Dating after divorce – doing it online

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It can be hard to get back into dating if you have been off the scene for a long time, all the rules seem to have changed and it can feel overwhelming and intimidating at first. While you have been away there has been a revolution in the dating world which takes a lot of the discomfort and uncertainty out of it and allows you to meet prospective new partners from the comfort of your own living room.

It is socially acceptable
We have been through a technical revolution in the last twenty years and now the majority of people have used the internet and have regular access to computers even if they don’t actually own one. This is true for every age group and across the social spectrum.

In conjunction with this internet dating has gone through a complete revolution in terms of social acceptability mainly because the internet is now where many of us keep in touch with our friends and family, make arrangements about our social life and get back in touch with old friends.

Dating online used to be considered a risky and shady business where people lied about their age and were embarrassed to own up to it. This has all changed and now it is common for singles of every age to meet dates online.

A gentle reintroduction
Coming out of a marriage can leave you feeling bruised and vulnerable and unclear about what you want for your future. In these circumstances one of the most important things is that you don’t rush into anything too soon.  Online dating through a site like eHarmony provides you with a safe and guided introduction process so that at no point you feel you are out of control and by the time you get to meet someone you have a lot more information about them than you would if you had met them in a bar or club.

Even after the first date there is no obligation to meet the person again if you feel that you didn’t hit it off. After all,  you don’t buy every pair of shoes you try on and it is absolutely fine for you to take time over such an important process. Enjoy the opportunity it affords you to meet people whose path you may never have crossed in other ways.

Be discerning
As with anything that is available online you need to be discerning before you get your credit card out and start signing up. There are free dating sites but being free usually means that they have no joining criteria and are more likely to be misused by people with shady agendas.

The best sites will allow you to sign up and view your matches for free and will then charge a moderate subscription before you can communicate with any of its members. This is a good indication that it is a trustworthy site as you know that everyone who then communicates with you through the site has paid for a subscription which shows a level of commitment to the process of finding the right person. Most subscriptions are less than what you would pay for a night out and are well worth it for the peace of mind and support that often comes as part of your subscription package.

Our advice would be to sign up to one, well-known and trusted site that has a good track record, far better to focus on one site in depth than have multiple profiles on many different sites.

Ask for help
If you are uncertain, do some research, ask friends, you will probably be surprised by how many people have used sites and most people will be happy to pass on useful tips and recommend what worked for them.

Writing a profile about yourself can feel difficult and uncomfortable because most people aren’t used to talking about themselves in flattering and positive ways. Talk to your nearest and dearest and enlist their help. It will good for your self-esteem to hear how others see you and your boldness in going forward in this way could even inspire other people to do the same. If you want to upload a photograph this is another area where friends or family can help you.

Be proud of what you are doing. Let go of any old prejudiced ideas about the internet being for desperate people and see yourself as a proactive person giving yourself the very best opportunity for a happy and fulfilling future with someone who you may know more about before you meet than you ever knew about your ex before you married them.

Most important of all remember to take your time, have fun and let go of any preconceived ideas you may have about online dating. Instead see yourself as joining a global village where this is the most common, accepted and safe way to meet other people.


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