Setting yourself up for online dating success
When it comes to achieving online dating success, it all starts with positive self-talk, says Rebecca Perkins
How’s your self-talk? And yes, before you ask, you do talk to yourself – we all do! I wonder if you’d talk to your closest friend the way that you often catch yourself talking to yourself, I bet you wouldn’t, right?
Online dating can take a huge amount of courage; we often feel vulnerable, a little nervous perhaps, especially if we’ve recently come out of a relationship. From experience, I’d say it’s well worth taking all the time you need to recover and feel ready to start dating again, so that you start feeling excited as well as a little nervous.
One of my top tips is to make sure that you know that you really need to be your very own best friend when it comes to achieving online dating success.
It all starts with noticing the way you speak to yourself. Do you find that you often give yourself a really hard time? You might not even notice because it’s been a habit for so long.
So, what I’d like you to do is simply start noticing the kind of language you use when speaking to yourself…
If you’re having a hard day and everything seems to be going wrong, do you start berating yourself for being stupid, lazy, overweight, unfit or worse? Or are you someone who speaks comfortingly to yourself, reminding yourself that you’re giving it your best, that you’re tired and struggling but that’s okay; it’s not the end of the world and tomorrow is another day?
Are you the kind of person who finds themselves saying, ‘I’ll never find anyone to spend my life with; it’s too hard. Why would anyone want to date me, I’m (you fill in the blank)?’ Or do you find yourself saying, ‘I’m happy with who I am and I know that there’s someone out there who’s my perfect match, it might take a while but it’s all worth it and that’s because I’m worth it.’
Being your own cheerleader is the best way to increase your chance of online dating success, because success starts within. If you feel positive about the future then you’re automatically giving yourself the best chance you can.
Imagine that you’re talking to your best friend for a moment:
- What words of encouragement would you be giving them as they embark on their online dating adventure?
- How would you guide them to stay upbeat and light-hearted?
- What would you tell them when they’re struggling and disillusioned?
- How will you celebrate with them when things start going right?
These are all the things you should be doing for yourself right now! Begin by simply noticing your language and then start being nice to yourself – you might just be amazed at the change.
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