Is there such a thing as soulmates?
Its the romantic ideal that we all dream about – finding that special someone who completes us and makes us feel whole – but is it a realistic possibility or a romantic illusion?
If you believe that one day you may find your soulmate you’ll approach online dating in a different way to someone who doesn’t. The clues that you’ve found your soulmate rather than a life partner all seem to be to do with the intensity of the unspoken connection between you according to Dr Carmen Harra writing in the Huffington Post last year. A soulmate has the capacity to complete and enhance your life in a way that seems almost predestined. Many people say it’s like they ‘recognised’ their partner or as though they had always known them, maybe even in a previous life.
Whatever it is that distinguishes a soulmate seems to be difficult to define with some people saying things like ‘they just get me’ or ‘it feels like they are the missing bit of the jigsaw’.
Many people settle for relationships that don’t have these mystical aspects. They’re content to be with someone who treats them well and wants the same things out of life that they do. If this person is also attractive to them and enjoys some of the same interests and hobbies then they have every chance of having a long, happy and healthy relationship but should they have held off and waited for their soulmate?
The fairy tale
We’re taught from the youngest age to believe in the fairy tale scenario of there being someone who’s meant just for us, but in a world full of billions of people how can you know if you’ve found the right one? The myth says you’ll ‘know’ intuitively because you’ll be attuned to each other in a special way.
Believing in this romantic dream can be useful when you’re online dating because you’re likely to have an optimistic and open hearted attitude. You may be more open minded than others to meeting matches who fall outside your criteria because an essential part of the soulmate story is that they’re often someone you would never have normally considered. Anything that makes you more open minded is a good thing but be careful that you don’t discard people too quickly simply because you don’t feel an instant recognition when you meet them.
Connection isn’t a once in a lifetime experience
People who say on their profile that they’re looking for a soulmate have often had deeply satisfying relationships in the past and are certain that it can, and will, happen again. This is different from believing that there’s only one person who has the possibility of bringing you happiness and fulfilment, different people will come at different times in your life and each will bring unique gifts. As the writer Flavia Weedn said “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same”. A successful relationship isn’t just about how long it last but how we grow, and even how we part, can be valuable.
Narrowing the search
The trouble with holding too rigidly to the belief in finding a soulmate is that your expectations may be so high that no-one will ever match up. We’re all human beings, not princes and princesses. You’ll get the opportunity to meet lots of matches, some of who you could potentially have great relationships with, but you may dismiss them too soon because they don’t fit the rigid picture you have of your other half.
The concept of being incomplete as a single person is limiting and can make people feel as though there’s some stigma attached to being single. There isn’t. You’re more likely to attract someone into your life if you feel satisfied on your own than if you walk around with an air of neediness because you feel your life can’t really begin until you have found ‘the one’.
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