7 ways to become a more confident person


Dating expert Charly Lester streamlines your love life with #DateHacks. Take a look at her top tips for becoming a more confident person

There’s a definite link between self-confidence, and first date performance. The more comfortable we are in our own skin, the more comfortable we make those around us. But confidence doesn’t always come naturally. Here are seven simple ways to increase your own self-confidence and start making your first dates successful.

1) Find a date ‘uniform’

Nothing undermines your own self-confidence, than physically squirming or looking uncomfortable on a first date. So your chosen outfit can have a huge effect on the way you portray yourself. Take time to develop a go to ‘date wardrobe’ which you feel confident, attractive and comfortable in. Whethere that’s a dress, tights and boots, or jeans and a shirt, find something which works for you. Have a selection of similar outfits that you can rely on, so date preparation doesn’t involves stressing over what to wear.

2) Practice talking to strangers

Going on a first date is essentially talking to a complete stranger for a few hours. And that can be really daunting. Relieve some of the pressure by getting used to talking to strangers in more relaxed situations. Ask a shopkeeper how his day is going, or ask someone on the Tube for a copy of the Metro; it doesn’t always need to be a lengthy conversation. Try speed-dating. Most events limit first encounters to just four minutes. Try to be creative about the things you discuss, rather than having the same conversation twenty times over.

3) Try some confident power poses

Whilst they may look like odd yoga poses, traditional ‘power poses’ have been scientifically proven to increase your personal feelings of confidence and power, and your tolerance of risk – simply by shifting your hormones. Find a private space, and put your hands on your hips like a super hero, or above your head in a Y shape. Lean over a desk or table, with your arms bracing your upper body, or sit back with your legs up on the desk. All four poses have been proven to give you a temporary boost of strength or confidence. And remember to always sit and stand up straight – good posture boosts your mental state, and also makes you appear more in control and attractive to others.

4) Chat to a friend

A good friend will bring out the best in you. If you’re feeling down about yourself, ask a close friend to tell you your best characteristics. Write down those reasons, and return to them when you’re feeling particularly low. If you have time, try to meet a friend before a first date. You’ll relax around your friend, and be a happier, more genuine version of your self by the time your date comes around.

5) Write down your own personal ‘best bits’

What achievements are you most proud of? What memories make you happiest? Write them down, and add to the list whenever you think of something. Review the list before a first date, and don’t be afraid to weave some of those stories into conversation, if there’s a relevant place for them. It’s not boasting – it’s selling the best version of yourself. And the more you talk about those experiences, the more confidence you’ll find in yourself.

6) Start dates somewhere you know well

If you know first dates make you nervous, then always start the date somewhere you know well. Choose a place, which makes you feel happy and relaxed. It removes one area of stress from the meeting, and you can always move on somewhere new later on in the date.

7) Make a power playlist

Take some time to compile a playlist of upbeat songs which make you smile, which you can listen to on your way to a date, or any situation which makes you feel nervous. Choose uplifting songs with a powerful beat, and don’t be afraid to have a bit of a boogie, if the situation allows it!

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