talking about sex

Talking about sex with a new partner

by Fran Creffield - October 15, 2013

The thing that differentiates a friendship from a relationship is physical intimacy and should be something you feel you can talk about with a new partner.

One of the things that differentiates a friendship from a relationship is physical intimacy. While sex isn’t the most important aspect of a relationship, it should be something you can talk about with a new partner

Sex talk is not a subject to be discussed on a first date. Wait until you’re feeling confident that the connection between you is strong and that your relationship naturally seems to be moving in that direction. Although it may be easier, and less embarrassing, to get swept away on a sea of passion, it could be something you regret not talking about later.

Sexual health

No matter what your age, sexual health has to be on the agenda when you’re considering having sex. It’s not just how many sexual partners your date has had in the past, but also how many they’ve had. For example, if a man has had five previous partners in his life and each of them had five partners, that’s the sexual health of at least 25 people that you need to take into consideration.
The most reassuring thing you can do for each other is to go to your local sexual health clinic and get a clean bill of health. Even if you think you have never has any symptoms of a STD. Infections like Chlamydia often have no external symptoms but can still be passed on; If untreated, Chlamydia infections can cause serious reproductive and other health problems with both short-term and long-term consequences. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.


This is another aspect of sex that should not be taken for granted. Don’t assume that your partner has taken responsibility for this. Talk about it and make sure you’re both clear and happy about the precautions in place to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.


Most people don’t have sex on a first date but it’s more common on a second or third. If there’s a strong physical attraction this is understandable, but there are merits to holding back on the physical side of the relationship. Sexual intimacy exposes yourself at your most vulnerable. If this is a relationship you’re serious about, then taking the time to form a strong emotional connection, with a sense of safety and security, will lay better foundations for something lasting.
Some people are at the other end of the spectrum and want to wait until after they’re married before they have sex. Whatever your views and preferences are it’s important to be able to have a frank and open discussion with your partner. If you don’t feel you know them well enough to have an intimate conversation, then it’s probably too soon to have sex.

Sex and intimacy

Love knows no age limits and many people find love later in life. Sometimes age or health can limit the sexual activity you can engage in but there’s no reason why you can’t still have a deeply fulfilling relationship.
If there are limitations on the sexual activity you can participate in, it’s doubly important that you develop a strong emotional connection before you have an open discussion about sex. There are many ways to be intimate and affectionate with each other, and the important thing is that you’re both able to get physical pleasure and satisfaction within the relationship – how that’s achieved is up to you to decide as a couple.

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To your own self be true

Giving your body is the most precious gift you can give to someone. Sex should not be used as a tool to control or manipulate someone, but as a physical expression of the love and desire you feel for each other.
No matter how eager your partner is to get physical, it’s important that you only do so when you are totally ready. Anyone who respects you, will respect your feelings and will be happy to wait.

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