How to Love Yourself in Three Steps


I love me

Before you can reach out and find someone to love, you must first love yourself. So says Shem Douglas, of However, if you’ve been through a bad breakup then motivating yourself to start dating again can be hard. We asked Shem to share her tips for rebuilding confidence and loving yourself again…

Before you can even hope to entertain a romantic connection with someone you must first feel awesome about yourself. Your next partner should be an amazing addition to your life and not a pre-requisite in order to make your life that much better. How can you attract anyone if you don’t even feel attractive? It’s nobody responsible but yours to fix you and boost your image of self worth. However don’t fret! If you are having trouble with where to start then let me steer you towards being fabulous!

One – Validate how you feel

It’s okay to feel rubbish! No really it is. We all have our off days, weeks or month when life is relentless and just seems to keep laughing hysterically in our faces. It can be painful and affect everything and one around you. Yes it may feel like ‘first world problems’ but they’re YOUR problems and you still have to figure a way out. Own your feelings and acknowledge the fact that it’s perfectly normal and fine to feel this way. Wallow for a while but then get up, shake it off and make a plan. If something isn’t right in your life whether that’s family, friends or work, then change it. Simple to say I know, but it really can be that easy once you grab a proton pack and get equipped!

Two – This too shall pass

Easily one of the most annoying things friends and family can say when you’re questioning your self worth is “things will get better in time.” After a painful breakup I wanted to give everyone a Chinese burn for uttering these words of comfort to me! When you’re in the moment you often can’t see a way out and you believe you will be consumed by these negative emotions forever. Happily it’s not true. Time does make everything a little shinier! Even when you sleep on it, by the morning a sense of clarity kicks in. Believe that whatever you feel now will absolutely be better in time. Nothing is permanent, even the hurt or sadness you are feeling now. Plus even the truly horrible experiences in life not only make for great stories, but also make you that much stronger moving forward.


Three – You is kind, you is smart, you is important!


Life is so fast and accelerates at an alarming rate the older we get. We all need to take a second and remind ourselves that we are pretty special individuals. You may not see it or believe it but you matter. And the best person to reinforce this is you! It’s important to look after yourself. Exercise and eat well so you can be the best version of you not just physically but mentally. Be grateful for the people you have in your life and appreciate all that you have right now in the moment before you’re looking back and counting up your ‘shoulda, woulda, couldas!’ Prompt yourself on all that you have achieved to get to this point in your life. All the wonderful memories and experiences you have that have forged the person who looks back at you in the mirror. Give that person a high five and strive to improve you. Make yourself your project and your priority before you take on anyone else’s baggage.



Shem Douglas writes for the dating help site where she offers dating tips, tricks, discount codes and chats on all things love, when trying to navigate the awkward minefield of dating and relationships. Shem has over analysed the dating scene to the Nth degree occasionally with a cynical eye, and tries to use her experience to offer constructive and motivational high fives to fellow singletons! After living and studying in London for many years, Shem has now hopped over to Dublin working as a freelance copywriter. She can be found most days trying to restrain herself from getting a cat!

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