5 ways to be more proactive in love

by Fran Creffield - July 16, 2013

Falling in love isn't just about meeting the right person; it’s about ‘being’ the right person – a person ready to welcome a relationship into your life.

Most goals in life require you to take action. With a clear goal in mind, take proactive steps to move towards it. If a healthy relationship is your goal, being proactive will dramatically improve your chances of success

1. Look in the mirror

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Are you in shape? Have you been looking after yourself? The first and most important step you can take in preparation for a new relationship is to look at yourself and ask if the person you see in the mirror is someone who is ready for love? Would you want to date you?

There may be work to do. Whether it’s dealing with low self-esteem, or thinking about what exactly you want from the future, think of it like preparing for a marathon. If you get in shape before you attempt it you’re far more likely to succeed. Dating at this stage is important because it will highlight any areas you still need to work on.

You should feel that you have something of worth to offer to a new partner. If you don’t like yourself how can you expect someone else to like you?

2. Practice being ‘in love’

Being in love is amazing – the world looks brighter and full of possibilities; people and circumstances which used to bother you now wash over you and you have a warm inner glow that comes from knowing you are loved. Once you fall in love you may find yourself being propositioned by lots of other people. This happens because ego defences are down and without realising it you appear more approachable, make more eye contact and look more attractive.

Like a magnet this will draw people to you, so practice being in that state of love when you’re single. Think about the people who love you; remember to be grateful for all the good things in your life; look for the good even in difficult situations and people. This will take practice, especially if you’re normally a negative person, but the results will be worth it.

3. Get out more

The more you interact with other people the more comfortable and confident you will become. Being in lots of different social situations is important, whether you’re playing sports or learning a hobby. It’s better than sitting at home alone waiting for love to come and find you. Variety is the spice of life so try new things, meet new people and don’t limit yourself to people and places where you think you might meet someone special.

4. Let go of the past

It can sometimes be very difficult to let go of the past especially if you’ve been hurt. While it’s natural to have all your defences up to stop it from happening again, those defences can stop a new partner from getting to know you. Work through what happened. If you could go back in time, where could you have done something different which would have changed the outcome? Knowing what you could do differently in the future will set you free to love again.

5. Dare to dream

Researchers have shown that imagining something can have the same chemical effect on the brain as actually experiencing it. Let yourself fantasise about being in love – what will it feel like; what kind of things would you do together? The key is to not live in the fantasy. Dare to dream but then let it go, get on with your day and pro-actively seek out what you want in a new relationship.