What to do after a first date!
A first date can be a pretty big deal, regardless of how it turns out in the end. However, many people feel a little lost afterwards and aren’t sure how to proceed, so here are some useful suggestions!
Most people worry about what they’re going to do before a first date but it’s less common to prepare yourself for what to do afterwards. This is a vulnerable time for people – maybe their expectations haven’t been met or they may have met someone they feel a real connection with but aren’t sure how their date feels. Either way, the hours after will have exposed questions about what steps to take next and how to do it.
Post date analysis
No matter how confident you are, most people replay the date in their head afterwards. Did you make a good impression? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you wear the right thing? Did your date give the impression that they liked you?
You may be quite critical of yourself and have come away feeling exposed and vulnerable – especially if the other person didn’t say whether or not they’d like to see you again. This is natural. We all want to make a good impression and we take an emotional risk when we go on a date.
Rather than trying to pick the whole date apart to figure out if the other person liked you, concentrate on your own feelings. Did you like them? Did you enjoy their company? Did you feel a connection? By concentrating on your own feelings, rather than trying to mind read theirs, you’ll be clearer about what you would like the next step to be.
Check in with someone
If you’ve been practising safe dating you will have arranged to call a friend after your date. This is your chance to debrief and tell them all about it. What you choose to share with your friend will be quite revealing about how you feel the date went.
It’s a good idea to make your post-date contact someone who you’re comfortable talking with openly and honestly, rather than just a casual acquaintance. Don’t be afraid to voice any reservations, fear or excitement you’re experiencing. Talking it through will stop insecurities from going around in your head and becoming bigger than they really are.
It’s usually best to make contact with your date fairly quickly after the first date – the same day or evening is perfect. They will no doubt be feeling exactly the same way you are and it’ll help you both to move on to the next step if you can clarify what you’d like that to be. In the days of texting this is much easier to do. Always thank the person for coming to meet you, then be honest about if you’d like to see them again. If you’re unsure then a second date is usually advisable. Many people don’t really shine on a first date because nerves get in the way.
Although we live in a liberated world, many men still prefer to initiate dates. However, he may need the thumbs up from the woman to give him encouragement to ask her on another date. Don’t be shy about saying you had a great time and would like to see someone again. The worst that can happen is that they say they don’t feel the same way, but at least you’ll know and be free to move on and date other matches.
Fix a date
If you’d like a second date, suggest it as soon as possible after the first. Getting something in the diary quickly will give you both something to look forward to and lesson the period of uncertainty and insecurity.
Not all first dates will lead to second dates and if yours doesn’t then just pick up contact with other matches and try again. Nothing pays off better than perseverance!
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