Four steps to getting over someone after a break up
It’s never easy when a relationship comes to an end. Daunting new research reveals that the average person in an unhappy relationship waits four years before breaking it off. eHarmony.co.uk relationship psychologist Dr. Linda Papadopoulos offers advice on how to know if you’re with someone who isn’t right for you and how to move on.
Realise when a relationship isn’t right
It can be tough realising which issues you can work around and which you can’t in a relationship. You might try to find reasons to stay together to avoid the stress of a break up, but there are a few key questions you should ask yourself. Can you imagine a future together? Do you feel you can trust and rely on them? Can you accept them as they are or do you feel the need to change them? If these points are in doubt and your needs aren’t being met, relationships can become unhealthy, communication can get distorted and it’s hard to think about the future. If this rings true, then its time to be honest with yourself about why you’re still trying to make it work.
Breaking up – with minimal pain
If you have come to the conclusion that things aren’t working, it’s important to make sure the break up causes the least amount of pain for both of you. The golden rule is to be clear and the best way to do this is by talking face to face. While it might seem appealing to breeze over what you are feeling to make things less awkward, your reasons might not come across clearly.
At the same time, avoid accusing or blaming them when you do explain why things didn’t work – blame puts responsibility for your decision on your partner, and can lead to both of you sharing hurtful accusations. They might still react with confusion or bitterness anyway but remember: breaking up is best for both of you in the long run, so being honest is the best first step towards you moving on with your lives.
Getting over someone after a break up
It’s only natural when we break up with someone to wonder what went wrong, but it doesn’t help. Instead, make a point of refocusing your energy on what you can do for yourself. Take advantage of being single again by doing things that YOU love, like watching favourite movies, going to places that you want to without needing to compromise, and reconnecting with friends that may have fallen by the wayside.
Another key to moving on is logging off. Technology and social media has made it harder to avoid someone you just broke up with so for the time being, stop checking their social media accounts and fixating on what they are doing – the only person’s ‘status’ that matters now is yours. Get away from your home now and then and keep yourself busy.
Moving on and dating again
First and foremost, take your time and make sure you’re ready to date again. It isn’t a contest to find a new relationship as fast as possible, so don’t pressure yourself. Dating is important, but so is making time for you. Go out with friends for the sake of it; even if meeting someone new is something that you really want, it’s important that you learn to enjoy yourself without an agenda. The more you relax and have fun, the easier it will be to naturally meet someone who could make you happy. Besides, flirting is easier when you’re feeling calm and confident.
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