveaway@eharmony.com . Entries made by any other individual or any entity, and/or originating at any other Internet web site or email address, including but limited to commercial competitions, subscription, notification and/or entering service sites, will be declared invalid and disqualified from this free prize draw. The use of any device to automate the entry process is prohibited.
•  eHarmony has the right to change/update these terms and conditions from time to time.

At eHarmony Advice we reckon we know quite a bit about how to get the best from eHarmony. After all, we’ve seen hundreds of user profiles and have a good idea about what works and what doesn’t. But, we’re amateurs compared with our success couples who have used eHarmony – experiencing their own ups and downs – and found love. So, we decided to ask the real experts what their top tips would be for any current eHarmony users.

Here are their own tips, in their own words. Check out their stories too, if you’d like to know about the people behind the knowledge!

1. Be honest
“Show your photo as it is, warts ‘n’ all! Also, make sure you’re honest in what you say about yourself and with the in-depth profile that you complete when you first get started.   You get out what you put in!”  – Linda, married to Malcolm in November 2010

2.    Use Guided Communication to your advantage
“Pay attention to the Guided Communication questions that you send. There are loads and you will want to ask more than the 3 you’re allowed but I memorised some for a later point in the communication process and slotted them in when I was emailing my match (who is now my fiancé by the way!)” – Dean matched with Sue and engaged April 2009

3.    Post photos
“Make sure you put a few pictures on as soon as possible. To most of us looks aren’t the most important but they obviously count so get as many pics on your profile as you can. Try and have them with you in different situations like at home chilling, out enjoying yourself be it at a pub or enjoying a hobby. Pictures speak like you wouldn’t believe and give an idea of the kind of lifestyle you have.” – Dean matched with Sue and engaged April 2009

4.    Don’t presume
“Don’t think you out of someone’s league based on looks or interests that may differ.  People are a lot deeper than that, and the outcome may be a pleasant surprise.” – Sue matched with Dean and engaged April 2009

5.    Look forward
“If you’ve had a bad experience in the past, leave it there, in the past.  Move forward.  Every relationship is unique so don’t be afraid of falling in love again. . . “ – Sue matched with Dean and engaged April 2009

6.    Spend time on your profile
“What’s the best way to catch chickens?  Cover yourself in chicken feed!  Spend time making sure your profile reflects exactly who you are when you are excited and lit up by life, accent your best points and be open, honest and authentic.  Make sure your profile is full of emotion and passion about the things that are already working for you in your life.  Keep away from sentences containing the words “if”, “but”, “when” and “sometimes” – this is your shop window,  be proud of how great you are!  Have your profile draw people in and leave them interested in finding out more.” – Martin, married to Morwenna in September 2010

7.    Don’t be in a rush to meet
“Use the safe, private email facility within eHarmony to get a ‘feel’ for what he/she is like.”  – Linda, married to Malcolm in November 2010

8.    Don’t submit to your negative inner voice
“Don’t write off an interesting match because a little voice in your head butts in and says something unhelpful about yourself or a circumstance outside of your control.  When I first looked at my wife’s profile I felt an instant attraction for her, but a little voice piped up and said “She’s more than 60 miles away, how’s that going to work?  She’s way too good for you anyway”.  I ignored it and sent her an icebreaker; what followed was 3 weeks of daily emails followed by us meeting up halfway.  We got on so well I decided to move in with her 3 weeks later.  Put your trust in the matching system, it might not always be right, but you’ll never know how good a match is until you follow it through.  The little voice knows nothing; it’s just scared of losing you!” – Martin, married to Morwenna in September 2010

9. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket
“Even if you find someone who you really like the look of, don’t wait for days and days and put all of your romantic hopes onto receiving a response from that one person. Keep looking and reminding yourself that if you don’t get a response from a match, then it could be for ample reasons, not that you’re a minger!” - Katy, married to Stu in November 2010

10.    Have fun!
“For anyone who struggles to get out and meet people – because of lack of time, money or confidence – online dating can be lots of fun. Let your mates have a look at your matches, have a cheeky flirt. Do it in the evenings when you’ve settled down with a glass of wine or bar of chocolate and treat it a little like a night out doing some window shopping of the opposite sex!” – Katy, married to Stu in November 2010

The Cut-Out

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we’ll be showcasing one user’s eHarmony About Me profile and asking for your feedback. We’ve had a great response so far, and for our fourth edition we’re showcasing Luke’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Our user is looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

————————————————————————————————————————–

The one thing I am most passionate about:

I have a strong passion for keeping healthy via the gym and eating healthy, which in turn gives me a desire to learn how to cook special recipes for myself, friends or a loved one. Music plays a big part in my emotional development. I used to play the keyboard and would like to resume it at some point. Currently I’m trying acoustic guitar, but am struggling so will probably swap for my keyboard! I like a good drive exploring local areas and have a great affection for my car. But I would love to have someone to share the journey with me who stays healthy, is fun to be with and likes hugs/kisses!

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I want my match to be kind and affectionate, willing to show how much they care for me whether in public or private, but also ambitious with their own personal goals and beliefs. I really hate people who make bold claims about doing something, and then give it up within 2 seconds because of lazyness!

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:
My life-long friends, who have been there for me when I need someone to depend on.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
•    Help in times of great need
•    Romantic gestures from a loved one
•    Trust and dependability

Three of my best life-skills are:
•    Maintaining an organised life
•    Being a good friend and companion
•    Keeping physically fit

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
My romantic side – it’s not something I tend to show to just any person!

The things I can’t live without are:
•    Exercise
•    Tea
•    Internet
•    Cider
•    Friends

The first thing people notice about me:
A friendly attitude, outspoken and quite laid back. A bit geeky and random maybe, but hey never a dull moment!

Some additional information I want you to know
If you want a man who is genuine, affectionate and willing to settle down with Ms Right, then get in touch! If you don’t like beards, it’s not a long beard and it’s likely to get reduced down to stubble level soon as I tend to change the way my hair/beard is styled every couple of months!

My interests
I typically spend my leisure time:
I exercise at the gym 3 times a week, play badminton when I can and socialise with friends most of the time. When I want to relax I put on a good movie or PC game and chill out with a soothing cup of tea or a fancy cocktail! I like to entertain for friends be it for dinner or just a social gathering playing games and hence I like to learn how to cook new meals and create cocktails for those kinds of events. Bit of a Jamie Oliver nut recently so I’m cooking some dam nice food!

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I don’t tend to read much unless it’s one of my study textbooks or a receipe book for food and cocktails! lol! Literature is not one of my strong points or interests.

According to my friends
My friends describe me as:
•    Affectionate
•    Sweet
•    Intelligent
•    Hard Working

Self-promotion doesn’t come naturally to most of us, and sometimes neither does being positive and upbeat – especially when it comes to online dating. But positivity is attractive and injecting it into your dating profile is crucial. After all who’s going to respond to a profile that oozes negativity?

We know that the past relationships and the rigours of online dating can be wearing, and staying positive through all that can be tough. So, here are 6 principles to help you on your way towards making that profile shine through with positivity.

Positivity doesn’t mean being fake
We’re not saying you should start writing things like ‘My world is filled with sunshine and I’m looking for someone to skip down the rainbow of life with’. That would be a) probably incorrect and b) sickening.  It also doesn’t mean that you need to desperately sell yourself; instead, employ a positive mindset when writing, or ensure that you’re naturally in a good mood when you start.

Words are important
When someone reads something you’ve written, it will inevitably conjure up images and ideas in their head. Make sure these images and ideas are positive by carefully choosing the words you use in your profile. Read your profile out loud to a friend and ask them to tell you what it makes them imagine: an upbeat, positive person, or a negative moaner?

It’s not a list of no-nos…
…you should save them for your ‘Must Have/Can’t Stand’ lists. In the eHarmony profile, we ask the question ‘what qualities are you looking for?’ and yet so many people use that space to list the things they don’t want in a partner. For example, you could write ‘No lying’, but the reader will focus on the negativity of the word ‘lying’. Instead, you could put ‘Honesty’ and turn that negative into a positive.

Turn that frown upside down!
OK, that’s a bit cheesy. But what we really mean to say is that if you must include deal breakers in your profile – and to some extent that’s ok, we all have them – then find a way to make them sound positive. Instead of saying ‘Argumentative types need not apply!’, put  something like ‘Finding someone who can stay calm under pressure, and who can express their feelings clearly, is important to me’.

Better than this would simply be to focus on the positive; the unique things you’re looking for in a partner, that don’t necessarily apply to everyone else. After all, aren’t most people looking for someone who isn’t argumentative or rude?

Beware of over-sharing
Some people feel the need to be brutally honest in their profiles about certain personal traits or issues that might be seen negatively by others. It’s a way of pre-screening your matches yourself. By saying ‘You should also know that I have a persistent, red, itchy rash all over my arms and legs that some people might find unattractive’, they reduce the risk of being rejected in person.

Of course, it’s totally up to you what you write in your profile and if, for example, you’re disabled in some way and prefer to be upfront that’s totally OK. But just think twice before posting something that’s seriously personal. Ask yourself if it’ll truly affect your future partner, and if not, you might want to hold off.

Don’t go into detail
If you do have something you feel you need to tell your matches in your profile, avoid going into too much detail. Otherwise you might sound like you’re apologising for something that isn’t your fault. Make your point and move on.

Most importantly, when you’re writing your profile think about the future. That’s what matters, not past bad experiences and relationships. A positive outlook will bring positive results!

Viewing a match’s profile for the first time can be really exciting, and getting to know them through Guided Communication can be fascinating. But – whether you choose to use Guided Communication or not – at some point the ‘scary’ bit comes along and it’s time to email each other. Starting an email to someone you know can be tough, but writing to someone you’ve never met before can leave you scratching your head.

That’s why we’ve introduced our ‘Something to Talk About’ feature. It’s a simple way to help you connect with your matches in those initial emails where you just don’t know where to start. The idea is that we ask you about your likes, such as your favourite types of movies, and then if your matches like the same thing, it’ll be highlighted on their profile. For example, if you both love Chinese food and Action movies, you’ll have a great starting point for that first communication.

Get started by filling in your own interests:

1. Log in and click on the ‘My Profile’ tab

2. Click on the new Something to Talk About tab

3. Fill out as many or as few of the questions in any of the 11 categories, including: Travel, Sports, Dining Out, Movies and Books.

When your matches like the same things as you, you’ll see it in the new Something to Talk About box on their profile. It’s a great way to get that conversation started, without having to resort to a general ‘How’s things?’ or a terrible joke!

Got any questions about Something To Talk About? Post them below and we’ll try to answer them!

Icebreakers are a simple way any eHarmony user can use to communicate with their matches, for free. But, we want to know what you think of them. How do you use them? What do you think of the Icebreakers themselves? Would you like to see different Icebreakers all together? Or, do you just not bother with them at all?

To jog your memory, the Icebreakers are:

Your profile brought a smile to my face!
Wink!
Your profile got my attention…let’s chat!
You seem interesting. Why don’t you finish your About Me questions?
I’d love to chat!
Love your smile!
It seems we live close to each other, let’s talk!
Just wanted to say ‘Hi!’

We’d love to know your thoughts – join in the discussion below.