Let’s set some resolutions for a successful year of dating
Author and success coach Rebecca Perkins gives the lowdown on dating in midlife.
So how was 2015 for you? Did you get the dates you wanted? Did you get cold feet and decide against registering online? Did you find yourself newly single and are now thinking it’s time to get dating again?
Why not spend a little time over the holiday period with a notebook, pen and glass of your favourite pick-me-up and think back over the year and then focus on moving forward into 2016.
Here are 11 of my tips and suggestions for making 2016 a happy and successful year.
Give your dating profile a new look – it’s easy to stand out online when you know how. Getting a brilliant dating profile is key. Remember we have moments to attract someone attention. With this in mind make sure your photos are eye catching, there’s no excuse for blurred bathroom selfies. Find out more from Irresistible Dating how you can get a kick-ass dating profile.
Move out of your comfort zone…be proactive! If you’ve always waited until someone else approaches you why not make the first move. If you like him, go for it! Fun happens when we begin to stretch ourselves and do the things that scare us just a little.
Move away from your typical type…it’s such fun to make connections with those who aren’t typically our type. How about dating someone who has a different taste in music or literature or sport? How about dating someone from a different background or nationality to you? Or someone who works in an industry you know nothing about? You’ll learn such a lot about yourself and your beliefs and judgements!
Do something different – what do you usually do on a first date? Bar? Restaurant? Coffee shop? Why not mix it up a little? How about an activity date instead? Bowling? Art Gallery? Cooking Class? Stroll around a Farmers Market? Kayaking? Bike Ride?
Start with a clean slate – learn from the past year and move forward into 2016 without the baggage. Don’t let mistakes or disappointments keep you from looking forward with a positive outlook on what’s really possible for you this coming year.
Stop trying so hard – sometimes we’re just too focussed on what’s not working and miss out on all the good stuff around us. It’s a bit like being on our phone all the time and failing to notice life going on around us. Same with our fixation with “I’m always single”. Get on enjoying life and not only will others find that extraordinarily attractive who knows who you’ll bump into at the supermarket or on the tube as you go to work.
Don’t sell yourself short – there’s nothing wrong with having high standards yet and at the same time it’s important o know what you’re prepared to compromise on. Know what’s absolutely non negotiable and be equally clear on what you’re prepared to have as a grey area – know why your non negotiables are non negotiable!
Get clear about what you really want from online dating, having some sort of vague idea is not going to get you anywhere. Ask yourself if you’re looking for a long term partner or simply someone to go out to dinner with occasionally. The clearer you can be the more focussed you’ll become.
Make sure your head is in the right place – If you’re still focussing on past relationships and struggling to let go then it is probably worth talking it through with someone. Book some sessions with a coach who will help guide you towards what you’re looking for.
Resolve to be patient. Don’t expect miracles overnight. Yes, love does strike fast sometimes and when we least expect it but give the process chance to work. Don’t let one bad date shape your view of online dating.
Don’t be afraid to let go of something that’s not working. It really is better in the long run to be single than in an unfulfilling relationship. If your intuition is telling you that it’s not working trust that inner voice.
Following a divorce, Rebecca found herself single and 45 years old in 2008. She hadn’t dated since she was 24 and found that much had changed. In need of male company, she decided to venture into the brave new world of online dating.
Rebecca is co-founder of Irresistible Dating which she set up with award winning dating photographer Saskia Nelson. Their expertise lies in guiding clients into the right mindset for dating success as well as helping them create a dating profile that stands out.
She is a success coach working with women to navigate the transition of midlife. She has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, BBC London and writes regularly for The Huffington Post.
Rebecca lives in Hertfordshire and enjoys being surrounded by her children, spending time with her guy (who she met online) and celebrating life after 50. You can find Rebecca getting social on @RebPerkins1 and Facebook.com/BestKnickersAlways
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