Why you should forget about dating your type


Do you find yourself dating the same type of person over and over again and wondering why it doesn’t work out? Rebecca Perkins shares her top tips for breaking the cycle

‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.’ This famous Albert Einstein quote may seem like an unusual way to begin a dating blog, but bear with me.

By the time we’ve arrived at midlife, we’ve probably formed all sorts of beliefs about who we are, how we do things and what we like and dislike. Frankly, we’ve become very much set in our ways. Agreed? I was that woman too. And let’s be honest here; a belief is just something that we’ve thought about so much that it’s become ‘real’ in our minds. Beliefs can also be handed down, generation to generation, if we’re not careful.

I knew my type. I’d always dated that type of man. Yet the relationships had always come to an end with a feeling of dissatisfaction. Funny that. I was clearly missing something and it was time for me to do something different because, as Einstein said, by doing the same thing time and time again, I was getting the same results time and time again.

Rethinking my type

So, by changing how I thought about dating, the kind of men I wanted to meet and the experiences I wanted to have, this is what I learned:

I came to realise that I was seriously limiting myself, and the chance of meeting some really great men, by sticking to my type. It was a bit like denying myself a whole variety of different flavours and strengths of tea just because I’ve always drunk English Breakfast – I was missing out on Oolong, Rooibos, Green, Early Grey and more! I could always decide that, actually, Lapsang Souchong isn’t really my cup of tea, but not without trying it first!

Instead of thinking about the ‘type’ of man I was looking for, I focused on how I wanted to feel in a relationship. That way I kept my mind open to all sorts of possibilities and exciting connections that I would have missed otherwise.

So what if he wears cowboy boots and likes country music when I’m much more of a soul, jazz and R&B girl? So what if he loves football and I love rugby? So what if every single one of my friends wouldn’t approve? The only question I needed to ask myself was, ‘am I having fun?’ For me, it really was that simple. It was just a date, after all, and who knows where that might lead?

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