A woman sits alone on a living room sofa, looking at her phone

6 really bad excuses for not dating

by Fran Creffield - June 4, 2013

Some people just can’t be honest with themselves, or other people, and instead of coming clean and saying they don’t want to date they make up some very poor excuses.

It’s important to know the difference between a reason and an excuse. An excuse is used when someone is trying to dodge conflict which they fear may occur if they were honest. When it comes to dating, excuses are usually used to try and let someone down gently but the lack of clarity can actually keep people hanging on in false hope.

When you’re communicating with a match and they seem reluctant to meet up, there could be a genuine reason why. If they spin you an excuse like the ones below it’s more likely they are trying to give you the brush off (in a kind way) and maybe you should take the hint.

1.      I had a great time but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now

This is the most common excuse people give after a first date if they don’t want to see the person again. Many people will avoid giving the real reason simply because don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Save your dignity and don’t try and persuade someone who says this to change their mind, they have already decided.

2.      I’m still getting over my ex and don’t feel ready to date again

This could be a valid reason as it’s often not until someone goes on a date that they realise how hung up on their ex they still are. When it’s an excuse they will keep their profile online and carry on dating other people. Either way, let go and move on to someone with less baggage who is interested in dating you.

3.      It’s not you it’s me

This is a short-cut way of saying that you don’t want to see someone but you don’t want them to feel in any way responsible for your decision. It’s a poor excuse because it leaves the door open. You may be left feeling that because they say it’s nothing you have done, it’s worth hanging around while they sort out their issues – it isn’t. If they do sort out their stuff and want to see you, let them come and find you rather than putting your life on hold in the vain hope.

4.      Evenings and weekends aren’t good for me

If evenings and weekends aren’t good for someone and you work a standard 9-5 that person is either totally incompatible with you or they are giving you the brush off.

5.      I’m more comfortable getting to know you online

Many people are anxious about meeting face to face and feel more comfortable with the anonymity a computer screen provides. If, however, someone keeps making excuses not to meet up even when you have been chatting online for weeks or months, the chances are they are hiding something or have no intention of moving on to a real life relationship.

6.      I am really busy

If someone is too busy to reply to messages, take calls or make a date the chances are they’re going to be too busy to develop a relationship with you even if they were to find a slot in their hectic schedule to have a date. If someone is always unavailable, make yourself busy finding a more suitable match.

Things happen every day that can stop us from being able to commit to a date and people may have very genuine reasons why. The way to tell the difference between an ‘excuse’ and a ‘reason’ is that a reason is usually followed by a ‘solution’ whereas an excuse isn’t. e.g. ‘Sorry I am really busy this month but would love to meet you next month,’ is a reason whereas, ‘Sorry work is really hectic at the moment so I can’t make a date,’ is an excuse. Learn to tell the difference and you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and effort trying to engage with people who simply aren’t interested.