How to know what he wants from you
Finding it tough to know what he wants from you? If you’re sifting through mixed messages and baffling behaviour, dating expert Rebecca Twomey is here to help. Here are her top tips.
In today’s world of digital dating, it can feel like everything you ever knew has been turned on its head. It was stressful enough before, wondering why he didn’t put a kiss on the end of his message, but you’ve so much more to content with now. Why did he comment on that old Facebook picture of you? Why isn’t he following your Instagram account? And worst of all, why is he online but not replying to your WhatsApp message?
If you’re confused right now, don’t be disheartened. Everyone single and dating right now is scratching their heads. Here’s how you can start decoding all those mixed messages to find out whether you’re wasting your time, or if it could really be love.
Figure out what you want
Before you start analysing your admirer’s intentions, you need to work out exactly what you’re looking for. Not everyone who is dating is ready for something long-term. If you’re just out of a serious relationship or going through a rough patch and looking for romantic distraction, that’s okay. But try to focus on yourself first before jumping in. After all, how can you happy with someone else if you aren’t happy on your own?
Spot the signs he’s only interested in one thing
If he only messages you at the last-minute suggesting meeting up and only proposes meeting at your house or his, then his motivations are clear. Monitor your conversations: do they always quickly turn towards the physical? See how he responds when you have a problem. If he’s happy to pick up the phone and offer advice – no strings attached – then you know it’s not just lust. If he gives quick answers or tries to avoid longer conversations entirely, then he probably isn’t interested in a relationship.
Read the clues that he’s playing a game
There’s a particular type of player who can skilfully pivot between the physical and emotional without ever becoming your boyfriend. These characters only ever want an ego boost and someone to message when they’re bored. He’ll shower you with compliments but before long, he’ll become distant.
And when you give up, he’ll somehow wriggle his way back in. These men enjoy the thrill of the chase but don’t want to catch a girlfriend at the end of it. Unless you’re happy to play this cat and mouse game, you’re better off ditching him.
Proof he wants to see where it goes
Some people take a little longer to tell you they’d like to be exclusive. When they’ve been hurt before, it’s harder for them to let their guard down.
But there are men out there that are worth your patience and perseverance. They’re the ones that want to know about your day – all the details, good and bad. They’re nervous around you. They want to impress you. Keep an eye out for subtle signs: he might check himself out in the mirror while he’s with you because he’s self-conscious around you, for example.
You know he’s really into you when he asks to follow you on social media. It’s a sure-sign that he’s got nothing to hide and is looking to the future.
The giveaways that he’s ready for a relationship
If a man wants to make you his significant other, he’ll show you. He’ll be in touch regularly and remember past conversations you’ve had, checking back on things you mention. Anything that matters to you now matters to him. You won’t need to wonder who messages who first as he’ll instigate things almost every time and assume you’re up for seeing him too, arranging dates in advance. He won’t be afraid to introduce you to his friends and, eventually, even if he finds emotions difficult, he’ll find a way to tell you how he feels.
Rebecca Twomey is Closer magazine’s dating columnist and has 15 years’ experience as a journalist writing about dating and relationships for Cosmopolitan, the Daily Mail, FHM, Marie Claire and Playboy. She’s also written a book for millennials helping them overcome the obstacles of modern dating, from sexting to swiping.