A coupld drinking wine while sitting on the floor of their kitchen

10 signs your relationship is rock solid

by Eharmony Editorial Team - October 27, 2011

Everyone doubts the strength of their relationship from time to time so here are a few ways to check that yours is on solid ground.

We hear stories from time to time about people who thought their relationship was going well only to discover their partner wasn’t on the same page. It can be devastating when a relationship ends unexpectedly and people often ask themselves why they didn’t see it coming. The answer is often that they were ignoring problems that were staring them in the face.

Just as you regularly take your car into the garage for a service and MOT you can run your relationship through a series of tests to check it’s on track.

1.    You trust each other – Trust is the essential foundation of any healthy relationship. Some people say that trust has to be earned over time while others believe that it is there at the beginning and only diminishes if someone does something to hurt or betray you. Whatever your standpoint it is vital that you trust your partner.

2.    You enjoy being together – It may sound obvious but you only need to look around to see that some couples seem to have lost any pleasure and enjoyment in each other’s company. Do you look forward to spending time with your partner? Do you laugh and enjoy shared experiences? Although every couple will go through difficult times there should be lightness, joy and humour in a relationship in order for it to last.

3.    You respect each other – This is more than just a word, it is a deep feeling of positive regard for the other person’s feelings, attitudes, interests and beliefs even if they are different from your own.

4.    You can talk about anything and everything – Talking to each other openly and honestly fosters intimacy. Some people find it very difficult to open up and share their feelings but practice over time will improve your skills. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable in front of your partner, it will benefit the relationship because it shows that you trust them. We aren’t suggesting that your partner should be your only confidant, sometimes if you are dealing with difficult feelings it can be better to talk to a same sex friend or family member. The important thing is that you feel you can talk to your partner about things.

5.    You can argue well – All couples disagree sometimes and ideally arguments should be mutually supportive conversations which are necessary to resolve and negotiate differences and disagreements rather than hurtful battles which you try to win whatever the cost.

6.    You are happy when you are apart – The most successful relationships are those where each person is able to have their own life and interests independently of the other, you aren’t dependant on the other to feel safe, secure or confident. That way you know you will always be together because you want to be rather than because you need to be.

7.    Your sex life is still vibrant and exciting – You don’t have to be swinging from the lampshades but you must both be fulfilled and able to talk if there are problems.

8.    You are flexible about the future – You don’t have to have it all mapped out but are happy to grow together. You can plan together but don’t have your happiness and relationship dependant on certain things happening. Life is unpredictable; people lose jobs, illness and accidents can happen but if you are flexible your relationship can survive, and thrive, through it all.

9.    You don’t feel threatened by their relationships with their exes – This develops over time as you come to see that your partner’s affections are now firmly with you. It can add to the relationship if you can be supportive of them having a good relationship with their ex especially if kids are involved. Jealousy and insecurity in this area will erode a relationship because no matter what hurt has gone on in the past the parents of children have to find a way to communicate well with each other and your attitude will make a huge difference to this. It also shows you are secure in yourself.

10.    They are your number one fan – It may sound silly but it is really important that you feel that your partner thinks you are great and that they encourage, appreciate and support you. It is lovely to be told that you are the most wonderful woman/man they have ever met. Not everyone is so demonstrative but you can tell by the way someone treats you if they think the world of you. This is also about feeling that they would speak well of you when you are not there. We all have a moan from time to time about our partners but the overriding feeling should be that if they were talking about you it would be in glowing terms.