15 Ways to Get On With Anyone


Couple chatting


It’s not just physical attraction which matters in the world of dating, at eHarmony we match you with people you’re more likely to get on with at a deeper level. But even then it can be tricky to establish that initial connection. Dating expert Sloan Sheridan-Williams shared her tips for ensuring that your first meeting is a success.

woman's smile

1. Smile

Smile often if you are a woman. Studies have shown that men prefer approachable women and get turned off by intimidating ones. Smile less often if you are a man because nice guys are less attractive than tough men who make women feel more protected.

2. Be Attentive

Focus on the person you are with rather than being distracted. This shows them that they have your full attention which will make them feel special and more valued. Eye contact, nodding and affirmative noises all demonstrate attentiveness.

3. Mirror Body Language

The best way to build trust and rapport quickly is to subtly mirror the other person’s facial expressions, posture, gestures and tone of voice. Unconsciously they will believe that there is a connection between you. Don’t mimic them as this will appear inauthentic and never mirror anything negative.

4. Find Things In Common

Sharing something in common, be it habits, traits or experiences, helps new people to bond. So point out similarities between you and the other person to reinforce the connection. However it is important to be genuine so if you don’t share something interesting show them you’re interested in who they are.

5. Avoid Oversharing

Oversharing when you first meet someone is interpreted as having no boundaries which is likely to turn someone off. You can avoid this by asking questions and ensuring you only speak for 50% of the time or less.

6. Display Attractive Opposite Traits

People are more likely to find you attractive if you display the opposite traits to the ones they do not like about themselves. Shy people prefer to be around those who are confident because it makes them feel more comfortable.

8. Make It All About Them

Shift the focus away from you and on to the person you are talking to. We like people who make us feel valued so make the other person the centre of conversation. You’ll also get to know them quicker this way.

9. Be Intriguing

If someone finds you intriguing they will think about you more which means they are more likely to get attracted to you. Only give half the story and let them ask you for more rather than giving away everything about your life.

Couple on a Roller Coaster

10. Get Them Excited

The adrenaline rush that comes from doing an exciting activity together such as riding a rollercoaster or watching a thrilling movie can make the person confuse excitement with attraction because they think they are excited because they are with you.

11. Use Premature “We”

In conversation use the premature “we” as this makes the other person feel an implied connection and helps them visualise the two of you as a couple. Also saying “you” more than “I” ensures they are aware you value their contribution.

12. Don’t Show Off

Avoid the risk of seeming arrogant by being understated when the conversation turns to you. People will be turned off if you are boastful so increase your likeability by showing off indirectly such as mentioning something impressive about yourself then quickly move on.

13. Be Positive

People prefer the company of those who have a positive outlook on life so keep the conversation upbeat when talking to someone and be nice to others, especially those serving you. Such positive behaviour will attract similar positive people to you.

14. Take it Easy

Research has shown people are more attracted to others who take a relaxed approach to circumstances that could be interpreted negatively. If you don’t sweat the small stuff and just let things go, people will feel at ease around you and therefore gravitate towards you.

Dog and cat

15. Pet Talk

Canines are now considered 21st Century cupids, as you are unlikely to have one with you during a conversation, the next best thing is to bring up animals in conversation especially light hearted chatter about something funny or cute they have recently done. This helps shift focus onto a light hearted topic and you can engage easily with your counterpart on a non confrontational subject.


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