The 5 worst questions you can ask on a first date
On a first date good conversation is essential for success. Conversation is an art with a fine balance of talking, listening, self-disclosure and asking questions to show interest in the other person. There are some questions you should steer clear of on a first date – you may ask them further down the line if a relationship develops – but when you first meet, they could affect the success of the date.
1. Questions about marriage
The first date is an opportunity for you to get to know each other and discover whether there’s that essential ‘spark’ between you. If you launch straight into questions about marriage and commitment you might scare your date off. You will have gauged from their profile whether they’re interested in marriage but conversations about it are best left until you get to know each other better.
2. Do you like me?
It’s the question we all want to know the answer to but the one you should never ask. You will seem needy and insecure if you ask directly. You will often be able to tell from someone’s body language, conversation and manner towards you whether they are attracted to you. You will also get the answer to the question if they ask for a second date. Some people like to go away and process a date before they decide if they want to see the person again, so try to be patient and not push for an answer too soon.
3. Interview questions
A date should be fun but if you bombard your date with too many questions they may feel like they’re being interviewed for the position of your partner. If you ask a question be prepared to listen properly to the answer and share something about yourself on the same subject. Asking open questions (ones that require more than a yes or no answer) are meant to be leads into a shared conversation, rather than leaving your date feeling like you’re going through a checklist assessing their suitability.
4. Can I borrow some money?
The person you’re with is a virtual stranger and asking to borrow money from them – even if it is a genuine emergency and you’ve left your purse/wallet in a cab – is a no no. If you find yourself in a financial scrape call a friend to bail you out before you ask your date for help. They don’t know you and asking for money will make you come across as someone who can’t take care of themselves or, even worse, as a scammer.
5. Questions about sex
Whether you’re asking about their favourite sexual position, or how many partners they have had, all conversation about sex should be kept off the menu until further down the line. It’s far better to flirt and allude to such things on a first date than to talk about them directly. You don’t want to come across as someone who is just looking for cheap thrills if what you’re after is a lasting, committed relationship.
When answering a date’s questions keep your responses truthful, open and light. The biggest mistake people make is in over-sharing which can leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed – especially if the person decides that they don’t want to see you again.
Keep your questions and your answers natural, light and interesting and remember that a first date is more like an introduction to help you decide if you want to meet again.
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