Good questions to ask when online dating
Whether you’re an old hand at online communication or a complete newcomer to the world of virtual connections, there are some questions worth bearing in mind when you’re trying to figure out if a match is worth getting to know
The aim of online communication is simply to get to know enough about your match to reassure you that they’re genuine and interested to see if they’re someone you’d like to know better. You don’t need to know someone’s entire back story before you meet them. Spending time with them and seeing how they treat you and interact with the world around them will tell you far more than any amount of questions ever could.
So here are some questions which reveal enough about a match to help you both to decide if you’d like to take things a little further and meet up.
Their experience of the site
This is the first and most obvious thing you have in common and it’s safe to talk about because it isn’t revealing personal information too soon. You’ve both taken the step to join eHarmony and will have had some experiences, both good and bad, that you can share with each other.
What someone relays about their experience can be quite revealing about them as a person. They may be very open and forthcoming, sharing some funny anecdotes or they may give very short answers which tell you nothing.
What makes for a good match is when the length and style of communication is reciprocal – if you’re very open and chatty then you’re probably better with someone who’s the same. When you share your experience do they indicate they’ve read your correspondence and were interested or amused by it? Conversation is a two way thing and while email can be a bit clumsy it’s an indicator of whether a rapport could develop between you.
Enquire more about things in their profile
Asking someone to elaborate about things on their profile helps you check whether or not they’re authentic. They might have put something in there because they think it sounds impressive but on further questioning it has no substance.
As part of a general conversation about profiles you could ask them what it was about yours that made them want to contact you. This will often lead to some flattery or a conversation about mutual interests and hobbies. One sign to look out for is whether or not the other person is comfortable giving and receiving compliments. Occasionally this could mean that they’re not ready for an intimate relationship – on the other hand, they could just be quite modest or shy.
While someone’s past has helped form the person they are today, it’s not as important as how they choose to live now. Asking questions about what they do at the weekend or how they spend their leisure time will help you decide if your lifestyles might be compatible. You don’t necessarily need to have the same interests or habits but you do need to know whether there’s common ground you can build a relationship from.
Would they like to meet?
When you’ve satisfied yourself that someone is genuine the important question is if they’d like to meet with you. If they’re local suggest a quick coffee date during the day in a public place. If your match declines, makes excuses, or is difficult to pin down, even for an hour, don’t pressure them. Just ask them to let you know when they’re free, leaving the ball in their court to organise something if they’re interested.
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