Getting ready to date: tips for single mums dating
Being a single parent can be hard work! If the sleepless nights and non-stop tidying/feeding/tidying/working/tidying/entertaining doesn’t tip you over the edge, then the thought of making plans to socialise and actually following through with them will.
At the end of a busy day, the last thing a lot of single parents want is the hassle of getting ready to go out. A night on the sofa is usually the perfect tonic for a stressful day, but there will come a time when you’re ready to get back on the dating scene.
In the run up to Mother’s Day and following a new study by our friends at Datingpriceguide, which has highlighted the loneliness that a large percentage of single Mums feel, we wanted to share a few tips for Single Mums looking to start in the dating game again, or maybe for the first time. The game may have changed a lot since you were last out on a date or looking for a partner and the thought of meeting new people can be downright scary.
1. Try to get over your divorce/separation
Divorcing especially can be lavished with guilt and many people leave a relationship with their self-esteem in tatters. This isn’t a good place to be in whether you are looking to date or not. This negative vibe may cause you to question your ability of choosing the right partner and once/if you do choose to meet with someone, may cause you to make quick or bad judgements. This can go either way of dismissing a potential partner or allowing yourself to too easily fall in love again.
2. Take it SLOW
It takes time to build a meaningful relationship and after previous disappointments we might be tempted to jump straight back on the horse, this isn’t ideal. If your new relationship is based solely on infatuation, then we know already that is likely to end in the first 6 months. Take time to know the person, build a connection that will last, create memories and experiences before diving in at the deep end of another fully committed relationship. You have been hurt in the past, so make sure you don’t rush into another relationship that can have a similar ending.
3. Get to know the REAL them
Following on from the last point about taking the time to get to know someone first and foremost, you must invest time to understand the person you are dating by confronting their past and their present. Only by knowing and understanding the person (past the flames of passion) you are dating (aswell as their former self and previous life) will you be able to judge if the relationship has legs.
4. Hold off on sleepovers
Yes, we are all adults but once you cross that line things can get complicated. Avoiding getting in too deep with someone early on is the best thing you can do, resist any urges and temptations as they can be deceptive. Following the general line of this piece, take it slow!
5. Cut the crap
Ok, maybe a bit harsh, but dating is obviously flawed by the fact that everyone wants to present their best possible self. It’s human nature to want to impress a potential partner, but you also owe it to yourself to make sure you are getting the real deal. Ask questions that make clear their stance on certain topics or actions. At the risk of coming across uptight, make sure you aren’t misunderstanding the front that is being put on for the real person. Again, you owe it to yourself.
6. Keep your children out of it
Kids have crazy minds – we have all been there, especially when it comes to relationships. Don’t pretend you didn’t freak out when you found out Zac from saved by the bell wasn’t actually called Zac…and he wasn’t actually dating Kelly! My point is kids have wild imaginations, so don’t get them involved and allow them to overthink the future. What if Mum re-marries? Will I have to move out? Will she still love me? What about Dad? It can be stressful for everyone and a situation best avoided until the right time.
7. Be upfront
As much as you want to impress your date, you have been through enough now to know what you want and to lay your cards on the table. A fresh start, no games, no hidden agenda. Let the person you are with get to know the real you for all your good and perceived bad points. You never know, what you are holding back on might make your date amazing and open up a completely different view on this new relationship.
8. Be picky!
This is your future partner who you will inevitably introduce to your children, your friends, your family – you want to avoid the potential hurt and pain of your last relationship and it’s down to you to decide who and what takes your time. Make sure they are worth every second, life and time is the most precious gift!
To help single parents who want to jump into the dating game we have teamed up with DatingPriceGuide.co.uk to offer their users an exclusive eHarmony promo code that enables single parents to join from just £9.95 per month for a 12 month membership.
At the end of the day, take things slowly and make sure you are both aware of where you are at in your lives. Hopefully the tips above will stand you in a better position if taking that first step to a second chance at dating. Enjoy the time you have and embrace new experiences.
If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eHarmony today!Join Now