How to overcome jealousy
Do you suffer from jealousy? Are you always fighting the green-eyed monster? Take a look at this top tips on how to overcome jealousy
Jealousy is one of the most challenging, complex, and common human emotions we experience. Often, it can destroy relationships and leave deep wounds. While envy is normal, acting out of it or wallowing in it almost never results in a positive outcome. How can we break the jealousy cycle and keep from sabotaging our relationships?
It’s not as hard as you think.
Shades of jealousy
Insecurity is the mother of jealousy. It’s incredibly easy to pick yourself apart and find flaws you think could push your partner into the arms of someone else.
I’m too old. I’m not successful. I’m not attractive enough.
Allowing these thoughts to creep into your head allows jealousy to evolve into paranoia. Even worse, harbouring suspicions that someone is pulling your loved one away can make it feel like you’ve lost control, which can lead to depression or self-destructive behaviour.
So, how can you stop your own envy torpedoing a relationship? Follow these tips to learn how to overcome jealousy:
Focus on your own feelings
There are times when our jealousy is justified, though usually it’s irrational. Get to the bottom of things and ask yourself, ‘Why am I jealous?’
Does the answer have something to do with pain from a previous relationship? Do the facts of the situation correlate with your feelings?
Sometimes, it’s not your current partner’s actions that cause jealousy. Past betrayals can trigger these feelings in a new relationship. It’s imperative to deal with your internal issues before you let yourself project them onto your new flame.
Have the tough conversations
Technology has made it easier than ever to stay in touch with friends – and exes. While some don’t mind their partners speaking to former lovers, you might and that’s perfectly reasonable.
The key is to communicate these feelings and deal with the issue head on. It’s tempting to avoid the conversation and secretly peek at your partner’s text messages or emails, but this is a recipe for disaster.
Be open and honest about how you feel. Your partner may have different thoughts, so it’s vital to remember the conversation isn’t about being right or wrong, it’s about setting boundaries you’re both comfortable with.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’
Social media has created a culture of comparison and an environment that’s rife with jealousy. A critical part of maintaining a healthy relationship is understanding that comparison often hurts more than it helps.
Measuring your life or relationship against someone else’s does nothing to strengthen you and your partner’s bond. If anything, it can cause the connection to wither.
‘I’m not as tall as his ex.’
‘They have nicer holidays than we do.’
‘She’ll leave me once she realises I make less money than him.’
Comparison leads to painful emotions and puts the focus on the wrong person. Concentrate your energy on being the best partner you can be and stop wasting energy on people who don’t matter.
Let it go
Admitting the problem is the first step towards fixing it. Jealous feelings are natural, so let’s use the emotion for something good. Take it as opportunity for inner reflection and discover what it is that makes you feel safe and happy in a relationship.
Recognising your jealous feelings presents the chance to grow as a person and strengthen your self-esteem. It’s not always easy to deal with and come to terms with the pain, but it’s the quickest way to let your jealous feelings go.
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