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10 real reasons men just disappear

by Eharmony Editorial Team - October 31, 2011

Some men seem to have Houdini-like skills in disappearing. One minute you seem to be heading towards happy-ever-after and the next you can’t see him for dust. There’s always a reason though. Here’s our guy’s eye view on why men sometimes just vanish from a relationship.

1. We’re adhering to ‘modern dating rules’

In an age when some people think it’s appropriate to end a 3-year relationship via Facebook, some men think nothing of just ‘forgetting’ to get in touch with a woman they’ve been dating. It’s a neat little excuse (but not one we can defend!)

2. We’ve been leading you on

It happens, and don’t get us wrong, women do it too. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean, make romantic suggestions we have no intention of turning into reality and generally get your hopes up. For the men who do this, when the time comes for them to ‘fess up, have to choose between facing up to their awful behaviour or just chickening out altogether and disappearing.

3. We’re emotional midgets

This is a pretty simple one. Some men lack the emotional maturity to sit down with someone else and explain why a relationship can’t continue. This realisation might hurt, but let’s be honest, who wants to be in a relationship with someone like that anyway?

4. You seem a little ‘unusual’

You might be lovely, but if you start to act a little odd after a few dates we will probably decide it’s best to disappear rather than face the wrath of the woman scorned. Yeah, it’s cowardly, but we still remember what happened in Fatal Attraction…

5. It wasn’t actually a relationship

If two dates don’t equal a relationship in his book, he might not feel like he has any obligation to call you and explain his (lack of) romantic intentions. He hasn’t really got to know you yet, so please don’t take it personally.

6. We don’t want to assassinate your character

Do you really want us to sit you down and explain exactly why we don’t want to pursue a relationship with you? To explain anything from the fact that we don’t like the way you pick at your dinner in a restaurant, to our feeling that you’re not what we imagined the mother of our children to look like? Sometimes, we think, ignorance can be bliss, even if it leaves you with unanswered questions.

7. We don’t want to tell you the real reason

Sometimes the reason we leave you in the cold might be embarrassing or plain unbelievable. We don’t want to have to tell you that we’ve met someone we consider to be more convenient, or even that we might just have met the love of our lives. And we also don’t want the hassle of lying about it either

8. Because we know that ‘It’s me, not you,’ is a cliché

Sometimes ‘It’s me, not you’ is actually true, but we know that it always sounds like a complete cop-out. So we avoid the conversation altogether and disappear.

9. Your amazingness scares us

Men who are scared of commitment often choose to date someone average rather than someone great with whom they might have a future. Explaining that is a whole new world of awkwardness, so, off we go!

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10. It allows us to keep a clean record

If we don’t have to explain why we’re ending a relationship, then we can tell ourselves that it just petered out and we don’t have to face up to our own flaws.

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