The 7 WORST pieces of dating advice you can receive
The world of love and dating affects all of us whether we are in a relationship or not. When you are single you want to know how to attract someone and when you are in a relationship you want to know if it is healthy, heading in the right direction etc.
Usually our only frame of reference for what relationships should be like is our own parents or what we have gleaned from films, books and the media. Because of this lack of knowledge on what is such an important part of life there is a wealth of books and articles written on the subject. Some of these are useful but some can actually stop you from achieving the kind of loving, stable relationship you want. Here are the worst culprits.
1. Play hard to get
If you are playing by ‘The Rules’ this is the overriding principal. Don’t return calls too quickly; don’t accept last minute dates; don’t be available or show you are interested. While it is important to not come across as over-eager or desperate – you want your date to know that you have more going on in your life than just them – be natural in your responses. Do take time to think before you reply to emails, texts or messages but that doesn’t have to be 2 or 3 days as suggested – your match may well move on to someone else assuming you aren’t interested.
2. Pretend to be something you are not
Some people advocate hiding details about your life, or situation, from a date until you have developed enough of a connection for them to be invested enough in the relationship to be more understanding. People have been known to lie about their age; the fact they have children; their history and even their career, or lack of. This is a dangerous game to play because although it might pay off, when the truth is revealed most people will feel as though they have been deceived and it could undermine any trust that has built between you. This damage can be hard to repair as they may well wonder what else you have been hiding from them.
3. Treat them mean, keep them keen
Again this covers ‘playing hard to get’ but it can also include more dangerous game playing like emotional dishonesty. By withholding your affections from someone or deploying tactics to make them feel jealous or insecure you are being manipulative and controlling. While you may find that these tactics keep them in hot pursuit the chances are that when you stop playing what you will get is a short burst of passion which quickly burns out as their attention goes to the next hard to reach prospect.
4. Be mysterious
While it is a good idea to not reveal your whole life story on the first date there should be a willingness to be open and honest with a match and give them the chance to get to know the real you. There is no prescription for how, when or where things are revealed but deliberately keeping things mysterious will make you seem guarded and false rather than open and interesting.
5. Bad first date = no second date
First impressions are important but very often nerves, circumstances and expectations can all conspire to make the first date a world away from the romantic fairytale image you would like. Don’t let it put you off – relationships don’t come ready made, often they take time to build. A terrible first date could make the second much easier and give you both something to look back on and laugh.
6. Don’t compromise
Some people say that when you are dating that you should hold out for what you really want rather than settling for anything less. The trouble with being too rigid with your image of Mr or Mrs Right is that you might go through life and never meet anyone who can match up because your expectations are unrealistic.
7. Never apologise, never explain
Many people treat others on dating sites in a very rude or dismissive way as though they aren’t real people who have feelings. While you don’t have to justify your decision to cut contact or refuse a date do always be polite and courteous and treat people as you would like to be treated.
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