Gallery: 10 things you NEED to find out about your date
1. Their passions
Firstly, establish your date has passions. Someone with no interests is almost certainly going to be a boring person! Everyone has things they love to do, make or experience. This doesn’t need to be skydiving or helping out in soup kitchens, they just need to be things they really love, beyond their work life. If their passions intersect with yours then even better – you should never date a carbon copy of yourself, but at the same time if you love travelling the world, and your date is more of a homebody then you might find that over time things become strained.
2. Their values
At eHarmony we believe that it is essential that a couple’s value systems match up. If they don’t then how will you make important life decisions together in the future? We’re not saying quiz your date on their moral beliefs the first time you meet, but bear in mind that if you want to take things further you should have similar values.
3. Their definition of a relationship
This is an essential piece of information. Everything is open to interpretation and relationships are right up there. When it comes to going exclusive, make sure you and your date both have the same idea of what a ‘relationship’ really is. Are you just spending time together? Or are you building something special?
4. Their relationship with their family
If your date has a positive relationship with their family then this is a great indicator that they are happy and well balanced. However, if they don’t then don’t jump to conclusions. Lots of people have issues with their family; it’s how they deal with them that’s most telling. If your date seems bitter and unhappy when they talk about their relatives then you should try and sensitively get to the root of the issue before moving forward.
5. Their dreams and aspirations
Like passions, dreams are essential. It’s important to have an idea of where you want to go in life, and a mindset that will hopefully take you there. But, if your aspirations are miles away from those of your date, then you might find that you will clash in the future.
6. Their views on sex
Most people would agree that intimacy is an important factor in a relationship, but everyone has different ideas on how central sex needs to be. For example your date might not believe in sex before marriage. After a few dates the subject may naturally crop up – if it does, take the opportunity to explore your date’s beliefs.
7. Their conflict resolution skills
Every couple will argue at some point; what matters is not that you argue, but how you come to a resolution. People’s approach to conflict tends to differ, and there is no one perfect conflict resolution tactic, but the worst approach is shutting down. Working out your date’s conflict resolving skills is a tricky one but you might pick up on clues from how they talk about past relationships.
8. How they deal with money
If your date drops hints that they have problems with money then this should be a red flag. Most people have ups and downs with money, perhaps needing to rely on a credit card or overdraft here and there. But, if your date mentions large debts, no fixed place to live or borrowing money off friends, then this is important information.
9. Their friends
How many friends your date has really doesn’t matter. It’s how close they are to them, and how they talk about them that matters. Find out who their friends are, how they met and what they all like to do together – you’ll very quickly have an idea of the kind of person your date is.
10. Their social life preferences
How someone wants to spend their free time is a big indicator of whether you’ll get on in the long run. If you both live for the weekend, favouring big nights out on a Friday and Saturday then you’ll have at least one thing in common. But, if one of you prefers Saturday night in with a home cooked meal and some DVDs, you might clash.
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