Agony Aunt – “Would I be deemed not worthy of a second date because I can’t afford to pay?”


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We received the following question from one of our readers:

Hi Lucy,

I am saddled with debt from a previous relationship; in short I had 2 options. Either accept the debt or see the mother of my child sent to prison for fraud and as I didn’t want my daughter to be without her mother I chose the first.

As a result of this I can’t afford to foot the whole bill for expensive restaurants etc. I can assure you I am a generous and loving person, what I do have I will share and I can provide for my partner in every other way including putting food on the table and petrol in the car.

Would I be deemed tight and not worthy of a second date because I can’t afford to pay for an expensive date?

Lucy says:

If a woman is only looking to be taken out to expensive restaurants, it sounds like someone who has exactly the opposite values to you and so is perhaps not a good match. Even without the money problems, the very act of stopping your wife going to jail means that you were loving and caring before this whole experience. You thought selflessly about your daughter and a woman who fixates on purchases rather than personality would be taking advantage of your good nature.

Dating can be whatever you want it to be, people are becoming more and more creative with what they are doing now on dates. Women are very grateful if you put the time and effort into something like a home cooked meal or a homemade gift like a mixed CD. Some women feel a little uneasy about going to man’s house on the first date so perhaps arrange to go for coffee at the local café or a walk in the park- both inexpensive but where you are able to both talk and let her see your loving and generous side.

Being a loving person is much more important to many women than expensive gestures, and if it’s not, then perhaps you are thinking about the wrong woman.

Debt is present in a lot of people’s lives now, whether it is as student loan, mortgage, credit cards or store cards, almost everyone has some debt to speak of so don’t feel too ashamed that you have some to your name. You have it for very noble reasons and not because of frivolity.

Lucy Walton is Female First’s resident agony aunt, sex, and relationships editor. Visit to read more articles by Lucy.

What do you think? Do you have a question for Lucy? Leave your comments below or tweet us @eharmonyuk

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. If you require professional, psychological or medical assistance, please consult with a trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace treatment from a licensed professional. This column, its author, and publisher disclaim all responsibility for the outcome of following any advice provided.

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