5 things to do after a bad date
We’ve all suffered bad dates but we don’t have to let them bring us down. Have a list of guaranteed pick-me-ups handy and you’ll be able to turn a bad date into a good story. Dolly Alderton shares her top five
1. Eat a bunch of pasta
Now, look – I’m not advocating emotional binge-eating. That’ll make you feel even worse after a bad date. But – hear me out on this – you know that free-falling feeling that you get on a life-changing first date? The one that kidnaps your appetite? Those butterflies in your stomach, the heart in your mouth, and the blood pumping around your body so fast you can barely touch the plate of food you order on the date because, actually, all you want to consumer – all you’ll ever need to consume ever again – is the person sitting opposite you, whose freckles and frown you want to study for eternity?
Yeah, you don’t get that feeling on a bad date. And you definitely don’t have to worry about feeling bloated when you take your clothes off, because no one’s going to see you with your clothes off tonight. So, treat yourself to a delicious, high-carb dinner. I’m not talking cheesy chips, go high-end. You deserve it. Stop off at a Waitrose on the way home, get a great big slab of Pecorino, some lardons, eggs and spaghetti and have a slow, delicious seduction with a bowl of Carbonara.
2. Do something capable
Here’s a fact: everyone feel like their life’s together when their flat is tidy, their affairs are organised, their baths are relaxing, their walks are long, and their emails are answered. Self-care may not be the most romantic or exciting trip of your life, but it is a unique pleasure. And no one else can do it other than you, so it’s a job you should talk seriously.
3. Watch some stand-up
Don’t watch a rom-com. Seriously, mate. Back away from the Richard Curtis, Nancy Myers, and Nora Ephron section of your DVD cabinet. Don’t pick up anything that has Jennifer Aniston on the front looking upwards with a knowing smile, titled something like, ‘She Always Does It’ or ‘She Never Did It’ or ‘She Had To Have It’. It’s not going to make you feel better. Reserve those lovely, cuddly films for a sunnier day.
Instead, go for the bitter sweet. Louis CK, Jo Brand, Amy Schumer, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Sarah Silverman. These are the pals you need now – hilarious, painfully honest observers of human disaster who’ll make you laugh and then, feel less alone.
4. Do something else
So you had a bad date? It’s not the end of the world! Do something to make this an evening that’s bigger than your bad date. There’s most probably a film currently being shown in local cinemas showing, or certainly featuring, Meryl Streep, and that’s always good. Or the place that’s good for calzones (a Cornish pasty – but a pizza!) Or there’s that great pub with the good music and the overly-generous measures AND…
5. Hang out with your brilliant friend
…there are all your brilliant friends. The best people in the world. Send a message to one of those many hellish WhatsApp groups you’re a member of, tell them you’ve had the worst date of your life and ask if one of them fancies a drink. I can’t think of a quicker remedy.
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