Agony Aunt – “I’m dating an older man, are we compatible?”



We received the following question from one of our readers:

Hi Lucy,
I’m just dealing with the fact & feeling that I’ve fallen for this 50 something older man who’s divorced with 3 kids while I’m in my late 20s.
He seems equally interested, very caring, and appreciative of my limited knowledge considering my age versus his.
I’m scared of the sexual incompatibility that may arise, if ever, the relationship culminates into marriage.
Will sexual incompatibility destroy our relationship?

Lucy says:

Sexual compatibility is something that is important in a romantic relationship. If it is not present then it is simply a friendship, with some expressions of affection like kissing and holding hands that are perhaps not deemed appropriate between friends.

Remember that women tend to peak in their thirties sexually whereas men tend to become less interested in sex the older they get, so it’s likely that there will be little meeting in the middle when it comes to your sex life.

Many relationships survive without sex, however this is usually because the couple have been together for a long time, had children and become adjusted to life without sex playing a massive part in their personal lives. They will have had many years of satisfying sex before this point. However starting off like this may cause some resentment or unhappiness in the relationship.

Could it be that your attraction to him is due to his interest in you and his caring nature? Perhaps you lacked this earlier in life and so crave it now? It might be that you have fallen for the way he makes you feel rather than the way you feel about him?

That said if you do believe that you are in love with this man and he feels the same, then your sex life is something that you will need to talk about and be patient with. Sex very rarely comes naturally to any couple, it takes time and effort to figure out how to make the other person sexually satisfied and so you are no different from other couples here.

Why not talk to him about things and find out his take on all of this. Chances are he is worried about the same things you are. If you share your concerns then this will only bring you closer together and make the act of sex a little easier when you know what to expect, if that is the road you decide to go down.

Lucy Walton is Female First’s resident agony aunt, sex, and relationships editor. Visit to read more articles by Lucy.

What do you think? Do you have a question for Lucy? Leave your comments below or tweet us @eharmonyuk

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. If you require professional, psychological or medical assistance, please consult with a trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace treatment from a licensed professional. This column, its author, and publisher disclaim all responsibility for the outcome of following any advice provided.

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