Gallery: 6 things second time daters want

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Looking for....someone who is kind and gentle

Our previously married members are more likely to be looking for someone who is kind and gentle. After all, if you’ve been through at least one relationship that didn’t work out maybe this time you’re looking for someone whose best qualities are more subtle.

And finally, those who haven’t been married are looking for...

The two items that made it onto the lists of the ‘never been marrieds’ but NOT the ‘been married befores’ were: • I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person • I can't stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky

Looking for... a good talker

Guess what? People who’ve been married before value the art of conversation. And not just chatter about the latest film releases over a glass of wine, but deep, meaningful conversations. The ability of their prospective partner to ask the right questions about how they’re feeling is essential; after all, communication is the basis for any good relationship.

Looking for...someone who is financially responsible

Marriage either forces people to be financially responsible, or forces them apart. One of the main causes of marital stress is money, and being married to someone who isn’t financially responsible can be a huge drain. On the other hand, being good with money suggests and a general ability to be responsible about day to day issues.

Not looking for...someone who hasn’t got the basics nailed down

eHarmony users who were married before rate lack of cleanliness and drug abuse higher on their list of Can’t Stands than users who haven't previously been married. We’re not sure why this might be – maybe life experience teaches them that not everyone inherently comes with these traits!

Looking for...someone who is financially responsible

Bit of a provocative statement here, but our data shows that eHarmony users who’ve previously been married are less likely to choose I can't stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity and I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing. But, we’re reluctant to believe our previously married users are less ethical or accepting. We believe it’s more likely that they’ve learnt that by searching for someone inherently ‘good’ - like themselves - they’ll automatically have these traits. It’s also just a question of priorities; a partner who is financially responsible takes precedence over the less practical traits.

Not looking for...the spice

Who knew that sex and attraction isn’t everything? Our previously married users place these ‘Must Haves’ far lower down the priority list than their never married counterparts. Time tells us that, while initial attraction is exciting, it’s compatibility that really glues a couple together - not how many times a week they get it on!



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