Are they interested in you, or just a date with you?


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Some people just love going on dates. Maybe it’s for the thrill, maybe for the free food (if they’re lucky) or maybe even in the hope of a one night stand – but how do you spot someone who isn’t genuine about wanting a relationship?

Dating should be a lot of fun and when you’re serious about wanting a relationship each date will be laden with hope and expectation. There are some unscrupulous people out there who just like the thrill of the date and have no intention of going on to develop anything meaningful. You might be unfortunate enough to land a date with a serial dater so here are some useful ways to spot them.

Rushing things forward

You might spot this trait when you start talking with them online. They usually skip guided communication; ask for personal information like your phone number or email address really quickly; push to meet up as soon as possible and often come on really strong in their messages.

When you do meet them, no sooner have you said hello than they’re trying to seduce you. All this rushing is about their addiction to the chase. It has little, or nothing, to do with you and they are getting off on the thrill of it all.

It’s important to take things at your own pace, online and off, and while a serial dater may be very charming and charismatic they’re like a cheap firework – one sparkling moment then they’re gone. If you feel rushed at any point in the dating process ask your match to slow down a little, if they’re genuine they will respect your wishes.

Not interested in you

A serial dater is interested in one thing and it isn’t in getting to know everything about you. One sure sign that you’re on a date with one of these players is they ask you very little about yourself and when you volunteer information they seem uninterested and glaze over. They aren’t interested in the back story they just want to get to the desert as quickly as possible.


When you are on a date with someone who’s really into you they will be attentive, present and hanging on your every word. Other things may be going on around you but you two are there together and, for a little while at least, its like all other distractions slip away – this is the spark of connection everyone’s looking for.

A serial dater on the other hand will be continually distracted – by their phone (which they may have on the table so they don’t miss anything), things going on around them and they may openly check out other potential dates while with you.

When they do turn their attention to you it will probably be with lots of syrupy charm but very little substance. While their compliments may be flattering don’t be fooled into thinking you are being lured anywhere except into a sticky trap – the minute they have got what they want they will move on to their next victim.


A date is the time when matches try to get to know more about each other. You may have snippets of information from their profile that you would like more information on but when you press them on it they seem reluctant to elaborate.

Some people are naturally more reserved and don’t want to give away too much of themselves to quickly but this isn’t why a serial dater is holding back – they don’t want you to know too much about them because its a distraction from their real purpose which is to bed you, not wed you.

At the root of it

The reality is that serial daters are often very lonely, insecure people who, while they may have a lot of front, actually have very little true self-esteem. They’re often afraid that if someone were to really get to know them they would be rejected. They’re terrified of developing a deep intimate connection so instead survive on the much less satisfying thrills of brief encounters.

If you ever find yourself face to face with a serial dater remember that you can leave at any time. If anyone causes you serious concern please report it to the customer care team.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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