Agony Aunt – “I don’t know how to talk about my problems.”



We received the following question from one of our commenters:

Hi Lucy,

People say men struggle to open up, but I’m a woman and have REAL trouble opening up or showing my feelings towards anybody. I feel as though I have literally no emotion and when I’m with my friends I feel as though I have to pretend that I’m full of emotion. The only way I’m able to talk about my problems is through social media (Facebook etc.). Could you give me a few suggestions on how I can open up more and talk about my problems?

Lucy says:

If you find it easier to talk about your problems over social media this may be because you are writing them down. Some people find keeping a diary or a notebook about their day and their feelings very fulfilling. It helps you not only feel as if you have unloaded the burden of whatever is troubling you but also helps you to clarify your feelings. Sometimes without it right there in front of you, a problem can be very complex, but writing it down can help you organize it better and process it, sometimes to the point of being able to cope or find a solution.

Once you are able to express your emotions more comfortably in this manner then you might find it easier to talk to people about them too. People often fear that others won’t understand and that they will be judged when you can’t explain your problems but the easier you can communicate them the more accessible they are for others to help if you want them to.

Perhaps also, you find it easier because you are not in a face to face situation on Facebook or Twitter. This gives you time to think about your post; how you will word it and at what point you put it on your page. If you are talking with your friends, the delivery of your problems is much more instantaneous, therefore you have little time to think about how you deliver it and consequently are more cautious about what you say.

Perhaps try to record your feelings first and if you trust your friends with the information, choose your time to tell them once you feel more accepting of them and ready to.

Lucy Walton is Female First’s resident agony aunt, sex, weddings and relationships editor. Visit to read more articles by Lucy.

What do you think? Do you have a question for Lucy? Leave your comments below or tweet us @eharmonyuk

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. If you require professional, psychological or medical assistance, please consult with a trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace treatment from a licensed professional. This column, its author, and publisher disclaim all responsibility for the outcome of following any advice provided.

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