10 terrible reasons to dismiss a date
Deal breakers are qualities that we use to dismiss a date entirely – whether that’s smoking or being overly flash with money – but sometimes we confuse real deal breakers with our own individual prejudices. For example, imagine you go on a dinner date with a lovely person, but they get spinach stuck in their teeth and you just can’t get the image of them smiling at you with it hanging out their mouth. A few days later you politely turn down (or impolitely ignore!) their offer of a second date.
Something like this happens to everyone at some point (admittedly this is an extreme example) through no fault of their own. But, when we get it into our heads that we’re searching for perfection in a date sometimes, often when we’re discussing the date with our friends, we can unfairly discount them for trivial reasons. Here are our top ten terrible reasons to dismiss a date.
Have you decided not to call someone back because of one of these reasons? What would you add to this list? Leave us your comments below!
1. They’re ‘tight’
Is your date actually tight, or are they just thrifty? There’s a big difference. OK, so paying for your first meal together with vouchers might look a bit cheap. But if your date is saving hard for something much more important – a house for example – then that financial savvy is a much more attractive quality in the long run.
When this ISN’T ok: When your date brags about how much they earn, or how much their designer shoes cost, but doesn’t offer to pay half for dinner.
2. They’re too nice
We’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve heard someone say, ‘I had to break up with him/her, they were just too nice’. Really? You’re willing to throw away a relationship because someone is TOO nice? This is one step away from someone being ‘too generous’ or ‘too caring’. It usually indicates insecurity in the person doing the dumping.
When this ISN’T ok: Your date is walked all over by you, serving staff, their parents…spinelessness isn’t attractive.
3. They have a weird family
Perhaps his Dad collects stuffed animals that are displayed all over the house, or her Mum’s hair is dyed purple – so what? All families are unusual in their own ways; yours probably have some odd habits too. It doesn’t mean your partner will turn out like them, and frankly, so what if he or she does, at least they’ll be an individual.
When this ISN’T ok: Their family does anything specifically to make you uncomfortable, or that truly goes against your personal and moral values.
4. They’re bad in bed
How someone performs in the bedroom is NOT a reason to dump them. If they’re not great then this is something you can always work on, no matter where you’re starting from – after all, we all started off knowing nothing about sex. Perhaps your partner is simply nervous sleeping with someone new, or they could be a virgin themselves. This is a time for an honest and sensitive conversation, and not the cold shoulder.
When this ISN’T ok: When you’ve talked it through, tried new ideas and it’s just not working. Sometimes couples just aren’t sexually compatible.
5. They live with their parents
Admittedly, this one depends on how old your partner is. After all, if they’re in their 40s still living at home and expecting their Mum to bring them tea in bed then you might want to steer clear. However, if they’re living at home to help pay for something like tuition fees because they’ve decided to retrain or re-educate themselves, then this is to be applauded. Find out all the facts before you make a judgement.
When this ISN’T ok: If it seems they’re just too lazy to move out.
6. Their best friend is the opposite sex
This situation can take some tolerance from your side, but unless you have a genuine reason to think that there is anything untoward between your partner and their best friend, you have nothing to worry about. After all, it should indicate they have an understanding of the opposite sex – always a bonus.
When this ISN’T ok: If they’re inappropriately physical with their best friend, or they lie to you about seeing them.
7. They live far away
We won’t deny that long distance relationships are tough, but passing up the chance of happiness because of a train or plane ride between you is just silly.
When this ISN’T ok: If you never get to see each other because of your schedules or cash flow; then you’d be right to rethink things.
8. They are divorced
If you’re dating in your 20s (unless you’re dating older people) it’s less likely you’ll meet divorcees. However, with the average age of someone getting a divorce rising, the older you are, the more likely you are to date someone who’s divorced. It can be tricky what with emotional baggage and negotiating ‘The Ex’ but equally, that person may have more experience and a more mature outlook on relationships.
When this ISN’T ok: When your divorced date clearly isn’t over their ex, or their bitterness about their breakup affects your relationship.
9. They have children
As above, after a certain age dates that already have children will become more and more common. And for another thing, what are you really worried about? If you’ve just started dating, it’s unlikely you’ll have to worry about meeting their children for a while. If you’ve been together for a while, why are you worrying about it now? On top of everything, it shows they’re responsible and caring – surely qualities we all look for in a partner?
When this ISN’T ok: If you really want kids, and your new partner has stated they don’t want anymore, your different life plans could make a relationship impossible.
10. You don’t like exactly the same things
Our very own relationship expert Dr. Gian Gonzaga always says, ‘Opposites attract…and then they attack’. Having things in common with your partner is important to some extent, but being a carbon copy of your partner is dull, and you’ll soon find things go stale – variety is the spice of life.
When this ISN’T ok: If you’re a heavy metal fan who likes to spend their weekends at motorcycle conventions and they’re a Bach fanatic who only likes getting about on a push bike, it might be hard for you to find things to do together.
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