Tricky dating situations and how to overcome them
One reason people get nervous about dating is because they’re worried that situations could arise that they simply won’t know how to deal with. Rather than let this put you off here are the most common things that cause discomfort and how to overcome them.
1. Your date has nothing to say
If your date is quieter than a librarian it can be very awkward and uncomfortable. There are many different reasons why a date may be quiet. They could be shy in which case they’ll probably relax and open up a bit as the date draws on and they get to know you. They may be nervous – again this should pass as they relax. It may be that there’s something going on for them and they simply aren’t in the mood for a date. Whatever it is, try to make conversation and draw on things you know about them already.
Make the first date a short one, an hour is long enough. By arranging to meet for a quick coffee rather than a meal or a movie you’ll be able to make a decision about whether you want to see them again. If by the end of the hour they still seem no nearer to engaging with you, it’s unlikely there will be a second date.
2. They aren’t who they said they were
This is every online dater’s worst nightmare – they finally meet the match they’ve been getting on really well with online and they bear no resemblance either to their photo or to their description of themselves.
You’re perfectly within your rights to leave immediately if they have been dishonest, e.g. said they were in their 30s when they are actually in their 50s.
The best way to overcome a situation like this is to be honest with yourself about how important it is. If it’s a small thing you might decide to stay and get to know them a bit better. If it is a glaring misrepresentation and you still decide to stay, make sure you tell them you noticed the discrepancy. Remember that you teach people how to treat you, so teach them that you’re not a fool.
3. You’re dating out of your league
It’s natural to want to make a good impression but agreeing to meet someone in an expensive restaurant where the main course will cost you a day’s wages is setting yourself up for a stressful evening worrying about the bill and who will pay.
If you’re the one choosing where to meet then remember a good, intimate atmosphere where you can take your time and linger over your meal is better than some high class place where tables are at a premium.
If your date has chosen the venue and you’re unfamiliar with it, look it up on the internet and check the menu and the prices. It’s ok to suggest an alternative where you’ll feel more comfortable and your date will probably value your honesty. If you want the first date to be the foundation stone for a solid relationship you must be real about who you are.
4. Your date is late
Waiting around for a date when you’re already nervous can make you feel even worse.
Decide before you go how long you’re prepared to wait and be clear with your date if this is a concern for you. Fifteen minutes is a fair amount of time unless they let you know they have been unavoidably delayed.
Do as you would be done by and always aim to arrive at a date at least 10 minutes early so if you are a bit delayed it won’t matter too much.
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