Back to basics: asking someone out

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Asking someone out

It may seem like the most basic part of dating but unless you ask someone out, you’ll never get started. But how should you ask? And what’s the best way to get a positive response? 

Even for the most confident among us, asking someone out on a date can seem like one of the scariest things to do.  In the run up to asking someone out, we force ourselves to imagine everything that could go wrong – and forget the possible great outcome!

But remember, most single people want to be asked out on a date. At the very least they’ll be flattered, and if all goes well, they could meet the love of their life.

If you find yourself with someone in your sights, but you’re experiencing sweaty palms and a raised heart rate, here are some things to remember:

Don’t blow things out of proportion

You’re asking someone out for a drink. That’s it. You’re not suggesting you move in together and have babies. And the fact is that most open-minded singles, are happy to go on a date with someone they think they could be interested in, just to see how things go.

And if things don’t go the way you’d hoped, don’t take it personally – it’s not a comment on your worth as a human being. There are lots of reasons why someone could turn you down:  they’re not ready to date, they’re nervous themselves…the list goes on. Don’t let one knockback stop you from continuing your search for love.

Make sure you’re specific

If you make it clear you want to go on a date you’ll boost your chances of a positive answer. It might be tempting to be vague so you leave your options open if you get a negative answer, but please don’t. Men and women alike are much more receptive to a clear invitation. No one wants to be left walking away thinking ‘Were they really asking me out?’ Instead of saying ‘Fancy going out some time?’, try something like ‘Would you like to go for a drink with me in that new Spanish bar that’s opened down the road?’

Keep your options open

These days, everyone is busy. What with work, seeing friends, visiting families, even keeping fit, it’s amazing we have time to date at all. Be ready with options for the person you’re asking out. If they say they don’t have time this week to go for dinner with you, say you’d love to just have a coffee with them. By showing flexibility, they’ll know you’re serious about getting to know them.

Dial it down a notch

Remind yourself before, during and after, that you’re not trying to make a big sale here. You’re simply asking someone out. If the time seems wrong, or they seem unsure, leave them with the idea. Don’t press them for a yes or a no – they’re unlikely to forget you’ve asked them out and they’ll come back to you with an answer when they’ve had chance to think.

The fact is that (unless you’re asking out your best friend, for which we have a whole different article) you’ve not got a lot to lose. So they say no, you’ll still be here tomorrow, ready to face another day – and ask out someone else.


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