‘I fall in love too easily’ – how to date without losing yourself

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One of the things I often hear when I’m coaching both women and men in midlife is how busy their lives are, they’ve come through a divorce and have found themselves again, they’ve got into a rhythm, have a new found freedom and are really enjoying their own company. They’re keen to meet someone new yet are fearful of losing themselves along the way.

Or on the other hand I’ve worked with clients who have thrown themselves headlong into a new relationship and have so completely lost themselves they have become unrecognisable to those around them with them saying ‘I fall in love too easily.’

Here are my thoughts and ideas – none of them new – to keep you from getting lost while dating or when in a new relationship

Keep up your friendships both male and female – it kind of goes without saying doesn’t it. Our friendships are vital, we’ve got history with our friends and they also help give us a sense of perspective on a relationship.

Keep up your hobbies or start new ones – it’s such a time of emotional and often physical upheaval when you’re newly single or divorced, it’s an important time to keep up hobbies that you’ve maybe had a long time. It’s also a great time to take up something new. It’s good to do something practical rather than staying at home brooding and possibly a great place to meet new people.

There is more to life than sitting by the computer or phone in hand waiting for notifications! – Get busy enjoying your life rather than waiting for notifications from the dating sites you’re registered with. Dating is just part of your life, it should never become a second career!

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Enjoy your single time – once you’ve grieved the ending of a previous relationship it’s such a great time to focus on yourself. Your needs, your desires, putting yourself at the top of the list. Enjoy this time, get reconnected with yourself.

Have plans for your future even without a partner – it’s so important to carry on with your life. Don’t have your life on hold while you’re waiting for Mr or Ms Right to come along. Get busy building your business and planning your next adventure.

Remember that you are whole – you don’t need a relationship to complete you, whatever you’ve believed in the past or Hollywood tells you. Don’t fall in love too fast. A new partner isn’t going to complete you. Be happy who you are as a single person and get to a place where life is pretty good as it is. A partner will simply enhance that.

Take a break from each other – there’s no need to text each other or send picture messages all the time while out with others or on your own. When you’re out with friends or your family throw yourself fully into that. The old saying of absence makes the heart grow fonder really does work. Allow the other person space to pursue their own stuff without feeling you need to be in constant contact.

Don’t play small and shrink yourself to fit in with someone else’s life – successful relationships are built on trust and respect for each other. If you’re having to become someone else to please a partner it’s definitely time to question the relationship. A good relationship is about respecting the other person, allowing them to be fully themselves.


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