New relationship heart

5 reasons not to rush into a new relationship

by Fran Creffield - November 6, 2013

New relationships are fragile and rushing through the formative early stages can lead to a promising new romance going pear shaped very quickly. Here are 5 reasons why you shouldn't rush a new relationship

A new relationship is extremely exciting and in those first few weeks, when the endorphins are coursing around your body and you feel light headed with romance, it’s common to let your normal rational mind take a holiday. But if you really want this relationship to last it’s important to apply the brakes a little and take it easy. Here’s why:

1. It may be lust rather than love

The two can feel very similar in the early stages, resulting in a single minded obsession with the object of your desire. The main difference between them is thatt lust is often fleeting and can move from one person to another very quickly. It is like a bright firework that soon burns out. One way to find out if it’s lust is to ask yourself are you really interested in getting to know the other person or are you more concerned with easing your loneliness and sating you desires?

There’s nothing wrong with responding to lust if you’re aware that’s what it is. If you mistake it for love you may feel hurt and disappointed if it ends quickly, or even humiliated and ashamed of your behaviour if you acted out of character.

2. Is it a reaction to the past?

Some people rush into a new relationship in an attempt to get over an old one. It’s like they have a hole in their life that they’re desperate to fill. Rebound relationships rarely stand the test of time because until your heart has healed from the past there isn’t room for someone new to come in.

If you come across as needy or too dependent, you could send even the most willing suitor running in the opposite direction.

3. You may be being swept along

If a match seems completely besotted with you from the outset it’s very flattering. We all want to hear that we’re wonderful and bring happiness and joy to another person’s life.  The romantic dream of love at first sight is enticing, but in reality if you’ve only been seeing someone for a few weeks the chances are that they don’t know ‘you’ well enough to know that they ‘love’ you.

Often very early professions of love reveal a desperate need to be loved in the other person. Believing you could be ‘the one’ that they have been waiting for all their life for may seduce you into saying you feel the same even if you don’t. Be true to yourself rather than mirroring the other person’s feelings, that way you will stay grounded and safe.

4. You may burn bridges

It’s common for a new love interest to become all consuming and many people let other parts of their life slide as they devote all their time and attention to their new relationship. This is a really bad strategy. Dates may come and go but your family and friends are the ones who are there for the long haul and you need to treat them well. If you ditch them when you’re seeing someone they may not be there for you when the relationship is over and you need their love and support.

For a new relationship to last you need a healthy balance where you still invest time and energy in other parts of your life including work, friends, hobbies and family commitments.

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5. You may end up giving too much too soon

If there’s always biscuits in the biscuit tin most people will eventually go off biscuits. The same is true with relationships that go straight into daily contact and 24/7 availability. Hold something back and leave your date wanting more of you rather than less. Avoid spending whole weekends together, jumping into bed too quickly or being constantly online 24/7. If you really want it to last, pace yourself and savour each moment.

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