Gently Does It: Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone


Author and success coach Rebecca Perkins gives the lowdown on dating in midlife.

Does the idea of online dating in midlife terrify you or excite you? Do you long for a relationship yet are paralysed with fear? I’ve spoken with many clients about this. Many come to me because they long to be in a relationship but are terrified of meeting someone new, they tell me the fear is holding them back. They’re scared of moving out of the security of their comfort zone. They know it’s comfortable but it’s oh so predictable and boring. They’ve become too comfortable in their own space yet know that they’d like more in the form of a new relationship.

It’s so true that the very exciting bits of life happen outside of our comfort zone.  So here are some of my suggestions for easing yourself out into a new world filled with possibilities.

Embrace new experiences – it’s not necessarily about being an adrenaline junkie though! Meeting new people, turning up at a new class, writing a dating profile might all be things that push you out of your comfort zone and can feel daunting. Learning to embrace new experiences gives us courage to keep moving forward.

Turn fear into excitement – the sensations we feel in our body are very similar whether it’s nervousness or excitement. We associate one with fear however. I love the idea of public speaking and know that once I’m up there I feel great, however, the fear I feel beforehand is terrifying….I still do it though because I’ve learned to use the fear to my advantage!

Look at why you want to move out of your comfort zone – what are the benefits? What will you gain? Get comfortable with being uncomfortable on a regular basis, it’ll build resilience and courage. Sometimes we just need a kick up the backside to get us moving.

Change happens one step at a time, – even taking a baby step, doing something that will stretch you just a little bit will over time lead to substantial change. I have a friend who is a mountain guide, she always talks of the fact that mountain ranges are scaled one step at a time. It’s not different with our comfort zone.

What is it you fear? -it’s amazing how the power of something loses it’s strength when we’ve said it out loud or written it down.  Go ahead and name it. Is your fear rejection? Is it perhaps the fear of making a fool of yourself? Whatever it is once you’ve been honest with yourself you can start to question it and move through it.

Trust yourself – which you’ll have been doing for much of your life. Know that you have whatever it takes. Remember back to a time when everything was going well and you were in flow with life. What were you doing? How was your attitude towards life? Go back there in your mind and pick out the gems that you can use now to ease you out of your comfort zone.

Commit to do things differently – wishful thinking won’t get you anywhere. If you keep on doing the same stuff you’ll get the same results. Wishing things were different isn’t going to make anything happen. You’ve got to be proactive and make the changes you want in your life.


If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

Join Now

More like this: