Find your dating style


Just as everyone learns things in different ways everyone gets to know people in their own way. For some it can be long email conversations while for others it will be through shared experiences. Many people have never really considered the question so end up going on dates that are unsatisfactory because they feel like they didn’t connect with the person they were with. As that is the whole point of a date it is worth finding out your unique dating style.

Where did you meet your friends?

Are you the kind of person who makes new friends all the time or have you had the same friendship group for years? Where did you meet these people and how did the relationship develop? Lots of friendships are made because of shared interests – maybe you enjoyed the same sport or hobby and met at a class or maybe it was down the local pub on quiz night.

Examining your friendships can give you some vital clues as to your dating style. If your friendships have deepened through cooking and eating together then a restaurant date would be ideal for you because you are used to developing intimacy over the dinner table. If you are more of a pub quiz person it shows that you like to have a shared interest and develop intimacy that way.

Energetic or sedentary?

How do you like to spend your time and where do you think you are at your best? For some people this will be when they are at home, relaxed and in their own environment while for others it will be when they are out walking on the hills with the wind in their hair. You want your date to see you in your element but you can only do that if you know what your element is. Feet up, watching a film in the dark is for some people a great way of connecting with someone while for others they will want to see how their date is when they are engaged in a physical activity like dancing.

Participant or audience?

Do you like to be the centre of attention or do you prefer to sit on the sidelines while someone else is the star of the show? If you are uncomfortable being the centre of attention an intimate dinner can feel intimidating but a night at a play or in a comedy club might suit you much better as there will be many chances to talk before and after the show and in the interval.

Planned or spontaneous?

Do you like to have everything planned ahead of time down to what you are going to wear and how long you are going to be out? Many people blossom more when they feel everything is under control because then they can let their hair down because they don’t have to worry about what they are going to eat or how they will get home.

For others this kind of control and planning is stifling and stops them from being their natural, spontaneous selves. They like to just meet up in town and see where the wind blows them. This can be a lot of fun but it really won’t suit some people. It is always best to check with your date – often dating styles can appear to be incompatible but with a little compromise on both sides you may find that you are compatible as people – opposites can attract and both ends of the spectrum have their advantages.

Face to face or the written word?

How do you communicate best? For some people it will be the face to face sitting up talking late into the night that really seals the deal on a date but for others it will be epic emails or regular texts. How do you prefer to communicate with the people closest to you? If the answer is in writing make your date’s fun shared, experiences and then write them a long email saying what a lovely time you had.

Knowing yourself, and your dating style can be a great advantage and will give you the best chance of connecting with someone.

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