Dating UK: Who makes the first call?

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You’ve read their profile, exchanged emails and decided you want to know more. But the prospect of making the first call is stopping you in your tracks. Do traditional rules still apply on an online dating site? Should men always do the chasing and women sit back and wait?

Why you can both take action
Traditionally, if women did the pursuing they were perceived by men as unattractive and overeager. In the real dating world, this theory still has a few supporters but online dating sites change all this. When two people meet on an online dating site, they are likely to have several matches in differing stages of communication. This means that those who stand up, speak out and take action will get more interest, whether male or female.

If a woman waits for the man to call, she could significantly reduce her chances of ever meeting a match. On online dating sites, being proactive reaps rewards. In fact, in a survey of eHarmony men, the majority said they are flattered by and receptive to women who make the first move.

How to take the pressure off
Don’t pin all your hopes on the first call. If you are proactive on an online dating site you are likely to have phone conversations with numerous matches. A call isn’t necessarily a request for a get-together. It’s about hearing your match’s voice and laugh and getting a sense of who they are.

If you communicate by email for months before speaking on the phone, you’ll put too much pressure on the call. So it’s best to initiate a call soon after your early emails. If you are nervous, remember that you are assessing them just as much as they are assessing you.

So, who should make the call?
The person who feels a connection first should make the call, regardless of their gender. Even on an online dating site, there will be someone who senses the possibilities ahead of the other. It may be sparked by their match’s photograph, a comment in an email or an interest mentioned on their “About Me” page. As soon as you feel something and have been through the initial email communication stage, it’s time to pick up the phone. Make the first conversation brief if it makes you more comfortable and use the security of anonymous calling if concerned about your security. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!


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