Agony Aunt – “He’s facing redundancy, should I help him or should I move on?”

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relationship stress

We received the following question from one of our readers:

Hi Lucy,

I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months now but the company he works for has gone into administration. Since this has happened, things have totally changed, one minute he’s up the next he’s down. One minute I’m his girlfriend the next he doesn’t know what to do about me or his job, one minute he’s lovely the next he’s awful to me. I’m so confused; do I let him be to sort it all out? Or shall I move on?

Lucy says:

If you love him and see a future together then helping him is the right way to go, because you will experience both the rough and the smooth in the long run and it will cement your bond further. That said, he may need outside help- perhaps suggest that he talk to family or friends about his feelings if his reaction to you is negative. Or you could suggest that he go and see the doctor for a referral or call the Samaritans if his low moods are particularly low.

Redundancy is something that is affecting a lot of people now and so talking to someone who it has also happened to (and come out the other side) might help to see him get back on his feet. But redundancy can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy, even though a lot of it is usually down to cost cutting rather than ability so try and help boost his confidence back up.

You could take an active part in helping him find something else, help with his CV or searching for jobs on the internet. By helping him you are showing him that you have faith in his prospects of finding another job.

Times like this test us as they are snapshots of how a person will react to bad news in the future. If you can’t cope with it now do you think you could repeatedly as other obstacles naturally crop up in life?

If you had any doubts about your relationship before this all happened then it might be that it’s time to call things off. We do say and do hurtful things to the ones we are closest to in times of hardship as we often assume that we can ‘get away’ with it because our loved ones will return no matter what.   If you were unsure about the state of your relationship before the redundancy then it might be that this is the trigger to make you realize that it’s not going to work.

Lucy Walton is Female First’s resident agony aunt, sex, and relationships editor. Visit http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/love/ to read more articles by Lucy.

What do you think? Do you have a question for Lucy? Leave your comments below or tweet us @eharmonyuk

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. If you require professional, psychological or medical assistance, please consult with a trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace treatment from a licensed professional. This column, its author, and publisher disclaim all responsibility for the outcome of following any advice provided.

 

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