Dating: 4 ways to get ‘unstuck’


Sometimes life can seem to put you on pause. It might be that your job’s not going anywhere, your search for a new home has stalled, or that your dating life is at a dead end. And if it’s your dating life, then you can feel seriously helpless; looking for love is a hard thing to force.

But, even when it comes to dating, it’s possible to employ some tactics to get things moving again. And of course, once things get moving they can gain momentum and who knows what might happen? Here are four ways to unstick your dating life:

Problem 1: Same old, same old
If you get a sense of déjà vu from your dating routine, then you’ve probably become stuck in a rut. If you’re going to the same places, meeting the same people and behaving in the same way, then it’s no wonder nothing is changing.

The solution: Break the routine. Anytime you feel like you’re in a rut the simplest solution is to do something different. If your dating routine is to meet people through friends, then why not join a group instead and meet new people that way? Or try online dating as a way to tap into a whole load of people you wouldn’t otherwise have met. We won’t deny that this requires some energy, creativity and general ‘oomph’ but it’s well worth it.

Problem 2: You’re a quitter
Dating can be tough. Sometimes it requires us to put in more effort than we feel we want or are able to. And when the going gets tough, it’s often our instinct to retreat and hide under the duvet (literally or metaphorically!) Why would you want to keep subjecting yourself to such a tough process?

The solution: Give yourself a kick up the bum. We all need this sometimes, and all it takes is to try and focus on why you’re doing what you’re doing. Guess what? It’s very difficult to meet someone without going on dates. They’re essential part of the process, so even if you’ve gone through a tough patch, you just need to keep on going. While you might feel that your friends and family fell into their relationships, remember that at one point they will have been in a similar position to you. Also remember that if you don’t try, then you have no right to moan you’re not getting anywhere.

Problem 3: You’ve lost your mojo
Trust us when we say that most people have been through a dating drought. Whether that’s no dates, or a string of awful dates, it happens. And while you might still be going through the motions, your heart’s just not in it, which in turn can really affect the way you date.

The solution: Take a risk. Put yourself out there and do something you don’t normally do. Maybe that’s speed dating, or throwing a party and asking everyone to bring along a single friend. Going for dinner with friends is easy, taking the plunge and asking out the barman at your local isn’t.

Problem 4: You’re scared

Dating can be nerve-racking. Meeting someone new, making a connection and worrying about being judged are all potentially anxiety-producing situations. Sometimes it seems so much easier to stay at home and watch TV.

The solution: Decide to conquer your fears head on. You can still have fear and move forward. It won’t be easy, but after that first call, or date, or the first time you decide to ask someone on a date you will feel empowered, and your fear will start to melt away. Even if things don’t go to plan, the sheer fact that you’ve made that leap should give you the push to try again. No one ever met the love of their life sitting in front of the TV.

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