A drunk-looking man stares at his phone, a half-empty bottle of spirits in front of him

10 things you should never text your ex

by Eharmony Editorial Team - March 27, 2013

Whether you want to text your ex out of habit, or if you’re feeling particularly lonely and want some attention, here’s 10 things that you should never text your ex, without exception!

There are times when texting your old flame is unavoidable, especially if they have something of yours that you need back or if you need to ask an important question – but there are some things that are always better left unsaid

1. One-word texts

Don’t just text “Hi” or “Hello.” If you have something to say or ask, get right to the point. Don’t put your ex in an awkward spot or leave them trying to understand why you’re contacting him/her.

2. Terms of endearment or flirty emoticons

You’re no longer a couple and can’t expect to use the pet names or mushy phrases that you used to. Don’t toy with the other person. If you have to text your ex, keep things formal but friendly.

3. Resentful rants

If you’re upset, tell a friend. Don’t text vicious or mean things just because you’re angry/lonely/drunk and it’s easy to do so. It won’t make you feel better in the long-run.

4. “Why didn’t you text me back?” “Did you get my message?”

Send one text. If he/she doesn’t respond, accept that your text may have been unwanted. Don’t become the ex that just won’t go away!

5. Relationship talk

Don’t reminisce over text. Beyond an initial post-breakup chat, which should be done in person, all post-relationship analysis should be done with friends or family, not your ex!

 6. Booty-call requests

Never, ever a good idea for so many reasons. The same goes for sending sexy pictures.

7. “Thinking of you.”

You’ll obviously be thinking about your recent ex, but this isn’t helpful to your healing process. When you’re trying to get over the other person, it’s counter-productive to text them looking for reassurance that they’re thinking of you too.

8. Desperate apologies and pleading

Never try to win your ex back by begging for their attention over text. You’ll almost certainly regret making yourself look so vulnerable and needy.

9. A second text, and then a third

Once you’ve accomplished what you needed to do – he/she agreed to drop off your house keys at the weekend, for example – quit while you’re ahead. You’re not trying to be chatty, you’re trying to cut ties. It’s okay to not text back.

10. Accidentally, on purpose.

You might want your ex to think that you’re over them and are perhaps even back on the dating scene, especially if you know that they’ve started a new relationship. Regardless, it’s never a good idea to ‘accidentally’ text your ex, “I had an amazing time on our date last night, can’t wait to see you again.” Imagine how embarrassed you’d be if they found out that you hadn’t actually been seeing anyone new!

If you do need to text your ex, be specific and consider whether the text is something you’ll regret. There’s always a chance that your ex might not want to hear from you and you could end up feeling even more rejected and unwanted. As a general rule, when in doubt don’t text your ex!